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Is getting over douchebags harder than getting over the nice guys?


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Posted

I mean this douchebag player socio really played a number on my head. One poster wrote it takes some time to get over being intimate with a cluster f...I mean cluster B person. We have been completely NC almost 3 days, but I feel I miss the intensity ( he of all people said I was the intense one) and the highs, although I do not miss the lows. they are very low. Awful behavior, ended up being awful behavior both of us. I also feel how could such a messed up person not break and contact me.

 

 

I know these feeling and questions must be some sort of decompression process.

:sick:

Posted

I don't know Carol. Why don't you post this in one of your many other existing threads?

 

Men are a**holes. We get it.

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Posted (edited)
I don't know Carol. Why don't you post this in one of your many other existing threads?

 

Men are a**holes. We get it.

 

 

I think you did not read the post. it was not about men, it was about one experience. But thank you for your insight.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Posted

IMO, it depends on how the emotional memories are imprinted. Generally, people encountered who don't stir us emotionally more easily slip into the nether and are forgotten. That stirring could come from either positive or negative emotions and is specific to how we assign importance to those emotions and the memories attached to them. Hence, a person who is substantially moved by 'nice' and assigns strong emotions to it will have stronger memories of it than if they don't. Same with negative behaviors. We each develop a unique way of processing stuff, and attachment style and, to some degree, have control over how we process stuff that shoots out the other end, like 'getting over' someone.

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Posted

Let me guess.... totally selfish, just telling you what he thinks you want to hear etc etc

 

It is a trick of nature that the female is attracted to the male peacock with the brightest tale feathers and smartest moves. But from the male peacocks side of things, its all just a show, not real.

 

When you realize this, it should be easier to forget what is fake.

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Posted
IMO, it depends on how the emotional memories are imprinted. Generally, people encountered who don't stir us emotionally more easily slip into the nether and are forgotten. That stirring could come from either positive or negative emotions and is specific to how we assign importance to those emotions and the memories attached to them. Hence, a person who is substantially moved by 'nice' and assigns strong emotions to it will have stronger memories of it than if they don't. Same with negative behaviors. We each develop a unique way of processing stuff, and attachment style and, to some degree, have control over how we process stuff that shoots out the other end, like 'getting over' someone.

 

This makes complete sense. I believe my confusion is why am I placing such imprint and importance on such a negative experience. I have yet to figure this out.

Posted

IMO, if you feel stuck, a psychological professional can provide some tools to work out the processes to where they just flow. I learned the stuff I now use in MC back when I was married. Perfect? Nope! That's part of the milieu of being human. Things don't go perfectly all of the time and, yup, sometimes we get stuck on people who treat us poorly. Hard to boil down a bunch of behavioral sciences stuff into a few sentences. Heh.

 

One tool I learned was acceptance. Things go wrong and badly sometimes. That's OK. Accept that moment and move on. There are billions of moments in a lifetime and our choices are relatively unlimited. We choose to limit ourselves.

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Posted
I mean this douchebag player socio really played a number on my head. One poster wrote it takes some time to get over being intimate with a cluster f...I mean cluster B person. We have been completely NC almost 3 days, but I feel I miss the intensity ( he of all people said I was the intense one) and the highs, although I do not miss the lows. they are very low. Awful behavior, ended up being awful behavior both of us. I also feel how could such a messed up person not break and contact me.

 

 

I know these feeling and questions must be some sort of decompression process.

:sick:

 

 

CC, you are going through withdrawal, like a drug!

 

 

This DB was your "drug" of choice.

 

 

It will take time, but you HAVE to go cold turkey to kick the addiction!

 

 

Stay NO CONTACT, NO sending him texts by mistake or otherwise, okay???

 

 

A RL with this type is akin to playing the slots in Vegas. You NEVER know when you're gonna get the "the good stuff"!!

 

 

So you keep playing and when the good stuff comes (he is attentive, loving, etc) it's such high, just like when you win the slots in Vegas.

 

 

Then he pulls back and it's like you just lost all your money!! And you crash.

 

 

But you MUST keep playing to get more the good stuff....cuz when you do, it's just soooooo awesome!

 

 

It's a never-ending cycle of highs and lows....it will drain you, and may eventually destroy you!

 

Cold turkey, it's the only way CC.

Make sense?

Posted

Could be since nice guys don't want to hurt you and might even attempt being your friend for a while. *******s are just going to treat you worse and try to hurt you.

Posted
I mean this douchebag player socio really played a number on my head. One poster wrote it takes some time to get over being intimate with a cluster f...I mean cluster B person. We have been completely NC almost 3 days, but I feel I miss the intensity ( he of all people said I was the intense one) and the highs, although I do not miss the lows. they are very low. Awful behavior, ended up being awful behavior both of us. I also feel how could such a messed up person not break and contact me.

 

 

I know these feeling and questions must be some sort of decompression process.

:sick:

 

I don't believe girls ever get over douchebags. My girlfriend of three years just left me for her douchebag ex.

Posted

Psychotherapy is a good thing...

Posted

If you are more into douchebags than nice guys, it'll naturally be harder to get over the former than the latter.

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