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Is it normal for the guy to stop picking up the tabs after four or five dates?

ktragers

By ktragers
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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
Each to their own but I'm less likely to carry on treating my woman if she's not at least offering to pay.

 

I got my boyfriend the latest smart phone. Becauze I knew he would go nuts and absolutely love it. And he never treats himself so it made him feel like a million dollars.

 

He pays when we go on dates or order pizza. But he also knows thaf I don't expect FREQUENT dates. Dates cost money and I told him from date one that I was into HIM and not his wallet, and that I aas just as happy to chill at home eating cheap home made hot dogs than I aas to go on fancy dates....

 

Yes some girls like me need a guy who is fundamentally generous and PREFERS to pay for sates. That doesn't mean we don't GIVE BACK as mucb as we get

 

I prefer traditional men who prefer to pay for dates; I also just love spoiling my boyfriend with surprise gifts and gestures of kindess.........

  • Like 2
python23 Established Member

python23

Posted
Posted
I got my boyfriend the latest smart phone. Becauze I knew he would go nuts and absolutely love it. And he never treats himself so it made him feel like a million dollars.

 

He pays when we go on dates or order pizza. But he also knows thaf I don't expect FREQUENT dates. Dates cost money and I told him from date one that I was into HIM and not his wallet, and that I aas just as happy to chill at home eating cheap home made hot dogs than I aas to go on fancy dates....

 

Yes some girls like me need a guy who is fundamentally generous and PREFERS to pay for sates. That doesn't mean we don't GIVE BACK as mucb as we get

 

I prefer traditional men who prefer to pay for dates; I also just love spoiling my boyfriend with surprise gifts and gestures of kindess.........

 

That's great. I'm talking about the girls who are only after a few free nights out. Lads want girls like you.

JasmineJones Established Member

JasmineJones

Posted
Posted

My guy really doesn't like me to pay. I offer. But he likes to be the one paying, making the restaurant reservations etc. He's not rich (he's also not poor). He was just raised right and behaves like a gentleman. He makes me feel appreciated and loved and cared for. He is in his 40s which is probably part of why he has such beautiful manners. A lot of people in their 20s through to early 30s have the manners of a rabid dog.

 

I'm totally with Stocks on this issue....

  • Like 1
python23 Established Member

python23

Posted
Posted
My guy really doesn't like me to pay. I offer. But he likes to be the one paying, making the restaurant reservations etc. He's not rich (he's also not poor). He was just raised right and behaves like a gentleman. He makes me feel appreciated and loved and cared for. He is in his 40s which is probably part of why he has such beautiful manners. A lot of people in their 20s through to early 30s have the manners of a rabid dog.

 

I'm totally with Stocks on this issue....

 

Unfortunately there's a lot of women out there that abuse this gentleman like behaviour and take guys for mugs. I much prefer to see willing on her part to part way with at least a little bit of cash before I decide if she's worth treating.

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted (edited)
My guy really doesn't like me to pay. I offer. But he likes to be the one paying, making the restaurant reservations etc. He's not rich (he's also not poor). He was just raised right and behaves like a gentleman. He makes me feel appreciated and loved and cared for. He is in his 40s which is probably part of why he has such beautiful manners. A lot of people in their 20s through to early 30s have the manners of a rabid dog.

 

I'm totally with Stocks on this issue....

 

Age has nothing to do with manners.

 

Paying has nothing to do with being a gentleman...

 

I suppose it is cheaper than hiring a hooker though... Not sure why a man paying makes any woman feel loved and cared for. It isn't hard at all to be a wallet. Takes no effort at all. Despite the guys crabbing here. I always thought a man paying was an easy way out of doing something genuinely thoughtful and creative.

 

Nope. Money doesn't impress me one bit. Now, how he spends his time? That is what I find interesting.

 

Anyway, I question the goals of someone whose username includes a reference to money. Are we building an army of SBs here or something?

Edited by RedRobin
  • Like 1
JasmineJones Established Member

JasmineJones

Posted
Posted
Age has nothing to do with manners.

 

Paying has nothing to do with being a gentleman...

 

I suppose it is cheaper than hiring a hooker though... Not sure why a man paying makes any woman feel loved and cared for. It isn't hard at all to be a wallet. Takes no effort at all. Despite the guys crabbing here. I always thought a man paying was an easy way out of doing something genuinely thoughtful and creative.

 

Nope. Money doesn't impress me one bit. Now, how he spends his time? That is what I find interesting.

 

It's not about the money. It's about the fact he is clearly trying to do something nice and make me feel taken care of. Of course you could get a douchebag who just has lots of cash and uses it to try to get laid. Absolutely not the case in my situation though.

 

As for women abusing this....hmmm... I guess it's possible. But you know what, I've eaten in dozens or hundreds of amazing restaurants at my own expense over the years. I don't need a man to take me out to restaurants. I'm at least as happy to be at home cooking my own home cooked meals. I have a job and I can afford to buy delicious food. All this to say I don't NEED a man to take me out to restaurants and pay. But if he likes to do so and I enjoy his company then I've certainly nothing against it.

