Got Stood Up and Now He's Calling & Texting.. GRRRR..

[PinkCarnations]

Last night, I got stood up by a guy from online dating.

 

If it would have been the first time we meet, I wouldn't have been that surprised but it wasn't. We had went on a date the weekend before, and throughout the date, he repeatedly told me that he wanted to hang out with me again. At first, I was ambivalent and simply said "maybe.. I'll let you know." Later, I decided I wanted to see him again so I suggested we see a movie this weekend.

 

During the work week, I ended up getting a bunch of assignments, so I texted him and said that I will have to work over the weekend. He replied, "oh no, does that mean this weekend is a no go for you?" I replied that it shouldn't affect my evening plans, because I plan on finishing my work during the day hopefully. The reason why I had let him know about work was because there was a small chance I might have to end up working late, but I still planned on going to the movies with him. Anyways, he never replied to that text, but I didn't think anything of it, because my text didn't warrant a reply.

 

On the day of, at around 2pm, I texted him, "Hey! Hope your day is going well. Are you still on for the movies?" I didn't get a reply, but I figured he was busy. I left work early after I told my co-workers that I had to get ready for my date, despite there still being some work left to do. Around 6pm, I'm done getting ready, hoping that he would reply back with a confirmation. But nothing.. At this point, I'm furious! I gave it until 6:30 until I began arranging other plans. Anyways, I ended up going out with my friend that night to see that same movie.

 

During the movie, the guy who stood me up sent me two texts and two phone calls (spaced 30 minutes apart). It was around 9:30 - 10:30pm, hours and hours after my last text to him. However, the message wasn't an apology. He simply wrote, "what's up? Did you get my text earlier today? I said I had to take clients out tonight. lol." like wtff???? No, I did not receive any messages from him that day. Really, a lost text message? Classic. Also, basically he was just saying that he had sent me a message about flaking on me earlier that day.. so not exactly music to my ears.

 

My theory is that after I sent him a message about working that weekend, he made other arrangements and didn't want to tell me he took another girl out or went out with his friends or whatever. Needless to say, I never replied and never called him back. That night, while I was sleeping, he called me around 2am, and he accidentally left me a voicemail. In his message, he's talking to another girl and mentioned something about "I smoked some weed." WTF????!! I don't know who this girl is - maybe a friend, another chick he's talking to, or an uber driver (I think i heard him say to "turn left"). I don't even know if he meant to call me or he merely butt dialed me by accident. Like what the hell?? So I'm guessing maybe he didn't take clients out but instead, he was busy getting high and drinking with friends.

 

And now this morning, he texts me ":p" & "Hope you have a great day!" What do you guys think? He stood me up and is trying to save his ego (since I'm ignoring him) or is he sincere about reconciliation? A little background info: he works in sales so taking clients out is part of his job i guess; he says he only smokes once a week. he's a typical corporate guy, not a druggie. But the fact that he works in sales troubles me.. I don't believe everything he says because he knows how to smooth talk. Oh yeah, I don't have service in my apartment, so a lost text message may be possible? I don't know..

Edited October 11, 2015 by PinkCarnations

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly, it sounds as though you've already made up your mind about him. Yes, text messages do get lost sometimes. My boyfriend often receives mine hours after the fact and there have been instances in which he hasn't received them, and vice versa. It's not the most reliable method, which is why I always prefer a phone call to arrange plans. That may or may not be the case here, but it's not totally implausible that a message didn't go through.

 

I wouldn't have assumed movie plans were on that night, given that nothing was really confirmed. But you did the right thing by making alternate plans. It's hard to say if he really had clients to take out. Maybe so, and he met up with friends after. Or maybe that was a cop-out altogether. The fact that he didn't suggest getting together a different time tells me it may have been an excuse. If you believe he is a smooth-talker, I'm not sure why you'd want to date anyway. In any case, you could let him know that you didn't receive his message. See what he says.

 

But I don't understand one of your concerns: you said he's in sales and this troubles you. Why?

[Terry8889]

Trust your instinct if you think something smells fishy about him. It is because something IS going on. It doesn't sound like he is serious about dating you because if he really had to meet with clients that night he should have called you and apologize, instead he "sent" a text to which you never responded obviously because you never receive it, and he assumed you were okay with it. Or maybe he never sent that text and is just trying to save his butt, because he knows it was a douchy move from him. I had an ex who used to do that, and he also smoked weed, I didn't know about it when we started dating. He would also just cancel plans without even telling me. Guess what he never changed and I ended up hurt. So my advice would be: forget about him! and move on! do not walk RUN!

