OK_computer Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 (edited) Ok I really liked this girl, and she was one of my closest friends, and I hers. She doesn't want to get into a relationship because she'll be getting an arranged marriage soon. We'd go out on friend dates very often, and I would see those dreamy eyes, but she is indecisive i feel. I got in a fight with her today, an huge one, about how I questioned whether she cared for me at all. ( we were friends for 2 years). She's being nice to a guy who doesn't like me and talks crap about me behind my back to her. She says she wants to be nice to him, ( she doesn't like him I know for a fact) but I couldn't understand how she could be nice to to someone who disrespects her close friend. She brought lunch for him today and things like that because he asks her to. I've become so insecure, and jealous, and angry because of her friendship with this guy. I told her all of this, and that I like her, and she says I should trust her. She spends most of her time with me, but shes good to people who don't like me and who dont like her even. I can't understand that, why would you go out of your way for people who hate you or your supposed 'closest' friend. Basically after 5 months of liking her, she tells me we're not in a relationship and she wants to be professional from now on. We were both supposed to go for a movie today, now I doubt we'll ever talk again. She called me later in the day to see where I was after she told me she wants to be professional. I asked her to make up her mind, and gave her the reasons why I felt she doesn't care for me (which hurts her when I say it says but doesn't do anyting to change it), and shes like I want to be professional from now on and cut my call. What do I do now? No contact? im so furious. Edited October 12, 2015 by OK_computer
Author OK_computer Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 any takers? I could really use some advice. horrible day today.
Nut2fast Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Just cut it it seems there nothing to gain from being more than friends, really look at the situation it seem she's just nice to everyone and mayb you though that this kindness was more just about you but it seems its not , it's best to accept the fact some girls are just out of your reach specially the mirriage , it will hurt for a while but things will get better you will find another girl for sure, just for your own good it's best to cut contact or at least not look like your desperate just go along with it be formal , hey the 0.01% chance that might draw her interest go and try it be exactly how she said it formal don't pay much mind to her as this might help you ease your heart but to Her it might make her feel something. I mean females are like that the less attention you give the more they want it from you if you were that close . Good luck and I hope you the best 1
Nut2fast Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 (edited) And remember don't let yourself get depress over this or let your emotions control you that's us guys biggest downfall now a days. Edited October 12, 2015 by Nut2fast 1
d0nnivain Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 She can't date you & she explained why -- her upcoming arranged marriage. Then you started to try to boss her around, telling her who she could & could not be friends with. It's unfortunate that she thinks so little of you that she wants to be friends with somebody who bad mouths you but it's still her choice. You drew a line in the sand & she picked the other guy. To my way of thinking there is no coming back from that but I would not want to. She made her choice: him. Why would you want to be friends with somebody who thinks so little of you as to pick the other guy? 1
Frank13 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I have found 100% of the time that if you feel someone doesn't care about you it's because they don't. If someone cares about you, they show it so you will feel it and know it. You don't feel she cares, she doesn't do anything to change it, and she wants to be professional. How many more times do you need to be hit on the head to realize she doesn't care? Having been in your situation I strongly suggest you go no contact as soon as possible. Things are not going to get better and you will save yourself a lot of future grief by cutting your loses now. You are into her a lot more than she is into you. She may try to reach out a few times because she will miss the ego strokes but if you stay strong and stay no contact you will see just how quickly she stops trying to contact you and lets you go. You will then have your proof. 1
CarrieT Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 You are getting emotionally involved with someone who can't reciprocate. Then you get upset because she is doing with other guys what you want - even though she can't be anything to any one of you due to an arranged marriage. Seriously - how can you believe anything good will come of this? Do you believe that once she is within the confines of her arranged marriage that her husband will allow her to be friends with any of you? Move on, go NC, and *stay* NC! 1
Author OK_computer Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 She can't date you & she explained why -- her upcoming arranged marriage. Then you started to try to boss her around, telling her who she could & could not be friends with. It's unfortunate that she thinks so little of you that she wants to be friends with somebody who bad mouths you but it's still her choice. You drew a line in the sand & she picked the other guy. To my way of thinking there is no coming back from that but I would not want to. She made her choice: him. Why would you want to be friends with somebody who thinks so little of you as to pick the other guy? Just last night she was on the phone with me telling me how replused she is by him, the way he touches her, things like that. Said me and her should go to a movie, just me and her, alone. This morning she wanted to him along and this other girl who she also hates. Later today she decided to spend time with them over me, whom she calls her closest (me). Her intentions are one thing and her behavior is another when it comes to them. She wants me to trust her but I find it so hard when I know how she is with them and I can't help but wonder if she feels the same about me, but is just nice to me for god knows why. I find it to be EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. She doesnt want to be in anyones bad books but wants to hide her real feelings she has about them, and trust me with them. But goes around bein nice to them at the cost of my hurt.
Stage5Clinger Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 What do I do now? No contact? im so furious. Yes, no contact (the real kind). Cut this girl out of your life 100% and I mean it. She's only been decent towards you because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Now that it's past that point she's straight up telling you she doesn't even want to be friends. Don't take it personally she's probably got problems of her own she's got to figure out. She's certainly not ever going to bring you lunch like that -- obviously she likes that guy a lot.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 You need to put a lot of distance between you and her. As in, go No Contact. She is not going to be able to give you what you want and it's going to continue to hurt you. I don't buy that she doesn't like these other people at all. I think she tells you that so you don't get upset, because you know they aren't fans of you. People generally don't spend that much time with others they supposedly hate, sorry. And they certainly don't bring them lunch. Her actions don't match her words. But, ultimately, you need to protect your own heart. It would be best if you cut the cord with her.
Author OK_computer Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) Thanks guys for all the genuine and great Advice. I understand that now I have to go NC, i've been in NC before with others, and over time it works wonders for building me up again. I was thinking about taking a break from work because of this, but frankly I dont think i should sacrifice what I need to do or should be doing for someone else. I'll just tread on forwards and not look back! No expectations, no assumptions, just pure life! You need to put a lot of distance between you and her. As in, go No Contact. She is not going to be able to give you what you want and it's going to continue to hurt you. I don't buy that she doesn't like these other people at all. I think she tells you that so you don't get upset, because you know they aren't fans of you. People generally don't spend that much time with others they supposedly hate, sorry. And they certainly don't bring them lunch. Her actions don't match her words. But, ultimately, you need to protect your own heart. It would be best if you cut the cord with her. Thanks Expat, you've given me legit advice in the past (you probably don't rememeber), and I will follow your advice in now. I'm just so depressed, I've know this girl for 2 years, we've shared so much together, and then things got complicated and emotions played with the last 3 months. We never used to fight and then we'd fight almost every week, and each time it's been snowballing with previous fights, I think it's irreparable now. I just can't believe I didn't mean as much to her as she did to me. Yesterdays fights, I could see it in her eyes. She used to say that the others were trying to put a wedge in what we had, and i was letting them, but ulitimately she put the largest wedge by her actions..right? Guess it's time to move on with my chin up isn't it? Edited October 13, 2015 by OK_computer
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