fitnessfan365 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I hate that it's so simple. But it is. If she takes forever to respond = she is not into you. In 100% of cases. When my ex started taking forever to respond, I instinctively knew it was over. She was cheating on me and/or being shady. I was right. The gut is always right. This one is over, OP. Time to accept it, and leave her to her lazy ways. Your case is different man. This was your ex that you'd been in a relationship with. She had established a pattern of initiating and responding fast that she suddenly changed. So your instincts were understandable. However, this is a woman that the OP just started having sex with that he's been seeing casually for three weeks. Trying to compare that to your situation is like apples and oranges IMO. 1
J21 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Not really. I mean think about it. If women are constantly pursued and used for sex, what's one defense mechanism they can use to feel a guy out? Seeing how persistent he is w/contacting, planning, etc.. Now in the grand scheme of things, three weeks is NOT a long time. In fact, they just started sleeping together. So I think it makes perfect sense on why she'd still be a bit distant and feeling the OP out. Now as I said before, if it had been months and she was still acting distant and one sided, that's a completely different story. But it hasn't been long enough yet to determine where she stands IMO. I mean the fact that she's having sex with him and keeping dates is enough to show initial interest IMO. But the OP is letting insecurity get the better of him. You're right, 3 weeks isn't a long time, but it's enough time to actually initiate texting and show interest (if she was interested). 2
losangelena Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 You're right, 3 weeks isn't a long time, but it's enough time to actually initiate texting and show interest (if she was interested). Well, yes and no. This is also apparently her first relationship, so she's inexperienced. Also, again, women are just so, so conditioned to not initiate in the beginning. I can't stress that enough. Especially for a young, inexperienced woman who won't even take her top off during sex—three weeks is still really early. 2
smackie9 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Well, yes and no. This is also apparently her first relationship, so she's inexperienced. Also, again, women are just so, so conditioned to not initiate in the beginning. I can't stress that enough. Especially for a young, inexperienced woman who won't even take her top off during sex—three weeks is still really early. No maybe for the first or second date, but not after sleeping with each other, etc. So it's either A not that interested or B she's inexperienced and you have to put up with it. At this point not really GF material. I don't recall any of my friends or myself, NOT initiating contact, a date or to having sex. 2
cinnamonapples86 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 She's playing a game my friend. Especially if she's only 20. She probably had a conversation with her friends about it and they told her to sit back and just let him do the work to prove if he likes you. And that's what she's doing...playing the game. Plus, I think her interest isn't very high, mostly because she's very sure that you like her. Its weird when people realize that someone likes them a lot, they get lazy. If I were you, I'd stop contacting her. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Blow her off a few times and date other girls. She'll be puddy in your hand once you start ignoring her and distancing yourself. For the life of me I can figure out while people can't appreciate good things until they are gone but sadly its the way the world works. Leave that chick alone. So many girls wish they had a guy who paid attention to them. Go find a girl like that and go find a girl who is more confident and will take her shirt off, lol. 4
katiegrl Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 She's playing a game my friend. Especially if she's only 20. She probably had a conversation with her friends about it and they told her to sit back and just let him do the work to prove if he likes you. And that's what she's doing...playing the game. Plus, I think her interest isn't very high, mostly because she's very sure that you like her. Its weird when people realize that someone likes them a lot, they get lazy. If I were you, I'd stop contacting her. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Blow her off a few times and date other girls. She'll be puddy in your hand once you start ignoring her and distancing yourself. For the life of me I can figure out while people can't appreciate good things until they are gone but sadly its the way the world works. Leave that chick alone. So many girls wish they had a guy who paid attention to them. Go find a girl like that and go find a girl who is more confident and will take her shirt off, lol. I agree with this. Normally I would not advise giving her a taste of her own medicine, however being that she's only 20, I DO advise that in this case. Watch her interest level perk up! The young ones LOVE the bad boy crap. Sad but true.
