Ex-girlfriend can't decide who to pick. Need understanding.

[Keveff]

Hey guys,

 

 

So I was originally going to write out a brief background about my situation, but that “brief” ended up being long, so I opted out of that, but if its needed, I’ll just copy+paste it back in.

 

Anyway, the very brief version goes like this:

 

My ex and I have been in a LDR for about 2 years. Around the last few months, we kind of got distant because we got into arguments more frequently and she felt like she couldn’t tell me certain things anymore. Then comes along a new guy who is nice to her and they begin seeing eachother these past 2 months without me knowing till about 2-3 weeks ago.

 

After bouncing back-and-forth between us, I told her she had to make a decision. So after I spent the last week with her (i visited her because she wanted to see me after so long), she decided to break up, mainly because of the LDR and how she thinks she’s too emotionally weak to handle it right now.

 

So we said our goodbyes Monday (Oct.5) morning. It was emotional for both of us because we had a really good relationship until the end and she still says she loves me and that things would be different if we lived in the same city.

 

Anyway, day 2 of NC, she messages me the following:

 

“I hope you’re doing ok :/”

“I know you don’t want to talk to me but just checking in”

 

I didn’t reply.

 

Later, she saw me on FB, and I logged off when she came on and she then texted me:

 

“I guess you dont want to talk to me at all”

Again, I didn’t reply and she said:

 

“Well, ok, I get the message. I’m sure you’re already moving on. No matter what, I still care about you.”

 

An hour later:

 

“I don’t know whats wrong with me”

“I feel so empty”

“I just don’t wanna be here”

 

I was planning to do NC for 14 days (I read some place that 14 days would be good since she has a new boyfriend and that I shouldn’t give them too much alone time), but this is day 2 and shes already like this. I’m also afraid she may hurt herself because she is very emotionally weak and has always been that way before I met her.

 

What should I do? Should I respond? I really do care about her and would love to get back with her.

 

Thanks!

[Simon Phoenix]

Hey guys,

 

 

So I was originally going to write out a brief background about my situation, but that “brief” ended up being long, so I opted out of that, but if its needed, I’ll just copy+paste it back in.

 

Anyway, the very brief version goes like this:

 

My ex and I have been in a LDR for about 2 years. Around the last few months, we kind of got distant because we got into arguments more frequently and she felt like she couldn’t tell me certain things anymore. Then comes along a new guy who is nice to her and they begin seeing eachother these past 2 months without me knowing till about 2-3 weeks ago.

 

After bouncing back-and-forth between us, I told her she had to make a decision. So after I spent the last week with her (i visited her because she wanted to see me after so long), she decided to break up, mainly because of the LDR and how she thinks she’s too emotionally weak to handle it right now.

 

So we said our goodbyes Monday (Oct.5) morning. It was emotional for both of us because we had a really good relationship until the end and she still says she loves me and that things would be different if we lived in the same city.

 

Anyway, day 2 of NC, she messages me the following:

 

“I hope you’re doing ok :/”

“I know you don’t want to talk to me but just checking in”

 

I didn’t reply.

 

Later, she saw me on FB, and I logged off when she came on and she then texted me:

 

“I guess you dont want to talk to me at all”

Again, I didn’t reply and she said:

 

“Well, ok, I get the message. I’m sure you’re already moving on. No matter what, I still care about you.”

 

An hour later:

 

“I don’t know whats wrong with me”

“I feel so empty”

“I just don’t wanna be here”

 

I was planning to do NC for 14 days (I read some place that 14 days would be good since she has a new boyfriend and that I shouldn’t give them too much alone time), but this is day 2 and shes already like this. I’m also afraid she may hurt herself because she is very emotionally weak and has always been that way before I met her.

 

What should I do? Should I respond? I really do care about her and would love to get back with her.

 

Thanks!

 

Not only do you not respond, but you need to block her ability to contact you. She's looking to wean herself off you and get emotional support and an ego boost. If she wanted that stuff, she should have not broken up with you and gone out with another guy.

 

She has another boyfriend, so let that other boyfriend deal with this stuff. Don't be the emotional tampon.

[Keveff]

The reason I haven't blocked communication is because I DO plan on getting her back eventually. I read else where that the best way to do so is to do NC and that during this time, she will contact me or try to. I was expecting her to contact me during that time, but not this quick and this much.

 

Also, because I was worried she may harm herself (and I accidently opened her message which shows I read it), I replied and asked her what was wrong.

