whtelightn Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 The pain will not go away. I have been feeling that I should I not be on this earth anymore. I have the triple effect which is job, financial and ex who I work with. I hate my job which is a commisison job(yes I am looking but again it is a waiting game for companies), my financial is very low( just trying to survive) and my ex who I work with( she is so confused it is sad and probably manic depressive). My ex we were dating for 6 months and now have been broken up for 11 months. She broke it off for no reason but sad excuses of she has issues, does not know how to grow, feeling pressure from her parents( still lives at home age 29) and stating I am always around. I started NC for 3 months and she broke it in November and she always find a way to talk to me. She even asked me to go with her to help her with her computer exchange and after that she stated that she will take me car shopping and house shopping). She even invited me to lunch 2 weeks before her birthday in April and I invited her also and she accepted. Well then she was acting strange after that and because our company everybody trys to get into everybody business and they must have asked her and she panicked. I sent her a bday card and she returned it but before that I sent her a letter in telling her how I feel but she read it and then returned it. I called her on it and she snapped at me and stating that I WAS BOTHERING HER. What sending a bday card. I started NC and after a week she acted like nothing was wrong and came up and talked to me about her dads case and all smiling. So 3 weeks later she made another attempt in talking to me smiling and happy. To me the silence is getting to her and she is hating it. She also knows that my time is limited there at the job and will be leaving. ONce I leave everybody says she will seek me out in which I believe. Right now life sucks and I hate it. I keep crying and just want to end it all. What more can be done of life, job and financial. My credit is shot. I guess I am just venting.
lindya Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 I guess I am just venting. It sounds as if you need to. Part of me wants to tell you to stay right away from your ex as you seem to have enough in the way of trouble in your life. On the other hand a) it's easier said than done, given that you work with her - and b) it could be that in some way focusing on the situation with her is easier than thinking about financial/work difficulties. Does your ex know about your financial difficulties? Does she swither between trying to be supportive towards you, and behaving in a rejecting manner? People will often behave in that way towards friends who are experiencing difficulties and need someone to lean on. It's that human thing of wanting to help, but being afraid of the vulnerable person becoming emotionally dependent on you. Then again, I don't know the full situation - so I'm really just guessing. I feel like I keep asking people this lately, but does your work participate in an employee counselling scheme? Loveshack is fine for general advice, venting and chat - but you're suggesting in your post that recently you've been having suicide ideation, and that's something you need to talk to a professional about. It's not abnormal to feel like that when you're feeling down, and it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you - but it most certainly does mean that you need to talk to AT LEAST your doctor (and, preferably, a counsellor) to find ways of driving away some of these despairing feelings. Focus on being good to yourself, identifying the things that are presently causing you stress and eliminating as many of them from your life as possible. That might mean cutting down all contact with your ex to the minimum necessary. I appreciate what you're saying about working on a commission basis, but if you needed to take a little bit of time off work would you be able to claim some sort of sickness benefit? Might it be worth visiting a debt counsellor to find out whether there are additional things you could be doing to sort out your finances? I hope things start getting better for you soon.
Author whtelightn Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 It sounds as if you need to. Part of me wants to tell you to stay right away from your ex as you seem to have enough in the way of trouble in your life. On the other hand a) it's easier said than done, given that you work with her - and b) it could be that in some way focusing on the situation with her is easier than thinking about financial/work difficulties No, my ex does not know about my finanical trouble. We are not talking. Of course she finds a way to contact me. I mean it was just a couple days ago when she made an attempt and when she returned the bday card it was a week later and then it was 3 weeks when she made the contact me couple days ago. Again it is a waiting game for companies and I am even applying jobs that I hate. Again it is a waiting game. I am also waiting for unemployment to make the decision and it will take 10 days since I filed last week. It hurts when you are hurting for money. I am trying to keep a level head but it is so hard when the last resort is to leave. Sometimes it comes and goes an either when It does come just want to take the pain away or sit by a lake and just drown since I cannot swim. I am sure some of my friends will understand or try to understand in a note and explaning the reason why. Again thanks for understanding. What other options are there?
