Yksik Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 It's been almost a year since my break up. I loved him deeply and I think I still do and always will. I know that we won't be together and I wish him well, yet I still think about him quite lot. A new man came into my life in spring. Before I got to know him I was very attracted to him physically. Then I got to know him and I also like his personality and where he's at in his life. He is very calm and positive and fun. He's VERY loving. In paper he's 10 out of 10. But I just feel like I can't develop any more feelings but feelings of lust and friendship. I'm curious if my gut is right - he's not the one for me... Or I'm just being the typical me... I tend to grow love for people when I feel I have to work for their love.. I've only known heart ache because of people leaving me and think I had the strongest feelings. I think I might just be vain and jealous and maybe narcissistic ... I seem to only love people when they don't love me back or don't treat me right... I'm dwelling on my past and am more prone to rumination than others. I compare my relationship and my feelings to my last relationship and it just can't measure up. Is it because it feels too safe? Yet this time I want to make it work so badly, because I have nothing bad to say about him. Also I'm very attracted to him physically. I've talked about my issues to him and he's been very nice about it all and wants us to take things slowly and see where it goes and not end it just yet. I'd like to know if anyone has felt the same way? Is my gut feeling wrong or is he just not the one? Has anyone made it work although it "doesn't feel right" at the beginning... Am I just another girl who is drawn to "bad boys" because of low self esteem. Should I just end it.. Are we wasting our time?
Leigh 87 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I was in your position. I went on about 30 dates this year. The 5 or less men I felt physical chemistry with, werent that into me. I rejected at least 20 guys. And in hindsight, I didn't feel more than mere physical chemistry with the 5 guys I wanted to date..we had no true connection and didn't click. The rare men I think there could be more of a connection there in addition to the physical chemistry, it never worked. They didn't want me or I screwed it up..... As for bad boys....I needed a man and was seeking a man who was super into me and made it known from day one. I've never beeb into bad boys however, I did seem to only fall for men I had intense chemistry with and who didn't want me. The intense chemistry wasn't a result of their u availability yet it certainty heightened it. Then I met my current. The last time I experienced truly mutual sparks with a man who was head over heels for me, was ten years ago. .. It's taken me ten years but this is nornal and to be expected if you're looking for TRUE love........ Maybe you do have unavailability issues. And gravitate to bad boys only. Or perhaps you are like me. You just haven't found a man you felt intense feelings for who also feels the same way towards you AND who wants to crawl through glass in order to have you ! True love is extremely rare..... most people prefer to find a partner who they don't have crazy chemistry with and who they aren't madly in love with. It's a lot more preferable for many people to just find someone they get along with and feel mild to mediocre attraction and chemical for and just grow to love them through mutual admiration and respect ... Where as I need the magic. Like it is portrayed in the movies. ..you both have an immediate connection and you fall hard fot each other and experience intense emotions. There's a strong chance you simply haven't found The One yet. People will tell you you're expectations are unrealistic and that you obviously only dig bad boys. Admittedly, bad boys generate chemistry more so than beta guys who aren't alpha and confident to the point of being cocky. I felt the chemistry with these tyoes but never felt a true connection.....bad boys do generate the most chemistry in women though. But don't let that fact make you feel like you can't find the magical connection with a kind and decent guy who truly will love you. It's just very very rare. Bad boys are easy to like and get excited about. True chemistry without the bad boy factor is so rare. .
Author Yksik Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Thanks for replying! It's a lot more preferable for many people to just find someone they get along with and feel mild to mediocre attraction and chemical for and just grow to love them through mutual admiration and respect ... I think maybe that's my case. Although I don't want it to be. The situation is making me think about my ex even more and how in love I thought I was and how I'm never going to love that way again. Being alone is kind of worse , dno though...
Recommended Posts