julianaxx Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 My ex basically did a full 360 on me and I couldn't be any more confused. We're both still in HS. We broke up early July because of long distance (only an hour and 30 min, it was just a difficult situation) he was the one who broke up with me, he said it was because of the distance and our conflicting schedules. Realistically, it made sense, but I was absolutely heartbroken and still in love with him. He had asked if we could stay friends, but I took it with a grain of salt and said maybe. We talked twice over the summer and that was it. I texted him first once and we had a convo, and then he texted me first a bit later and we had another convo. I sent him another text a few weeks later and he never responded. So I decided to reach out to him a week ago. It took him a few days, but he replied. And we began to talk. He apologized and told me he's sorry that things ended up this way. We continued to text and he began to "flirt" with me. He explained that the reason he couldn't talk to me is because getting texts from me was too strong of a reminder of what he had let go and he said it made him really upset because it really hurt him to have to break up with me, so he said it hurt to be reminded of me. He then randomly asked if I had any guys in my life (romantically) and pressed the question when I tried to change the subject. He started calling me gorgeous, and bringing up memories about our relationship and telling me what he loved about me while we dated. He told me he missed my hugs. He then asked me if I still had some of the gifts he gave me. While we were texting he also told me he missed me so much. I didn't flirt back, just thanked him for the compliments and continued on with the conversation. His idea of friends must be different than mine or something. This was really strange for me. We texted for hours, but it felt like nothing had changed between us and that's what I appreciate most about him, he's always been a really genuine, sweet, and forgiving person. I never would've imagined that we would talk again so this came as a huge (and pleasant) surprise to me as I had assumed that he hated me. But I really don't know what to think. Deep down I still have feelings for him, I probably always will. But what am I supposed to do in this situation? I would consider a relationship in the future, but not now when we're still long distance. Why is he doing this..?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 He's doing this because he likes the attention from you. Remember, you reached out to him. Not the other way around. Why would you assume hated you? If he's being honest and he left you because the distance and your schedules were too hard, I don't see any reason why he'd hate you. I wouldn't contact him again. Unless and until he wants to give the relationship another genuine try, there's no point in keeping in touch as you still have feelings for him and will probably wind up hurt.
Qboro90 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 He's not nothing to lose and no obligations by talking to you and getting you to flirt and stroke his ego. You texted him and it took him a few days to reply. So he wasn't immediately interested until he had some free time or was bored and then he got to step back into having a playful relationship without the commitment. He's asking you to reminisce and about you seeing other guys because he wants to know that you aren't over him and if he wanted to he could get you back. Its common, trust me I was in high school not too long ago and the easiest way to move on and get over a girl is to know that she's not talking to any other guys and still has feelings for me. Remember he didn't respond to you for weeks until you texted him again so it's pretty clear that he's not as devastated and sad as he wants you to think. If he was he would've been communicating with you all along. By telling you he's sad and misses you and it's too hard to text or think of you so he just stays away, he's just manipulating you to think that when he doesn't respond or doesn't give you the attention you deserve, it's because he's upset... When in fact it's because he'll talk to you when he feels like it but doesn't want you to stray too far or move on to someone else until he finds someone else. Sorry if that's too blunt . Just make sure you're not overly available and approachable otherwise he'll take you for granted going forward
Author julianaxx Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 He's not nothing to lose and no obligations by talking to you and getting you to flirt and stroke his ego. You texted him and it took him a few days to reply. So he wasn't immediately interested until he had some free time or was bored and then he got to step back into having a playful relationship without the commitment. He's asking you to reminisce and about you seeing other guys because he wants to know that you aren't over him and if he wanted to he could get you back. Its common, trust me I was in high school not too long ago and the easiest way to move on and get over a girl is to know that she's not talking to any other guys and still has feelings for me. Remember he didn't respond to you for weeks until you texted him again so it's pretty clear that he's not as devastated and sad as he wants you to think. If he was he would've been communicating with you all along. By telling you he's sad and misses you and it's too hard to text or think of you so he just stays away, he's just manipulating you to think that when he doesn't respond or doesn't give you the attention you deserve, it's because he's upset... When in fact it's because he'll talk to you when he feels like it but doesn't want you to stray too far or move on to someone else until he finds someone else. Sorry if that's too blunt . Just make sure you're not overly available and approachable otherwise he'll take you for granted going forward Hi, no worries about being blunt, thank you for your reply! If I wasn't 100% sure about the kind of guy he is I would definitely agree with you about how he would do this to gain attention and stroke his ego, but that's just not who he is at all. I was his first serious relationship, therefore I really don't think he knows how post-breakup relations work. I'm also not sure if that's the reason that he took a bit to reply, as if he was being sincere about being hurt (I believe he was) it would make sense if he was nervous about replying/didn't know what to say because I've done the same thing and I've never done it because I'm bored and wanted attention. When it comes to being hurt and communicating with the person who you associate with your pain, I think everyone reacts differently. For example, I was extremely hurt, but only contacted him once (opposed to many times) because I didn't want to be annoying or anything, and it could've very well been the same with him. To be frank, I don't know many people who would continuously try to contact the person they broke up with/they've been hurt by. It's not a very good tactic if you're thinking about the long-run. I haven't reciprocated any of the flirting and I'm not even sure he knows I still have feelings for him. Thank you for your response, I will keep it in mind!
Author julianaxx Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 He's doing this because he likes the attention from you. Remember, you reached out to him. Not the other way around. Why would you assume hated you? If he's being honest and he left you because the distance and your schedules were too hard, I don't see any reason why he'd hate you. I wouldn't contact him again. Unless and until he wants to give the relationship another genuine try, there's no point in keeping in touch as you still have feelings for him and will probably wind up hurt. I assumed that he hated me due to the lack of contact, but I must've assumed wrongly. I do see a point keeping in touch because he means a lot to me and I'd like to be friends, but I understand that I must be careful when doing so. Thanks for your response!
Recommended Posts