Games that exes play

October 10, 2015

Hi all,

I just recently got out from my 3 years relationship with girlfriend. We were very crazy in love. She was my world and all came crashing down after she dumped me for Jesus. We couldnt be together because I'm Buddhist and shes Christian. Personally i respect my partner's belief and i will never change them nor try to influence them to believe in what i do, just because its not right and their belief is part of the person they are. But she doesnt think so. Our situation are complicated because parents involve etc.

Anyway, long story short she said we cant be together but she still tried to initiate "friendly" conversation with me. She would update status saying things where i would be the only one who understand or change her profile picture related to us. This tempted me very much to go talk to her and the conversation woud lead into a flirting kinda way. But in the end, she still said we're not getting back together. This had happened several times and i was too tired to play this game so in the end i told her we have to stop doing this. I cant be tempted to talk to you all the time when in the end you still say you cant be with me because it's wrong. I told her that i need to unfriend her on facebook because if the only choice i have is to be single then i have to move on. I told her outright and i thought she understood that. But when i unfriended her, she actually deleted her facebook account altogether. Our texts on whatsapp continued on for abit with her trying to "tempt" me the same way but when she saw that i wont text her first (so she could reject me later on again), she blocked me on whatsapp too (On whatsapp the person who blocks you can see everything about you all the same, just that you wont be able to see anything about them). When i put my instagram on private after deleting her there, she put hers on private. When i put mine back on public, she puts her back on public too. She will like my photos that has any relations to "us", but then after some time when i go back to those pictures, it seemed like she "un-liked" them.

Recently i broke down because ive been stalking her on instagram alot and i missed her like crazy, so i used someone else phone to text her on whatsapp but she shot me down in the most coldest way saying that she doesnt want to contact me at all because she doesnt want to play "memory games and stuff" and we cant be friends...Through out the conversation i did try to talk because i truly missed her but all she kept on saying is "i gotta go back to my bible study now, exam this saturday dont wanna fail", "I gotta go, goodbye, take care". After those text msges, i felt like my dignity was crushed. Literally. That was the final straw. I felt like that was a slap in the face and it felt like i am a pest to her, something she cant wait to get rid off. I went and blocked her on instagram because that is literally where her last existence on social network is for me (since she deleted her fb and blocked me on whatsapp already and we are in LD). I felt like i really need to move on and i need to start by not typing up her name to see her picture 1000 times a day. Usually after you block someone on instagram, you will still be able to search for the person name and see their profile all the same, but just that the other party wont see you nor able to search for you. Next thing i know, she deleted her instagram account as well. I guess shes been typing my name to check on me everyday as well huh. Not to be boastful but if she has instagram for other purposes other than me, why delete? (she only started instagram not long ago after we broke up, and she even tell me she has instagram now) What is this girl's werid behaviour? Is this some kind of ego game she's playing? I know she didnt deleted these things to create something new because none of our mutual friend on facebook nor her friend could find her anywhere. She also didnt add anyone with new name. The same with instagram. She just completely dropped out. I know i shouldnt read much into this but just curious and want to know whats happening. Has anyone been in the same situation?

October 10, 2015

Well now.... Just how 'Buddhist' are you?

Do you actually practise any form of Buddhism?

Not that I am trying to ascertain your location, but what is your nationality? Are you Buddhist because you come from a Buddhist country, or are you Buddhist because you chose to follow that calling?

The reasons I ask is because I can either enter a dialogue with you based on Buddhist philosophy, or we can just tackle this as an ordinary relationship without any reference to religious persuasion.

It seems to me this situation has nothing to do with either her religion or yours....

October 10, 2015

Hi all,

I just recently got out from my 3 years relationship with girlfriend. We were very crazy in love. She was my world and all came crashing down after she dumped me for Jesus. We couldnt be together because I'm Buddhist and shes Christian. Personally i respect my partner's belief and i will never change them nor try to influence them to believe in what i do, just because its not right and their belief is part of the person they are. But she doesnt think so. Our situation are complicated because parents involve etc.

