Moving accross the country with ur significant other? Who has done this? Did it work?

[baltimoregirl42]

I am 24 and my boyfriend of 8 months is 26. We both live in Md. I have lived here my entire life, and he moved here from the midwest a year and a half ago. He seriously considered moving to California instead of Baltimore, as he had some friends from back home who had just moved out there, but decided to come to Md bc he didnt want to be with his girlfriend at the time (who moved out there).

 

It's a year and a half later, and four of our best friends (including his 3 best guys friends he met when he first moved out here) are moving to California in three months to start a new company. The company is already up and running, courtesy of one of our's friend's older brothers who has been in CA for about 5 yrs now.

 

His friends invited my boyfriend to move out to CA with them, but he politely declined because as he told them and me "I can't be without you. I love you. I wouldn't be happy without you with me". I was flattered but assured him that he should do whatever makes him happy in his life, whether or not it involves me. He assured me that he'd be happy here in Md because I'd be with him.

 

It's been a few weeks and I have been seriously considering making the move. One of my close girlfriends is going out there to live with her boyfriend (one of his four friends). They said that me and my bf could live with them in a house and we'd be guarunteed a good job. My family is out here in Md and I've never lived far away from them.

 

I'm thinking that if I'm going to do something like this (i.e. move accross the country to Cali, take a chance) now is the time. I'm not married yet, no kids, and I have graduated college. The weather and scenery would be a nice change, we'd all get to meet new people, and it's be a risk.

 

I want to talk to my boyfriend about this, but I'm not sure how to go about it. I know he'd be thrilled to live out there. Part of me is afraid that we could get all the way out there and things would change. One of us might meet someone else, things wouldn't work out, etc, and I'd be on the other side of the country from my family. I know that if he loves me enough to stay on the East Coast when all of his close friends are moving, then he'd love me enough to stand by my side on the West Coast as well.

 

How do you know if making a long distance move with your significant other is right? Has anyone else ever done something like this? If so, how did it work out? Any input is greatly appreciated! Thanks

[Scott S]

Each situation is different, & must be evaluated on its own merits.

 

My ex-wife moved from SC to OK when I was in the Army, & after I left active duty, I moved back to SC with her. Note the designation of "ex-wife." To be fair, the causative issues were really unrelated to geography.

 

The issue is how do you feel about the relationship. Do you feel confident in your commitment to each other that you're willing to make such a major life change? Only you can decide that.

[baltimoregirl42]

I feel pretty confident in the relationship. But as we all know, things can change. I'm just scared.

[scratch]

Originally posted by baltimoregirl42

It's been a few weeks and I have been seriously considering making the move. One of my close girlfriends is going out there to live with her boyfriend (one of his four friends). They said that me and my bf could live with them in a house and we'd be guarunteed a good job. My family is out here in Md and I've never lived far away from them.

 

I'm thinking that if I'm going to do something like this (i.e. move accross the country to Cali, take a chance) now is the time. I'm not married yet, no kids, and I have graduated college. The weather and scenery would be a nice change, we'd all get to meet new people, and it's be a risk.

 

I had a girl move in with me from Texas and it didn't work out. However, I still feel like it was a good idea to try - there was nothing to lose. It hurt when it ended, but we weren't any worse off than we would have been had we not given it a chance.

 

Based on the points you make, you should move out there even if you weren't going with a guy. You'll never have a better chance to experiment with living on the West Coast. If you don't like it, you'll always be able to go home.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by scratch

Based on the points you make, you should move out there even if you weren't going with a guy. You'll never have a better chance to experiment with living on the West Coast. If you don't like it, you'll always be able to go home.

 

I agree.

 

If you're going out there just to be with him and don't plan to have any other elements in your life but him when you get there, I'd say don't do it, because you'd be miserable and always miss your friends and family. My brothers ex-wife moved with him when he got a new job, but she never went out an met new people. She was pretty miserable and always homesick. But if you're going because you also want to meet new people and have new experiences, then you should do it.

 

Whether you two meet someone else or grow apart isn't going to be affected too much by where you're living. However, even though he's chosing to say in MD with you, he could unintentionally grow to feel like you held him back if his friends all end up becoming successful.

 

I personally moved out to go to Cali for school and because I really wanted to live here. My now ex-boyfriend moved with me. We're now broken up and he moved back to Kansas City to be with his family, but I don't think he regrets having moved out here, because he does want to come back now if he can afford it. And we probably wouldn't still be together even if we'd never moved either. I'm definitely glad I moved, because it's been a growing experience for me, and I've met some great people.

 

If you decide you'd like to move, I think you should bring it up to him by first asking if he genuinely wants to go with his friends to Cali. He might say that he doesn't to try to make you feel better, but find out if he would go if you weren't in the picture. If he would, tell him you've been thinking about how nice it might be to live on the east coast. Tell him that you don't want to hold him back and that you'd like to have the new experiences the change would bring.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by scratch

Based on the points you make, you should move out there even if you weren't going with a guy. You'll never have a better chance to experiment with living on the West Coast. If you don't like it, you'll always be able to go home.

 

This is a very good point. You're still at a stage in life where you're relatively unencumbered by adult responsibilities (i.e. mortgage payments, family, etc.). I can think of quite a few things I wish I had taken the opportunity to do when I was that age.