Author Xiomn Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 (edited) I read one thing here, once, it was something like this: "If you were Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio, she would text you and initiate things all the time." Now, you dont have to be one, but that shows she has little interest. Why continue to agree to hanging out and dates? Why not say no when I asked if I could kiss her on second date? Why say I'm not coming off too strong when I asked her if I was when making sexual advances on her? Why constantly ask if I'm hungry when I'm over at her place (sounds like she cares for me, but maybe this point doesn't mean all that much) Why not reject when I go for a kiss, or move away when I go for a cuddle? Only thing I'm annoyed about is her lack of initiating. Otherwise all the other signs are there to be honest. You could say I should stop worrying then if all her other actions are giving signs of interest, but communication is a biggie for me so her lack of initiating bothers me moreso than other things. Edited October 12, 2015 by Xiomn
katiegrl Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 (edited) Been dating this girl for just under 3 weeks now, been on 5 dates and have a 6th set up for next Thursday. We've slept together 3 times and have had 3 sleepovers, once at mine and twice at hers and even spent full days together. Over at her place. This gives me the impression she likes me otherwise she wouldn't keep agreeing to dates and hanging out together. However, she never initiates anything, I always initiate text messages and whenever I do she takes many hours to reply, sometimes even up to half a day. She's an unemployed student so it's not like work keeps her busy and she only has lectures twice a week. From what I have seen staying over at her place 3 times now she uses her phone a lot and always has it by her side which makes me doubt her real interest in me. No one is that busy as it only takes literally like 5 seconds to reply to a text. She has told me she is not much of a texter in the past but still don't feel like that is a good enough excuse personall given how easy it is. While getting to know her too she said that majority of the time she spends in her room just watching TV on Netflix so it doesn't sound like she has a busy life or anything. I'm also always the one to initiate setting up dates, always the one to initiate a kiss and/or a cuddle, when I put my arm around her she doesn't return the gesture but also doesn't object. She hasn't really kissed me or hugged me on her own initiative yet. I'm always the one to initiate before sex, I always ask her if I'm coming off as too strong but she says I'm not so I'm confused, is she just really shy? She hasn't took her top off once during sex despite having done it 3 times now, I asked if I could take it off the first time but she said she wanted to keep it on so haven't bothered her about it since as I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable with something she doesn't want to do. Also when I asked if I could kiss her for the first time on our second date she said yes and we've obviously kissed multiple times since then which she also hasn't objected to. Anyone got any ideas? Maybe she's following the advice written in "The Rules" (book written for women advising how to successfully date on-line). There is another thread up and running discussing this book entitled appropriately enough "The Rules,"....perhaps you should check it out, it might shed some light on her behavior. By the way, re her behavior, is all your confusion and wondering increasing your interest level or is it turning you off? I am guessing her elusive behavior intrigues you and increases your interest, otherwise you would not be wasting time/energy creating this thread seeking answers. You would have just said "screw it," not called her anymore and moved on to the next. Edited October 12, 2015 by katiegrl 1
phineas Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Why continue to agree to hanging out and dates? Why not say no when I asked if I could kiss her on second date? Why say I'm not coming off too strong when I asked her if I was when making sexual advances on her? Why constantly ask if I'm hungry when I'm over at her place (sounds like she cares for me, but maybe this point doesn't mean all that much) Why not reject when I go for a kiss, or move away when I go for a cuddle? Only thing I'm annoyed about is her lack of initiating. Otherwise all the other signs are there to be honest. You could say I should stop worrying then if all her other actions are giving signs of interest, but communication is a biggie for me so her lack of initiating bothers me moreso than other things. Never ask a woman anything when it comes to affection. Just go for it. She may very well be one of those passive women that feel she shouldn't have to do anything because a real man does it for her. I actually can't stand women like this. Normal women, once you start something catch up to you. These types of women, you have to practically undress them, pull it out & put her hand on it before she starts to show some life.