Anyway, long story short she said we cant be together but she still tried to initiate "friendly" conversation with me. She would update status saying things where i would be the only one who understand or change her profile picture related to us. This tempted me very much to go talk to her and the conversation woud lead into a flirting kinda way. But in the end, she still said we're not getting back together. This had happened several times and i was too tired to play this game so in the end i told her we have to stop doing this. I cant be tempted to talk to you all the time when in the end you still say you cant be with me because it's wrong. I told her that i need to unfriend her on facebook because if the only choice i have is to be single then i have to move on. I told her outright and i thought she understood that. But when i unfriended her, she actually deleted her facebook account altogether. Our texts on whatsapp continued on for abit with her trying to "tempt" me the same way but when she saw that i wont text her first (so she could reject me later on again), she blocked me on whatsapp too (On whatsapp the person who blocks you can see everything about you all the same, just that you wont be able to see anything about them). When i put my instagram on private after deleting her there, she put hers on private. When i put mine back on public, she puts her back on public too. She will like my photos that has any relations to "us", but then after some time when i go back to those pictures, it seemed like she "un-liked" them.

Recently i broke down because ive been stalking her on instagram alot and i missed her like crazy, so i used someone else phone to text her on whatsapp but she shot me down in the most coldest way saying that she doesnt want to contact me at all because she doesnt want to play "memory games and stuff" and we cant be friends...Through out the conversation i did try to talk because i truly missed her but all she kept on saying is "i gotta go back to my bible study now, exam this saturday dont wanna fail", "I gotta go, goodbye, take care". After those text msges, i felt like my dignity was crushed. Literally. That was the final straw. I felt like that was a slap in the face and it felt like i am a pest to her, something she cant wait to get rid off. I went and blocked her on instagram because that is literally where her last existence on social network is for me (since she deleted her fb and blocked me on whatsapp already and we are in LD). I felt like i really need to move on and i need to start by not typing up her name to see her picture 1000 times a day. Usually after you block someone on instagram, you will still be able to search for the person name and see their profile all the same, but just that the other party wont see you nor able to search for you. Next thing i know, she deleted her instagram account as well. I guess shes been typing my name to check on me everyday as well huh. Not to be boastful but if she has instagram for other purposes other than me, why delete? (she only started instagram not long ago after we broke up, and she even tell me she has instagram now) What is this girl's werid behaviour? Is this some kind of ego game she's playing? I know she didnt deleted these things to create something new because none of our mutual friend on facebook nor her friend could find her anywhere. She also didnt add anyone with new name. The same with instagram. She just completely dropped out. I know i shouldnt read much into this but just curious and want to know whats happening. Has anyone been in the same situation?

The way I see that she expects you to turn into a convert, I feel she likes you and she prefers to be with you but she can't do it due to her religious beliefs. If you noticed I mentioned she ''likes'' you, she does not ''love'' you or at least not as much as she loves her religion.

I am afraid you two are not compatible, religious differences are divisive, and can cause colossal problems and issues in the long run. You might go for conversion, and you might pretend you practice the same religion, but deep down you will always gnaw at yourself, since this is not the way you want to be.

This is one of those tough situations, where you and you alone should make a decision, I don't know how old you are, or whether or not you are ready to make such a decision.

If someone truly loved me and this was the only problem standing between us, I would do it anyhow, I am not a believer at all, so what difference will that make for me? christian, Buddhist, Muslim...but I would honestly tell the person that I am changing a name.

But for you, first I don't see ''Love'' there, maybe I am mistaken, and the second thing is that are you non believe like me? If you really believe she is in love with you and the answer to the question is yes, then go for it, if the answer to any of those questions is No... then implement NC, heal and move on, since some fearsome implications will be on the cards.

October 10, 2015

Well now.... Just how 'Buddhist' are you?
Do you actually practise any form of Buddhism?

Not that I am trying to ascertain your location, but what is your nationality? Are you Buddhist because you come from a Buddhist country, or are you Buddhist because you chose to follow that calling?

The reasons I ask is because I can either enter a dialogue with you based on Buddhist philosophy, or we can just tackle this as an ordinary relationship without any reference to religious persuasion.

It seems to me this situation has nothing to do with either her religion or yours....

There are families which won't allow their children to marry a person from another religion, and sometimes marriage with another person with another religion is outlawed and considered as a taboo. For instance, Muslim girls are not allowed to marry a man with another religion.

