Trying to understand why I feel spited if girlfriend doesn't communicate with me

[nadroj]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 14 months and the relationship has been amazing.

 

For the vast majority of it, we have pretty much communicated, in some fashion, every day. The preferred method is usually just a text or email if we don't see one another (as she's not too huge on phone conversations, even with family) and that's always enough. However, every once in awhile there's a day where there isn't any type of communication, not even a simple, "How was your day?" text or anything and I often feel spited by her if she doesn't reach out.

 

She almost always responds if I initiate the communication, but sometimes I subconsciously hold off, just to see if she will initiate. I know this isn't really the best idea, and I'm not really sure why I do it. If she doesn't, I feel kind of irritated that she can't take a minute out of her day to send a simple text or something.

 

She is very busy, but I still find myself thinking this way. But it's not something that's consistent. There are times when she doesn't text and I'm fine with it while there are times when she doesn't and I get upset.

 

In some of these instances, I conjure up the idea that maybe she isn't into it anymore. Other times I think, "why am I with someone who can't take 30 seconds out of their day?"

 

I know these are pretty irrational, and I don't know why I do it, especially since we've been together for over a year now and things are going swimmingly.

 

Is it because I subconsciously feel like I have to be the center of her world and top priority, even though I know I'm fine with not being it and that I just don't want to be buried at the bottom? Am I expecting her to match me? Like, she isn't my number one priority in life, but I think about her each day and look forward to daily communication.

 

I don't know why, but whenever we have a day like that, it throws me off.

[hyperion83]

Same boat my friend

[Qboro90]

Wow I felt like you were describing me during the ages of 18-25 while reading your post. Interesting to see that a girl is the one acting like this as it's usually the other way around as it was for me.

 

How old are you two by the way? If you're under 30 then it's not as big a deal as you may think.

 

I was just like your gf. Would constantly be getting yelled at or "talked to" about why I was totally fine not talking to my significant other for a day or two. The immaturity in me would always say things like what's the big deal, I'm not doing anything, just didn't have much to say. Not realizing it was a courtesy thing more than anything else. Stubbornness takes over after a point as well.

 

During my college years I thought that it was no big deal not to call my gf for a day. Thinkin that the following day we each would have more to talk about instead of just going through the motions of "hey, how was your day?" "Good, how was yours?" "Good". Ok that was fun, bye. Lol

 

As I grew up and met the girl I am currently engaged to I realized that even when I had days where nothing went on, it's the right and courteous thing to do just to call or text and say hello and see how their day was. If you show your gf that she can actually call you and have the call be less than 5 minutes then she might start doing it more. That's what I needed to see. That after working 7-7, I could call my gf and say "hey what's up, I'm exhausted, just going to shower and lay down", and shed reply "ok i love you, have a good night, text me tomorrow when you're free".

 

Now if your gf is unwilling to do that then you need to have a discussion with her about common courtesy and respect. Even though she's fine with going a day or two without communicating, it's something you value and want in a relationship, if only for a minute just to know they're alive.

[Stage5Clinger]

14 months is a long time. Is this relationship progressing at all? I would want to be moved in with someone at that point. I can only put up with the bull**** texting for a few months then it's **** or get off the pot time. PS I'm single.

[nadroj]

Wow I felt like you were describing me during the ages of 18-25 while reading your post. Interesting to see that a girl is the one acting like this as it's usually the other way around as it was for me.

 

How old are you two by the way? If you're under 30 then it's not as big a deal as you may think.

 

I was just like your gf. Would constantly be getting yelled at or "talked to" about why I was totally fine not talking to my significant other for a day or two. The immaturity in me would always say things like what's the big deal, I'm not doing anything, just didn't have much to say. Not realizing it was a courtesy thing more than anything else. Stubbornness takes over after a point as well.

 

During my college years I thought that it was no big deal not to call my gf for a day. Thinkin that the following day we each would have more to talk about instead of just going through the motions of "hey, how was your day?" "Good, how was yours?" "Good". Ok that was fun, bye. Lol

 

As I grew up and met the girl I am currently engaged to I realized that even when I had days where nothing went on, it's the right and courteous thing to do just to call or text and say hello and see how their day was. If you show your gf that she can actually call you and have the call be less than 5 minutes then she might start doing it more. That's what I needed to see. That after working 7-7, I could call my gf and say "hey what's up, I'm exhausted, just going to shower and lay down", and shed reply "ok i love you, have a good night, text me tomorrow when you're free".

 

Now if your gf is unwilling to do that then you need to have a discussion with her about common courtesy and respect. Even though she's fine with going a day or two without communicating, it's something you value and want in a relationship, if only for a minute just to know they're alive.

 

We are both under 30.

 

It's difficult because I sometimes feel like it's a petty thing to get worked up about, but at the same time feel that a couple of over a year should definitely be communicating daily in some fashion. I guess it's also frustrating because we live in an era where we're glued to our phones and it really doesn't take a ton of effort to say something.

 

14 months is a long time. Is this relationship progressing at all? I would want to be moved in with someone at that point. I can only put up with the bull**** texting for a few months then it's **** or get off the pot time. PS I'm single.

 

I feel like it is, most of the time. That's why I question whether or not this is legitimately something to get upset over. We don't live together, but I do think living together would alleviate some of this little stuff.