 

She said she found out that I liked a certain female artist's picture (who she gets really jealous about, and when I was with her, I unfollowed her on instagram because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable), but because I'm not with her, I didn't see the harm.

 

She also found out that I renabled my dating app again, and she got really jealous. I'm not actively seeking somebody right now, I just enabled it so if people come across me, they can. Basically just putting myself out there.

 

Anyway, she basically said she was jealous and that she thinks I'm moving on and it hurts her. She then said she didn't know what she wanted, even though she said she was sure about her decision.

 

Anyway, I ended the conversation saying I had to clean the house up a bit.

 

Would you say she's feeling regrets?

 

And how should I proceed?

[Keveff]

Also, to elaborate a bit more. I forgot to mention that we are long-distance and her new boyfriend isn't. Which is a major reason why she decided to break up, because she feels she can't handle the long distance emotionally right now.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to update that after I ended the conversation, she just messaged me hours later:

 

"I'm sorry"

"My heart aches"

 

Should I ask her why her heart aches? Clearly, her new boyfriend should be comforting her. Why is she coming to me? Is she feeling regret? If she's feeling regrets about the break up, I don't want to miss out on this chance of getting back together.

 

What should I do? I'm like wondering what she's thinking.

Edited October 7, 2015 by Keveff

[Blanco]

No contact isn't a trick to get your ex back. Pretty much anyone who says that is trying to sell you something (i.e people trying to sell get your ex back systems). No contact is for you to heal and move on with your life.

 

You PLAN to get her back? We aren't talking about dinner. You can't PLAN something like that, especially when she's with someone else. I mean, I guess you can plan, but it doesn't mean anything except maybe deluding yourself.

 

My thoughts: LDR don't work unless the distance is temporary. It sounds like she's found someone closer in physical proximity. It's time for you to stay NC, heal, and eventually do the same yourself.

[Keveff]

No contact isn't a trick to get your ex back. Pretty much anyone who says that is trying to sell you something (i.e people trying to sell get your ex back systems). No contact is for you to heal and move on with your life.

 

You PLAN to get her back? We aren't talking about dinner. You can't PLAN something like that, especially when she's with someone else. I mean, I guess you can plan, but it doesn't mean anything except maybe deluding yourself.

 

My thoughts: LDR don't work unless the distance is temporary. It sounds like she's found someone closer in physical proximity. It's time for you to stay NC, heal, and eventually do the same yourself.

 

I never said I planned to get her back. I said I planned to do NC. I DO want her back though and I get NC isn't a trick to get her back. The NC is for me to heal and make some positive changes, and at the same time, to see if she will even miss me or is unsure about her decision.

 

Yes, her new boyfriend is in closer proximity, but if she's happy with him, why is she coming to me for comfort? Why is she telling me she feels empty? Her biggest reason for breaking up was because I wasn't able to be there with her physically when she needed comfort. Her boyfriend is, but apparently, it seems she's still unhappy.

 

Which is why I'm wondering if this is my chance to get her back? Or should I wait it out and ignore her sad messages?

[Blanco]

I never said I planned to get her back.

 

The reason I haven't blocked communication is because I DO plan on getting her back eventually.

 

She's contacting you because she likely feels bad about hurting you. Just because someone doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean they don't still care about you as a person.

 

You two aren't used to not speaking, which is also why she's likely reaching out. It probably hasn't fully registered that no more relationship also means no more casual communication; package deal.

[Simon Phoenix]

I never said I planned to get her back. I said I planned to do NC. I DO want her back though and I get NC isn't a trick to get her back. The NC is for me to heal and make some positive changes, and at the same time, to see if she will even miss me or is unsure about her decision.

 

Yes, her new boyfriend is in closer proximity, but if she's happy with him, why is she coming to me for comfort? Why is she telling me she feels empty? Her biggest reason for breaking up was because I wasn't able to be there with her physically when she needed comfort. Her boyfriend is, but apparently, it seems she's still unhappy.

 

Which is why I'm wondering if this is my chance to get her back? Or should I wait it out and ignore her sad messages?

 

It's very simple -- she can get physical love from him and emotional support from you. But you will lose in that situation. And it doesn't matter how much you "plan" to get her back. All of your best-laid plans and scheming won't amount to squat if she doesn't want to get back. And Blanco is right as well -- she's trying to have her cake and eat it too because she didn't exactly realize that no relationship = no comfort from you. But if you give her that comfort, you'll become the platonic friendzone "buddy" she can vent to while the other guy gets to take her out and hook up with her.