Oregon_Dude Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 If I were you, I'd stop contacting her. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Blow her off a few times and date other girls. She'll be puddy in your hand once you start ignoring her and distancing yourself. I agree with this, but I also don't think she'll be 'puddy in his hands' or whatever. She'll just go away. Which is want you want from a game-player, anyway. Love and relationships are not about power. They are about a mutual exchange of affection, intellect, and respect. Anything less than this is just an egoic battle of wills. 1
losangelena Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Well considering she told me I'm the first person she has ever been on a date with and she has only ever slept with one other guy, only been in one other relationship which she said she didn't feel like was a proper relationship then I doubt it. (but then again some guys like you are probably naturally sceptical of what a girl says am i right?) OK, guys, but I don't know. This is the first guy she's dated and she's 20. From the sound of his first post (she sits in her room and watches Netflix all day), she sounds sheltered, a bit lazy, and just ... inexperienced! I personally doubt she is game playing or power tripping. She sounds to me like she doesn't know what she's doing. Some people don't know how to act and they have to learn. We call those "late bloomers." Sh*t, I remember being in my mid-20s and having like, zero idea when a guy was interested in me. Granted, I wasn't sleeping with any of them, but still. Not to generalize, but it seems like very often we collectively come to the worst conclusions possible about people on here. Why? Why not give this 20 year old the benefit of the doubt? Instead we label her a player and a power tripper. Jesus, how cynical are we? I'm not saying I'm necessarily right, but I didn't know sh*t about sh*t when I was 20. It sounds to me like this girl doesn't either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 1
Author Xiomn Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) OK, guys, but I don't know. This is the first guy she's dated and she's 20. From the sound of his first post (she sits in her room and watches Netflix all day), she sounds sheltered, a bit lazy, and just ... inexperienced! I personally doubt she is game playing or power tripping. She sounds to me like she doesn't know what she's doing. Some people don't know how to act and they have to learn. We call those "late bloomers." Sh*t, I remember being in my mid-20s and having like, zero idea when a guy was interested in me. Granted, I wasn't sleeping with any of them, but still. Not to generalize, but it seems like very often we collectively come to the worst conclusions possible about people on here. Why? Why not give this 20 year old the benefit of the doubt? Instead we label her a player and a power tripper. Jesus, how cynical are we? I'm not saying I'm necessarily right, but I didn't know sh*t about sh*t when I was 20. It sounds to me like this girl doesn't either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm leaning towards this position to be honest (although everybody else would probably just say that's because it's what I want to hear :rolleyes:) Maybe her lack of physical initiating is because she's inexperienced/shy and not sure what to do, Only slept with one other guy, only been in one other relationship which only lasted 6 months and was long distance for the most part declaring she felt it didn't feel like a proper relationship. Doesn't want to take her top off when we had sex for the first time also adds to that impression. Makes sense I suppose. I mean she's not rejecting my physical advances and she keeps agreeing to go out on dates with me so maybe I should just concentrate on that and in the meantime let her become more comfortable with me in her own time. AS for initiating texts, honestly getting bored of it and it's probably best to just use it for setting up/confirming dates and leave it at that, leaving real conversations for the dates themselves (which i've already been doing for the most part anyway) I've expressed that she is free to contact me via call or text in my hint at her of wanting her to start initiating texts more so it's up to her now in that department. Edited October 13, 2015 by Xiomn
Oregon_Dude Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 If I didn't get to see my GF's t*ts while I was f*cking her, I'd be outta there. But I'm a romantic.
