cjd1955 Posted October 11, 2015 Posted October 11, 2015 Hi All, Quick back-story - I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years at the end of June (her decision). I tried everything at first to try and get her back - we met up a few times to talk it over, tried couples counselling but ultimately my attempts were all in vain and it was already too late for her. Since then, I've been crushed. Still convinced she's the love of my life and I failed to give her what she needed over the last 6 months of our relationship (when I just started taking everything for granted). However, I've got a new job, made a few new friends and signed up for a few new things, like volunteering with kids in school etc. Nowhere near feeling good on a daily basis, but it's a start. I've recently been going out for drinks with a girl I used to work with, and we've kissed once or twice. I'm in two minds about whether it's a distraction, or whether I actually feel something, but hey, it was something to do on a Friday night rather than sit in alone. This Friday, I was at a bar in London with the new girl. We were sitting at the window and all night I'd just had a very strange feeling that I was going to see my ex. Low and behold, half way through the night I caught someone looking at me and then locked eyes for a split second with my ex, who was walking past. She was looking over her shoulder to check it was me - when we locked eyes for a second, she waved and I (assuming I looked very shocked) just nodded my head. Then she was gone again. I left the bar quite quickly afterwards and have since had a terrible weekend - I feel like I've slipped back to square one. What was something that was becoming a sad memory - I can't remember what she sounds like, what we used to do on Saturday mornings together etc. was once again a physical object in my life. I'm feeling a few things: - Why is this happening?! There are 10m people in London and she just happens to pop up at a time when I don't want her to, to remind me she's still here - What if she thinks bad of me for moving on. Reality is the girl I was with could have been anyone, she wouldn't necessarily assume I'm on a date and I've moved on already, but still - it hurts to think that seeing me with someone might have hurt her and the reality is she's still all I think about. - When we locked eyes, it sent me straight back into a world where I remember how much I love her. I have changed so much since the breakup that I really think she would be proud of me for becoming closer to what she always wanted. I've certainly changed in a good way for me, but it does all feel bittersweet because I wish I would have seen the light a bit sooner and had the chance to save the girl I love so much. I can't help but think I'd love to drop her a message this week asking if she wants to catch up over a drink. We haven't spoken, or seen each other in 4 months. Would be good just to talk about everything we've been up to separately and see how she's doing. However, on the other hand I realise that if that meant anything to her, I have to let her contact me first. I just don't want her to be thinking that I've moved on and she has to leave me to it. Any words of wisdom, or advice, or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Cheers everyone.
Betany Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Hi there, I had to put myself in your ex gf's shoes to think about this one. If I broke up with someone and saw them with someone else, I might feel a twinge of something, but of what, I don't know. Maybe locking eyes with you also brought memories back for her. Depending on why the relationship ended, the memories could have made her feel nostalgic (good), bitter, or just indifferent altogether. If I were the one who broke it off, I certainly wouldn't feel bad if the other person moved on. What choice did you have, really? I don't blame you for trying to move on, even if the new girl on the scene is just a distraction. Sometimes that's the only thing that can help you move on and change perspective. From personal experience, distractions after break ups cause me to realize that there are billions of prospective mates out there other than the one I'm heartbroken over. Three years is still a lot to have to give up, regardless of who initiated your break up. If you really just want to see how your ex gf is doing, do it with the expectation that it may be all you get out of it. In my opinion you don't have much to lose by getting in touch with her, as long as you don't come at her with the intention of patching things up. (If that ends up happening it can happen later.) Meanwhile it's not a crime to send a friendly hello to someone. It's not like you'd be harassing her, right? Maybe you can just send her a text and tell her something like "Hey, saw you at the bar the other night and was just wondering how you're doing?" What do you have to lose? Just my 2c. (or 2p in your case. Lol.) Of course, if you want to leave the past in the past and move on completely, you should just chalk it up to two ships passing in the night. Either way, I don't think you have anything to lose by either contacting her, or leaving it alone. Just be prepared that your ex may not answer you. There are some people of the mindset that the past should stay there. Even if nothing comes of it, just know that there are, indeed, tons of people in your city, and in the world. At least one of them is for you. Just be patient. Easier said than done. Good luck to you! 2