lindya Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 What other options are there? Well, another option is to recognise that you've hit a low point in your life. One that you are more capable of recovering from than you might be able to see right now. You might feel that the people who care about you would understand if you took your own life, but I'm afraid they wouldn't. Losing a loved one to suicide leaves guilt, pain and emptiness that no other sort of loss compares to - and there's not a leaving note in the world that is capable of altering that. Which probably doesn't make you feel any better. In fact, hearing about the effect your decision to take your own life would have on other people might well make you feel more trapped than ever (ie "Fantastic, so you're taking even THAT final option away from me?"). Some people turn to religion. I don't personally advocate that, because there are some religious people who take a very harsh and judgemental approach towards those who have suicide ideation - which isn't particularly helpful. Still, I suppose that any sort of lifeboat is preferable to none in this sort of situation. I think DEFINITELY make an appointment with your doctor - and don't delay. Do you have the Samaritans in the US? I think you might benefit from calling a helpline and talking this through with someone. It sounds as if you feel completely out of control of your life just now. That can change, but to make those initial steps to regaining control you may well need some specialised help. There are millions of people out there who have felt what you are going through. I don't want to do the "remember all the starving kids in Africa" thing on you, but a lot of human beings go through all sorts of crap on this planet, and it's worth remembering that people who've been through financial ruin, loss of all their closest family members and all sorts of other catastrophes somehow hang onto the will to survive. They do it, and you can do it - even if it doesn't feel like that right now. Focus for now on surviving. When you're ready to start making necessary improvements to your life, you will. In ways that probably don't seem possible right now - mainly because you need some help to get to that point. That's why again, and I can't emphasise this strongly enough, make an appointment with your doctor, and while you're there ask if he or she can organise some counselling for you.
Author whtelightn Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by lindya Well, another option is to recognise that you've hit a low point in your life. One that you are more capable of recovering from than you might be able to see right now. You might feel that the people who care about you would understand if you took your own life, but I'm afraid they wouldn't. Losing a loved one to suicide leaves guilt, pain and emptiness that no other sort of loss compares to - and there's not a leaving note in the world that is capable of altering that. Which probably doesn't make you feel any better. In fact, hearing about the effect your decision to take your own life would have on other people might well make you feel more trapped than ever (ie "Fantastic, so you're taking even THAT final option away from me?"). I still think that they would be understanding on what I did. Right now it has gotten so bad and I am more thinking about now. Most people don;t understand the financial thing and they all say at least you have your health yes but how else are you going to survive. Some people turn to religion. I don't personally advocate that, because there are some religious people who take a very harsh and judgemental approach towards those who have suicide ideation - which isn't particularly helpful. Still, I suppose that any sort of lifeboat is preferable to none in this sort of situation. I think DEFINITELY make an appointment with your doctor - and don't delay. Do you have the Samaritans in the US? I think you might benefit from calling a helpline and talking this through with someone. It sounds as if you feel completely out of control of your life just now. That can change, but to make those initial steps to regaining control you may well need some specialised help. There are millions of people out there who have felt what you are going through. I just called a priest and he stated the same thing I have to believe in myself and I have up to now. NOw there is no choice since I have hit the darkness. I am crying and starting to write a note in telling myself on why.
lindya Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Ok - I see that you're based in Georgia in the USA. There's a helpline number you should call, it's 1-866 582 7763. The person who takes your call will be trained to deal with this sort of situation, and they'll help you to talk things through - so you don't have to worry about preparing what to say before hand. Give them a try. It's good that your priest is available to give you support too. Don't give up.
Author whtelightn Posted May 20, 2005 Author Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by lindya Ok - I see that you're based in Georgia in the USA. There's a helpline number you should call, it's 1-866 582 7763. The person who takes your call will be trained to deal with this sort of situation, and they'll help you to talk things through - so you don't have to worry about preparing what to say before hand. Give them a try. It's good that your priest is available to give you support too. Don't give up. Sure they are trained for this but all they want to know if you are going to do it. That is all they care about. Is it going to change things, No and they are they going to give me the money No, so maybe it is best I am locked up in a mental ward and stay there for rest of my life, but again I don;t know anymore. He is not my priest and it was just a priest to talk to over the phone. He used the religion on me that I need to come in and pray etc. but if I believe in God it will change. Right now I just want to crawl in a hole and never come out.