 

I even have older male friends or colleagues who tend to insist on picking up the tab if they are out for drinks or dinner with a female friend or several women. It's just the way they are raised and they are clearly trying to be chivalrous. The kind gesture is appreciated.

  • Like 1
JasmineJones Established Member

JasmineJones

Posted
Posted

But for those guys who are cheap, broke or for whatever reason resent the idea of picking up the tab....the solution is simple. Just date women who will pay for you or pay for themselves. Or take your girl to Burger King and buy her a budget meal in there if you can afford it. There's no need to bash those women whose men enjoy treating them. Each to their own.

  • Like 1
RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted

yes, those guys who want to sort out the riff raff from the women genuinely interested in getting to know them...

 

Find something inexpensive or free that leans towards your mutual interests while you are getting to know each other. There are plenty of fun things to do that don't cost a lot and show a whole lot more creativity than throwing wads of cash at a woman.

 

If the only thing your date enjoys are expensive outings at your expense, then well, you know what her interests are. $$$$$$$

Celeste.Carol Established Member

Celeste.Carol

Posted
Posted

It could be a generational issue or a conservative vs. liberal. Would libs be extremely pro feminism and expect the woman to pay for all? These are all good questions.

  • Like 1
RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted (edited)
It's not about the money. It's about the fact he is clearly trying to do something nice and make me feel taken care of. Of course you could get a douchebag who just has lots of cash and uses it to try to get laid. Absolutely not the case in my situation though.

 

As for women abusing this....hmmm... I guess it's possible. But you know what, I've eaten in dozens or hundreds of amazing restaurants at my own expense over the years. I don't need a man to take me out to restaurants. I'm at least as happy to be at home cooking my own home cooked meals. I have a job and I can afford to buy delicious food. All this to say I don't NEED a man to take me out to restaurants and pay. But if he likes to do so and I enjoy his company then I've certainly nothing against it.

 

I even have older male friends or colleagues who tend to insist on picking up the tab if they are out for drinks or dinner with a female friend or several women. It's just the way they are raised and they are clearly trying to be chivalrous. The kind gesture is appreciated.

 

By your own logic, it would be nice if you paid too. I have my own money. That is why I offer to pay. Because it is fair. That is also why I know that my time is more important and money isn't. Men know this. They substitute their time for money. The more money they have, the less time they spend... On you. Funny how that works.

 

But hey, if using your gender is the only way you think you can get things you don't want to or can't buy for yourself, well... Lots are and do. I always saw it as rather cheap myself. Letting guys pay for me all the time. Cheap as in, bought.

 

Edited: paying my share has everything to do with basic fairness. Nothing to do with feminism. In fact I'd say I value men more than women who are traditional about this, because I don't view men as cash cows.

Edited by RedRobin
  • Like 2
salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted (edited)
I second this. I am a woman too. It's those kind of attitudes...

 

 

I just want to say how much I appreciate the progressive ladies chiming in on this... it's not nearly so much about money (the $ are symbolic) as about reciprocity, true equality, and abolishing some attitudes that constitute archaic gender stereotypes.

 

When you start seeing each other as fully-functional, reciprocal human beings first... not a sexual target, or caretaker as the case may be... the energy changes in subtle but wonderful ways that encourage deeper connection and appreciation. And when both partners are attuned it actually enhances the sexuality aspects... it's hard to describe, but it's an energy flow kind of thing that seems to move past so much of the old push-pull, rigid expectations, etc.

 

I know not everyone will see it the same way, but to me it represents a kind of enlightenment that facilitates greater expression... appreciation, acceptance, affection, attention and allowing (Richo, the five A's).

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Quote from banned member redacted
  • Like 6
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
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It's expensive to go out all the time. And, you're dating each other it should be somewhat reciprocal at least. Most guys seem to want to pay all the time, but do appreciate it when a woman wants to contribute to the dating scenario. Why not? And, if he wants to pay for going out often, the woman can cook him a home cooked meal occasionally when they've been seeing each other for a while.

  • Like 1
JasmineJones Established Member

JasmineJones

Posted
Posted

RedRobin you're so high on your high horse of outrage that you are not even reading my posts properly. I have clearly stated that I offer to pay frequently. He refuses to accept. He enjoys treating me. I have no problems with paying my way but I also have no problems with being receptive and appreciating my man's generosity and chivalry.

 

By your own logic, it would be nice if you paid too. I have my own money. That is why I offer to pay. Because it is fair. That is also why I know that my time is more important and money isn't. Men know this. They substitute their time for money. The more money they have, the less time they spend... On you. Funny how that works.

 

But hey, if using your gender is the only way you think you can get things you don't want to or can't buy for yourself, well... Lots are and do. I always saw it as rather cheap myself. Letting guys pay for me all the time. Cheap as in, bought.

