longjohn Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 We've all heard this line before, I'm sure we've all actually just wanted to get some at one point or another. However this isn't the case for me. I be nice to my gf as much as I can. I tell her she looks nice, her hair.. shoes, clothes etc are nice, pretty and so on. I don't do this as a routine I do this when I actually mean it which is often. I try to make her feel good, confident, wanted and loved. Every once in a while she throws out the "you only want sex" card and I'm getting really annoyed with it. It really bothers me that almost one and a half years later she'd even say/think this. If I just wanted sex I'd dump her and go get some sex.. it isn't rocket science. I think she feel's threatened and/or intimidated in some ways. I got a big promotion a while back, my career is starting to gain some traction. I do attend work related conferences, classes that takes me away from home at times for a few days at a time. I always invite her to attend. While she's admitted she picked the wrong degree, the wrong career etc. Sometimes (maybe I'm a dick) but all I hear is.. whine, whine, whine.. poor me.. blah, blah, blah.. am I an arsehole? The other side of this and she's aware of this. Is I do get attention from other women from time to time. More so in the past few years at work. There's a lot of women at my company, I'm unmarried and they are aware. Not all of them are aware I'm with someone. I have from time to time been asked to go for a drink and now and then asked to join some coworkers at parties. I always decline. I tend to keep work/private life separate as much as I can. I have had my gf over to the office a few times. What am I doing wrong here? Have I somehow missed the obvious.
Revan32 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Girls say that when they are feeling insecure. What you're supposed to say after that is "no baby, I love you sooo much. You're my one and only sweaty poo."
TheBathWater Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 What am I doing wrong here? Have I somehow missed the obvious. Without knowing you personally or actually seeing this stuff play out in front of my eyes, it's hard to say, because I can only go off of what you're saying. There could be more to this that none of us can infer. Based on your words alone, and knowing that it is only one side of the story (to be fair), it doesn't seem like you are doing anything 'wrong'. Of course you want to have sex with your girlfriend, but you want more than that it seems. Have you talked with her about how you can meet her needs so she feels the relationship is not just about the sex? She as a person may simply require something other than what seems obvious, and that's fine, as long as the two of you can talk about it openly. Of course, if you are making a sincere effort, and feel like for whatever reason she is suddenly turning insane on you after a year and a half of being together, then that's a different conversation, and I would wonder why the sudden shift. Good luck.
mystikmind2005 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 It is a common female thing when a woman is infatuated with a man she will try to strengthen her possession of him with lots of sex. But it is a short term thing, eventually she wants to transition to a more deeper strong connection, but some women are just not good at that, and probably don't even understand what is really going on or why they feel that way.
CalvinM Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 After my last ex and I broke up, she accused me of "always wanting to push for sex, never wanting to cuddle". It was a pretty ridiculous statement for me to ascertain. If the sex is good, why wouldn't I want more of it? It might be a case of your sex drives not matching up, or she might be pulling away. Either way, it doesn't sound like you're a match, sexually.
Author longjohn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Without knowing you personally or actually seeing this stuff play out in front of my eyes, it's hard to say, because I can only go off of what you're saying. There could be more to this that none of us can infer. Based on your words alone, and knowing that it is only one side of the story (to be fair), it doesn't seem like you are doing anything 'wrong'. Of course you want to have sex with your girlfriend, but you want more than that it seems. Have you talked with her about how you can meet her needs so she feels the relationship is not just about the sex? She as a person may simply require something other than what seems obvious, and that's fine, as long as the two of you can talk about it openly. Of course, if you are making a sincere effort, and feel like for whatever reason she is suddenly turning insane on you after a year and a half of being together, then that's a different conversation, and I would wonder why the sudden shift. Good luck. Typical woman.. side with the woman! Well she's a woman that can go back to being single and banging lots of random men if she keeps this $hite up. Don't have time to play games like this.
Author longjohn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 After my last ex and I broke up, she accused me of "always wanting to push for sex, never wanting to cuddle". It was a pretty ridiculous statement for me to ascertain. If the sex is good, why wouldn't I want more of it? It might be a case of your sex drives not matching up, or she might be pulling away. Either way, it doesn't sound like you're a match, sexually. Exactly.. I even ***in "cuddle" not because I have to but because I want to. The only thing I can get from this is she's using "sex" as leverage as she's nothing else to use as leverage for power in this relationship. I've been though a marriage before and I've learnt the hard way... if you give most women an inch they'll take it a mile.. wrap it around your neck then hang you with it.
sandylee1 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Typical woman.. side with the woman! Well she's a woman that can go back to being single and banging lots of random men if she keeps this $hite up. Don't have time to play games like this. If she's pissing you off this much, then you need to end it. As a woman. .....I'd want my BF to initiate other things besides sex....like going to dinner..weekend breaks....going to the theatre /movies.....you know other social things. If you do those things and she still says you only want sex..then you can say..that's not true and we do lots of other stuff...but if you feel that way...as you keep saying this maybe we best take a break from each other or perhaps we're not compatible. That'll get her attention.