smackie9 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 All the rules do is confuse guys and keeps them on the fence......sad. 3
thecrucible Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Never ask a woman anything when it comes to affection. Just go for it. This is so true. It turns me off when a guy asks to kiss me. I expect him to just know that I am waiting to be kissed. However OP's lady could work on giving him a few hints so he has something to go with. I agree on the rules on how they make men bail. And yes I have actually learned the hard way that the rules don't work and only attract the wrong kind of guys - the unavailable ones, the ones who don't like you and only want a challenge and that sort of thing. 1
Author Xiomn Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 Maybe she's following the advice written in "The Rules" (book written for women advising how to successfully date on-line). There is another thread up and running discussing this book entitled appropriately enough "The Rules,"....perhaps you should check it out, it might shed some light on her behavior. By the way, re her behavior, is all your confusion and wondering increasing your interest level or is it turning you off? I am guessing her elusive behavior intrigues you and increases your interest, otherwise you would not be wasting time/energy creating this thread seeking answers. You would have just said "screw it," not called her anymore and moved on to the next. Her lack of initiating annoys me and turns me off, I wouldn't mind as its only been 3 weeks but it's taking into account the amount of dates, the amount of times we have also slept together, had sleepovers and hanger out talked to each other getting to know one another more so than any normal dating couple would have done by this point that confuses me as to why she doesn't feel comfortable enough with me yet to initiate stuff but like another poster said maybe I should just give her time and give it another 2 weeks or so to let her open up.
Author Xiomn Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) Never ask a woman anything when it comes to affection. Just go for it. She may very well be one of those passive women that feel she shouldn't have to do anything because a real man does it for her. I actually can't stand women like this. Normal women, once you start something catch up to you. These types of women, you have to practically undress them, pull it out & put her hand on it before she starts to show some life. Really, just go for it? I don't know doesn't that seem forceful and putting too much pressure on the other person, it just seems like such an unnatural thing to do (in my opinion). When I asked if I could kiss her at the end of our second date she said yes and didn't seem to mind or anything. I don't ask her every time, just when I'm going to do something for the first time. I'm going on a date with her on Thursday, picking her up from her place then walking down to the place we'll be having dinner as it's nearby and we live close to each other, I was going to ask like "may I hold your hand" since being straight forward with asking has worked before and just grabbing her hand just feels like a big nope. Besides, when I initiated sex for the first time I asked if I could take her top off but she said she wanted to keep it on, if I had tried to get her top off without asking she probably would have felt even more uncomfortable than would of had I asked. Edited October 13, 2015 by Xiomn
Maxtor Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) Why continue to agree to hanging out and dates? Why not say no when I asked if I could kiss her on second date? Why say I'm not coming off too strong when I asked her if I was when making sexual advances on her? Why constantly ask if I'm hungry when I'm over at her place (sounds like she cares for me, but maybe this point doesn't mean all that much) Why not reject when I go for a kiss, or move away when I go for a cuddle? Only thing I'm annoyed about is her lack of initiating. Otherwise all the other signs are there to be honest. You could say I should stop worrying then if all her other actions are giving signs of interest, but communication is a biggie for me so her lack of initiating bothers me moreso than other things. Brah, I dont know, Im not her. But to me, lack of initiation shows that she is not that interested and she is not scared of losing you. She may like you but maybe she has other options. Edited October 13, 2015 by Maxtor
J21 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) Your guts are usually correct and actions def speaks louder than words. Don't think she's that much into you you man. She takes long to respond because she's hoping something/someone more fun comes along--When it doesn't then she meets with you. Just end this nonsense. What's the point of a one sided relationship Edited October 13, 2015 by J21 1
Author Xiomn Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) Your guts are usually correct and actions def speaks louder than words. Don't think she's that much into you you man. She takes long to respond because she's hoping something/someone more fun comes along--When it doesn't then she meets with you. Just end this nonsense. What's the point of a one sided relationship Well already set up a date for Thursday and was planning on asking her straight something like "We've been dating for a few weeks now and I'd just like to say I'm enjoying spending time with you, I really like you and was just wondering whether or not you felt the same way?" Might even throw in a "because I'm finding it hard to read you at the moment" because that's honestly how I'm feeling right now. It'll be our 6th date so seems fair, should of done it sooner to be honest. Going to give her benefit of the doubt in that she may be shy having never been in a proper relationship before.. give her the opportunity to tell me how she is feeling. Edited October 13, 2015 by Xiomn
Lansing Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 You mentioned already in one of your other threads that you were insecure... if I recall correctly. I don't think you should be all like "I really like you" type thing. Maybe you can say she is hard to read but I still think this is coming back to your own insecurities. You could say that you like when people initiate things/etc and tell her what you like and see if she changes her ways but she sounds like she is just going with the flow at this point. Don't rock the boat too much. 1
Author Xiomn Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 You mentioned already in one of your other threads that you were insecure... if I recall correctly. I don't think you should be all like "I really like you" type thing. Maybe you can say she is hard to read but I still think this is coming back to your own insecurities. You could say that you like when people initiate things/etc and tell her what you like and see if she changes her ways but she sounds like she is just going with the flow at this point. Don't rock the boat too much. Just thought it would be a nice addition to verbally state my interest in her since I haven't said it yet (despite actions obviously taking precedence.) To be honest I'd really like for her to verbally requite that interest verbally also. Actions speak louder than words but words can't hurt every once in a while, you know?