Edited October 7, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[mightycpa]

I was planning to do NC for 14 days...or me to heal and make some positive changes.

14 whole days, huh? Calendar days or business days?

 

If you follow through with this, you are going to step into a cyclone of on-again, off-again ****.

[Keveff]

Hey guys,

 

I know this is going to be very long. I guess I'm just writing this out to kind of let my emotions out and maybe to get some clarity or outside opinions. And to kill some time while I wait for her decision in a couple of hours.

 

So my ex and I have been together in a LDR for about 2 years. Everything was perfect until near the end where she went through a really depressed and stressful stage in life and made bad decisions (shoplifted a marker, got caught with weed in her vehicle). After these happened, she felt like she really needed comfort, but I made the wrong choice and before I comforted her, I got angry at the fact she made these decisions because they were so unlike her. This caused her to feel afraid to tell me her problems when she had more and she began hiding her feelings without me knowing (she'd cut herself and force herself to vomit because she felt fat, even though she wasn't).

 

Anyway, fast forward a couple months, she moved to a new state because she had to get away from home (it was a really bad environment). We also discussed things and I realized how wrong I was to not be there for her when she really needed me, so I really decided to change my ways and be a more understanding/patient boyfriend. When she moved, she eventually met another guy who was nice to her and she talked to him about her problems, because I guess she felt like she couldn't tell me still. I don't know about this guy at all, and after a week, she tells me she needs a break.

 

The last 2 months, she's been with him, but kept it a secret, while talking to me and going back and forth about how we are together. Eventually, I found out about them and she told me she was going to break up with him. Little did I know, she only told him they were on a break. At the same time, she said she really loves me and was sorry. She also told me she really wanted to see me in person and for me to come down to visit (we're longdistance).

 

So I went down to visit last week and when I get there, I find out she didn't really break up with him and I ask her about it. She says she really did mean it when she loved me and everything, but after she talked to him when she was suppose to break up, it made her confused and that she just needed me to come down so she can feel it out to see if she can feel the same connection with me.

 

Anyway, we kind of had an emotional discussion about it, and decided to just enjoy our time together to see how it goes. At first, it was awkward because I knew about everything and it was depressing. But the last couple of nights, we really connected, had fun, laughed, and I felt that spark we use to have.

 

So before I fly back home, we talk about our situation. She tells me she still doesn't know and that she wants to spend the next few days with me to decide. It hurts me, but I decide to go with it because I would do whatever it took if it meant I had a chance to be with her. So we have our emotional farewells before I leave, and it feels really good. It feels like how it felt when I first met her.

 

The next few days were also great, and on sunday, we decided to spend the day apart for her to sink in her thoughts. Also, during my time up, she didn't really contact the other guy. He'd try to text her, but she would give a really short response.

 

So Monday morning arrives, and she tells me that she doesn't think we're meant to be together right now. In my head im like "Wtf? Didn't we just have a great week together?" Her reasoning was because her head is so jumbled and she thinks she's too emotionally weak at the moment to handle long distance because she really misses me at times and wishes for me to be there with her physically as well. She also says that she didn't feel that spark when I was up there, which was confusing to me because I certainly felt something. I also asked if she feels it with him and if he makes her laugh like I do, and she said yes to both. So I'm heartbroken and just accept it and we say our goodbyes. I don't talk to her the rest of the day.

 

Tuesday morning, SHE messages me asking the following:

"I hope you're ok :/"

"I know you dont wanna talk to me, but just checking in"

 

After I don't respond for awhile, she continues:

"Well, OK, I get the message. I'm sure your already moving on. No matter what I still care about you"

 

An hour later:

"I don't know whats wrong with me"

"I feel so empty"

"I just dont wanna be here"

 

When I saw that last message, I called her because I was worried she was thinking suicidal thoughts (she does cut herself at times).

 

I asked her what was wrong. And she said she was depressed and sad because she saw that I reneabled my dating apps (I just renabled it to put myself out there, I wasn't ready to go actively searching yet). She also saw that I liked some female artist's picture on instagram who she gets really jealous about because she knows I use to have a celebrity crush on her before I met her. She also tells me she vomited when she found out because it made her so depressed/jealous and sick to her stomach. In addition, she said it hurts because it looks like I'm moving on already. I basically tell her that these things shouldn't matter to her because we're already broken up. I then end the conversation saying I had work to do.

 

Later that night, she texts me to ask if I've been talking to other girls. I didn't reply and she's like "Mk".

