Armando_Smash Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 So my ex and I have been talking about getting back together but one thing she mentioned is that she has sent nudes to one of her best guy friends. I always felt weird about that guy because she told me he told her he wanted them to be together at one point during our relationship. She says they're just flirty but never really hang out. She tells me she doesn't see herself with him. He's sick with cancer. I know she probably likes the attention. She says she sends him nudes kind of out of pity because he's sick and doesn't go out much. It weirds me put and I don't want them to talk anymore if we get back together. Is this unreasonable? Is this normal behavior to keep guy friends who you send nudes to and has once expressed his love for her?
PaperCrane Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 When death is on the table I kind of see things differently. If the guy is legitimately terminally ill with cancer, and he has love for her which now could never be realized, I don't find it bad that she sent those. Entering into a relationship however, she shouldn't send those anymore. I feel taking away a dying persons friend is too much. I would say it's okay to talk to him but no more flirting or sexting. This whole thing depends on the emotional maturity of everyone involved and honestly it can go pretty badly.
Author Armando_Smash Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Yeah, that part I feel bad about. He's had cancer for a few years. They've known each other since college. I think the other thing I'm not comfortable with isn't knowing he'LL buy her spa dayservices when she has a bad day. He'LL tell my ex that I'm crazy when I get into fights. Like I know she gets relationship advice from him because she'LL say he says this or that and you're acting crazy. They're super close and I want to be understanding. But sending nudes seems more than friendly to me. She doesn't want to budge on not being friends. She talks to him every day. She says she will stop sending nudes when she gets into a relationship.
autumnnight Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Ummmm....just no I'm sorry he is dying. She can send him a nice, clothed headshot and some flowers. What if his next dying wish is to have sex with her? No 5
PaperCrane Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Then hold her to it and be very firm about your boundaries. No more gifts, no more nudes, no more flirting. I could see this going 15 bad ways all at once and one is that she'll take the side of her sick friend over you if he decides to pull a card for pity or somesuch. If you really really feel something for this girl, proceed carefully and be ready to leave if things get hairy. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 You send a sick friend flowers, get well cards, possibly puzzle books to keep their mind occupied, not nude pictures. As an adult she's free to share her body with anybody she chooses but I wouldn't date her. 6
PaperCrane Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Quick question, what are the ages of everyone involved? 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 We should nominate her for a Nobel Peace Prize for her dedication and selflessness service for bringing smiles to cancer patients everywhere Give.me.a.break. 7
GunslingerRoland Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I'm all in favor of women sending nudes instead of flowers if I'm ever sick.... I mean she's single she can do what she wants. But if she knows this man desires her so much sexually, how can she can continue to be friends with him, if you get back together? It's not fair to you. 3
Imported Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 There's a bunch of dudes in the military that has a good chance of dying. Maybe she should pay those guys a visit. No OP. Just No. 2
compulsivedancer Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 If she was not dating you, she had the right to do whatever she wished. If you start dating again, then she should honor your wishes and stop flirting with him. 2
jmiller1991 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 OP, jealous much? Maybe a little possessive? You are not even back together yet. She's single. And the guy is dying from cancer. I can't believe you would have a problem with this. Maybe AFTER you guys are back together, but now? I've seen this with a lot of guys and I can't understand it. So many men get really offended just when other guys look, or when their ladies are dressed to impress. I swear the way the act you'd think their wives actually cheated on them! You'd think they might have the self-confidence to be proud to have such lovely ladies, but instead their insecurity causes them to get jealous and possessive. And this is what usually makes women want to leave. They feel chained and smothered. OP, trust me, you have nothing to worry about. I send sexy pics to lots of my guy friends, and it doesn't mean anything. I don't want them in the least. It's just fun, a way to flirt with your guy friends without actually crossing any boundaries. And while I wouldn't feel comfortable completely nude, I definitely send out some VERY sexy pics to my guy friends. Thongs, lingerie, wet t-shirts, chocolate, whip creme, popsicles, you name it, but it's always in good fun. Both of us know it's not serious, no one is getting in my panties. So lighten up and don't let your jealously stop you from getting back with your ex, if you really want to.
