Char12 Posted October 11, 2015 Posted October 11, 2015 (edited) When we first started dating he wanted to see me as much as he possibly could, and we'd probably spend 4/5 nights together and skype and we'd still see friends and go to uni/work whatever. We're nearing 2 years together now and as time's gone on we don't skype anymore or have the long phone conversations as expected and we see each other more like 3 days a week, but he will make plans last minute and never really seems worried about not seeing me. Last week I told him about this and he said we'll go out for tea on Wednesday after work and I agreed. It wasn't mentioned again and when Wednesday comes around he texts me saying his friend had just told him there was a football game on and he hadn't played for ages so I let it go and told him to have a nice night. Over our 5 days not spent together he also moved his tv and xbox to this friends house and stayed at his playing video games and smoking pot every night. So I saw him Friday night, Saturday and Sunday morning before he went and watched another football match. Before he went he said this week was nice and we should just see each other weekends because it's nice to miss each other.. which hurt a bit as I was expecting him to miss me. It used to be a big thing spending 5 days apart. There were times he'd go on holiday and come straight from the airport to mine in a different city just to see me that night because he missed me. It also hurt since he'd just basically been living with his mate for a week and I don't think he could ever feel like they spent too much time together. We were looking at getting a flat together too but it's confused me considering he wants to start spending only 2 full days which me and 5 with his friend. He also is happy to book a holiday with his mates (3rd one this year) and doesn't plan anything with me. I feel like I have to beg for his time and I feel I'm being very laidback when it comes to him seeing his friends and doing hobbies but I'm starting to feel like a part time girlfriend.. Am i being unreasonable? Edited October 11, 2015 by Char12
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 11, 2015 Posted October 11, 2015 No, not unreasonable. At a few weeks of dating if you're spending every night together it's nice to say okay, let's just limit the number of days we see one another so that we don't rush into things, and to give us space to miss each other. But at two years together, saying 'let's just see each other at weekends, it's nice to miss each other' is a big red warning sign saying one of two things. Either he's losing interest in you but doing a slow fade, or he's extremely immature and has got the bug for smoking pot and gaming nonstop and doesn't want you around spoiling his fun. Neither of these point towards a happy cohabitation in the near future. Put plans to move in together on hold, what does he expect you to do during the week when you do live together? If you're approaching cohabitation it's usually because your lives have merged significantly, it's more normal to be together than not, you look forward to waking up to each other every day. But when someone starts to pull away and want space in a relationship like this, it NEVER ends well. My money is on him having lost interest, started to take you for granted or possibly met someone else. If he is trying to limit how often he sees you to 'miss you more' when you're about to move in together, I don't even know what part of that makes him or you think that you're ready to live together. You need to start standing up for yourself and asserting your boundaries. Cancelling date night for a football game when he had it planned with you for days? Hell no! If a guy asked me to only see him on weekends after two years without a damn good reason (crazy new work schedule or whatever) I'd give him all of the space in the world and leave. What did you say to him when he floated this idea? 1
preraph Posted October 11, 2015 Posted October 11, 2015 Either he's getting bored with having a relationship or he's totally taking you for granted. Now, for it to be the latter, you MUST have given him some reason to assume you'd sit quietly nodding while he excluded you from the rest of his life, place priorities elsewhere and generally treated you like a doormat that would always be there, and it is for that reason that I would immediately set boundaries about how you need to be treated and oust anyone who can't keep up their end. I certainly don't see moving in together -- why? So you can stay home and do all the chores while he goes and plays with friends? You do see this is where it's headed, don't you? And then you have kids and to avoid the cacaphony, he stays gone even more to escape the chaos and leaves you to deal with everything? No. Either he is winding down in interest or he has lowered himself to his most effortless standards because you have allowed him to do so. All you can do is stop going along with it and see what happens, but to me, it doesn't look promising. Good luck.
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