I don't know much about Buddhism, so I can't comment on that, but her family can be the problem, so maybe she does not see a future with a christian, and that's why she is acting this way, but I still believe, if ''love'' is there nothing and no one can stop her from doing anything... correct me if I am wrong

October 10, 2015

Taramaiden2, I'm from Thailand and is practicing Theravada Buddhism. But since in Buddhism (as well as myself) there is no such thing as "cant be together because you are this and i am that", being Buddhist comes from the inside and you practice it alone. There is no need to influence others to be your religion or convert into another religion to

"love" each other. I really would love to know your take on the situation regarding this "mind games" as well if you dont mind.

Samuel, like i said above. I am a Bhuddhist. But i also believe that Bhuddhism has a lot less restrictions than Christianity or Islamic faith. It focuses more on yourself. So to answer your question, yes, if she does want me to convert. I will do it because I love her. I could attend church with her. I have nothing against Christianity and will attend all the rituals. But since being Bhuddhism is a practice which really goes on the inside. Inside your heart i mean. Thats the space where no one can see or will show right? What is your take on my situation regarding this behaviours of hers on playing games. She knows it has to be over because her religion said so but she couldnt cut it?

October 10, 2015

Taramaiden2, I'm from Thailand and is practicing Theravada Buddhism. But since in Buddhism (as well as myself) there is no such thing as "cant be together because you are this and i am that", being Buddhist comes from the inside and you practice it alone.

Indeed. One can practise Buddhism without anybody even knowing you're practising Buddhism... in fact, I have met some wonderful non-Buddhist people who are more "Buddhist" than I am!!

I also follow Theravada, and consider Ajhan Chah to be very influential in my practice... I avidly read the accesstoinsight website daily....

There is no need to influence others to be your religion or convert into another religion to "love" each other. I really would love to know your take on the situation regarding this "mind games" as well if you dont mind.

Mind games are just another indication of Suffering, or dukkha. She is clinging and grasping at a connection and recoiling and avoiding at the same time.

Basically she is perpetuating her own existence in Samsara by confusing herself and confusing you.

Consider Metta and Karuna, but make sure the Compassion you manifest is Wise Compassion, not Idiot Compassion.....

Samuel, like i said above. I am a Bhuddhist. But i also believe that Bhuddhism has a lot less restrictions than Christianity or Islamic faith. It focuses more on yourself. So to answer your question, yes, if she does want me to convert. I will do it because I love her. I could attend church with her. I have nothing against Christianity and will attend all the rituals. But since being Bhuddhism is a practice which really goes on the inside. Inside your heart i mean. Thats the space where no one can see or will show right? What is your take on my situation regarding this behaviours of hers on playing games. She knows it has to be over because her religion said so but she couldnt cut it?

I completely disagree that you should convert or adopt Christianity just to make her happy.

First of all, the motive is wrong, and secondly the dedication is wrong if you do not wholeheartedly, completely and totally believe in God and accept Jesus Christ as your saviour.

That is not 'conversion'. That is Hypocrisy.

You should never convert to another religion out of love for someone.

You should convert to another religion because your faith takes you that way.

To convert for matters of love, is not Right View, Right Intention or Right Action.

Edited October 10, 2015 by TaraMaiden2

October 10, 2015

Taramaiden2, I'm from Thailand and is practicing Theravada Buddhism. But since in Buddhism (as well as myself) there is no such thing as "cant be together because you are this and i am that", being Buddhist comes from the inside and you practice it alone. There is no need to influence others to be your religion or convert into another religion to
"love" each other. I really would love to know your take on the situation regarding this "mind games" as well if you dont mind.

Samuel, like i said above. I am a Bhuddhist. But i also believe that Bhuddhism has a lot less restrictions than Christianity or Islamic faith. It focuses more on yourself. So to answer your question, yes, if she does want me to convert. I will do it because I love her. I could attend church with her. I have nothing against Christianity and will attend all the rituals. But since being Bhuddhism is a practice which really goes on the inside. Inside your heart i mean. Thats the space where no one can see or will show right? What is your take on my situation regarding this behaviours of hers on playing games. She knows it has to be over because her religion said so but she couldnt cut it?

Well mate, It is really hard to say from here, there are things here on this thread that point me to this direction, to conclude she is abstaining from being with you, because there is so much pressure on her either from her family or society or religious complications.