 

Yesterday morning, she realizes I didn't respond still and tells me to just "forget everything!" In my mind, I don't understand why she's acting this way if she decided to break up and choose the other guy. I ask her why she's acting this way and why she's jealous when she has a boyfriend. She tells me that she misses me and that she still loves me. She also goes on telling me that the past 2 days, all she's done was cry, even when she was with her boyfriend. She says everything and everywhere she does or goes to, she sees me and can't stop thinking about me. She also says she imagines me flirting with other girls and it hurts her.

 

I told her:

"When you were with me, you were depressed because of our problems right? Those were problems between just you and i. Nobody else. Now that you have a new boyfriend, I'm not even in the picture anymore, yet you're still depressed about me and it has nothing to do with the two of you. So what does that mean?"

 

So I let her sit in that thought and later that day, she calls me and we talk about it. I asked her if when she was with me, did she care about her previous ex boyfriend and get jealous about who he saw or what he did? She said no and then I asked, then what does it mean when you feel that way about me while being with another guy that you chose? She then tells me she thinks she made the wrong decision and realizes that if she really loved the other guy, she wouldnt feel this way about me. She continues saying that when she looks at me, its more magical and when she looks at him, its not the same. She also says that when I did come down to visit her, she really felt that spark all over again and said otherwise during our first break up so it'd be easier. She also says she noticed things when she hung out with him and that it didn't make her as happy as I did.

 

So basically, she decides to come back to me and she leaves a note in her other boyfriend's apartment saying she wants to break up because she still has feelings for somebody else (the other guy doesn't know about me or that she's been stringing both of us along).

 

Later that night, her boyfriend comes home, sees the note and demands her to talk in person. Eventually I hesitantly et her go to see him cause she feels its the right thing to do.

 

2 hours later, she comes home and tells me that she's confused again. She tells me she wants the night to sit in her thoughts and she'll give me a decision tomorrow morning (today, whenever she wakes up). I question her about it because I'm so confused about how she keeps going back and forth. Especially after all those things she said about me vs. him earlier that day.

 

I continue to ask her what her decision is and she begins to lean towards the other guy. She says, now that she spilled all her secrets to him, and he was still willing to accept her, she thinks it'll be different. She also says maybe the reason she didn't feel that connection with him recently was because she had a wall up due to her being guilty for hiding her secrets. What I don't get is, what does that guilt or wall have to do with the whole her missing me and being jealous? I feel like she's so overwhelmed with all these emotions that she's not thinking properly.

 

Anyway, we talk a bit more, and by the end of the night, she says she needs to think about it and that as of now, shes not leaning towards anybody. I don't get it because she literally keeps ping-ponging on what she says. Does her guilt of not telling him her secrets really have anything to do with her missing me?

 

So now, I'm waiting for her to wake up in the next few hours for her decision. I'm filled with anxiety and confusion. I'm not really asking for advice on what to do. I don't really know what I'm asking. I guess I'm just venting and wanted opinions/insight on what she's thinking.

 

TL;DR: Ex-girlfriend can't decide between me and her other boyfriend. She says one thing, gets swayed by another. Just want insight/opinions. Again, sorry for the lengthy post.

[frigginlost]

Sorry you're going through this, but really, the only answer is the most simple one:

 

Back away. Completely.

 

Try to live your live right now. No matter what you say or do, you can't make her "decision" for her. She is confused and she needs to work that out.

[Blanco]

Find someone who lives closer to you.

[Keveff]

Ya I understand that, but it's hard to just go about my life at the moment because I don't even know what her decision is. Especially since I'll probably get it in like 2-3 hours from now.

 

I'm just basically letting my emotions out because its hard not to talk to anybody about it. I've talked to a few friends, but the last thing I told them was that we were getting back together. It's kind of embarassing to tell them that we might not be together anymore again when not even 24 hours has passed.

 

I'm also just wondering what she's really thinking. Did she really miss me because she actually missed me? Or is it because she felt like she couldn't tel her other boyfriend things because she was keeping secrets? But even still, I don't see how the two are related.

 

I don't know, I'm just venting I guess...

[Simon Phoenix]

The fact that you are waiting on her is the reason why you'll never get her in the first place. You have lowered your value because you are this desperate schmuck sitting around waiting for table scraps. Anyone who allows themselves to be played like this is a sucker. And you sir, are a sucker. Sorry to be blunt, but damn, have some dignity.

[lchf]

Umm WTF did I just read? Your GF of 2 years goes behind your back, cheats on you for however many months, and you still entertain the idea of being with her? Do you have any self respect at all?