OK_computer Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Hi there, I had to put myself in your ex gf's shoes to think about this one. If I broke up with someone and saw them with someone else, I might feel a twinge of something, but of what, I don't know. Maybe locking eyes with you also brought memories back for her. Depending on why the relationship ended, the memories could have made her feel nostalgic (good), bitter, or just indifferent altogether. If I were the one who broke it off, I certainly wouldn't feel bad if the other person moved on. What choice did you have, really? I don't blame you for trying to move on, even if the new girl on the scene is just a distraction. Sometimes that's the only thing that can help you move on and change perspective. From personal experience, distractions after break ups cause me to realize that there are billions of prospective mates out there other than the one I'm heartbroken over. Three years is still a lot to have to give up, regardless of who initiated your break up. If you really just want to see how your ex gf is doing, do it with the expectation that it may be all you get out of it. In my opinion you don't have much to lose by getting in touch with her, as long as you don't come at her with the intention of patching things up. (If that ends up happening it can happen later.) Meanwhile it's not a crime to send a friendly hello to someone. It's not like you'd be harassing her, right? Maybe you can just send her a text and tell her something like "Hey, saw you at the bar the other night and was just wondering how you're doing?" What do you have to lose? Just my 2c. (or 2p in your case. Lol.) Of course, if you want to leave the past in the past and move on completely, you should just chalk it up to two ships passing in the night. Either way, I don't think you have anything to lose by either contacting her, or leaving it alone. Just be prepared that your ex may not answer you. There are some people of the mindset that the past should stay there. Even if nothing comes of it, just know that there are, indeed, tons of people in your city, and in the world. At least one of them is for you. Just be patient. Easier said than done. Good luck to you! I love that idiom! Are you a Longfellow fan? I myself am a Dickinson fan!
louxor Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Hi All, Quick back-story - I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years at the end of June (her decision). I tried everything at first to try and get her back - we met up a few times to talk it over, tried couples counselling but ultimately my attempts were all in vain and it was already too late for her. Since then, I've been crushed. Still convinced she's the love of my life and I failed to give her what she needed over the last 6 months of our relationship (when I just started taking everything for granted). However, I've got a new job, made a few new friends and signed up for a few new things, like volunteering with kids in school etc. Nowhere near feeling good on a daily basis, but it's a start. I've recently been going out for drinks with a girl I used to work with, and we've kissed once or twice. I'm in two minds about whether it's a distraction, or whether I actually feel something, but hey, it was something to do on a Friday night rather than sit in alone. This Friday, I was at a bar in London with the new girl. We were sitting at the window and all night I'd just had a very strange feeling that I was going to see my ex. Low and behold, half way through the night I caught someone looking at me and then locked eyes for a split second with my ex, who was walking past. She was looking over her shoulder to check it was me - when we locked eyes for a second, she waved and I (assuming I looked very shocked) just nodded my head. Then she was gone again. I left the bar quite quickly afterwards and have since had a terrible weekend - I feel like I've slipped back to square one. What was something that was becoming a sad memory - I can't remember what she sounds like, what we used to do on Saturday mornings together etc. was once again a physical object in my life. I'm feeling a few things: - Why is this happening?! There are 10m people in London and she just happens to pop up at a time when I don't want her to, to remind me she's still here - What if she thinks bad of me for moving on. Reality is the girl I was with could have been anyone, she wouldn't necessarily assume I'm on a date and I've moved on already, but still - it hurts to think that seeing me with someone might have hurt her and the reality is she's still all I think about. - When we locked eyes, it sent me straight back into a world where I remember how much I love her. I have changed so much since the breakup that I really think she would be proud of me for becoming closer to what she always wanted. I've certainly changed in a good way for me, but it does all feel bittersweet because I wish I would have seen the light a bit sooner and had the chance to save the girl I love so much. I can't help but think I'd love to drop her a message this week asking if she wants to catch up over a drink. We haven't spoken, or seen each other in 4 months. Would be good just to talk about everything we've been up to separately and see how she's doing. However, on the other hand I realise that if that meant anything to her, I have to let her contact me first. I just don't want her to be thinking that I've moved on and she has to leave me to it. Any words of wisdom, or advice, or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Cheers everyone. I personally wouldn't contact her if I were in your shoes. The fact that simply seeing her for a split second sent you backwards leads me to believe that talking to her won't do you any good at the moment either, let alone meeting up with her for drinks. The only time you want to consider going to see your ex after a break up is if she approaches you first or if you are 100% sure you are over her, which is neither in your case.
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