Just look at this, ''I gotta go back to my bible study now, I have an exam this Saturday, and I don't wanna fail''and I bet she did not even have such an exam, and look at all those things she is doing, I bet she is really confused herself, she has some feelings for you and the way I see it, it is even hard for her to move on.

October 10, 2015

Indeed. One can practise Buddhism without anybody even knowing you're practising Buddhism... in fact, I have met some wonderful non-Buddhist people who are more "Buddhist" than I am!!
I also follow Theravada, and consider Ajhan Chah to be very influential in my practice... I avidly read the accesstoinsight website daily....

Mind games are just another indication of Suffering, or dukkha. She is clinging and grasping at a connection and recoiling and avoiding at the same time.

Basically she is perpetuating her own existence in Samsara by confusing herself and confusing you.
Consider Metta and Karuna, but make sure the Compassion you manifest is Wise Compassion, not Idiot Compassion.....

I completely disagree that you should convert or adopt Christianity just to make her happy.
First of all, the motive is wrong, and secondly the dedication is wrong if you do not wholeheartedly, completely and totally believe in God and accept Jesus Christ as your saviour.

That is not 'conversion'. That is Hypocrisy.

You should never convert to another religion out of love for someone.
You should convert to another religion because your faith takes you that way.

To convert for matters of love, is not Right View, Right Intention or Right Action.

Well Tara as I mentioned earlier, that is me, I don't believe in any religion, and that was why I asked him if he thinks like me or not, I think there is no saviour at all, Jesus Christ, Muhammad... to me they are fictions, so I don't mind, even if it is hypocrisy, as long as it lets me be with the love of my life... That is absolutely the most important thing for me in life... to love someone and live with her, what will Jesus Christ think, what will Muhammad think, what will x and y and think? it has never been important for me, as long as you are a good person and don't harm others, and thank God for his blessings, what difference does a name make? is it not what all religions are all about? I follow my own religion then...

October 10, 2015

Ex posted up a new photo of herself on the site that we met - she's trying to look prettier but really she looks she's trying her best to hide an angry face. Her face looks seriously jaded. I thought that was funny.

October 10, 2015

I'm speaking as a former Roman Catholic of nearly 40 years (Half-Italian, it was the primary religious influence for some time).

You can practise any religion you want, and incorporate Buddhism as a supporting practice, but you cannot be Buddhist and incorporate another religion.

Buddhism has no God. There is no omnipotent, omniscient, all-powerful eternal deity meting out reward or retribution. The Buddha is not a god, the Buddha was a man.

Therefore using its tenets to support the existing theistic religion you might belong to, is easy-peasy as pie. There's no conflict... Because there's no God to interfere....

but if you are primarily Buddhist, which as I stated, has no central deity, then using a god-based religion, is going to conflict and cause confusion.... At one point or another, the 'free your Mind' philosophy of Buddhism will be subject to a theistic scrutiny and the Buddhist will be required to put faith in a God they've never considered as relevant up to then...

That's why personally, for a Buddhist to say that out of Love, he will be happy to convert, is actually a major declaration.

It is in fact, like asking YOU if you would be prepared to adopt Christianity for a GF, to please her....

October 10, 2015

OP you made this topic before and im sorry to hear you did not take any advice from the previous thread. She only plays these games only because you entertain it and allow it to keep going, it takes 2 to keep the game going and it seems both of you are immature. Like I mentioned in your previous thread, when your relationship turned into Long distance one, you should have ended it then. But you decided to keep going and thought that as long as you loved her things will work out, even though she has said to you that her family and herself as well that it isnt possible to be together if you didnt believe in God.

And please do not convert yourself into christianity if you have no interest in seeking God. If your whole motive is to be together with her by doing so, she will know that and if she's a true believer in God she will definitely not accept that.

October 11, 2015

Im still stringing on to the hope that we might still be together someday. She got her permanent residnecy in Australia already and I am going there for my masters. Not trying to bend around religion or anything, but we got together and was very much in love despite our religion which she was aware of. She seem changed now that she is back in her home country and is surrounded by church group and very religious parents. She never manifested how "Christian" she was when we were physically together. We never comment on each other religion and always say that we will not try to change and will respect each other on this topic.