 

Edited: paying my share has everything to do with basic fairness. Nothing to do with feminism. In fact I'd say I value men more than women who are traditional about this, because I don't view men as cash cows.

  • Like 1
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
As an older member on this site I may be a bit old fashioned but I still think that a man should pay. With that being said I am not opposed to a woman I have been seeing to plan and ask me out (and pay as well) once in a while after dating for a period of time. I know many of you will think that's sexist but that's just the way I was raised.

 

 

OP, you do not want to pay then do not offer to pay.

 

 

Class and good manners are timeless.

  • Like 1
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted (edited)
Python ...I offer. If a man refuses I take that as a gesture he is a gentleman. I respond in kind ...home cooked meal (I'm quite the chef) or tickets to concert gift etc etc. A date is not a business deal.

 

 

I have do not want [women] paying for our dates, if I was single. Though would appreciate her making me some homemade meals.

 

 

To me that is her showing me that she is interested in me and wants to be considered wife material.

 

 

A lot more effort for to cook a meal at home then offer to pay for half when on a date.

 

 

Actions speak louder then words.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
LilaMarie Established Member

LilaMarie

Posted
Posted

Unless we're exclusive I'm not offering to pay (but I am not one of those women that just date men for free food, etc.). I wouldn't use a guy, it's just not me. I insist on cheap dates at the beginning but guys refuse (I've asked to get taken to the dollar movies).

road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
Why should he have to pay for everything, and I just show up looking pretty?

 

Because that is why we are dating you.

 

 

He works hard

 

 

And the reward of working hard is being able to take a woman out on a date.

 

 

So women better work hard at looking good so men get their monies worth. :laugh:

clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted

I think if the man has paid for everything the first three dates, the woman should offer to pay on the fourth date. And not splitting the bill -- actually treating the guy. I actually think it's kind of tacky that you merely offered to split the bill. Many men will refuse the offer, anyway. But I think women should be contributing of offering to contribute something by date 4, even if it's just paying for drinks after dinner, taxi fare, snacks at the movies, etc.

  • Like 3
xUnknown Established Member

xUnknown

Posted
Posted
Unless we're exclusive I'm not offering to pay (but I am not one of those women that just date men for free food, etc.). I wouldn't use a guy, it's just not me. I insist on cheap dates at the beginning but guys refuse (I've asked to get taken to the dollar movies).

 

Theses two seem to contradict... You SHOULD be at least offering. What you're doing is expecting him to pay....guys pick up on this and kick you to the curb.

cessna Established Member

cessna

Posted
Posted
Like I asked ...is this the misogynist thread?

 

Did you contribute to the manicure pedicure nice clothes hair blah blah blah ...believe me ...I'd be presenting you with a bill at the end of the night ...you'd be surprised at the amount.

 

2 words ...man up

 

If a guy goes on 8 dates and doesn't know if a woman is seriously into him as opposed to taking him for a ride ...you probably need to be on the reality check forum

 

So using your logic if I turned up to a date wearing a £1000 Gucci suit the woman should have to foot the bill?

 

Never read such nonsense in all my life.

 

I couldn't give a ****e about the state of a womans hands/nails. If she chooses to splash out money on a manicure that's her decision, she shouldn't expect to not pay her fair share of a date, though.

  • Like 2
LilaMarie Established Member

LilaMarie

Posted
Posted
Theses two seem to contradict... You SHOULD be at least offering. What you're doing is expecting him to pay....guys pick up on this and kick you to the curb.

 

And you are? A dating coach? I didn't come for advice.

  • Like 1
insert_name Established Member

insert_name

Posted
Posted

Funny how the women who believe in chivalry and old fashioned gender stereotypes then take exception to being told their place is in the kitchen.

 

The whole who pays debate boils down to the notion that turkeys don't vote for Christmas.

  • Like 1
GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

Posted
Posted

Most women make as much or more than men these days... I don't think an expectation that the man should pay for every date for the whole dating period is fair anymore.

 

Dates are extremely expensive, restaurants are ridiculous now, I make good money but 2 dinner dates a week is still probably close to 1/4 of my take home salary for the week.

cessna Established Member

cessna

Posted
Posted
Funny how the women who believe in chivalry and old fashioned gender stereotypes then take exception to being told their place is in the kitchen.

 

The whole who pays debate boils down to the notion that turkeys don't vote for Christmas.

 

That's because modern feminism is such a glaring double standard.

  • Like 1
pcs13 Established Member

pcs13

Posted
Posted

The guy I'm seeing only paid for the first date and after that he always let me pay half. Is it normal? In my culture men are always the one to pay now that I'm dating a Western man I know it would be different and I don't want him to think I'm with him just for his money. But he makes a lot of money and I'm still a student, it would be nice if sometimes he can pick up the bill and pay for all once in a while but it never happened. I always offer paying half or if he buys me something when i dont have money on me i will buy him something else next time. I told him I don't have much money and suggested doing something cheap instead of going to restaurants..

  • Like 1
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