Bigmiked Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Ok well last night I texted exgf after 2 months strict nc. I was drinking and asked if she got her house key back that I mailed. She said yes and will mail mine. I then said I still loved her and some more things I shouldnt have. She didn't really want to talk about all that. We did talk about other stuff . She wants to be friends and still talk. Ughhh! I left it at that and said goodnight, but not before saying I missed her bla blah blah. All in all it wasn't that bad. I feel ok. I've been dating and met a really great girl. I'm taking it real slow. Keeping options open. I'm not gonna lie and say I'm over my ex because I'm clearly not. I do however suspect she is BPD. So that adds a little more drama. But I do lover her still. Stupidly I'm willing to give it another shot if she lets me.
PegNosePete Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 You need to tell your new gf. It's not fair for you to still be in love with your ex. Do not date others until you're over your ex. How would you feel if your new gf was still in love with her ex? Would you be happy with that arrangement? 2
Blanco Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I think you should just take a break from dating all together. It sounds like you've basically gone from a 17-year marriage to being with this woman to dating other women. 1
Author Bigmiked Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Pete she isn't a girlfriend. We have only been out 2x.
PegNosePete Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Well, if you'd been out with someone 2x on a date, how would you feel if she was still in love with her ex? At best you'd feel she's wasting your time. At worst she'd be manipulative and deceitful. You're not being fair to her. You are emotionally unavailable. You need to stop seeing others until you're ready. If you carry on, someone is going to get hurt.
candie13 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I have a different pov. first of all, clean your plate. Decide which way you want to go. if you want the ex, go get her. Find ideas. solutions, get back in contact, I don't know, but focus in that direction. if you want to move on however, you need to block your ex. No Contact. Basically do what you're doing without contacting her and promising yourself firmly that you're not gonna take her back, even is she wanted and tried to. Until you sort out in which direction you're going, you're not gonna make much progress in any direction. That is the simple truth... Just... do a little soul searching and really be honest with yourself. if you're still inlove with your ex, maybe some time for yourself won't be bad... I do agree that after a while, being by yourself is sh"tty, though... Take baby steps. First comes: in which direction do you want to go? so, which one is it?
Simon Phoenix Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I have a different pov. first of all, clean your plate. Decide which way you want to go. if you want the ex, go get her. Find ideas. solutions, get back in contact, I don't know, but focus in that direction. if you want to move on however, you need to block your ex. No Contact. Basically do what you're doing without contacting her and promising yourself firmly that you're not gonna take her back, even is she wanted and tried to. Until you sort out in which direction you're going, you're not gonna make much progress in any direction. That is the simple truth... Just... do a little soul searching and really be honest with yourself. if you're still inlove with your ex, maybe some time for yourself won't be bad... I do agree that after a while, being by yourself is sh"tty, though... Take baby steps. First comes: in which direction do you want to go? so, which one is it? This here is a recipe for disaster.
Author Bigmiked Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Looks like I opened can of worms. You guys all have valid points. I had a weak moment and broke NC. I was doing great before that. The ex didn't give me anything as far as getting back. So don't think that will happen. I did also mention she has BPD traits and is probably borderline. Right now I will leave it as is and won't contact again.
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