October 11, 2015

The truth is we all play games. Even NC is a game. We're cutting that person out of our lives no matter how desperate they want back in.

But we need to heal first instead of wanting them to journey with us through our struggles (right or wrong). It's just a hell of a lot easier with NC but nowhere near as rewarding.

October 11, 2015

Im still stringing on to the hope that we might still be together someday. She got her permanent residnecy in Australia already and I am going there for my masters. Not trying to bend around religion or anything, but we got together and was very much in love despite our religion which she was aware of. She seem changed now that she is back in her home country and is surrounded by church group and very religious parents. She never manifested how "Christian" she was when we were physically together. We never comment on each other religion and always say that we will not try to change and will respect each other on this topic.

Just remember one thing:

If you accuse her of playing games - but you respond, react, reply or comply - you are just as guilty of playing those games.

October 11, 2015

Not a thing to do with your religions.

I don't know about Buddhism, but REAL Christians don't have premarital relationships and sex. Yup, there is no such concept in Christianity, it is a sin.

The only reason it is widely accepted in the Christian world, is:

a) Most are atheists and not devout Christians

b) Even Christians find it difficult to practice in such a society. It is extremely difficult to marry the first person you love and have it work. So, we silently allow ourselves to sin. It is better that way than create dysfunctional families.

In any case, she didn't have a problem with her religion prohibiting her relationship with you and calling it fornication, so why have a problem now?

This is just an excuse my friend...

October 11, 2015

Not a thing to do with your religions.

I don't know about Buddhism, but REAL Christians don't have premarital relationships and sex. Yup, there is no such concept in Christianity, it is a sin.

The only reason it is widely accepted in the Christian world, is:

a) Most are atheists and not devout Christians

b) Even Christians find it difficult to practice in such a society. It is extremely difficult to marry the first person you love and have it work. So, we silently allow ourselves to sin. It is better that way than create dysfunctional families.

In any case, she didn't have a problem with her religion prohibiting her relationship with you and calling it fornication, so why have a problem now?

This is just an excuse my friend...

There is actually no specific Marriage Ceremony in Buddhism.

If people who are Buddhist commit to a marriage, they either create their own ceremony and/or have to also have a civil ceremony to 'legalise' it.

A Buddhist ceremony on its own, doesn't exist as a legally-recognised union, in the UK.

And I can only speak for the UK.

http://www.confetti.co.uk/wedding-ceremonies/buddhist-weddings/

http://www.thaiembassy.com/faq/is-a-buddhist-wedding-legal.php

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/1538343/Moss-and-Doherty-marry-in-Thailand.html

Edited October 11, 2015 by TaraMaiden2

October 12, 2015

What do you guys think of the phrase, "...in the end, a relationship will not be judged based on the break up (which could have been due to petty fights etc.) but on how good the relationship was."

I am sure that I am a great guy who sacrificed everything for my girlfriend but she got comfortable and took that for granted. I must admit i got clingy at times and demanded her attention, but i do know when i crossed her and was never ashamed to say sorry. Breaking up with me was easy for her even though we were together for 3 years. She made not effort at asking me to stay at all! The reason for the break up is because she feels like i dont give her the time of day (when im only asking for 5 mins of her time) and she is "too busy with work" to contact me. We were in limited contact for awhile with me and her exchanging texts (i couldnt get over her, i love her way too much). Its weird how when we were in relationship she always said she doesnt have the time at all, always be back later or be right back when she texts me just a minute. But after we're done, she comes online on whatsapp the whole day. In the end after all the beggings and pleading to get back, she said no. So i told her that if the only choice i have is to move on then i have to delete her from everything on social network and i hope she understands. I removed her from facebook friend and blocked her on instagram to keep my sanity. She blocked me on whatsapp.

My question to the initial phrase is will she regret it and miss me over time if I disappeared completely, if i am sure I am a good guy who gave her my all but we just happen to fight and broke up with something like this? I'm trying to move on, but im just curious..

October 12, 2015

She had one foot out the door before the break up was final. Sorry.

She may look back fondly with nostalgia for the good times but no she's not going to miss you & come back. NC doesn't work like that. It's about helping you heal not winning her back.

A bad break up can poison an otherwise good relationship but a civil break up will not improve the relationship later upon reflection.

