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Why would a MM end things with the OW after he found out that the WIFE cheated?

Dela

By Dela
in General Relationship Discussion

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Dela Established Member

Dela

Posted
Posted (edited)

Why would a MM decide to end things with the OW after he found out that the WIFE cheated on him?

 

Thank u

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SammySammy Established Member

SammySammy

Posted
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How would OW know why a man made a decision?

 

Why not ask MM why they might make such a decision?

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Dela Established Member

Dela

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How would OW know why a man made a decision?

 

Why not ask MM?

 

Thanks. I m hoping i ll have some answes here on the infidelity forum from MM, BS, W, etc. Someone who s been in this situation.

qubist Established Member

qubist

Posted
Posted
Why would a MM decide to end things with the OW after he found out that the WIFE cheated on him?

 

Thank u

because 99.99% of MM never intended to live with their AP, the ones that have decent marriage never intended to leave their wived for APs, even the ones that are in bad marriages do not want their APs. sorry but it is just the harsh truth.

whether intentionally or not most married men tag their affair partner as a "side chick" it's in the back of their mind.

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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Because he wants his wife. I didn't cheat. But, I asked my ex to leave on dday. He still never spoke to his ow again. She called me a year later asking for permission to talk to him. She thought I was keeping him from her. He simply didn't want her. Even after our divorce, he hasn't gone in her direction. He says she is now his biggest regret because he lost us. So very sad.

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Dela Established Member

Dela

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Because he wants his wife. I didn't cheat. But, I asked my ex to leave on dday. He still never spoke to his ow again. She called me a year later asking for permission to talk to him. She thought I was keeping him from her. He simply didn't want her. Even after our divorce, he hasn't gone in her direction. He says she is now his biggest regret because he lost us. So very sad.

 

 

thanks for ur post. my MM s wife doesn t know about me. she was cheating on him at the same time he was with me. the only diffeence is he caught her and she never did.

purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

Posted
Posted
thanks for ur post. my MM s wife doesn t know about me. she was cheating on him at the same time he was with me. the only diffeence is he caught her and she never did.

 

He wasn't ready to lose her. Maybe he was easing out of the marriage on his terms but her cheating changed the game. He could divorce and blame it on her affair and come to you. He wouldn't look like the bad guy. Instead he went back. That is a mess you want no part of. Do you really want to sit around hearing him say how could she cheat on me? How annoying would that be. Get as far away as you can.

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Dela Established Member

Dela

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He wasn't ready to lose her. Maybe he was easing out of the marriage on his terms but her cheating changed the game. He could divorce and blame it on her affair and come to you. He wouldn't look like the bad guy. Instead he went back. That is a mess you want no part of. Do you really want to sit around hearing him say how could she cheat on me? How annoying would that be. Get as far away as you can.

 

 

Thanks Purple. i am as far as i can, we broke up. he told me he wants to figure things out, find out what she did because she won t admit and to decide if he s getting a D or not... i wished him good luck and that was it. didn t text, didn t beg, nothing like that. he called me 2 days after to check on me and i just answered shortly and that was it.

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Because he wants his wife.

 

Not necessarily...

 

Sometimes it's cheaper and more convenient to stick with the wife - doesn't necessarily have to do with him "wanting" his wife. He "wants" what's "convenient" for him.

 

When a guy divorces, there's gonna be courts, visitation, finances, shame from community/church/family - so he has more to lose by leaving the wife.

 

Just sayin'

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
thanks for ur post. my MM s wife doesn t know about me. she was cheating on him at the same time he was with me. the only diffeence is he caught her and she never did.

 

Guys have a lot of ego....

 

I think his ego is hurt here cuz some other guy is plowing his wife...doesn't have a thing to do with him wanting his wife, you and/or the marriage.

 

I bet ya as soon as he gets cozy again with the wife and puts a stop to her cheating, he'll be back to taking care of Number 1 (him).

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RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted
Because he wants his wife. I didn't cheat. But, I asked my ex to leave on dday. He still never spoke to his ow again. She called me a year later asking for permission to talk to him. She thought I was keeping him from her. He simply didn't want her. Even after our divorce, he hasn't gone in her direction. He says she is now his biggest regret because he lost us. So very sad.

 

Same here. My now ex H dumped the OW pretty quick and never went back... Even after we divorced. Even he was smart enough not to make the same mistake twice...

