mhsmadame Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Can ex does this? He is threatening to go to court to get a restraining order against my boyfriend to stay away from my 4 year son. My son adores my bf and bf has never done anything to warrant this. Ex is jealous because bf used to be his friend. BF is separated and has visitation with his daughter every other weekend. Advice?
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Is this yours and your ex's kid? I think he just doesn't want another man playing the father figure in his kids life (if its his kid) But if he is the father, then if he doesn't have custody, I don't think theres much he can do. If its split custody then there might be something he can do.
Author mhsmadame Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 Yes, he is the father. We have joint custody - but by the way he only gets the child about 1 night a month. I think he's just being an A**
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 He is being an ass. He doesn't want your son thinking another man is his father. Joint custody.......I'm sure he can do something. Being that on paper, its both your kid. But i think he has to have proof and logic reason as to why he wants a restraining order. If he doest have liable cause, then he's waisting his time
SinceIvebeenlovingU Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 No he cant do ****...unless its an unsafe living condition...trust me i know...my mother had many boyfriends that my father knew about...he told me not to go near them because he was afraid i'd love them more than him...that never happened...and i was generally good friends with my mother's different boyfriends growing up...don't worry about it...he's just feeling insecure...
tiki Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 He's just being a drama queen. He can't do crap until he proves crap. And if there's no crap, there's nothing to be proven.
Owl Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Does he have any reason to believe that this guy might be a danger or a bad influence to his son? (As in this guy has a criminal record, or been involved in immoral or dangerous things such as drugs, cheating on his wife, etc...)?
Author mhsmadame Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 No, my bf has no criminal record, has a good, steady job, member of volunteer fire department. He's separated - waiting to file for divorce. His marriage was a little unstable and he was a little violent towards his wife - but it went both ways. He has never been violent with his daughter. About this time last year, he was going through his separation and having some health problems. He was friends with my ex at the time and called him one day to meet him to give him (ex) his (bf) pistol. I guess my ex thinks he is suicidal or something, but the man has about 13 other guns at his house and has done nothing. We are very much in love and I really think there is a future for us. He is a wonderful man.
tiki Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by mhsmadame His marriage was a little unstable and he was a little violent towards his wife - but it went both ways. Welp, that may be your reason, Murdock.
scarlyjones Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 What do you mean "he was a little violent towards his wife" ...????????? Why would you want to be with ANYONE or better yet,.....................why would you want your SON AROUND anyone who has had a history of violence????????
Owl Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Hmm...also going to ask the blunt question, since the tactful one I asked earlier was perhaps a little too tactful. Were you and his friend involved while you and he were still married?? THAT would also account for a 'poor moral value' kind of thing...I know that I didn't want MY kids around my wife's OM when she was considering going off to live with him.
New_Wife Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by mhsmadame ...he was a little violent towards his wife... ... He was friends with my ex at the time and called him one day to meet him to give him (ex) his (bf) pistol. I guess my ex thinks he is suicidal or something, but the man has about 13 other guns at his house and has done nothing. ... Can't imagine why a father would have any problems with his child being around that stable fellow. Baffling. (PSST: That was sarcasm. What I really have trouble fathoming is on what planet YOU find yourself that you think it's a good thing to do?!)
soccorsilly Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Man+pistol+13 other guns+sometimes violent+needing a friend to confiscate a gun= no freaking way is he going to be near my kid!
b52srock Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I don't know if there's anything he can do legally unless there is some kind of proof that the man could be a danger to your daughter. During my separation I made it very clear to my STBex that I did NOT want his girlfriend anywhere near my children. Told him she'd already taken my husband and I'd be damned if she was going to try to take my kids, too. Fortunately, he kept her away from them. Of course, there were a few times when one or the other of the kids needed something they'd left in his truck and went to his apartment to get it only to find her car "hidden" behind the garage. Moron. Anybody in town could see the car behind there just by driving down freakin' main street! But I digress.... Personally, if I knew the man had been violent (of any kind) to his former wife I'd be heading for the hills.
Author mhsmadame Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 I appreciate your comments. And no, this man and I were not seeing other until a year after my ex and I split. My bf has gone to therapy and worked out his anger with his ex. I have known this man for 10 years and have never seen him even lose his temper. His ex just pushes the wrong buttons with him. She, by the way, once stabbed him with a spoon. He has been a very loving and caring man with me. You know, people are different when they are with different people. We've been together for 6 months and have never even had a cross word! By the way, my ex now says that instead of court, would I sign an agreement saying that no member of the opposite sex will be in my house after 10 pm and will not drink around my son. My ex says he will sign the same agreement. Now, does this really sound like a man who is worried about the welfare of his son, or just someone who doesn't want his ex wife to have a happy and fulfilling relationship?
