eeneyah Posted October 11, 2015 Posted October 11, 2015 Apologies firstly if this is the wrong section. My question is about telling somebody else about a relationship I'm in. There's a long story that I don't really want to get into, needless to say that for cultural reasons, certain other people wouldn't be happy if they found out. So, if they do find out, I want to say that I'm in this relationship only for companionship (even though it's a real thing), so they don't think it's more serious, so doesn't cause problems further down the line. What would be a good way of saying the 'companionship only' line to someone else? p.s. Please don't get into too much discussion over what I'm doing - I just need a good way of saying something.
Author eeneyah Posted October 11, 2015 Author Posted October 11, 2015 This is not cheating, as I am not in a relationship with someone else at the same time. This is all strictly monogamous.
katiegrl Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Apologies firstly if this is the wrong section. My question is about telling somebody else about a relationship I'm in. There's a long story that I don't really want to get into, needless to say that for cultural reasons, certain other people wouldn't be happy if they found out. So, if they do find out, I want to say that I'm in this relationship only for companionship (even though it's a real thing), so they don't think it's more serious, so doesn't cause problems further down the line. What would be a good way of saying the 'companionship only' line to someone else? p.s. Please don't get into too much discussion over what I'm doing - I just need a good way of saying something. So you are asking us the best way for you to lie to someone? Because anything other than the truth (that your RL is the real thing and serious) is a lie. Since lying is deceit, and any sort of deceit is cheating, yes this belongs in the cheating section. Sorry I can't advise you how to lie, lying is actually one of my dealbreakers.
Author eeneyah Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Whether you feel it's cheating (not exactly sure I'm cheating!) or not, how would you tell someone else? If there is an issue, I don't know how to move a thread.
katiegrl Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Whether you feel it's cheating (not exactly sure I'm cheating!) or not, how would you tell someone else? If there is an issue, I don't know how to move a thread. I would not lie. I would tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. You may as well be truthful, cuz whoever this person is, he/she is not gonna buy your *companionship* story anyway. So you may make it all worse by lying. What's the worst that can happen? They disown you, write you out of their Will? You lose your inheritance? Why are thread starters being so elusive tonight? You are the second one tonight within a few minutes! This is an anonymous forum!
scorpiogirl Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 If you have to explain away a relationship, it's unlikely that they would buy the companionship line. If it's due to cultural norms, you'll either have to give up the relationship, or just tell the truth and face the consequences ( whatever those are). Also, if I were the other person in this relationship, I wouldn't be too happy about being referred to as merely a companion when there's more to it. What happens when the relationship moves towards marriage?
No_Go Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 First off, I have a similar problem - for many reasons I can't share with family about my relationship... And no, situations like this are NOT cheating / dishonesty. Only someone who has never been in the position can be so cruel to say this... Back to your question: break it down. What are the things that you can share & what are the things that you need to keep 100% for yourself? E.g. if it is a coworker, mention them in the context of the job. If you know them from a hobby, same thing. Focus away from the romantic side and focus on practicalities. What is the benefit of the relationship beside the romantic (that you're not going to mention): e.g. this person helps you with ..., support network, unavoidable communication (work? neighbors?) One advice: keep it unspecific enough that if you need to tone it up later, it won't be difficult. One example: a friend of mine was living with a girl - presented it to his mom as being roommates, living with her and one more person. The idea was to introduce her later as gf, saying that they fall in love. It wasn't entirely a lie, just reversing the order of some of the events... Apologies firstly if this is the wrong section. My question is about telling somebody else about a relationship I'm in. There's a long story that I don't really want to get into, needless to say that for cultural reasons, certain other people wouldn't be happy if they found out. So, if they do find out, I want to say that I'm in this relationship only for companionship (even though it's a real thing), so they don't think it's more serious, so doesn't cause problems further down the line. What would be a good way of saying the 'companionship only' line to someone else? p.s. Please don't get into too much discussion over what I'm doing - I just need a good way of saying something.
kgcolonel Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Why do you feel you need to explain your relationship to anyone? Can you say that this is a person who is very important to you? Or maybe, someone that gives you much needed support?
Author eeneyah Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Thanks for that No Go, that was what I wanted to hear. 1
No_Go Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Good luck! Curious to hear how it goes with sharing
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Especially if the people you will be giving this explanation to are family members lying will cause problems later. It will make your family resent your SO because most families will assume the outsider encouraged you to lie. I'd pick obfuscate. Say things like the person is someone you know & that some times you have dinner or go to the movies. When I was younger I took a more direct tact with my parents. I'd suggest they withdraw the Q. I'd literally say, why don't we forget you asked that because if I answer it truthfully you will be upset & if I lie to you, you will be upset so there is nothing I can say that won't upset you so I'm going to say nothing. After a while my parents stopped asking.
Author eeneyah Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Thanks, that's not a bad one too.
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