katiebour Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 lightning, Hon take care of yourself. Financial woes coupled with the loss of a love are a tough pill to swallow. I'm $60,000 in debt (still $10k worth of credit cards- my credit is crap too.), moving away from friends and the place I love to find a new job- left grad school after deciding it wasn't right for me. Lost my love in January on top of it all. I KNOW how this feels- it's overwhelming to have everything in your life come crashing down at once. Don't kill yourself love; you had a lot to offer this woman and unfortunately she is uncapable of accepting it. But somewhere down the line, you'll find someone who will love you for who you are, in the ways that you need her to- and you'll thank your lucky stars that you are around to enjoy it. Don't rob your life partner, who is out there somewhere, dreaming of meeting you, of the future you'll have together. Take some time for yourself- eat your favorite foods, read some good books, exercise, whatever it is that you love, do it. Comfort yourself as if you were a friend- if you had a friend going through the same life-changing events and stressors, what would you do for them? Do those things for yourself- you deserve it. As far as the financial stuff- can you get your family to throw some cash your way? It's cheaper than a funeral, and any family worth their salt will want to do what they can to make this time in your life easier. Right now you need to focus on surviving- put one foot in front of the other, do things you enjoy, take it easy for a few months. Once you're in a better place emotionally, you can deal with the finances and the rest of it. But for now, just work on you. You're worth it. Here's some bunnies for you: Take care of yourself. Keep talking here- it helps. I'm going to work on cleaning up the mess that is my life- you can do it too. Big Hugs! P.S. If credit cards are a problem, sign up with consumer credit counseling services. Having them deal with the hassling creditors, and making one, much lower monthly payment, rather than many scattered ones, really goes a long way towards improving one's outlook on life. P.P.S. My mom is $150k in debt from med school loans, just out of bankruptcy, with no love life and my teenage younger sister to take care of. What's the lesson? IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE
Author whtelightn Posted May 21, 2005 Author Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by katiebour lightning, I KNOW how this feels- it's overwhelming to have everything in your life come crashing down at once. Yes it is very hard and thanks for understanding. Don't kill yourself love; you had a lot to offer this woman and unfortunately she is uncapable of accepting it. But somewhere down the line, you'll find someone who will love you for who you are, in the ways that you need her to- and you'll thank your lucky stars that you are around to enjoy it. Don't rob your life partner, who is out there somewhere, dreaming of meeting you, of the future you'll have together. It would not be over her anyway, it would be the other 2 things such as job and financial. Take some time for yourself- eat your favorite foods, read some good books, exercise, whatever it is that you love, do it. Comfort yourself as if you were a friend- if you had a friend going through the same life-changing events and stressors, what would you do for them? Do those things for yourself- you deserve it. As far as the financial stuff- can you get your family to throw some cash your way? It's cheaper than a funeral, and any family worth their salt will want to do what they can to make this time in your life easier. I have already talk to my sister but she gave me the speech I need to turn this around get a job. Well I have tried everything and it is a waiting game with the job. Right now you need to focus on surviving- put one foot in front of the other, do things you enjoy, take it easy for a few months. I have tried and tried to do it as best as I can it is dark for me right now. Once you're in a better place emotionally, you can deal with the finances and the rest of it. But for now, just work on you. You're worth it. YEs, One I get a job and my finances turn around sure but right now, I want the pain to go away and just sleep. Here's some bunnies for you: Take care of yourself. Keep talking here- it helps. I'm going to work on cleaning up the mess that is my life- you can do it too. Big Hugs! Thanks for the hugs, I just wish I could be held and a shoulder to cry on. P.S. If credit cards are a problem, sign up with consumer credit counseling services. Having them deal with the hassling creditors, and making one, much lower monthly payment, rather than many scattered ones, really goes a long way towards improving one's outlook on life. I am with Debt management when they settled for me of half of the debt but right now I cannot even save. My account is already overdrawn and was crying on the phone and all they are robots. I even told them I am done with life and be their blood all over it. I have already set notes I have written one to all my friends and one to each personally so they understand. There is no light. P.P.S. My mom is $150k in debt from med school loans, just out of bankruptcy, with no love life and my teenage younger sister to take care of. What's the lesson? IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE True it can be worse but I know everybody tells me this at least you have your health etc. I know the whole story about it. Again thanks for the understanding. I appreciate it.