 

I'm in a long distance relationship and if my gf ever did anything like this I would never speak to her again.

[PaperCrane]

you gotta pick up your balls and walk away.

 

Send something to the effect of:

 

I get it, you're confused. However I can't wait around on confusion. We spent two years together and you're unsure. Good for you, go find whatever it is you need to be sure about. As for me I'm sure of the fact I don't need to be waiting around on someone to decide if I'm better than second place.

 

I'm going to be moving on and you should too. I don't want to hear from you, hear about you, or "be your friend". Best of luck in your life.

 

---

 

After that, go NC because this will only tear at your heart and hurt you. I know you're the type to want to say something so do it, but go stone cold NC afterwards. You deserve to have someone who doesn't lie and cheat.

 

Walk away man, walk away. You're strong enough for it.

[Keveff]

Okay, I get why everyone is calling me all these things. I understand only an idiot would go through the **** I'm doing and still be willing to accept her back, but I just want to explain my reasoning for it. And maybe even after explaining, it still may not be a valid reason for hanging around and hoping, but I just want to let it out anyway.

 

So, the reason I am still around is because I kind of feel responsible for the way she is. She really isn't this type of girl, but she has gone through a lot in the past few months, and she was already emotionally weak to begin with, so I feel all this depression has caused her to break and make her unable to think properly.

 

Her parents are verbally abusive towards her which make her feel worthless and stupid. They never help her when she needs help (ie. they laugh at the idea of her asking for help to pay for college, which she hasn't even started because she doesn't have the money). She has to pay her own bills and in her area, there really is no job opportunity, so whatever she makes from waitressing, usually goes to paying her bills, and she has very little left over.

 

One night, while driving with her cousin and friend, she got pulled over because her tail light was broken. The cop also searched her vehicle and found weed. She got charged and felt horrible. When she called me looking for comfort, I got angry at her instead, so that made things worse.

 

Also, because she had very little money and loved to do art, but didn't have the markers that she needed, she made a bad decision to shoplift a marker from a hobby-shop. She got caught, and returned the marker, but was charged. So now, she felt like a criminal, her mom told her it was her fault and that she was stupid. Then when she called me about it, I got angry at her because I mean, it was a stupid decision, and she just got in trouble not too long ago with the whole weed thing. I got angry at her not because I hate her, but its because I care about her and am protective that I don't want her to repeat these decisions. Instead, I guess I just scared her and made her feel worse, which made her feel like she couldn't tell me things. This eventually made her keep her depression in because she had nobody to talk to since she was scared to tell me anymore, and it made her even more depressed.

 

After awhile, her vehicle broke down and had no ride to get to work, which is a 40min-1hr drive just getting there. Her parents also won't let her borrow their vehicle and won't offer to drive her. So for about a month, she had no income. I did try to help as much as I could, but at the time, I was still in university and had to pay my student loans and my bills as well, so I didn't have a lot to give.

 

Anyway, when she had no income and couldn't find any jobs around her (there really is nothing in her small rural town, plus she didn't even have a vehicle to get around), it got her depressed and she didn't know what to do. We both tried to come up with ideas, and eventually she thought of the idea of being a stripper, but didn't really like the idea because she feels degraded if she were to, but she was desperate. Instead, I brought up the idea of being a cam girl since its probably safer. She thought about it, but kept putting it off.

 

After weeks went by, she still had no income or job and she was always depressed about it and it eventually got to me because I was stressed with finals, and paying bills. So to be constantly hammered by her depression brought me down. I told her that she just needs to make a sacrifice in order to make a bit of money, then she can do whatever she wants after. So I kind of pushed/pressured her onto the idea of being a cam girl, which she was hesitant about.

 

Eventually, she started doing it and made decent money, but felt icky everytime she did it. She hated that feeling, but wouldn't tell me because she felt I would be disappointed in her for quitting, so she kept doing it for a month or two. It made her feel less valued because she thought I was willing to let other men view her body, which wasn't the case. I just wanted her to be able to make money and then move on to a better job. If anything, I thought she was gorgeous and had a great personality that I would be okay for people to see because it was like showing her off, but I know that's my ****ed up thought-process and I regret it because it made her feel less valued. So that's one of the reasons she got really depressed and kind of resents me for it. And I know it is my fault and regret getting her to do that kind of thing because I should have valued her better.