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

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I asked something similar to a WH I worked with. The answer......because whilst he knew his wife had cheated, he also knew that OW was no angel and felt she was capable of the same thing, by virtue of the fact that she had no problem sleeping with a MM. He felt he'd be going from frying pan to fire.

 

Simply put..he had history /kids with his wife and she was worth working things through with and he loved her.

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Dela Established Member

Dela

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So he might "forgive" her infidelity and stay with her!?!?

purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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So he might "forgive" her infidelity and stay with her!?!?

 

If she lets him. She might want her om.

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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Not necessarily...

 

Sometimes it's cheaper and more convenient to stick with the wife - doesn't necessarily have to do with him "wanting" his wife. He "wants" what's "convenient" for him.

 

When a guy divorces, there's gonna be courts, visitation, finances, shame from community/church/family - so he has more to lose by leaving the wife.

 

Just sayin'

 

And sometimes divorce is easy. His wife is fair, just as I was. If he really wanted ow, he has the perfect out. If he does go back later, I hope ow isn't waiting for him.

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
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So he might "forgive" her infidelity and stay with her!?!?

 

He might do......he may struggle to get over it, but because in his mind he knows he's done the same it might be easier to forgive. Where some BHs think how can my wife step outside the marriage and sleep with another man.....he knows he's stepped out of the marriage himself.

 

Even if he feels he can't trust her and decides to leave the marriage because she cheated.......The question he'll be thinking is can he really trust you not to cheat.....bearing in mind what he knows. He may just decide to start over with someone totally new in the future ............. clean slate and all that.

Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

Posted
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So he might "forgive" her infidelity and stay with her!?!?

Nothing seems to get them chasing their wives more than realizing there's another fox in THEIR chicken house.

 

A lot of these cheaters make the mistake of thinking that while they're out there getting their jollies with their OW, the wife is happily sitting at home waiting for them - stupidly blissful in her ignorance of what's going on.

 

And that's exactly what they WANT their wives to be doing.

 

So it's quite the shock when they find out wifey isn't sitting at home darning his socks and thinking about what cookies to bake for him the next day. :laugh: And while a lot of these guys mistakenly start to believe that they're God's gift to women because they have two women who want them, it's quite a fall from grace to discover that just because their OW thinks they have a golden 'member' sure as hell doesn't mean the wife does. :D

 

That must burn.

 

While I'm sure he probably said many derogatory things about her to you (and a lot of MM will do that when having an affair) and he probably said he'd love to leave her, a lot of that was probably embellished because when it's all said and done, his only priority right now is dealing with his wife and marriage. So what he says - and what he actually DOES - are clearly two different things.

 

One would think he'd be happy to have the playing field finally leveled, right? Now HE'S not the bad guy anymore. This is his ticket OUT! The one he's been crying he wants for a long time.

 

Perhaps he should have been careful what he wished for.

 

Dela, he's shown you what his priorities are. In the end, he SHOWED you. All the lip service you've gotten from him since the day you met him was JUST that - lip service. When it came time to put his money where his mouth was, he SHOWED you who he really is.

 

Don't forget that.

 

Good luck to you.

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NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

Posted
Posted

Dela

 

MM wife cheating made him insanely jealous. Women are objects and toys to be owned and conquered. He didn't admit his A because he wants to make himself look better. He will also use her A to control her.

 

Please forget him.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Because that is the quickest way for her to regain control over the situation and stop what he's doing, that's why. And bear in mind, she may NOT have been cheating and only wanted him to be certain that she would if she so desired to follow in his footsteps.

ByMyself01 Established Member

ByMyself01

Posted
Posted
Why would a MM decide to end things with the OW after he found out that the WIFE cheated on him?

 

Thank u

 

Common sense... Because he loves the wife more than the OW (if he loves the OW at all) and he wants to make things right to get his wife back. But cheaters are just that, cheaters. He's going to get the wife back and call things off with the OW for a short while and once he gains control of his wife again, he will get back with the OW. 95% of them will do this.

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Dela Established Member

Dela

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thank u so much for ur posts,it means a lot.

i ve been trying to understand the "psychology" of what happened that made him stay when he had a reason to leave.

i m tryint to take it one day at a time, and yes, i know, i knew what i was getting myself into, i had this coming etc... but i don t think OW start an affair with MM thinking from the first day they will fll in love and the guy will say "i want to divorce, blah blah". at least this was not my intention when i met him.

 

the last days have been hard on me mostly because i want to understand and accept what happened.

i m trying to feel less worthless, lied and used but it s not going so well

 

thanks a lot for ur support :(

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