dogood4urself Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 My ex and I broke things off about 4 months ago. I still love her a lot, but she treated me pretty bad, but somehow I forgive her (I always did.) Sometimes I still cry over her, and dream of this perfect relationship that we could have. (I always thought that even when things were not working out.) I did NC for about 3 1/2 months and then she e-mailed me because she needed some of her stuff back for a job she is applying for. I wrote back saying that I wanted to be friends..(my real motive is because I still love her) She wrote back saying she was happy to hear that and that we should hang out....later that day, she invited me to go see a documentary with her...I said no, because It is hard for me to think about seeing her. She wanted to stop by to pick it up last nite, but I lied and said I was sleeping....So today, I have her stuff with me at work, I know she has the day off, and I kinda want to call her to see if she would have lunch with me and I can give her stuff back....should I do it....I really want to see her and tell her that I love her...in hopes that she might say the same.... But if she does not I will be crushed....PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Scott S Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Of course, you should return her property to her one way or another. Perhaps a better approach would be that of "Friends" for now. Have lunch, dinner, or whatever, perhaps someplace that was special to the both of you. Control yourself, though, & keep the "I'll always love you, no matter what!" to yourself for now. Give yourself a few dates to get a better idea of how she feels. Try to keep your expectations from getting out of hand. Good luck! __________________________________ If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. - Yogi Berra
outdated Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 If you have to see her KEEP IT LIGHT! If you immediately jump into I Love Yous you're going to frighten the hell out of her. Take it slow and see what happens- remember you said she didn't treat you that well to begin with...
Author dogood4urself Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 I don't think I would be that impulsive to tell her that right away. I am just wondering whether I should see her at all or not. I am trying to get over her....(sort of) I am afraid that if I see her, it will just fu*k my world up. At the same time I am dying for glimpse of her, to see if she still loves me...its like a real win or loose situation, the win is fantastic but the loose is horrifying.... I guess if I loose it may be the sign I need to move on once and for all.
Jadey Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by Scott S Of course, you should return her property to her one way or another. Perhaps a better approach would be that of "Friends" for now. Have lunch, dinner, or whatever, perhaps someplace that was special to the both of you. Control yourself, though, & keep the "I'll always love you, no matter what!" to yourself for now. Give yourself a few dates to get a better idea of how she feels. Try to keep your expectations from getting out of hand. Good luck! __________________________________ If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. - Yogi Berra I agree. Good luck xx
Author dogood4urself Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 I just called her, and she is coming to my work to pick her stuff up. She does not have time for lunch though...she has to work today apparently, should I walk her to the metro or should I keep it short...and just give her stuff back... God, I am so stupid, what did I get my self into.... not looking forward to a week of depression
Jadey Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 I say walk her. Be friendly but NO i love yous.. Do you actally want her back or wot?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by dogood4urself I really want to see her and tell her that I love her...in hopes that she might say the same.... But if she does not I will be crushed....PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do NOT do that. You don't know if she does. Let HER tell you or come to you about that first. This is one of those times you have to play it cool. If you jump right into I LOVE YOU you will DESTROY all you have worked for in NC. You need be INDIFFERENT! indifference n 1: unbiased impartial unconcern 2: apathy demonstrated by an absence of emotional reactions [syn: emotionlessness, impassivity, impassiveness, phlegm, stolidity, unemotionality] 3: the trait of lacking enthusiasm for or interest in things generally [syn: apathy, spiritlessness] 4: the trait of remaining calm and seeming not to care; a casual lack of concern [syn: nonchalance, unconcern] Don't let her see you sweat, man. Play it cool. Act like it doesn't bother you. Look her in the eye and smile but do NOT break. Don't cry. Don't beg for her time. Don't ask to see her again. Just say hello, here's your stuff, don't make any small chat (how are you, how's the job, etc). Just stick to business and show her you are HAPPY, STRONG and INDEPENDENT. If you break, you will have only confirmed that you can't live without her. And a lot of women hate that. I don't know why you guys broke up, but if being clingy and needy was the reason, you will definitely serve yourself well by taking my advice.