mystikmind2005 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Goodness, if the guy is dying i would day to her let me take the pictures!! i would pay for the sexy outfits!!,,,, if the guy is dying that is.
bubbaganoosh Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 OK the question I have is, are you really sure this guy is dying? I know cancer is a terrible disease to have but people do survive it. If I was a betting man, I got a feeling that there's a lot of shinola being spread around and if it was me, I would be really careful because I don't think her or her friend are on the level 1
thefooloftheyear Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Post the pics....We're just dying to see them... But really...she sounds like a complete flake..Where do you guys meet these types of women??... TFY 4
Author Armando_Smash Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 she and i are 30, he's about 33
preraph Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Hon, it's not right for her (or you) to send nudes to anybody! It's just plain stupid. And of course no one in a relationship should be doing that or anything like it with anyone else. If she thinks that's just a day to day thing that people do, you should probably find a new woman with better boundaries and examine your own too. 3
Author Armando_Smash Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 Thanks for the insight everyone. She and I are 30 and the guy is 33/34. He just never leaves the house and isn't really terminal. She considers him her closest guy friend and describes it as harmless flirting. She does not want to stop being friends with him even if we get back together. They talk every day. I think I'm not sure I can continue seeing her. I do have flirty relationships with other women, but it's hard for me to understand because I've never received or asked for nudes from my female friends. The pic in question happened just 2 weeks ago. It's basically her lying on the floor and the shot is from the top of her boobs down; she is wearing underwear though.
Shining One Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 What she does while she's single is entirely up to her. I would not judge a woman negatively for doing this. However, if we became exclusive and she still wanted to do this while we were exclusive, then that would be a deal-breaker. 1
Quiet Storm Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I don't think it's harmless flirting. She enjoys it and is getting something out of it- attention & validation. Friends don't cross these lines. It's likely not a genuine friendship because he is attracted to her. So any time they talk or hang out, he's probably thinking of her naked, or how he'd like to eff her. Meanwhile she's engaging him and feeding the attraction with the pics. This is not just friends! It's sad about the cancer, but it's not her responsibility to be his sexual entertainment. Friends would take him over a pan of baked mac&cheese. Or help him clean his house. Sending naked pics is something nice for him, and there is nothing wrong with it if she's single. However, this element of their relationship takes it beyond friendship. You know that, which is why it makes you so uncomfortable. 5
Gloria25 Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 I don't think it's harmless flirting. She enjoys it and is getting something out of it- attention & validation AND FREE DAY SPAS HE PURCHASES FOR HER - Hummm, makes me wonder what "else" he does for her?. Friends don't cross these lines. It's likely not a genuine friendship because he is attracted to her. So any time they talk or hang out, he's probably thinking of her naked, or how he'd like to eff her. Meanwhile she's engaging him and feeding the attraction with the pics. This is not just friends! It's sad about the cancer, but it's not her responsibility to be his sexual entertainment. Friends would take him over a pan of baked mac&cheese. Or help him clean his house. Sending naked pics is something nice for him, and there is nothing wrong with it if she's single. However, this element of their relationship takes it beyond friendship. You know that, which is why it makes you so uncomfortable. Spot on ^^....And see my posts in bold This guy isn't terminal and she just feels so sorry for him. Awww, and I think this is just enough for me to nominate her for a Nobel Peace prize I'm sure she'll give him up once the OP starts dating her cuz now she'll have one guy to give/buy her stuff - instead of milking on the loneliness of a dying man who is too lazy/scared to go out and live his last days instead of staying at home sulking. 1
Stage5Clinger Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 Cancer or no cancer it doesn't change a thing. If my girl sends nudes to anybody but me we're donezo. I don't give a **** who what when or why. Bitch can go **** herself. 1
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