ConfusedInOC Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 This thread is keyed off something dgiirl posted in another thread. I didn't want to go off topic. Originally posted by dgiirl I cant even fathom having another guy interested in me, let alone someone go out and hold my hand, hug me, tell me they love me. Marriage isnt about your "soul mate". It's about growing together, and spending time and understanding each other, and living life together. It's not always romantic dinners, but actually living real life. We understand what it takes to make a marriage work because we're willing to work on it right now. I highlighted these specific comments because that is my idea as well of a great relationship. Not just the hand holding, hugging and telling her I loved her. But trying to understand her, get her to open up and communicate and make our relationship work. Obviously, I failed and I do understand it's more likely her than it is me. (not be arrogant, just saying it isn't what she wanted.) I wish I knew how to find the right balance between being a caring/sensitive guy that is not afraid of showing emotion and the intriguing/elusive guy that women say they want. You know, the strong, silent type. Women, I really would like your opinion on what you want in a man and WHY you want those things. If you like a specific type of guy, tell us why. And the things you dislike, tell us why they turn you off. Understand I am not looking for "the smoking gun" because all women are different. I am just trying to figure out here is where the balance point is and how to stay as close to it as possible.
Merin Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 What I like in a Guy.. I like a Guy who is Self confident.. Not arrogant. Who is honest and doesn't tell me what he thinks I want to hear. He has his own ideas/thoughts/opinions and isn't swayed by whats popular. He has his own life and interest but still makes me a priority. He spends time with me because he wants to not because he feels obligated to. He is protective of me, but not possesive. He appreciates me and doesn't take me for granted. He is all about having amazing sex and isn't selfish about it. He isn't confused about where he's going or who he is. Haven't found him yet...
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by Merin What I like in a Guy.. I like a Guy who is Self confident.. Not arrogant. Who is honest and doesn't tell me what he thinks I want to hear. He has his own ideas/thoughts/opinions and isn't swayed by whats popular. He has his own life and interest but still makes me a priority. He spends time with me because he wants to not because he feels obligated to. He is protective of me, but not possesive. He appreciates me and doesn't take me for granted. He is all about having amazing sex and isn't selfish about it. He isn't confused about where he's going or who he is. Haven't found him yet... Merin, how do you feel about emotional men who can communicate?
Merin Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Merin, how do you feel about emotional men who can communicate? Emotional in what way? Can you clarify that for me?
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 I want a guy to tell me I look beautiful in sweatpants and a t shirt. Someone who catches me off guard with a sweet, soft kiss. A guy who thanks a man for hitting on me b/c he knows he's going home with me, not the other guy. A guy who plays rugby during the day but at night takes a bubble bath w/ champagne with me. Knows me in and out. He knows that I would rather have sour cream on my baked potato instead of butter. I'm not describing a pu**y. He also must not keep things to himself and speak his mind. Never lets anyone walk over him b/c he's sensitive.
st8toftheheart Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by Merin What I like in a Guy.. I like a Guy who is Self confident.. Not arrogant. Who is honest and doesn't tell me what he thinks I want to hear. He has his own ideas/thoughts/opinions and isn't swayed by whats popular. He has his own life and interest but still makes me a priority. He spends time with me because he wants to not because he feels obligated to. He is protective of me, but not possesive. He appreciates me and doesn't take me for granted. He is all about having amazing sex and isn't selfish about it. He isn't confused about where he's going or who he is. Haven't found him yet... That's too bad, because I think what you are asking for is totally acceptable and should be expected. I just hope most women feel the way you do, there may be hope for me yet.
Merin Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by st8toftheheart That's too bad, because I think what you are asking for is totally acceptable and should be expected. I just hope most women feel the way you do, there may be hope for me yet. LOL I'm pretty bummed out about it too! I didn't think it was that much to want.. but yeah I've found it's hard to come by.
NutellaGirl Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Hmmmm while it isn't too much ask for - it seems damn near impossible to find doesn't it?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Emotional in what way? Can you clarify that for me? Uumm for example, not afraid to cry over the relationship not working out. Highs can get really hi and lows really low. Etc.... And what would you say if I said I had most of those qualities, it's the two I listed above that ran her away. And how do you like a man to show is self confidence and self esteem?