 

So basically, I guess all of my anger really made her depressed and pushed her into the state she's in, which is why I feel horrible and tried to fix things. These things all happened over 2 months and it wasn't until after awhile, I realized that I was wrong for not being there when she needed me, so I decided to fix myself because I really was a lot more caring before all these things happened. But after a week or two of changing, that's when she decided to initiate the "break" as mentioned in the OP.

 

I guess I just feel guilty and responsible for the way she is. I also feel like I may deserve all this too. In addition, I know this isn't the kind of person she is, which is why I've been trying so hard to fix things, and endure all this crap in hopes that I can get her to realize what she's doing. I just feel like she's so depressed that she only ever focuses on the past negative events instead of the 1 year and like 6 months of happiness we had. It's not like during these past two months, she was cold and hateful towards me. She still told me she loved me and tried to talk to me everyday during the break, its just she hid things as well. At first, she WAS distant, but over time, she missed me and warmed back up to me, and kept initiating contact with me, however we weren't skyping every night like we use to and the reason for that was obviously cause she was with the other guy at the time. But anyway, that's my reasoning. I just wanted to clarify that she's not to blame 100% and that I did some regretful things as well.

Edited October 9, 2015 by Keveff

[PaperCrane]

So, boiled down:

 

Charged with drug possession. Not your fault.

Charged with shoplifting. Not your fault.

Can't maintain a vehicle. Not your fault.

You helped her financially because reasons. Kinda your fault but you did it for the right reasons.

You pushed her to basically whore herself out. This is the one you can feel guilty about. I personally don't look down on people who cam or strip, it's their body and they can do what they'd like, but when she didn't really want to...that is where I see a big issue.

 

Her parents aren't your thing to fix, nor are her other issues. You don't need to make excuses for her, and she is who she is regardless of how you perceive her to be. That part you gotta accept man.

 

She needs to build her self worth, self reliance, and self esteem. All of this before she can be ready for a healthy relationship.

 

I dare say, those things are aspects you yourself need to work on as well. Let her go, this is not good for her or you or even the other guy.

[Keveff]

So, boiled down:

 

Charged with drug possession. Not your fault.

Charged with shoplifting. Not your fault.

 

I know these aren't necessarily my fault, but I felt I should have dealt with it better when she needed me. That was her big issue. Because nobody else was around to comfort her, she came to her boyfriend (me) for comfort since everyone else was already blaming her, and instead of comforting her, I hurt her. She said if I truly loved her, I would be able to handle her feelings and would have comforted her when she needed me most.

 

I don't know if that is necessarily valid, because yeah, I feel like I should have comforted her, and yeah, I did get angry, but I never stopped loving her. If I didn't love her, I would have brushed it off and not care about what she did.

 

She also said she needed someone who can handle her feelings. At first, I felt like she was right, but after awhile, I wondered, how can she expect somebody else to handle her feelings if she can't even handle it herself.

 

I dunno, I don't know if she's right or I'm right in that regard. I know that I have always truly loved her though.

Edited October 9, 2015 by Keveff

[PaperCrane]

I know these aren't necessarily my fault, but I felt I should have dealt with it better when she needed me. That was her big issue. Because nobody else was around to comfort her, she came to her boyfriend (me) for comfort since everyone else was already blaming her, and instead of comforting her, I hurt her. She said if I truly loved her, I would be able to handle her feelings and would have comforted her when she needed me most.

 

I don't know if that is necessarily valid, because yeah, I feel like I should have comforted her, and yeah, I did get angry, but I never stopped loving her. If I didn't love her, I would have brushed it off and not care about what she did.

 

She also said she needed someone who can handle her feelings. At first, I felt like she was right, but after awhile, I wondered, how can she expect somebody else to handle her feelings if she can't even handle it herself.

 

I dunno, I don't know if she's right or I'm right in that regard. I know that I have always truly loved her though.

 

She wanted your comfort, she didn't need it. Part of being mature is being able to self soothe. If she wanted you as a crutch because of her mistake, that was nothing wrong on you. Letting her know everything will be okay and she just needs to wisen up is one thing, being an emotional tampon is another.

 

You didn't hurt her, you probably told her the truth. If the truth hurt her, that's her ball of wax to deal with.

 

Emotional manipulation with "If you really loved me...". That is bad news and when said seriously is a huge red flag.

 

The last bolded statement is the truth and you should reflect on that.

 

Being in a relationship is about sharing yourself with someone, not looking for that person to fix or hide the parts of yourself that you're missing. Instead it is to bolster and strengthen them and if they have problems to help them fix the issues themselves but with a healthy supportive way. Right now from all I've read this isn't going to happen.