Chris777 Posted June 4, 2005 Posted June 4, 2005 I am sort of in the boat your ex is only i have primary custody of our daughter. and i dont want my ex wifes Bf to even be in the proximity of my daughter anymore. i had a few questions before I elaborate Originally posted by Owl Does he have any reason to believe that this guy might be a danger or a bad influence to his son? (As in this guy has a criminal record, or been involved in immoral or dangerous things such as drugs, cheating on his wife, etc...)? Can anything be done on situations like this with little to no evidence? Originally posted by mhsmadame His marriage was a little unstable and he was a little violent towards his wife - but it went both ways. He has never been violent with his daughter. my ex wife always tole me her first husband was only abusive to her , but never the kids, (the same thing she is now saying about the bf) About this time last year, he was going through his separation and having some health problems. He was friends with my ex at the time and called him one day to meet him to give him (ex) his (bf) pistol. I guess my ex thinks he is suicidal or something, but the man has about 13 other guns at his house and has done nothing. I had a councelor tell me not to allow my daughter visitation after finding out she was cutting. I allowed it after the cuts healed, Can this hurt me legally if i have to potentially hire a layer on my situation? I have tried to allow visitation for my daughters sake, as my ex keeps getting involved with people that keep her from her children, but I can't keep making exceptions, especially with the bf going to far. Originally posted by scarlyjones What do you mean "he was a little violent towards his wife" ...????????? Why would you want to be with ANYONE or better yet,.....................why would you want your SON AROUND anyone who has had a history of violence???????? I can't figure this one out on my ex, she dumped her first hubby for abuse, and then dumped me for no reason, but i never abused or mistreated her. Originally posted by Owl Hmm...also going to ask the blunt question, since the tactful one I asked earlier was perhaps a little too tactful. Were you and his friend involved while you and he were still married?? THAT would also account for a 'poor moral value' kind of thing...I know that I didn't want MY kids around my wife's OM when she was considering going off to live with him. my ex has lived with several men since our divorce, can i potentally use this as grounds for supervised visitation? Originally posted by mhsmadame My bf has gone to therapy and worked out his anger with his ex. I have known this man for 10 years and have never seen him even lose his temper. His ex just pushes the wrong buttons with him. She, by the way, once stabbed him with a spoon. Word of advice that i had several people give me. YOU ARE only hearing ONE SIDE, don't put too much trust on his word alone. as actions speak volumes more He has been a very loving and caring man with me. You know, people are different when they are with different people. We've been together for 6 months and have never even had a cross word!. the same way things were with me and my ex wife we rarely fought. By the way, my ex now says that instead of court, would I sign an agreement saying that no member of the opposite sex will be in my house after 10 pm and will not drink around my son. My ex says he will sign the same agreement. Now, does this really sound like a man who is worried about the welfare of his son, or just someone who doesn't want his ex wife to have a happy and fulfilling relationship? I can see why you think it is just him being jealous. But do you think any of that is unreasonable? or in appropriate? now back to my situation my ex wife had been through a few guys since our divorce. she has also tried on more than one occasion suicide. the guy she is currently with has attacked her a few times, and then during one of their "seperations" snuck into her parents house and raped her. then she moved in with yet another guy because her former ex (whom is apparently back with her now) was such good friends with her family, plus he was in good with the sherrif. well I have allowed my daughter to visit in the past , but the rape was the last straw , it is dispickable to sneak into a womans parents house and rape her when she had cervical cancer, waiting on medicaid approval for treatment. she of course gave the "drug whithdrawal excuse" but I have had it. I am concerned she will lie to protect him, and I am not sure how to approach the sitiation, as i have allowed her to "sweet talk "(manipulate) me into allowing things in the past, but i have had it, I am not going to allow my daughter to be even near this guy again, even if he had "treatment". I am concerned because I have permitted visitation in the past , because my exw would rarely see our daughter , plus she had some sort of tumor that caused excessive bleeding. and had no insurance. but she keeps repeating these insane patterns. the guy she moved in with to protect her from the boyfriend tha traped her ended up beating her up, and i had to pick her up and take her to her parents, where me and her brother (again for the umpeenth time) tried to talk sence to her. and she gave her usual "well they had their last chance, and it won't happen again" speach. and then the next thing i know the rapist shows up. also I feel she decieved me about him the last time my faughter visited her. She said she wanted to take our daughter hiking, and i asked that she wait till sunday and i would take them, in case she passed out from blood loss, or something, then she said she might get her brother to go. I said unless he would to just wait, as i wanted to see my daughter in the woods. well my daughter had been complaining about the mom not calling her ect, i told her to speak to her about it. and she couldnt because guess who was with them the whole time that weekend. I didn't want to start anything in front of my daughtewr, so i kept my mouth shut. but no more. I am waiting on the ex to ask for a visit, unless my daughter tries to arrange it first, but I am going to tell her I don't even wan't the boyfriend to even visit while my daughter is visiting. I had planned on threatening to tell my ex father in law about the rape, if she tried to feed me a load about the bf being save now, but apparently the ex has either gotten government housing, or the bf has rented a new apartment. If i have to get legal on this what are my options? I know as soon as ai tell her the ex will pitch a fit, even though it has been a struggle the past 7 years to get her to see, or call our daughter. I know i should have little to worry about, but i also know how screwed up the courts are, and dont trust them with my daughters safety. sorry for the pseudo hijack, but my daughter is having alot of problems, because she misses her mom so bad, and i cant stand to tell her that i might have to keep her from her mother, as the whole situation has broken my heart, at the pain it causes her.
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