Are guys who call marriage a piece of paper usually those who don't want kids either?

[Editbee]

It sounds like they are usually the ones who are happy to be in the position of having a live-in gf, having sex and nothing else. But my guess is most of them don't want kids either.

 

Or would they be ok with kids but no marriage?

 

I'm getting that it's the first assumption (no marriage nor kids) because the way they stated their views on certain posts; they referred to as an institution and how they're already commited to the gf. Some of them get to the point of trying to convince others to develop that lifestyle. I think this would generally work if the woman herself isn't interest in kids either and both of them are on the same page.

Edited October 12, 2015 by Editbee

[autumnnight]

I wouldn't have children with a man I wasn't married to. I just wouldn't.

 

And the men who say marriage is just a piece of paper:

 

A) want an out ready just in case

 

B) Got burned, didn't do the personal work necessary to get through it, are going to treat every other woman they are with afterward accordingly

[Madame_Noire]

I am one of the women you speak of in your last sentence.

 

I thought I wanted marriage and kids because that is the done thing to do in society. Then I had an epiphany, I realised doing that would be too predictable in life. However, I am a member of many forums and see that there are nothing but problems in relationships, such as insecurity and lack of trust etc. Not to mention, the pressure that comes along when kids are part of the equation. I blame social media, there are so many parents and married couples that feel the need to proclaim and publically profess how great their life is. I find that people who do that on status updates are usually trying to convince the world that they are happy, when really, they are not. Case in point, I have a friend who is not native to my country, she emigrated here on her own and thought that she should have kids so that she is not alone. All three of her kids were unplanned. However, on social media she says she loves her kids more than life herself yadda yadda, however, when I talk to her one to one, she tells me she regrets having kids and who was she kidding thinking that motherhood was right for her, she said she wished she could have aborted the one is she carrying now if the her man didn't find the test! If anything, it was her and the way she is that made me glad that I do not have kids. I am not one of those people who sees how much people regret having kids and I try and prove to myself that I will be different.

 

My man and I are very happy in our relationship, people ask if and when we will get married and we should have kids because they will be cute, we are happy as we are. We have noticed that alot of people we know have been co-habitating for years, get married and then seperate. Maybe because marriage brings pressure, usually the wife will try and change the husband and tell him he cannot hang out with his single friends, they have to hang out with other married couples and then there is requests to open a joint bank account, do this do that, you have to do this because you are my husband now and you took vows to obey me! My man has his money, I have mine, we split the bills, he pays the bills and I spend £300 on groceries every month. We have never argued or clashed over money. I would never tell him what not to buy such as computer games or anything else that he likes for himself, as I said, his money is his, mine is mine. We both work part time, because we can afford to. Colleagues find it weird because it is usually working mothers that work part time. But, we are not like everybody else. Colleagues ask how we can afford to only work part time, my answer, because we do not have kids and live within our means. I notice co-workers on five figure incomes are in debt to their eyeballs, have no savings but live in debt to keep up with the Joneses. I am only on a 4 figure income and still manage to save. I also have three credit cards and pay them all in full every month.

 

We are glad that we do not have to have 'date nights' and dump the kids on someone to try and recapture what we had before in the early days. I am glad I do not have to fight for child support for 18 years if we were to break up. I am glad that we can have peace and quiet at home and have the choice to do nothing and relax instead of get a sitter have time to ourselves to relax and see it as a rare luxury, I am glad that we can have as much sex as we want and where we want (we have sex about 8-10 times a week after 6 1/2 years). I'm glad that no one who has nothing to do with the household will ever tell us how to raise kids. There are so many other reasons why we do not want kids but it would take me forever and a day to list them here! LOL

 

I can see why people would think that marriage and kids is an intitution. We do not want to be tied down, we are very commited to one another and do not need a piece of paper to prove that or offspring to justify it. However, between marriage and kids, I see kids as a bigger commitment, you can easily (to some extent!) divorce and/or seperate from a spouse but you will always be connected to said person if children are involved. Then you could get baby mother/father drama in the next relationship.

 

MN

[buck3200]

Main reason I've never made a big thing out of actually getting married is I know I'd cry like a big baby standing there and doing it.

[MightyPen]

I love my kids to death, but Madame makes a lot of sense.

 

The "normal thing" to do in life is to get married and have kids, but that doesn't mean it's the optimal thing to do for everyone. Yes, raising kids gives you the opportunity to "relive" life in a way, revisiting skinned knees, first loves, and all the wide-eyed enthusiasm of youth. So there is a lot of value there. But it also ties you down, drains your energy, your patience, and your bank account, and prevents you from ever truly putting yourself first. And to clarify, I don't think that "putting yourself first" is a bad thing at all. It's just impossible when you have kids.

 

The main reason marriage makes sense is that it creates a more "official" and presumably stable environment for raising kids. The second reason marriage makes sense is that it provides many legal and financial benefits even for couples who don't want to have kids.

 

So what do you and your guy want? If you don't want kids, and he doesn't want kids, the main reason for marriage (IMO) is gone. And so yes, you and he might lose out on some financial benefits if you stay unmarried, but you also don't have to deal with the expense of a wedding, or the significant obstacles if you decide to end your relationship.

[Madame_Noire]

 

So what do you and your guy want? If you don't want kids, and he doesn't want kids, the main reason for marriage (IMO) is gone. And so yes, you and he might lose out on some financial benefits if you stay unmarried, but you also don't have to deal with the expense of a wedding, or the significant obstacles if you decide to end your relationship.

 

Thank you for your response Mighty Pen. As I said, we are happy as we are, we do not want a title on our relationship. He has given me an eternity ring, which, to me means alot more. I have no idea what financial benefits we would gain if we married, maybe there are tax breaks in the US, but I am not aware of any here in the UK. There was something in the news where the state wanted to introduce a tax break, but I do not think that was ever in place. However, I would not really know, I wasn't really paying attention because marriage is not applicable to or concerns us.

 

Here in the UK, the government throws money at people who have kids, child tax credits, child benefits, working tax credits etc. You even get a £500 grant to get you started before the baby is born. Now, there is a stigma of single mothers having loads of kids and expecting the state to pay for their children and some of these mothers do not work, then people who truly want kids and work full time state they cannot afford to have kids but feel resentment towards people who do not contribute to the state. There are alot of angry taxpayers here. They work all the hours God sends to lose £200-£300 a month in income taxes to people who do not pull their weight. It is messed up in the UK I tell you! LOL

Edited October 12, 2015 by Madame_Noire

[Popsicle]

You can always ask a guy who says no marriage if he wants kids. That would be the best way to find out.