Edited October 11, 2015 by Terry8889

[PinkCarnations]

Honestly, it sounds as though you've already made up your mind about him. Yes, text messages do get lost sometimes. My boyfriend often receives mine hours after the fact and there have been instances in which he hasn't received them, and vice versa. It's not the most reliable method, which is why I always prefer a phone call to arrange plans. That may or may not be the case here, but it's not totally implausible that a message didn't go through.

 

I wouldn't have assumed movie plans were on that night, given that nothing was really confirmed. But you did the right thing by making alternate plans. It's hard to say if he really had clients to take out. Maybe so, and he met up with friends after. Or maybe that was a cop-out altogether. The fact that he didn't suggest getting together a different time tells me it may have been an excuse. If you believe he is a smooth-talker, I'm not sure why you'd want to date anyway. In any case, you could let him know that you didn't receive his message. See what he says.

 

But I don't understand one of your concerns: you said he's in sales and this troubles you. Why?

Let's just say I don't entirely trust people who work in sales. Their job is to smooth talk and manipulate people into trusting them and liking them, I guess? I know that's a harsh thing to say but it's just my first impression of sales people.. Also, I used to date a sales guy and he always said things I wanted to hear in order to get me to do what he wanted.. He strung me along for an entire year while he got back with his gf, but I won't get into that... Anyways, this guy is also a top salesman at his company, so I know he has the ability to charm people. I'm attracted to him, but I just don't want to fall for his game..

[PinkCarnations]

Trust your instinct if you think something smells fishy about him. It is because something IS going on. It doesn't sound like he is serious about dating you because if he really had to meet with clients that night he should have called you and apologize, instead he "sent" a text to which you never responded obviously because you never receive it, and he assumed you were okay with it. Or maybe he never sent that text and is just trying to save his butt, because he knows it was a douchy move from him. I had an ex who used to do that, and he also smoked weed, I didn't know about it when we started dating. He would also just cancel plans without even telling me. Guess what he never changed and I ended up hurt. So my advice would be: forget about him! and move on! do not walk RUN!

 

Yeah I think he's probably just trying to save his butt. If he was sincere, he would have had texted me back earlier when I followed up about watching the movie. Instead he waited until it was too late to get together. Even worse, turns out he was with some girl that night, according to his voicemail. What a jerk.

[LoveLady]

Let's just say I don't entirely trust people who work in sales. Their job is to smooth talk and manipulate people into trusting them and liking them, I guess? I know that's a harsh thing to say but it's just my first impression of sales people.. Also, I used to date a sales guy and he always said things I wanted to hear in order to get me to do what he wanted.. He strung me along for an entire year while he got back with his gf, but I won't get into that... Anyways, this guy is also a top salesman at his company, so I know he has the ability to charm people. I'm attracted to him, but I just don't want to fall for his game..

 

I also dated someone in sales. I agree. There's actually research on this very topic (I'm a therapist) and when I told this guy about the research (in a joking way) He got so irritated and defensive - because he knew he displayed those exact qualities lol His defensiveness in itself was a red flag.

[ExpatInItaly]

Let's just say I don't entirely trust people who work in sales. Their job is to smooth talk and manipulate people into trusting them and liking them, I guess? I know that's a harsh thing to say but it's just my first impression of sales people.. Also, I used to date a sales guy and he always said things I wanted to hear in order to get me to do what he wanted.. He strung me along for an entire year while he got back with his gf, but I won't get into that... Anyways, this guy is also a top salesman at his company, so I know he has the ability to charm people. I'm attracted to him, but I just don't want to fall for his game..

 

I would say that this probably isn't a good match for you anyway, really. You will likely always have that experience with your ex in the back of you mind and won't be able to really open up to someone who has the same job without projecting that on to them. I'm not saying you're wrong about this guy, but that it's an added source of tension that you don't need. It's probably better for both of you not to continue, especially given that you're already seeing some behaviour that doesn't sit well with you.

[Zippy2000]

TEXTS DO NOT GET LOST!

 

I ve used mobile phones/cell phones how you call them for up to 20 years and not one text has got EVER got lost.

 

I believe he made other plans when you told him there was a slim chance you might have to work late.

 

Just a slight bit of a red flag but he should have had the deceny to contact you or made it clear in his texts.

 

What is your thoughts for this guy? Do you like him?

[Jejangles]

TEXTS DO NOT GET LOST!

 

I ve used mobile phones/cell phones how you call them for up to 20 years and not one text has got EVER got lost.