fitnessfan365 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Gotta be honest OP. You sound impatient and a bit needy. It'd be one thing if you'd been seeing this girl for months and things were one sided. However, you've been seeing her for three weeks. You need to relax and actually give her time to become invested in you. After she develops trust and lets her guard down to be vulnerable, she'll probably feel more comfortable to initiate things. For right now, slow your roll a bit and just take it one date at a time taking the lead. 3
Author Xiomn Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 Gotta be honest OP. You sound impatient and a bit needy. It'd be one thing if you'd been seeing this girl for months and things were one sided. However, you've been seeing her for three weeks. You need to relax and actually give her time to become invested in you. After she develops trust and lets her guard down to be vulnerable, she'll probably feel more comfortable to initiate things. For right now, slow your roll a bit and just take it one date at a time taking the lead. I dunno, maybe she likes moving fast. I don't want her to think I'm using her as a booty call, you know since I've had sex 3 times in 3 weeks with her and not even discussed exclusivity or anything as such, numerous sleepovers and full days hanging out together with numerous dates on top of that all getting to know one another. How many people can say they've moved that fast in the space of 3 weeks. I see your point though maybe it is too fast, as I've acknowledged in previous replies on this thread that I should probably give her another 2 weeks or so to open up to me.
kendahke Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I dunno, maybe she likes moving fast. then you need to slow your roll. You're starting to go off the rails. I don't want her to think I'm using her as a booty call, you know since I've had sex 3 times in 3 weeks with her and not even discussed exclusivity or anything as such, numerous sleepovers and full days hanging out together with numerous dates on top of that all getting to know one another. How many people can say they've moved that fast in the space of 3 weeks. If you haven't had any discussion and instead went full bore with the smashing, then yeah, she may come away with you're just in it for the booty and that's it, so why initiate? You'll be back around for another dose. She can afford to wait you out. I see your point though maybe it is too fast, as I've acknowledged in previous replies on this thread that I should probably give her another 2 weeks or so to open up to me. It's about time you spoke up for what it is you're looking for in a relationship with her and ask her if it's the same thing. If you're looking like you're only sniffing around for the booty, then it's no wonder she's not initiating because she doesn't know where your mind is in this. Own your voice, speak up for what you want. That is the only way to start heading in the direction you say you want to go. 2
pcs13 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 **** I think I can relate to this. I rarely initiate texts with the guy I'm seeing although it has been nearly 3 months already. We don't text a lot but we do a little bit everyday and it has been 2 days I haven't received anything from him. I'm wondering if he is turned off by the lack of texting from my side? I do really like him and I'm always happy to hear from him but if he doesn't text I would think he needs space and honestly I feel like we are not compatible when it comes to texting. There is not much to reply in most of his texts really and sometimes I'm just lazy. I use my phone all the time, I text my girl friends everyday but I just don't feel the need to text him because I know I'll see him in person and we'll have more things to talk about. Maybe your girl is just like me :-/
Author Xiomn Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 then you need to slow your roll. You're starting to go off the rails. If you haven't had any discussion and instead went full bore with the smashing, then yeah, she may come away with you're just in it for the booty and that's it, so why initiate? You'll be back around for another dose. She can afford to wait you out. It's about time you spoke up for what it is you're looking for in a relationship with her and ask her if it's the same thing. If you're looking like you're only sniffing around for the booty, then it's no wonder she's not initiating because she doesn't know where your mind is in this. Own your voice, speak up for what you want. That is the only way to start heading in the direction you say you want to go. Will ask her on our date on Thursday and express what I'm wanting. Will give her a few more weeks to open up to initiating.