Merin Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Uumm for example, not afraid to cry over the relationship not working out. Highs can get really hi and lows really low. Etc.... And what would you say if I said I had most of those qualities, it's the two I listed above that ran her away. And how do you like a man to show is self confidence and self esteem? Well... honestly I don't like emotionally highs/lows while I can appreciate a Guy who can cry and be okay with that... My EXH cried when we went to the closing of the sale of our home.. I had filed for divorce from him and it was an emotional time.. but in some ways it made me feel very uncomfortable because it was for the reasons you said (the relationship was ending) that he was crying and I didn't know how to make things better for him. Could be the way I was raised too.. My Dad wasn't a Man who cried.. so I guess in some ways it makes me feel uncomfortable to see a Guy crying when I don't know how to make things better. Perhaps your emotional crying made your EX feel uncomfortable because she knew she couldn't make you feel better? How I like a Guy to show confidence is in taking pride in who he is... he doesn't change it up based on who's around, he still shows care for me regardless of who's watching, he likes who he is.. no self loathing...
alphamale Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 women like men who are oppostie of them in every way. women don't want to date women, they want to date men so if you behave the exact opposite of the avg female you'll be OK.
Illusion24 Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 I want a man who has a mind of his own and his own opinions but doesn't want me to change my opinions or point of views. He has to know how to have a good time...PARTY HARD but at the same time know when to take care of business and be responsible. I want a man to be sensitive but not emotional, to take care of me the way a man should take care of his woman. To SOMETIMES think of me first, like I think of him. I want a guy with a sense of humor too, needs to make me laugh... When I'm dating a guy I think about these things but I also get to know him and if I like him except him for who he is and what he has to offer. No one's perfect so I don't expect MR. PERFECT but I do expect to be respected and treated like a princess...
Mz. Pixie Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 What I look for in a man- Confident but not to the point of being arrogant. Someone who has a personal relationship with God. Honest, even when I might not want to hear it. Respectful and protective- I like to be treated like a woman. Makes me feel secure. Appreciates me and doesn't take me for granted. Makes me a priority. Someone who is very affectionate- because I am too! Someone who knows that relationships are hard work and is not afraid to do the work Someone in touch with his feelings- not afraid to show me that he loves me. For instance- I came by to see my bf the other day at a sporting event and he was talking to all these guys. I walked by because they were in their conversation and he saw me and he says "Hey Darlin" right in front of them! Someone who has morals- knows right from wrong and doesn't mind standing up and saying so when something is wrong. Someone who is not selfish in bed and puts my pleasure first. Someone who can communicate (I think I've said before that my bf is the king of this- never had it before but I love it) Emotions are good- you were in love with this girl so it was okay to cry when it was over. Crying over TV commercials though is not good for a guy!
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale women like men who are oppostie of them in every way. women don't want to date women, they want to date men so if you behave the exact opposite of the avg female you'll be OK. Acutally, Alpha, women DO want men who share a lot of the same qualities.... Proven fact.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie What I look for in a man- Confident but not to the point of being arrogant. Someone who has a personal relationship with God. Honest, even when I might not want to hear it. Respectful and protective- I like to be treated like a woman. Makes me feel secure. Appreciates me and doesn't take me for granted. Makes me a priority. Someone who is very affectionate- because I am too! Someone who knows that relationships are hard work and is not afraid to do the work Someone in touch with his feelings- not afraid to show me that he loves me. For instance- I came by to see my bf the other day at a sporting event and he was talking to all these guys. I walked by because they were in their conversation and he saw me and he says "Hey Darlin" right in front of them! Someone who has morals- knows right from wrong and doesn't mind standing up and saying so when something is wrong. Someone who is not selfish in bed and puts my pleasure first. Someone who can communicate (I think I've said before that my bf is the king of this- never had it before but I love it) Emotions are good- you were in love with this girl so it was okay to cry when it was over. Crying over TV commercials though is not good for a guy! Heh, this sounds like me. No, I never cried except when it was a very emotional point (it being over). I don't cry over commercials. I am sentimental too, she is not. But I think what I am lacking most, that every woman wants, is that "CONFIDENCE." I admit that I lost it somewhere and that caused a downward spiral. I guess I can take some solace in the fact I know what I need to fix. Thanks ladies, you confirmed for me the only thing I have been missing! Now, any tips on gaining it fast. I know NC helps with the confidence thing, but in what other ways can you train yourself to be more confident?
dgiirl Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Hey CIOC, I'm honored you started a thread on my post (Someone actually reads my dribble?) Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Now, any tips on gaining it fast. I know NC helps with the confidence thing, but in what other ways can you train yourself to be more confident? I've dated guys who were too giving, and needed too much of my time. I was young, and didnt know how to communicate my needs, so I ended up breaking it off. I've had guys who were the type to hold the door open, be protective, give me roses, and yet found them arrogant. My ex did crap for me, and now he's divorcing me. hehe go figure! I'm ashamed to say what alphamale says about treating women badly seems to apply to me. Although there are things that my ex did do for me, he bought me a pregnancy test when i thought i might be pregnant, in the beginning he was extremely considerate in the bedroom, and he encouraged me in my job/hobbies. A few things that's helping me build my confidence is buying new clothes, getting in shape, taking extra time in the mornings to look good, and just looking at myself in the mirror and like the way I look. Also SMILE at people. I'm noticing a lot of people smiling back!