Author dogood4urself Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 I am not trying to go into the I love yous...I know better than that. I know that I need to be strong, cool, calm and collected. I am not gonna beg for her time, or say I love you and I want you back, or any of that ****, that would just put her in a position of power over me and I don't want that... she would love that because I was not the weak one in the relationship, she was and she would always get off on seeing me be weak. I just talked to her on the phone and she didn't sound so good. I guess she hasn't heard my voice in a really long time, she didn't even recognize it. I broke things off with her finally after she had broken up with me and was fu*king with me, dangling me by a string... She is the one that has contacted me lately, not the other way around! What does that mean? Does she really want her stuff back or does she want to see me...... As far as me wanting her back....I don't want our old relationship back...I would like to be with her because I love her, but I would like things to be different. Am I being stupid and wishing for too much... Help!
Author dogood4urself Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 She just called me back..and she wants to go to lunch and talk for a little bit....what should I say and not say.....?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Whatever she wants, she will let you know when the time is right. If you want her back, let HER come to you on YOUR terms....
Scott S Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by dogood4urself She just called me back..and she wants to go to lunch and talk for a little bit....what should I say and not say.....? YOU should keep your subject matter light-hearted for now. At all costs, avoid any "My life is meaningless without you!" talk. She said she wants to talk a bit, so I would let her do just that, & I would listen attentively to what she has to say before making much of a response. _____________________________________ What if people stopped throwing rice at weddings, and threw potatoes instead?
Author dogood4urself Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 So I just went to lunch with my ex...It was really nice actually, we talked like we were old friends. I avoided talking about serious things. It was a bit ackward. She is not as cute as I remember (or perhaps made her out to be in my head.) But everything was really nice until the very ending of our lunch...when she brought up that she had some serious things to talk about, she said she wanted to thank me for somethings....i told her she didn't have to thank me for anything. Then we agreed that we would see each other and talk about some serious things sometime.... When we were saying good bye, she leaned in to hug me and I backed away (I told myself no physical contact) and she got really upset that I didn't want to hug her and she started crying and walking away... I pulled her back and hugged her and apologized. I asked her why she was crying and she said that she felt terrible that I didn't want to touch her. Then we hugged really tightly for a long time. It was so nice to smell her and hold her....but I am afraid of getting hurt. We talked for a little longer and I told her that I care about her AS A PERSON....I did not say I still love you or anything...... and she said she cared about me too. I asked me if she hated me, and she said no...I told her that I thought she did and thought that she didn't think about me..... She said...I think about you alot, all the time and I said dido. We hugged a couple more times. I just wanted to kiss her so badly but I didn't. Then I asked her if we could hang out sometime again, and she said that she couldn't see me for a couple of weeks since she is moving...and was really busy. I left it up to her.... I just called her and said thank you for a nice lunch....she said it was nice to see me.... I am more confused than ever now....what do I do...I obviously still love her....do I play it cool or what.....that is what I think I should do....HELP!
ConfusedInOC Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Stop calling. Stop apologizing. Stop hugging! LOL If you want to show her you are worth her time, be more confident in yourself. Let her cry a bit. I don't mean me insensitive but you have to stand your ground. Confidence is everything. Good luck!
Jadey Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 OK, now, DO NOT CONTACT HER. Honestly dont. If you keep calling her now that youve seen her she will get put off, you only saw her earlier if you call her i can bet you she wont be half as interesed as if you now leave her alone. Confusion, wondering, waiting, is wot keeps people interested! Promise. Even if they dont conciously know it!I bet you any money she will contact you again eventually, just dont be the one to contact her first! If she wants you back that muc (which from here it does sound like it) she will call you. She kow where you are.
Author dogood4urself Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 You are totally right OC... I am not gonna make contact with her. If she wants to hang out, it needs to come from her and not me.... Don't worry, I think I kept my dignitity throught all of this. I kept a straight face, but was kind enough to be real too... but I am gonna play it cool.... Thank you everyone for all of your good advice.... I just hope I don't feel like **** next week.... I can smell her in my clothes... Its wonderful and scary at the same time...
ConfusedInOC Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by dogood4urself I just hope I don't feel like **** next week.... I can smell her in my clothes... Its wonderful and scary at the same time... It's good to appreciate her, just be CONFIDENT in who you are. Don't just SAY you are confident, SHOW her.
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