PaperCrane Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 We've been broken up for 2 years now. I tried to stay friends. Having someone in your life for 8 years is a long time, and maybe I was afraid to see that time just evaporate so to speak. Pretty much LC from that time forward. I had an awkward dream last night involving her. I woke up thinking to myself "What the hell man..." and I rolled over in bed and picked up my phone and proceeded to block her on everything. Every other girl I've dated I've been able to do this with, without issue and kind of just let both of us move on and be happy. After doing some research it really turns out she was mentally abusive for the entirety of the relationship. After reading some of Downtowns posts and some others about BPD and how their traits can sometimes flux but you know someone has it bad when they can check off the entire list at multiple stages of the relationship. I almost felt in a way I owed her some sort of line into my life because of the amount of time together and whatnot, but really she doesn't deserve that. She took me for a lot of money, a vehicle, among other things. Having the dream I did though, and waking up just feeling so indifferent to it and laughing at how absurd it is was the nudge I needed to cut someone out of my life. It's funny though, she'd call me a friend but all she'd do is ring me up to complain about her boyfriend or her job or her living situation over and over. How it must be nice being me, being able to go and do things and having my own place, yadda yadda. Asking me to use one of my discount cards to get a TV for her boyfriend (?! ). Not much friendship there.
PegNosePete Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Congratulations on your moment of clarity! I have to ask though, what was the dream??
Author PaperCrane Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) The dream? Well it was a sex dream. In it she acted the way and said everything I ever wanted. Que montage to Dream Sex-ville where she initiated and was over the top sensual. Afterwards in the dream, I just got up and what I saw I realized wasn't her but what I had always wished things to be. I had worked so hard to build what we had but she'd never initiate or be sensual or loving. Stonewalled emotions and everything was always my fault. Black and white thinking on everything. Then she'd whip around and be just nice and sexy enough to keep me hooked like a sucker. So anyways, whilst still dreaming I got dressed and walked out the door which is when I woke up two hours before my alarm. At that time I just blocked her. It was totally emotionless, like pushing a cat off the bed. I realized she had her claws into me deep and I hadn't even noticed it. Edited October 8, 2015 by PaperCrane 1
Author PaperCrane Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Eleven days in and all is well. Other than the fact she's now decided to start text bombing me and sending messages through her mother whom comes into my second job that I should "Talk to her and there isn't anything wrong with being friends." I told her in a succinct fashion that I needed to get back to work. Apparently she's going to drop by randomly this week to "drop off some stuff of mine she found and wants to talk." I'm gonna make sure I'm out at my buddies place rolling polyhedron dice and drinking scotch. 3
Author PaperCrane Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 This has gone very well. Utter indifference has been achieved. Got a message from an unknown number, turns out it was her. The message in effect was: "So I've successfully ignored you too. How does it feel? Not good, huh? When are you going to stop being selfish and talk to me. Oh and it turns out the thing that came in the mail wasn't for you anyways, so whatever." Deleted without a thought. Made me chuckle a little bit. So as a reminder to those having a hard time; you will get there. Just stick to it.
Silver_star Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Good job! So selfish of her to expect that kind of relationship from you. She needs to get over herself. You have your own life to deal with.
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