SOB86 Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 I was one of those guys on here thinking I was un-dateable. That no one would ever want me. After a decade of pining for someone to share my life with someone, I thought I had finally found her. We met at an anime convention, she was cute, smart, into geeky stuff like video games, 30yrs old with no kids. She seemed so perfect, even our sense of humor was the same. Not to mention the sex was amazing. I'm in deep with this girl. I'm thinking I'm going to marry her eventually. Then out of no where she breaks up with me. She said she wasn't in love with me anymore. I took it pretty hard and she spent that weekend with me out of pity. At one point I got down on my knees and begged her not to do this to me. I was a horrible mess. A couple weeks go by with no contact. She texts me to see how I'm doing, I respond that I'm ok. I still have to get some stuff back from her. So we meet one more time at a bar to have a drink. I asked some questions about our relationship, like why she never brought me around her friends. The answer was soul crushing. She said it was because of my looks. That on several occasions while out on dates she overheard people speculating that she must be a prostitute to be with a guy like me. She said she was embarrassed by me. I couldn't speak. Then she had the gall to ask why I was so upset. We never fought over anything, I was always caring towards her. I never cheated on her. I don't understand why she suddenly turned so cold towards me. I don't think I'm that bad looking. I would post a selfie but I'm not sure if that would break site rules. I always assumed my being single was due to my lack of social skills. The break up was crushing, but I still had confidence in myself. I thought if I found a girl like her then I could find another. But her words have me all twisted up inside. I feel really stupid. Now that I'm not in love with her anymore, when I look back on the relationship I realize she was just using me the whole time. I was always paying for everything, buying her gifts, initiating conversations and physical contact. It's painful to think she was just bull****ting me the entire time.
Mrlovahlovah Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 first things first, i'm happy you didn't buy entirely the whole "you're ugly" stuff she was pulling, and am gonna go on a hunch seeing how you are willing to post a pic here and say you are definitely not ugly, worst case scenario, just average, like most of us. now, was she really good looking? in that case, of course there are going to be douchebags here and there commenting on the "appearance level" difference. is that in any way a reasonable factor for breaking up? hellllllssss noooo. heck, most relationships have one partner being better looking than the other. the beautiful thing about love and long term relationships is that looks are somewhat important only for the initial attraction. I know from my experience i dated girls I was certain to be the prettiest things i ever lied my eyes on, but once those relationships ended and my friends were a bit more "open" about letting me know their thoughts i often heard things like "she really wasn't that pretty" ,"you could do way better" or even "she was pretty ugly". these were not comments meant to make me feel better, nor am i some ubber good looking guy that could date models. it's just a good example of the "blinding" power of love or "deeper" attraction. ok, so now that we've got the looks problem off the table lets get to the girl. there are 2 options here for the reason she chose to break up with you in that nasty manner: 1. someone once told her having a nasty breakup is often easier on the dumpee than breaking on good terms(i.e "I need to find myself", "it;s not you it's me" type of mumbo jumbo). if that's the case she chose the worst implementation possible. honestly, i doubt that's the case. 2. she actually believes that stuff. which can indicate she's a narcissistic self-centred biatch.the fact that she never showed you to her friends, and as you said, you are now starting to realise she didn't always treat you quite right. all of that leads me to think that she is in fact just a really sh*tty little person. and you need none of that. this has nothing to do with you, normal good hearted people will date you, love you and not be ashamed of you. I assure you. so keep your chin up and get on the comic con hunt once again! 1
Author SOB86 Posted October 10, 2015 Author Posted October 10, 2015 It seems obvious in retrospect but I feel like such a fool for falling in love with her but next time hopefully I'll recognize the signs. She has a decent body but her face isn't that great. That's why it hurt so bad, I'd have to be pretty ****ed up looking for people to repeatedly think that. She has to have made all that up.
Saracena Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 Eh? Complete and utter rubblish! Don't believe this for a minute. 1
Mrlovahlovah Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 It seems obvious in retrospect but I feel like such a fool for falling in love with her but next time hopefully I'll recognize the signs. She has a decent body but her face isn't that great. That's why it hurt so bad, I'd have to be pretty ****ed up looking for people to repeatedly think that. She has to have made all that up. hey! don't beat yourself up, just like i said before, love has the power to distort what is considered "objectively" beautiful and so it also has the power to make us oblivious to other parts of our partner that may be less "attractive", including personality traits. i assure you she made it up or based it on some single event that is not even worth analysing. i've heard a lot of people saying a lot of ****ed up **** that has nothing to do with reality. I think you admitting yourself feeling like you'll never find someone does play a part in the hastiness in which you jumped into "being in love" and oblivious to her unpleasant personality. you need to build from this relationship and the experience you gained and not the other way around. you sound like a class guy and i'm certain you'll manage. 1
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