katiebour Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 lightning, Sigh. I really hope you don't kill yourself. I've been (and am, to some extent) where you're at now, and I still manage to find a reason to live. That being said, no one can convince you that life is worth living. That's a decision everyone makes for themselves, and honestly, I've thought about ending it all too. I mean, it would be so easy, not having to worry about the money, or work, or deal with any of the stresses of love and life. But the sky at night is beautiful- go for a drive and look at the stars. The sunrise is a wonderful thing. The sound of the rain on the roof is magical. The way my family loves me is amazing. The joy I find in singing, in loving, in making love, in caring for my friends and family- these are some of the reasons I choose to live. Here's a poem I wrote directly after the breakup: Every person a substitute for you Every moment agony without you Wondering where you are Who you’re with Crying great gasping sobs Like a fish out of water Begging for someone to throw me back in I’d give half my life Or more even Just to be back with you, loved by you, held by you I cry and I cry, but no one comes No comforting hand or voice No end to this nightmare of life without you But unable to forget my responsibilities Unable to choose to end it all I’m stuck here, in this silent empty room No friend calling to see how I am Why am I so unworthy of love That neither friend nor lover darkens my door No end to the tears, no end to the pain Except when sleep finds me, an escape from my life What reason have I to go on without you? What reason have I to live through my life? I have family I have debts I have responsibilities galore But none of them impel me to live Just to survive, nothing more When will my life begin again? When will I stop missing your voice? When will I stop wondering how you are, And if you miss me at all. I’m stuck in the limbo of life without love, Unable to live, Unable to die. Dragging myself from one day to the next, Wanting to die, wanting to die. (2005) Here's a poem I wrote a few weeks ago: Thoughts After A First Date Good conversation in a romantic garden A fun meal with a new friend. Walking downtown paying more attention to one another than our surroundings. Those awkward little moments- trying to cram a lifetime of information into a few hours. The things we really want to know- Too personal, yet, to ask. Is this the beginning of a long journey or a short detour off the main track? What would it be like to share a kiss with you? Will I find out? (2005) These two poems, for me, illustrate a fact of life I am beginning to understand- that my temporary misery does not presage a lifetime of misery, and that there are things in the world that are amazing and wonderful. I hope you can discover this for yourself. The thought of you dying makes me unhappy. I hope you will choose to live, if only for the sake of a stranger who knows where you're at and who cherishes your strength.
Author whtelightn Posted May 21, 2005 Author Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by katiebour lightning, Sigh. I really hope you don't kill yourself. I've been (and am, to some extent) where you're at now, and I still manage to find a reason to live. That being said, no one can convince you that life is worth living. That's a decision everyone makes for themselves, and honestly, I've thought about ending it all too. I mean, it would be so easy, not having to worry about the money, or work, or deal with any of the stresses of love and life. But the sky at night is beautiful- go for a drive and look at the stars. The sunrise is a wonderful thing. The sound of the rain on the roof is magical. The way my family loves me is amazing. The joy I find in singing, in loving, in making love, in caring for my friends and family- these are some of the reasons I choose to live. Thanks for the poem. I cried when I read it. It was sweet. Your right when your gone there is no worry, no stress, no people calling you up for debt, but your right will miss the rain on the roof, the stars of the sky and the sun shinning. I have tried to see a positive side of all this and the holidays are rough but there is no way. I will print out the poem and keep reading it, but again I appreciate your understanding.
RecordProducer Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 The pain WILL go away! You will be happy and things will change. I promise!
Author whtelightn Posted May 21, 2005 Author Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer The pain WILL go away! You will be happy and things will change. I promise! \ That is what I keep hearing but right now as I am typing this I am in tears and crying. I appreciate your confidence in all this but right now I feel it is all dark and just want to sleep and be gone. I have not even eaten since yesterday because I just cannot right now. I hate this feeling. when there is no job, now no money and of course my ex. Well the first is the biggest. It is too hard to cope. Again thanks for your kind words. I appreciate it.