Omei Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 (edited) You dont need to end it over something so solvable, just tell her how it makes you feel, if she cares for you she will stop. Try that first without being drastic. Some of the advice on here can ruin things for you for good like seriously lol try communication first you know the thing long lasting relationships are built on. Edited October 12, 2015 by Omei
Author longjohn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 If she's pissing you off this much, then you need to end it. As a woman. .....I'd want my BF to initiate other things besides sex....like going to dinner..weekend breaks....going to the theatre /movies.....you know other social things. If you do those things and she still says you only want sex..then you can say..that's not true and we do lots of other stuff...but if you feel that way...as you keep saying this maybe we best take a break from each other or perhaps we're not compatible. That'll get her attention. That's the thing.. it's like I'm bashing my face off a brick wall. I know when I was married there's a list of things I could have done right. I took her to dinner (an expensive dinner), went to a movie, went for a walk. Came home and all she did was get on the computer and finish up work?! You know I was going to propose to this lady, had a date, time and location set. Was even shopping for a ring and now I'm thinking how stupid was I? Ok that'd make her happy for a while but I don't want stuck in another dead marriage.
Author longjohn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 You dont need to end it over something so solvable, just tell her how it makes you feel, if she cares for you she will stop. Try that first without being drastic. Some of the advice on here can ruin things for you for good like seriously lol try communication first you know the thing long lasting relationships are built on. I'm kind of at the end of my tether with this woman. There's the whole "you only want me for sex" thing. There's other issues and I'm afraid at this point I could be wasting my time. Maybe I just need to sleep on it and see how I feel tomorrow.
phineas Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 (edited) I'm kind of at the end of my tether with this woman. There's the whole "you only want me for sex" thing. There's other issues and I'm afraid at this point I could be wasting my time. Maybe I just need to sleep on it and see how I feel tomorrow. Sounds like she is super insecure and thinks you are going to find someone better so she is looking for reasons to break up with you first. If a woman I just started dating plays the sex card I move on because my experience is she has issues. Men who just want sex and men who want to date are pretty easy distinguish. But when you have been with them for a while and they are pulling this crap? It's emotional blackmail far as I'm concerned. Edited October 12, 2015 by phineas
d0nnivain Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 While she's admitted she picked the wrong degree, the wrong career etc. Sometimes (maybe I'm a dick) but all I hear is.. whine, whine, whine.. poor me.. blah, blah, blah.. am I an arsehole? Your GF is opening up to you about her hopes, her dreams & insecurities. You "hear" the teacher from Peanuts. It's like you tune out what she wants, needs & feels. Without connection to her as person of course she's going to feel like you "only want sex." Can you be more empathetic? If she feel more like you pay attention to her when it's not about physical intimacy she will feel more connected to you Men need sex to feel loved. Women need love to want to have sex. Typical woman.. side with the woman! Attacking somebody who has offered to help is not the best way to solve your issue. To the extent that this attitude permeates your relationship, it's part of the problem. I've been though a marriage before and I've learnt the hard way... if you give most women an inch they'll take it a mile.. wrap it around your neck then hang you with it. You have been married before? That actually surprised me because from your 1st post I thought you were an early 20 something dealing with your 1st relationship & being clueless about romance. The last sentence above oozes more sexism, as carry over from an earlier post. I'm not saying you are a bad guy because I don't know you. But these posts read as rather misogynistic. If your GF perceives that in you, it is very much a reason why she thinks you are with her only for sex, because these 2 posts read as though you don't like women very much & you think we're only good for one thing. It goes back to the not hearing her when she talks to you about her life. She knows you are not listening & it hurts her feelings. That makes her think you only want sex. It's more than cuddling or taking her to a fancy dinner. She's probably be happier on a cheap date if she had your full attention. I'm kind of at the end of my tether with this woman. There's the whole "you only want me for sex" thing. There's other issues and I'm afraid at this point I could be wasting my time. Maybe I just need to sleep on it and see how I feel tomorrow. If you are at the end of your rope, maybe it's just over. Since you have been married before & you say there are other issues in this relationship, you have to determine whether they can be addressed to your satisfaction before you marry her. Marriage doesn't fix a relationship My husband, almost proposed to another woman. He had the ring in his pocket. They were out to a fancy dinner when she dropped a bomb on him, saying that she thought they ought to break up because she didn't think he was taking their relationship seriously enough. The ring stayed in his pocket because he wisely concluded that they were on different pages & while he was there giving his all, she thought it wasn't enough Only you know what's best for you My post responded solely to what you wrote & could be quite skewed but please give some consideration to my perception that the posts make it seem as though you don't like women. If I as a stranger came to that conclusion, even if it's not genuinely true about you, giving credence to the perception may help you overcome how you may be being misunderstood by others including your GF 2
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