How to turn a "frog" into a prince?

[katiegrl]

No, your "money" idea is way off. He lives in a trailer park and has a crappy gas station attendee job. That's part of what I mean by "lacking ambition". He shows no desire to better his job or himself.

 

LOL, well okay I guess *that* theory was off.

 

Thanks for clarifying!

 

I feel better now.... :)

 

You need to let him go though.

 

You deserve better, and frankly so does he (a woman who loves him).

 

Don't you think?

[Gloria25]

Me, I wouldn't stay with someone who didn't have what I was looking for just because he showed me attention and/or "loved" me (which in only 6 months is not "love", IMO).

 

I've seen people who settle for just "anyone" and overlook the persons cons just cuz they are happy someone is into them and after a while, they get tired of that person.

 

For me, dating isn't to find "anyone" with a pulse who likes and/or loves me. For that, I wouldn't be a single woman going on 40. I mean, shoot, I have list of guys who like and/or probably "love" me - am I gonna just jump on them even though they aren't what I'm looking for?

 

Fact is, the more you have in common with your mate, the better chances your RL survives...in other words "love" is not enough. That person can like, love, want you all day - but all of their wanting, loving, etcing isn't gonna change the differences you have.

 

Yes, no one is 100% what we want and then there's our "dealbreakers" - but sounds like this guy has a lot of things that simply doesn't make him a "match" with you and no, dating isn't to "mold" someone into what we want them to be. Either you accept them "as is" or call it a day.

[Zippy2000]

No, your "money" idea is way off. He lives in a trailer park and has a crappy gas station attendee job. That's part of what I mean by "lacking ambition". He shows no desire to better his job or himself.

 

 

Your knight in shining armour has come wrapped in tin foil!

[longjohn]

Does it ever work to turn a "frog" into a prince?

 

I've been dating a man for 6 months now, but I knew him for about a year and a half before we started dating.

 

He's nothing like what I like, physically or mentally.

 

Physically, I don't like his dated hairstyle, the way he dresses, etc.

 

Mentally, I don't like his lack of ambition above all. He literally just plays video games and smokes with his time. I daresay he's getting boring because of it.

 

The only reason I'm with him literally is because I know he loves me...but I don't know how much longer that'll keep me in the relationship given that I'm not physically attracted to him as he is, and am unimpressed with his lack of ambition.

 

I have to either leave him or change him. I know the conventional advice is "you can't change someone". I know I can't change him too much, but even a little tweaking would make me happy.

 

Getting him to dress better seems like the simplest thing...just buy him better clothes. He has already given me permission to do his hair (ecstatic about that actually, the hair is a huge reason he turns me off). Superficial changes are easy to make.

 

It's the mental changes that are the toughest to make. It's easier to buy someone new clothes than it is to get them to do something more productive than play video games.

 

How can I gently ease him into doing better things? For example...I had the idea of maybe going out places and encouraging him to come along until we find something he likes, so he'll want to get out. Maybe even discover a new hobby to replace video games.

 

Does this sound like it'll work out in the long run, or is it too planned? Has anyone here succeeded at making major positive changes to their mate, or as I said before, turning a "frog" into a prince?

 

I read as far as "plays video games and smokes".. Dump the lazy pos. You can't change people. I know people like that they sit on their arses wasting their life away. They are typicaly parasites.. living off their parents, friends and mostly their gf's. Those types look at people like myself who get up in the morning, go to work, get an education... buy a nice house and a car like it was all handed to me! Sorry those types of people need to be left to stew in their own filth Go out there and find your "prince" don't settle for some wee boy that's still tied to the apron strings.

[PrettyEmily77]

OP, you haven't said one nice thing about this guy. Not one. You can, and should, leave him for both your sakes. You could tell him he'll need to clean up his act if he wants a LTR with you bc what he is or does doesn't line up with what you want from a RS, but only if you mean it. It won't get better unless you voice your feelings and even then, there's no guarantee it'll work.

 

I know ppl who ended up marrying their partners out of pity, and it's never worked out well IME. You very obviously have no feelings for him. Gently letting him go asap and not prolonging the agony (for you) / the illusion that he's in a caring R (for him) seems like the decent thing to do.

 

Good luck.