eastern_mystique Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 Katiebour: Woah, your poem is excellent - and this comes from a fellow poet too! I've written a couple of poems post-breakup but I don't think they capture the sadness and utter desolation that comes through in yours. Every single thing you've written completely reflects how I feel, and I'm sure how many others on here feel too. Originally posted by katiebour No end to the tears, no end to the pain Except when sleep finds me, an escape from my life That really struck a chord - every morning I wake up it's like waking up into a nightmare. I'm glad you're doing better now. We all have to remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though right now it seems very far away. whtelightn: I feel so bad for you. How many times in the last few months I've thought about ending it all, if only to stop this pain. The main reason I haven't is because a few years ago when I was seriously ill, I tried to 'end it all' and it didn't work at all. Most suicide attempts don't work. Apart from that, if I did try and end it all, I would never find out how things would have turned out for me - would me and my ex get back together? would I find someone else? Life is not all misery or all joy - it's a mixture of two, and very often unhappiness and suffering is a prelude to good times and happiness....even though it doesn't feel like it now.....I'm having to tell myself this over and over again. I know how awful it is, how it kills inside to be in love with someone who doesn't want to be with you, esp. when they leave you with a really pathetic and lame excuse. I'm not drowning in my tears anymore, but I still have my moments. Most days I veer between complete misery and just-about-okay, and everything in between. I try and keep myself busy with my responsibilities, my family and my friends but I feel as though every thing I do is like using paracetamol to treat a bullet wound - it just doesn't work. I don't feel like I'm 'living' in the true sense of the word, I'm just 'surviving'. I am religious (although not Christian - I'm a Hindu) and honestly, I'm leaning on my faith in God more than I ever have in my entire life. Is there anyone, friends or relatives who you can spend time with or get to look after you? You shouldn't be alone when you're feeling like this. I'm lucky that I still live at home so I have my parents around, and one of my good friends who's gone away to university is coming back in a few days, and I'm looking so forward to seeing someone who cares about my welfare and who I can confide in. Keeping yourself busy is important not because it's a cure in itself, but because it can distract you for a while; you're looking for a new job so that is one thing, but also doing stuff you like, things you enjoy. I've started playing my guitar again everyday; it's actually the highlight of my day. Try and find things to look forward to, even if it's just silly thing like your favourite tv programme or eating ice-cream. Remind yourself of your infinite talents and good qualities, because I found myself wondering after my breakup what was wrong with me, and why was it that I was good enough for him a few months before but suddenly wasn't anymore, and that kind of thinking destroys your self confidence. You need to build it up again. I know it's hard, it's so hard....you just want to cry yourself into oblivion and never get out of bed and one day wake up and it'll all be better, or just give up, but there will be one day when you WILL be happy and this will all just be a distant nightmare.
Author whtelightn Posted May 21, 2005 Author Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by eastern_mystique Katiebour: whtelightn: I feel so bad for you. How many times in the last few months I've thought about ending it all, if only to stop this pain. The main reason I haven't is because a few years ago when I was seriously ill, I tried to 'end it all' and it didn't work at all. Most suicide attempts don't work. Apart from that, if I did try and end it all, I would never find out how things would have turned out for me - would me and my ex get back together? would I find someone else? Life is not all misery or all joy - it's a mixture of two, and very often unhappiness and suffering is a prelude to good times and happiness....even though it doesn't feel like it now.....I'm having to tell myself this over and over again. Well did your ex get back together or not. As for my ex she is the last thing on my mind but it does not help on what she is doing. First of all it is the first 2 the job and money. True life is not all misery or all joy but there seems no middle ground. Right now everything is so dark it is unbelievable like a tornado ready to brew. Is there anyone, friends or relatives who you can spend time with or get to look after you? You shouldn't be alone when you're feeling like this. I'm lucky that I still live at home so I have my parents around, and one of my good friends who's gone away to university is coming back in a few days, and I'm looking so forward to seeing someone who cares about my welfare and who I can confide in. Keeping yourself busy is important not because it's a cure in itself, but because it can distract you for a while; you're looking for a new job so that is one thing, but also doing stuff you like, things you enjoy. I've started playing my guitar again everyday; it's actually the highlight of my day. Try and find things to look forward to, even if it's just silly thing like your favourite tv programme or eating ice-cream. Remind yourself of your infinite talents and good qualities, because I found myself wondering after my breakup what was wrong with me, and why was it that I was good enough for him a few months before but suddenly wasn't anymore, and that kind of thinking destroys your self confidence. You need to build it up again. No not really about the friends I can stay with. I know I should not be alone like this but sometimes it is the best because it gets to the point when you are all talked out. A friend of mine told me that he had a friend who was an attorney who worked with him and that he lunch with him and seemed happy and then all of a sudden ended his life all because of a girl. I guess that was saying to his friend that he is ok and don;t worry but I guess never figured it out. My friend is still reeling over it but again this would not be over a girl it would be over job and financial and the girl would be last. Your right about my ex giving lame excuse and she does not know what is going on with me and how bad it is. Do I beleive that me and her can get back together there is alway a chance but right now there is none who wants a patheic guy like me who is broke and has no self confidence. I know it's hard, it's so hard....you just want to cry yourself into oblivion and never get out of bed and one day wake up and it'll all be better, or just give up, but there will be one day when you WILL be happy and this will all just be a distant nightmare. Yes it is true and that is all I have been doing is crying and crying and my head hurts. It stops and goes. Your right do not want to get out of bed and wonder how will people feel when I am gone. I am sure there will be comments, like he is a coward, the easy way out but explaning to them should help. Yes they all say why did he not come to me well first of all it is pride and weak, but then it will be too late. I am surprise that I can even write of all this now. IT is even hard to write. I appreciate your caring and understanding.