Jennifer'sSecret Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Highs can get really hi and lows really low. Sounds like manic depression to me. Unfortunately, that's not going to be attractive to many people. Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Acutally, Alpha, women DO want men who share a lot of the same qualities.... Proven fact. I have to GROSSLY disagree with that. Your ex is proof, isn't she? Take the average woman (ladies, bear with me here, I am making some bad generalizations...): she's smaller than the guy, more sentimental than the guy, more emotional than the guy, tends to analyze things more than the guy (little things mean a lot), she's more expressive of her feelings than the guy, she's the more delicate person (or at least outwardly). What kind of guy will a woman like this like?? Well... He's physically larger, less sentimental (outwardly), less emotional (outwardly), tends to think big picture/forrest rather than focusing on the leaves on the tree, and is less expressive with emotion (very few men cry often), and is tougher than the girl. Men and women look for similar VALUES, GOALS, LIFE PLANS, GENERAL PERSONALITY DISPOSITIONS. Other than that, I think men and women want to have "roles." Many women don't want their guy to be the crying emotional one. They want to be that person in the relationship. They want to be the one to cry, and they want their man to be the rock. Of course they want their man to CARE, but they don't want it expressed in the same way. A woman wants a MAN. A kind, generous, loving man, but a MAN nonetheless.
alphamale Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by Jennifer'sSecret I have to GROSSLY disagree with that. Your ex is proof, isn't she? A woman wants a MAN. A kind, generous, loving man, but a MAN nonetheless. i rest my case... COC, are u attracted to women with masculine qualities? I doubt it. Why would women be attracted to feminine qualities?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 21, 2005 Author Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale COC, are u attracted to women with masculine qualities? I doubt it. Why would women be attracted to feminine qualities? I'm not a sobbing crybaby by any means. The only time my emotions have shined through is when we broke up. Breaking up with someone you love was an emptional experience. In some respects, breaking up permanently can be harder to take than death because you lack the sense of closure. It's not like I cry at movies or when I cut myself. Sheesh.
moimeme Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 Or when you have orgasms? Highs can get really hi and lows really low. This could be your issue. How often do you cycle from one to the other? Is it a regular occurrence? Someone mentioned bipolar - actually, have you had that checked? Bipolar 2 isn't nearly as dramatic as 1 but it definitely features cycling up and down - and both are more intense than the highs and lows of non-bipolar folk. Could be the way I was raised too.. My Dad wasn't a Man who cried.. so I guess in some ways it makes me feel uncomfortable to see a Guy crying when I don't know how to make things better. And the one time I saw my dad cry was when I admired him the most. I feel sorry for the men who fall for the 'real men don't cry' BS. Confidence is being who you are unashamedly (assuming what you are is not an axe-murderer or child-raper, that is). If that means music makes you tear up - be that guy. Perhaps your emotional crying made your EX feel uncomfortable because she knew she couldn't make you feel better? Or perhaps knowing a woman's relationship with her father and her father's character is the key. If her dad was Mr. Macho and she grew up admiring that, then you're hooped. women like men who are oppostie of them in every way. women don't want to date women, they want to date men so if you behave the exact opposite of the avg female you'll be OK. Drivel. Again. (Someone actually reads my dribble?) Unless there's a new psychic art replacing reading tea leaves and tarot cards, I suspect you maybe meant 'drivel'? Take the average woman (ladies, bear with me here, I am making some bad generalizations...): she's smaller than the guy, more sentimental than the guy, more emotional than the guy, tends to analyze things more than the guy (little things mean a lot), she's more expressive of her feelings than the guy, she's the more delicate person (or at least outwardly). What kind of guy will a woman like this like?? Well... He's physically larger, less sentimental (outwardly), less emotional (outwardly), tends to think big picture/forrest rather than focusing on the leaves on the tree, and is less expressive with emotion (very few men cry often), and is tougher than the girl. I think 'girl' is the operative word here. Perhaps lots of not-yet-women buy into these stereotypes but, as they grow into their own, they realize that living the Harlequin Romance stereotype is boring as hell.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 21, 2005 Author Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Or when you have orgasms? No, but I am noisy when it's a big one
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