October 12, 2015

She had one foot out the door before the break up was final. Sorry.

She may look back fondly with nostalgia for the good times but no she's not going to miss you & come back. NC doesn't work like that. It's about helping you heal not winning her back.

A bad break up can poison an otherwise good relationship but a civil break up will not improve the relationship later upon reflection.

That's saying the same thing in two different ways, and they're both absolutely correct. The ex who initiated the BU is relieved that it is over. They may wonder how you are if given a trigger, but they'll never come back and it'll never be the same. I learned to consider the absoluteness of the end of an RS a blessing, even if that revelation comes a few years down the road. Most of the time it's for the best and with good reason that it's over. It's just they realize it sooner than the dumpee, and that's what hurts the most -- the shock.

October 13, 2015

She had one foot out the door before the break up was final. Sorry.

She may look back fondly with nostalgia for the good times but no she's not going to miss you & come back. NC doesn't work like that. It's about helping you heal not winning her back.

A bad break up can poison an otherwise good relationship but a civil break up will not improve the relationship later upon reflection.

This exactly.

She was already disconnecter and prepared for what was going to happen prior to the break up.

In terms of the quote "In the end a relationship is judged based on how good it was, not the break up"

I guess it depends on the circumstances of the breakup, personally for me... If the breakup has occurred due to my partner cheating on me whilst being in a relationship with me then that would have ruined the whole relationship for me, the breakup would have been nasty and I would probably regret ever being with her.

However, from personal experiences - when me and my ex-girlfriend of 4 years split up, we ended on fairly good terms. We both understand (her more than me at the time) that the relationship was coming to the end of the road and their wasn't much left we could give. She'd given up and I was getting towards that stage - we parted ways, haven't spoke or seen each other since (5 months ago) she's moved on and I'm enjoying time on myself.

I can look back on a happy relationship and smile when I think of the times we had together. I guess it helps that I have no bitterness towards her for how the relationship ended. What she does with her life after the break-up has nothing to do with me.

October 13, 2015

What do you guys think of the phrase, "...in the end, a relationship will not be judged based on the break up (which could have been due to petty fights etc.) but on how good the relationship was."

I am sure that I am a great guy who sacrificed everything for my girlfriend but she got comfortable and took that for granted. I must admit i got clingy at times and demanded her attention, but i do know when i crossed her and was never ashamed to say sorry. Breaking up with me was easy for her even though we were together for 3 years. She made not effort at asking me to stay at all! The reason for the break up is because she feels like i dont give her the time of day (when im only asking for 5 mins of her time) and she is "too busy with work" to contact me. We were in limited contact for awhile with me and her exchanging texts (i couldnt get over her, i love her way too much). Its weird how when we were in relationship she always said she doesnt have the time at all, always be back later or be right back when she texts me just a minute. But after we're done, she comes online on whatsapp the whole day. In the end after all the beggings and pleading to get back, she said no. So i told her that if the only choice i have is to move on then i have to delete her from everything on social network and i hope she understands. I removed her from facebook friend and blocked her on instagram to keep my sanity. She blocked me on whatsapp.

My question to the initial phrase is will she regret it and miss me over time if I disappeared completely, if i am sure I am a good guy who gave her my all but we just happen to fight and broke up with something like this? I'm trying to move on, but im just curious..

Will she come back? unlikely, specially for women, once they throw the towel, and leave, they will never come back. There are some exceptions, but I wager she will never come back. You might hate me for what I am telling you, I hated everyone who told me that on initial days of BU, and it took me almost one and half months to digest what they were telling me... You just have to move on, we all have to move on.

We all once loved our exes too, that is why we are here, give it some time, and you will know how much you hate her, give it some more time and you will see how worthless she is for you... My ex also left me easily, it turned out she had reconciled with her ex, if I wanted to bet, I would say your is in another relationship too, from 30 women I talked to, only 2 told me they had broken up with their exes before finding someone else. This is known as monkey syndrome, they make sure the other branch is safe before jumping from the one they are standing on.

The only thing I want you to do is to stop overthinking things, soon, this will be only a paragraph in your life, or at most a page. People who come and go, turn into memories, memories are not supposed to make our lives, soon someone will come who will stay and will be your whole life. Stay stong!

Edited October 13, 2015 by Samuel_22

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