katiebour Posted May 21, 2005 Posted May 21, 2005 Your right about my ex giving lame excuse and she does not know what is going on with me and how bad it is. Do I beleive that me and her can get back together there is alway a chance but right now there is none who wants a pathetic guy like me who is broke and has no self confidence. lightning- I know that the job and the debt are the two most overwhelming things right now, but just to address the third- I'm broke. My self-confidence has taken some major hits too. I think it's ridiculous that at the age of 25 I have to go live with my parents because I'm too broke to support myself and I don't have a job. But you know, in five years I'm gonna have it all paid off, money in the bank, and some good job experience. The next five years are gonna be like jail- but once I get out life will be GOOD. That being said, do you think that I, or any other person who's gone through this kind of stress-inducing financial woe would look down on you because of where you're at? No, we're not successful financially. Yes, we're adults and by the standards of our culture we're supposed to be fully independent and well-off. But just because that's where we should be doesn't make it so. Life is suffering, as Buddha says. But keep in mind that you are NOT the only person to experience this stress and humiliation, and everyone who's been through this understands what it's like. Here is the crux: You are NOT your finances. You are NOT your job. You are a beautiful, amazing human being with feelings, talents, likes and dislikes. If the buildings of Citicorp were blown up as in "Fight Club," or if we had a major world disaster, you would be on equal footing with everyone else on this planet. Your financial situation is a temporary state of being, not a definition of self. There are people out there who will love and respect you no matter how much you have in the bank. And these are the people that are truly worth having as friends. I've heard it said a lot that you have to make yourself into the kind of person you want to be with. I'm working on it, and I know you can too. It's a Herculean task to dig yourself out of debt, but it IS possible and it WILL be worth it. Thinking good thoughts your way- please go out and do something nice for yourself. Big, Big, Monster Hugs!
Author whtelightn Posted May 21, 2005 Author Posted May 21, 2005 Originally posted by katiebour lightning- I'm broke. My self-confidence has taken some major hits too. I think it's ridiculous that at the age of 25 I have to go live with my parents because I'm too broke to support myself and I don't have a job. But you know, in five years I'm gonna have it all paid off, money in the bank, and some good job experience. The next five years are gonna be like jail- but once I get out life will be GOOD. No, I don;t think it is ridiculous. My ex who is 29 lives at home, after she had moved out at the age 21 but then moved back in at age 24 due to her ex. Ever since she still lives at home. She wants to get out but the only way to experience it is get out on her own but she will not. I wish I could live at home but I cannot, I am too old. I have lived on my own since the age of 14 and tried to survive and went through a serious health problem at the age 25 by having testicle cancer. Yes, was it a second chance but now how much more can I handle. But keep in mind that you are NOT the only person to experience this stress and humiliation, and everyone who's been through this understands what it's like. That is true about not the only person or person to go through this. What about people living on the street. I am sure they have gone thru it and that is why they are on the street. Again as I stated there is no way I will end up there and that is why there is no hope because I feel that is coming. Society sees you as a failure. You are NOT your finances. You are NOT your job. You are a beautiful, amazing human being with feelings, talents, likes and dislikes. If the buildings of Citicorp were blown up as in "Fight Club," or if we had a major world disaster, you would be on equal footing with everyone else on this planet. Your financial situation is a temporary state of being, not a definition of self. Sure I am a human being as talents and among other things. I have even applied for jobs about minium wage and nothng. I mean how much more rejection can a person take? when they are already down and out? ThinThere are people out there who will love and respect you no matter how much you have in the bank. And these are the people that are truly worth having as friends. I've heard it said a lot that you have to make yourself into the kind of person you want to be with. I'm working on it, and I know you can too. It's a Herculean task to dig yourself out of debt, but it IS possible and it WILL be worth it. That is true about what who you are without money in the bank. That is when you have truly someone special but I do not even have that. Your right I have tried and tried to make myself a person I want to be and it is not working. Again how much can a person take with rejection from a job knowing you will not be there long and also you are over qualified? Yes I have heard people saying I have been in that position before but even so I am sure they have felt like I have felt now. THank for the big monster hug.
