adiamond Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) Basically, I've been in two relationships and the last person I was with left me almost two months ago and started dating another girl like 2 weeks after. He said that he had doubts about our relationship and wanted space. It stings and hurts thinking about why he feels like this new girl is better than me and would rather be with her. I know I'm not perfect. I can be a little insecure sometimes about myself (I downplay my accomplishments, sometimes feel a little weird if I think my date is more attractive than me), I can get a little jealous sometimes but I don't think I nag. I can attach to people I care about kind of easily and want to know all about their life and what they're doing (so can be a bit clingy). I'm not very assertive. I think I pushed my ex. a little to try to change his manners little to please my parents that made him feel uncomfortable a few times and I feel really bad for trying to do that (we were an interracial couple and I wanted him to follow some of our traditions). I'm not like the most generous person in the world when it comes to money and I can be a little thrifty (as I'm a student and I really don't have much to splurge anyways). I think that I have things that I'm good at like, being empathetic, I definitely have gone out of my way multiple times to help people I care about, I am very affectionate and love to cook meals for other people. I have big sense of adventure and love to go to new places, travel and see different cultures. I'm open to having fun and can be active and outdoorsy and love trying new things that aren't like drugs. I recently started going on a few dates, and I'm trying to fix these things about myself but I feel almost on edge with myself. Like, I'm trying to be this super cool chill person, whose generous and super open minded, whose isn't afraid to tell people about the places I've traveled and things that I'm good at etc. But on the other hand, I don't wanna seem cliche or cocky. I try to not message the people I date too much or appear clingy. It's really tiring actually. I feel like I'm constantly trying to check myself and make sure I'm not exhibiting any traits that I deem as not perfect. I feel like I'm trying to please guys. I'm just a little confused. Edited October 10, 2015 by adiamond
Author adiamond Posted October 10, 2015 Author Posted October 10, 2015 Read your signature. then live by it. So I shouldn't try to fix these things?! lol it is just my last relationship, it felt like I wasn't perfect and basically he told me he felt like he could do better and it took a big hit myself esteem
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 'Fix' nothing based on the bias of someone who makes excuses for their own poor behaviour. It's called 'projecting'. If you truly believe there are aspects of yourself you feel you'd like to work on, do so. But never do it at the behest, suggestion or inference of someone else, for someone else. .
SammySammy Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 Just my opinion again ... but, I think we should always be striving to be our best. We should always be growing, developing, and getting better. I once heard somebody say that, in life, we are either growing or dying. There's no standing still. We're either getting better or getting worse. If you think about ... plants ... trees, for example. Every day they use what resources they have and stretch toward the sun. Grow a little bit more. Every day. In my opinion, that's how life should be lived. Don't ever settle for or be satisfied with mediocrity or the status quo. Yes, work on yourself. Improve. Grow. But, not for a man. Do it simply because you're striving to be your best self. As far as perfection is concerned, I love this quote by the late great Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi: "Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence." Strive for perfection and maybe one day you'll be excellent in those areas you feel you're lacking.
casey.lives Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 Perfect means you are people pleaser. you have no emotional depth because nothing is internalized so that nothing can effect you because you have to keep smiling. Perfect means your busy, being everything to everyone, all the time. Perfect means you're image conscious so.. people or places that don't fit "perfection" need to be neatly tucked away.. forever. These are some things about perfection but there are definitely good things about trying to maintain high standards and imposing the happiest best-est will over your surrounding and self ... as long as your not selfish and perfection includes everyone's happiness and bestestness... it's something that can be more good than bad, i suppose. ....But you look great at it.
JewelD Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 Why do you feel like you need to please them? Why not let them work at pleasing you? Obviously no one is perfect and there's always room for improvement, however, your essence as a person is what's important. Whoever you date, they're going to have to accept whatever flaws or imperfections you may have, even if you do want to work on them. Just because things didn't work out with your ex doesn't mean you need to start second guessing your entire personality. If he started dating someone two weeks later, he'd probably been messing with her a lot longer than that and is therefore an ******* with no moral conscience. It probably had very little, if anything, to do with you as a person. You don't want a person like that anyway so who cares what he thinks of you?
WaylonWoods Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 If you want to make changes, then do it for yourself, not for others. You need to love yourself first.
todreaminblue Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) So I shouldn't try to fix these things?! lol it is just my last relationship, it felt like I wasn't perfect and basically he told me he felt like he could do better and it took a big hit myself esteem Rejection is hard......whether you were perfect in the relationship or not.....rejection or when it ends is hard..... everyone used to think my ex and i would be together forever ......we hardly ever fought it was a very tempestuous relationship in the first few years however........we were always laughing after five together.....we were affectionate with each other..we continued to make love.....a lot.........he was my best friend and i was his.....still.....the relationship wasn't perfect however it appeared to be to others..he used to cheat.....but others didnt know that...i however knew..........towards the end of it i knew it was going to end....and i was scared.....i said to a friend he is going to leave me soon..i plugged a lot of my own self worth into him and i together..after fifteen years together....i really didnt have an identity anymore.........something is happening i can feel it is what i said to my friend.,.....she said dont be stupid deb dont be paranoid.....he wont leave you .......its not going to happen......and it did.........he left......he was having an affair..... whatever others think about your relationship you know in your heart you probably did your best you could do.....and having that relationship fail..is harder than just hard.,..... but you have to pick yourself back up...it took me and my family a very long time to adapt and change after the split....... and its extremely hard not to take the negative into your next relationship....but one thign si for sure..your next relationship cannot ever be the same as your last.....its a different dynamic different people...you are now not the same as you were...you have changed whether you believe it or not..... you have to allow yourself to have breathing room...the relationship doesnt define who you are nor does the opinions of other men......you define you.......being a bit shy isnt a handicap...its just who you are...if you dont feel like talking about your attributes...you dont have to...with the right guy you wont mind and he will know you arent cocky too..... when conversations come up and you dont feel entirely secure....i find listening more than speaking helps..and pick up and find out more about the other person which you said you like doing...thats not clingy by the way.....to want to know more about someone....caring to find out.....is actually good......dont push yourself to be something else or someone else other than what you are and what you know well.......just do you......and know.....you have worth in what you have to share ......deb Edited October 10, 2015 by todreaminblue
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