losangelena Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 If I didn't get to see my GF's t*ts while I was f*cking her, I'd be outta there. But I'm a romantic. You have the charm set to 11 today, I see. 4
Author Xiomn Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) If I didn't get to see my GF's t*ts while I was f*cking her, I'd be outta there. But I'm a romantic. Hope I get to suckle on those little babies soon brah, I love to give pleasure. Just don't want to bring up taking the top thing off again, gotta let her do it in her own time I'm guessing. She's seen me fully naked walking around her bedroom after the deed is done multiple times now so... Edited October 13, 2015 by Xiomn
kendahke Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 True and good point actually that thought skipped me. Like I keep saying I'll give her another 2 weeks or so to see if she starts initiating naturally on her own initiative. That's you laying a trap and it's unfair. When you talk to her on Thursday, if she agrees to enter into relationship with you, that's when you mention to her that you appreciate and feel as if you matter to her when she initiates contact with you through phone calls and texts--that you welcome hearing from her and that she should feel free to contact you whenever. That's being clear and direct with what you want. Get into the habit of doing it---you will never be left guessing or wondering or needing advice from strangers about how to proceed if you open your mouth and ask for what you need/want. 1
Author Xiomn Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 That's you laying a trap and it's unfair. When you talk to her on Thursday, if she agrees to enter into relationship with you, that's when you mention to her that you appreciate and feel as if you matter to her when she initiates contact with you through phone calls and texts--that you welcome hearing from her and that she should feel free to contact you whenever. That's being clear and direct with what you want. Get into the habit of doing it---you will never be left guessing or wondering or needing advice from strangers about how to proceed if you open your mouth and ask for what you need/want. Didn't you hear brah? Everyone thinks it's too soon to be asking about entering into a relationship. Just going to ask her what she's looking for and express what I'm looking for. I e already texted her asking her preference in terms of communication and she said she prefers text over call and I saidi am the same way and also said feel free to text or call me too so. I should bring it up AGAIN but direct this time you say?
Author Xiomn Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Out of pure curiosity what's everyone's opinion on adding the person you're dating on Facebook? I'm of the opinion that I don't want to add them until we've established that we're official, reason being it might come across as weird (in the sense they may get the impression you're trying to snoop on them), it might not work out in the end which might be awkward, and adding them on Facebook gets rid of the mystery in the sense that it's best to find out more about the person face to face on dates otherwise you run risk of finding out a lot about the person over Facebook instead without even talking to them.
kendahke Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Didn't you hear brah? Everyone thinks it's too soon to be asking about entering into a relationship. Hey girl, I'm not everyone else. 2
losangelena Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 Didn't you hear brah? Everyone thinks it's too soon to be asking about entering into a relationship. Just going to ask her what she's looking for and express what I'm looking for. I e already texted her asking her preference in terms of communication and she said she prefers text over call and I saidi am the same way and also said feel free to text or call me too so. I should bring it up AGAIN but direct this time you say? First of all, lol at "brah." You love that term. Also, for the record, I NEVER said it was too early to ask about a relationship. I think it's too early to expect her to feel comfortable/open/vulnerable yet, or as if she's IN a relationship with you, especially BECAUSE you haven't asked. If you DO want to be in a relationship, I don't see the harm of bringing it up; though I don't know how kids do it these days. 2
Disconnect Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 What's a 'brah' anyway, a boy in a bra? Stupid word. 1
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 You know what....if you are getting sex, then just leave it at that. just enjoy it.
marychapman Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Really, just go for it? I don't know doesn't that seem forceful and putting too much pressure on the other person, it just seems like such an unnatural thing to do (in my opinion). When I asked if I could kiss her at the end of our second date she said yes and didn't seem to mind or anything. I don't ask her every time, just when I'm going to do something for the first time. I'm going on a date with her on Thursday, picking her up from her place then walking down to the place we'll be having dinner as it's nearby and we live close to each other, I was going to ask like "may I hold your hand" since being straight forward with asking has worked before and just grabbing her hand just feels like a big nope. Besides, when I initiated sex for the first time I asked if I could take her top off but she said she wanted to keep it on, if I had tried to get her top off without asking she probably would have felt even more uncomfortable than would of had I asked. Maybe I`m weird but you just taking her hand would be way more sexier than asking if you can hold it. 1
Author Xiomn Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 Maybe I`m weird but you just taking her hand would be way more sexier than asking if you can hold it. Do you also like to be dominated?
marychapman Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Do you also like to be dominated? No, but I like confidence and men who know what they want and are not afraid to go for it. To each their own. And I`m not saying you`re not confident btw. 1
losangelena Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 So, you were supposed to meet up on Thursday and today is Friday. How did it go? 1
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