katiebour Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 lightning, Thanks for the words of encouragement. I DO still think it's ridiculous to move back in with my folks after living on my own for 7 years, but it's my best option so I gotta take it, no matter how it galls my pride. As for you not being able to live with your folks, is it that they won't let you, or that you won't consider it? If the first, well, that sucks- if the second, then I have to encourage you not to let pride or shame stand in the way of a safety net. That's what parents are for, anyway. You mentioned a sister- if not the folks, could you live with her? Since she's encouraging you to find a job, ask her for her help, and tell her as soon as you find a job you'll pay rent/bills/groceries, whatever. Family is there to help in times of need- use it. If one of your family members was a step away from living on the street, you'd take em in, right? Remember- it doesn't have to be for forever. Find a good job, and after a few months, you'll be back on your feet and on your own. Check in with aunts/uncles/cousins, anyone who might be able to help you. Anyway, if it's any kind of an option, take it. Job-wise, have you tried a temp agency? They shop your resume around for you, and find you a position. I've used them in the past, and it can really help. Adecco, Manpower, Talent Tree, Today's Staffing- these are just a few of the temp agencies in my area- check and see if they're in yours. They can find you a position in a matter of days. If the job market is that bad where you live, why not consider relocating? That's a big part of why I'm moving from Oregon to South Dakota- unemployment is REALLY low there and there are plenty of jobs available. As for the cancer- that's tough. Good for you for sticking through it and continuing on with your life. You always have a choice, and you always have options. Investigate your options, do the best you can- things will turn around. You may have to consider moving in with family, or moving to a different state, or asking friends/relatives for financial help in the interim- none of these are pleasant choices to contemplate. But, c'mon- it's better than being dead. I'm in your cheering section! You can do it!
Author whtelightn Posted May 22, 2005 Author Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by katiebour As for you not being able to live with your folks, is it that they won't let you, or that you won't consider it? If the first, well, that sucks- if the second, then I have to encourage you not to let pride or shame stand in the way of a safety net. That's what parents are for, anyway. You mentioned a sister- if not the folks, could you live with her? Since she's encouraging you to find a job, ask her for her help, and tell her as soon as you find a job you'll pay rent/bills/groceries, whatever. Family is there to help in times of need- use it. If one of your family members was a step away from living on the street, you'd take em in, right? Remember- it doesn't have to be for forever. Find a good job, and after a few months, you'll be back on your feet and on your own. Check in with aunts/uncles/cousins, anyone who might be able to help you. Anyway, if it's any kind of an option, take it. No, My mom and dad are divorced and my sister lives with my mom. They are in a different state than where I am now. I moved to GA 10 years ago. It was just the spur of the moment to do it. I have asked for help with my sister and again she gave me the speech I need to turn this around and find a job etc..... Yes I would if they were living in this state but they are not. My aunt and uncle also live in a different state. Job-wise, have you tried a temp agency? They shop your resume around for you, and find you a position. I've used them in the past, and it can really help. Adecco, Manpower, Talent Tree, Today's Staffing- these are just a few of the temp agencies in my area- check and see if they're in yours. They can find you a position in a matter of days. Yes I have tried every temp agency and it is also a waiting game. Sometimes they are not even a help. I have tried everything trust me. You always have a choice, and you always have options. Investigate your options, do the best you can- things will turn around. You may have to consider moving in with family, or moving to a different state, or asking friends/relatives for financial help in the interim- none of these are pleasant choices to contemplate. But, c'mon- it's better than being dead. I have thought of just running to another state but heck again it takes money to do it. I have even look at jobs to relocate where I am and also another waiting game. I am getting tired of waiting games. I have ask friends for help but one owes me money has not responded and to me ask it is a pride thing. I do appreciate you are the cheering section. You are a wonderful person in helping people.
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