 

Texts do get lost, I've had it happen with both friends and once with someone I was dating. But it doesn't happen often, and if you guys had plans, he should have followed up his first text with a second to check that you had received it prior to when you were meeting, not later. If I text someone I have plans with and don't hear from them, I follow up with either a text or a phone call.

 

I think your gut is giving you red flags about this guy, you should probably listen to them!

[kendahke]

TEXTS DO NOT GET LOST!

 

I've had texts show up days later from when they were sent to me, so yes, they do get lost somewhere in the ether.

 

OP--it sounds as if neither of you were clear on or enthusiastic about plans nor did it sound as if you were really that interested in seeing him again--that's what came through your post for me. Your response to him sounded more like "whatever" than "I may have to work late, but I'm trying to finish up my work because I really want to see you (on your date night). How about we touch base and confirm early Saturday afternoon?" That sounds more definitive and a lot less "whatever"-y.

 

The fact that you have something against sales persons suggests that you really weren't all that interested in him.

[RedRobin]

You both sound a bit wishy washy. I don't understand why you think he should be jumping through hoops just because you decided to go to a movie with him.

 

After the initial 'meh' attitude towards him, I am not surprised that he was 'meh' back.

 

I am not keen on those who stand people up... But checking in the day of when your plans were so vague to begin with doesn't leave the impression you are all that interested.

 

No need to slam the guy after the fact about his job. i see him as basically mirroring your own behavior.

[Vintage79]

It sounds fishy, but at the same time, I know for a fact when I was back on the dating scene about 8 months ago that there were plenty of texts that people sent to me that I never received...we even compared phones and the list of messages were different...I ended up switching phone providers, but it can honestly happen. If you like him/ want to see him again, just give it a pass and be on the look out for that kind of behavior (if you see him again, you could even joke about it and get a look at a list of massages he sent to you). If you're not interested, obviously just ignore it...

[xcupid]

If he'd been really on the ball - because he's a "TOP salesman" - he would have PHONED you instead of sending you a text. And if he hadn't heard from you about the plans for the movie he would have contacted you - that is, if he was REALLY interested in taking you out. Bet he would have done a LOT better followup if you'd been a client. A guy who is really interested is going to walk over broken glass to go on a date with you. Guess he didn't want to do that. NEXT.

[joseb]

OP, your communication to him was very poor - you were suggesting you "might" still be on for the movie. Your excuse about work (which I believe you here) might sound to him like maybe you were trying to arrange another date and if that didn't work out then you would use him as a backup.

 

He was also poor in return, assuming he really didnt send a text (and yes, texting isnt a 100% reliable communication method, its possible for messages to get lost/severly delayed).

 

Really in a situation like this, where it was you initially that was causing doubt about the date, it would have made sense for you to call him.

 

I think it sounds like you are not that interested - you are dissing his career choice for starters. Maybe best for both of you to agree to leave it.

[PinkCarnations]

TEXTS DO NOT GET LOST!

 

I ve used mobile phones/cell phones how you call them for up to 20 years and not one text has got EVER got lost.

 

I believe he made other plans when you told him there was a slim chance you might have to work late.

 

Just a slight bit of a red flag but he should have had the deceny to contact you or made it clear in his texts.

 

What is your thoughts for this guy? Do you like him?

 

Yeah I do like him.. as in I am physically attracted to him. I'm not heads over heels of course. At this point in dating, I always proceed with caution. Right now, I'm unsure if he's a douche or really sincere..

[PinkCarnations]

You both sound a bit wishy washy. I don't understand why you think he should be jumping through hoops just because you decided to go to a movie with him.

 

After the initial 'meh' attitude towards him, I am not surprised that he was 'meh' back.

 

I am not keen on those who stand people up... But checking in the day of when your plans were so vague to begin with doesn't leave the impression you are all that interested.

 

No need to slam the guy after the fact about his job. i see him as basically mirroring your own behavior.

Maybe I do give off a "meh" attitude, but give me a break.. I've only met the guy once. I know I'm attracted to him, but at this point, I'm still getting to know him, so I'm not going to be texting him "I can't wait to see you again!" Of course I'm going to act nonchalant and act cool. I'm skeptical of sales people but I didn't act with disdain towards him. I texted him throughout the week and my message to him confirming our plans was very polite that day.

[Vintage79]

I think the take away from all of this is that it's pretty easy for things to slip through the cracks of neither party is all that interested...OP, you weren't that interested, and consequently, it's hard to think that the guy was all that interested - being a guy, I can honestly say - it's pretty easy to get dates (I'm assuming it's the same for you) - the "meh" attitude likely is mutual...