Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 Thanks for that bit of clarity. Working on day 2. She's still on my mind. What I want is an llusion. The reality has long gone. Keep telling myself that. It's a minute to minute fight.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 Failed. I just googled her and learn even more details about her lies. This changes nothing except now I even got more angry. Why did I do this to myself.
dumbass2 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 You'll stop at some point. Most of us do the same thing. Not unusual to keeping wanting to know about the ex. It truly is keeping busy and finding something to help take most of your time off her. A broken heart is not easy to mend, but it will. Just know that there is no quick fix. You go through this at your pace, make mistake along the way and just learn from them and do your best not to repeat them.
bluefeather Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Failed. I just googled her and learn even more details about her lies. This changes nothing except now I even got more angry. Why did I do this to myself. Doesn't sound like you failed. Sounds like you're doing just fine. Anger: one of the stages of grief. The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central From that site ^ replace 'death' with 'loss' - "The five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death." With the way I was treated, I once saw it as a death of her old self. I mourned the person I fell in love with, but I had to let go of the person she became. This is what I accepted: People. Have. Issues. But you know what? It's because this world is really ****ed up. Yes, there is beauty but there is also wickedness. And it can do some serious damage to people's brains. And I've heard this phrase on here before: Hurt people hurt people. Get it? People who are hurt, hurt other people. Once I was able to accept this, I stopped feeling so much anger. After that was... pity. I thought, "How pathetic can one be to do this to me?" Honestly think about what kind of psychological level one would have to be at in order to think that those kinds of actions are "ok" to do. God help those people, man... because we certainly cannot Like a dog that got rabies, goes and acts violently to others. Poor stupid thing wasn't meant to act that way, but somewhere along the way, something happened to it. No use holding onto a hot piece of coal. 1
NoLeafClover Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 (edited) I live in Detroit metro..10 houses in detroit ain't worth $h+t. You can now buy a lot for 100 bucks and pay $50 yearly for tax..don't know where you were going with that comment but I land money to friends and family all the time and always get them back on time. I think your problem is who and why you are giving money to these women. You should not have to pay for someone else's bills because they are in a relationship with you. You are giving out money and kept doing so now you are wondering why this is all happened after doing it for so long. FIND BETTER people to hangout with, deal with and live with. Edited October 9, 2015 by NoLeafClover
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 Like I said, tell me something I don't know. But the last time we argued, the way she tells it, she just lost her car because she can't afford it anymore. I don't believe her anymore. But it sorta made me feel good.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 The 2nd time around ain't any easier. The pain is just as much and just as hard to deal with. At least I bought punching gloves this time.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 11, 2015 Author Posted October 11, 2015 A good bottle of scotch does not help with NC. For the first time in a long time, I started enjoying GLEN MORANGIE. Bad idea. I started getting thoughts into my head that she should take half the blame in this. I emailed her. Big fight. NC starting over.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 11, 2015 Author Posted October 11, 2015 But damned that is good scotch.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 11, 2015 Author Posted October 11, 2015 God, I just figured out she lied to me in February. She was going to help her mom moved. She was in Punta Cana! I'm freaking angry right now. I need to calm down. Acknowledge the anger. Yes, I'm angry. Don't let it control you. Let the anger flow.
RIPolaris Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Ignorance is bliss. Don't talk to her, don't google her, don't look her up on social media, etc. I know it's hard at first but believe me it will help tremendously. The less you know the better. Eventually you'll grow to not even care what she's doing and won't even get the urge to look her up. It take time but it will get better!
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Easier said than done. I was a military man. Ignorance meant death!
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Yes, I know that is a freaking excuse but it's damned hard to turn on the spot of a life time of training. Don't let the bad guys know what you know but know as ... Never mind, that is a freaking cop out!
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 14, 2015 Author Posted October 14, 2015 Do not freaking pity me! I've sufferred a hell lot worst than this! I've lost people because of my own stupid mistakes and you think you leaving me is hurting me more?
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 16, 2015 Author Posted October 16, 2015 Talked to a counciller today. I was such a freaking mess that I needed help. What do you do when you learn that most of this is my fault?
bluefeather Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 What do you do when you learn that most of this is my fault? I changed my perspective of life and viewed almost everything that happens to me as at least partly my fault. When you blame others for your problems, you give them power over your life. If you take responsibility for something, you regain the power to affect it. 2
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 There's a part of me who wants to beg her to come back. It's tearing me up inside not to listen. I know there's no going back and I'm just idealizing my past. It is so tempting to give in. Thankfully, this is still fresh enough that I can recall why this happenned. I can't trust her and I will never get what I want. Hopefully, this voice gets louder and louder.
lauri Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Hey man, I wanted to say I'm happy to hear you saw a counselor. It's a huge help to speak directly face to face to someone. I think and know you're worth much more than how your exs have made you feel. It's hard to see and understand now, but I think slowly by sticking to NC, working on yourself and continuing to see someone to get things off of your chest is going to help give you more clarity. You had a hell of a career serving our country, you rose up quickly and became someone many people couldn't. Because of this, I know in my heart you're more capable of pulling out of this than most people on this site. You're gonna be okay.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Broke NC today. She contacted me saying that I am so wrong about everything, that she's not with anybody. Googled up her salon and it was the same exact address as the freak she's staying with. Sent that to her. She has pictures of her salon. Googlemaps street side view showed the freak's house was for sale. Look up real estate sites and got the interior pictures of the place. It was her salon. Complete utter silence after. I should not have broken NC but damned she pissed me off.
bluefeather Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I might have just sent her message to the guy.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 I am emotionally drained. I have no more fight in me. Not going to call her but ain't in the mood to fight to stay away. Thank God I scared her off or I would be falling for her bait right now.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 I might have just sent her message to the guy.I've already warned him when I first found out. Apparently, she sweet talked him into thinking I'm crazy or something.
bluefeather Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I've already warned him when I first found out. Apparently, she sweet talked him into thinking I'm crazy or something. It'd be harder to argue against it if you showed proof. Not worth your time, though. Anyway, just freaking block her everywhere. She sounds like a nasty piece of garbage. Plus you need to keep loving yourself and not be distracted by that.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 I should not be hurting this much! I have no focus.
Author BrokenManAgain Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 I guess this forum already had a taste of me. My way or the highway.
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