J21 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I think you already know what is obvious--Just don't want to accept it because either of the sex or whatever. This is a no win situation, if you bring up that she doesn't initiate contact--whenever she starts initiating contact going forward, she will be doing so out of obligation (or because you asked) rather than something she does naturally. 3
Author Xiomn Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 I think you already know what is obvious--Just don't want to accept it because either of the sex or whatever. This is a no win situation, if you bring up that she doesn't initiate contact--whenever she starts initiating contact going forward, she will be doing so out of obligation (or because you asked) rather than something she does naturally. True and good point actually that thought skipped me. Like I keep saying I'll give her another 2 weeks or so to see if she starts initiating naturally on her own initiative. Also I meant to say in my previous message that I'll tell her what I'm wanting in terms of that I'm looking for a proper relationship and not just a casual thing.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I dunno, maybe she likes moving fast. I don't want her to think I'm using her as a booty call, you know since I've had sex 3 times in 3 weeks with her and not even discussed exclusivity or anything as such, numerous sleepovers and full days hanging out together with numerous dates on top of that all getting to know one another. How many people can say they've moved that fast in the space of 3 weeks. I see your point though maybe it is too fast, as I've acknowledged in previous replies on this thread that I should probably give her another 2 weeks or so to open up to me. You still don't get it man. I'm not saying that having sex this soon or how often you're seeing her is moving too fast. What I'm saying is that you're expecting too much of her at this point. Since it's only been three weeks, she hasn't known you long enough to let her guard down to get invested and want to initiate more. Even now, you're still saying "I'll give it a few more weeks" which is STILL expecting too much too soon. So for now don't worry about how often she initiates anything. Just plan one date at a time and have each date end in the bedroom keeping it simple. If she's still distant and it's one sided after three months or so, then you can start to question. But not after three weeks IMO. 2
losangelena Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Ding, ding, ding! This is what I have been saying all along. Having sex and these marathon hangout sessions may feel "intimate," but your time of knowing each other has not been long enough for her to have let her guard down. That sounds counterintuitive, but that's what's happening here. 1
J21 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) You still don't get it man. I'm not saying that having sex this soon or how often you're seeing her is moving too fast. What I'm saying is that you're expecting too much of her at this point. Since it's only been three weeks, she hasn't known you long enough to let her guard down to get invested and want to initiate more. Even now, you're still saying "I'll give it a few more weeks" which is STILL expecting too much too soon. So for now don't worry about how often she initiates anything. Just plan one date at a time and have each date end in the bedroom keeping it simple. If she's still distant and it's one sided after three months or so, then you can start to question. But not after three weeks IMO. Dude, gimme a break man. Someone doesn't need to let their guard down to initiate a simple text, something like "hey, how was your day?". It's called being interested. (or not interested in the OP's case) If someone needs COMPLETE and utter vulnerability to just start initiate texting, that's some BS you're feeding OP. Edited October 13, 2015 by J21 1
fitnessfan365 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Dude, gimme a break man. Someone doesn't need to let their guard down to initiate a simple text, something like "hey, how was your day?". It's called being interested. If someone needs COMPLETE and utter vulnerability to just start initiate texting, that's some BS you're feeding OP. Not really. I mean think about it. If women are constantly pursued and used for sex, what's one defense mechanism they can use to feel a guy out? Seeing how persistent he is w/contacting, planning, etc.. Now in the grand scheme of things, three weeks is NOT a long time. In fact, they just started sleeping together. So I think it makes perfect sense on why she'd still be a bit distant and feeling the OP out. Now as I said before, if it had been months and she was still acting distant and one sided, that's a completely different story. But it hasn't been long enough yet to determine where she stands IMO. I mean the fact that she's having sex with him and keeping dates is enough to show initial interest IMO. But the OP is letting insecurity get the better of him. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Women LIVE on their phones. When the texting goes, the love is dying. I hate that it's so simple. But it is. If she takes forever to respond = she is not into you. In 100% of cases. When my ex started taking forever to respond, I instinctively knew it was over. She was cheating on me and/or being shady. I was right. The gut is always right. This one is over, OP. Time to accept it, and leave her to her lazy ways.
J21 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Not really. I mean think about it. If women are constantly pursued and used for sex, what's one defense mechanism they can use to feel a guy out? Seeing how persistent he is w/contacting, planning, etc.. Now in the grand scheme of things, three weeks is NOT a long time. In fact, they just started sleeping together. So I think it makes perfect sense on why she'd still be a bit distant and feeling the OP out. Now as I said before, if it had been months and she was still acting distant and one sided, that's a completely different story. But it hasn't been long enough yet to determine where she stands IMO. I mean the fact that she's having sex with him and keeping dates is enough to show initial interest IMO. But the OP is letting insecurity get the better of him. Let's see how this plays out and who was right.
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