sas22 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Been seeing this guy for about a month and a half, been on 7 dates. Going out again tomorrow (probably). The last time we had a date we ended up at his apartment and made out in bed, he tried to eat me out but I wouldn't let him...I'm very inexperienced and don't feel comfortable doing sexual things unless I know he's not seeing other people. I'm definitely not having sex with him unless we're in a relationship. I've been thinking of telling him I want to date him exclusively, not necessarily putting a label on it (because really I don't know if I want him to be my boyfriend yet, I just want to not see other people and see where this goes). I'm starting to really like him and feel that it's in my best interest to clarify things, otherwise I'll just get more emotionally invested without knowing if he wants the same thing. My question is is this too early to bring this up? I'm not asking for a relationship like I said, just to date exclusively. What do you guys think? This is the first guy I've gotten this far with and don't want to mess it up. Also if anyone could help me figure out how to bring this up, that'd be great.
kpl Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 has communication and contact increased over time? Does it feel like the relationship is building?
Author sas22 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 has communication and contact increased over time? Does it feel like the relationship is building? Well communication has been the same - we've had text conversations pretty much every day for the last month and he usually initiates. We first went on dates only once a week but went out twice last weekend (he works long hours so weekends are pretty much it). I feel that it is building, he is asking me more questions about my family/friends, and I think each date has progressed the relationship. But there is definitely still a lot to learn about each other.
kpl Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 What do you think he would say? I actually believe this talk should only be initiated if you are probably 80% sure of the response. i don't think everyone is worth having the conversation with.
xcupid Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Well communication has been the same - we've had text conversations pretty much every day for the last month and he usually initiates. We first went on dates only once a week but went out twice last weekend (he works long hours so weekends are pretty much it). I feel that it is building, he is asking me more questions about my family/friends, and I think each date has progressed the relationship. But there is definitely still a lot to learn about each other. Then perhaps you should get to know him a lot better before having sex with him. Just because you're "exclusive" doesn't mean much if he has sex with you and then disappears.
Author sas22 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 What do you think he would say? I actually believe this talk should only be initiated if you are probably 80% sure of the response. i don't think everyone is worth having the conversation with. I think he wants the same thing as he's hinted at it and actually asked on the 3rd date if I was seeing anyone else..I can't really remember if I asked him the same thing because I had one too many drinks But still you never know and since I've never done this before I'm more insecure.
Author sas22 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Then perhaps you should get to know him a lot better before having sex with him. Just because you're "exclusive" doesn't mean much if he has sex with you and then disappears. Yeah I mean it's not like as soon as he agrees to be exclusive I'm gonna be like "where ya bed at?" I'm not ready for sex yet and want to get to know him more. I'm just saying I want to know we're on the same page before I emotionally invest myself further in getting to know him.
smackie9 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Well since you are inexperienced and want to be sure I say "yes" have that conversation with him. He needs to understand where you are coming from. And I always say never "assume" anything until someone says something. 1
kpl Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I think he wants the same thing as he's hinted at it and actually asked on the 3rd date if I was seeing anyone else..I can't really remember if I asked him the same thing because I had one too many drinks But still you never know and since I've never done this before I'm more insecure. I think the conversation seems fair. I wouldn't mention sex just talk about your relationship. I always think its a bad idea to tell guys you won't have sex unless you're exclusive b/c some guys will say whatever to have sex. A month and a half is enough time.
Qboro90 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I wouldn't recommend wording the conversation to include the term "exclusivity" . It's been a month and a half and so far you've basically just made out with each other and gone on a handful of dates. There is no need for you to broach the subject because you control how much physical process there can be. Lets say you brought it up and had the conversation with him and he told you that he was ok with/wanted to be exclusive with you as well. Is that going to stop him from hooking up with another girl or pursueing other options behind your back? No it's not. You need to trust your judgment of his character and use his actions as the basis for that. A guy can easily just say he's not going to talk to or date other girls in order to appease you.
Author sas22 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 I think the conversation seems fair. I wouldn't mention sex just talk about your relationship. I always think its a bad idea to tell guys you won't have sex unless you're exclusive b/c some guys will say whatever to have sex. A month and a half is enough time. That's true, I was leaning towards not saying anything about sex because of that. Thanks for your help!
Author sas22 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 I wouldn't recommend wording the conversation to include the term "exclusivity" . It's been a month and a half and so far you've basically just made out with each other and gone on a handful of dates. There is no need for you to broach the subject because you control how much physical process there can be. Lets say you brought it up and had the conversation with him and he told you that he was ok with/wanted to be exclusive with you as well. Is that going to stop him from hooking up with another girl or pursueing other options behind your back? No it's not. You need to trust your judgment of his character and use his actions as the basis for that. A guy can easily just say he's not going to talk to or date other girls in order to appease you. I agree that just because he says he wants to be exclusive doesn't mean he won't go behind my back. But I don't want to get another month or two down the road and be really into him and then get hurt when I find out he's been seeing other people because neither of us ever vocalized what we wanted. That would be on me, not him. Also if I keep avoiding getting physical with him he might start to wonder why and think I'm not interested. Do I just say I'm inexperienced and leave it at that? Or just say I don't want to yet?
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I think because of men's chasing nature it should be them bringing up the exclusivity talk. Each time I brought the exclusivity talk my self I never felt good about it - it was like I imposed something on him he was not ready to. Did you meet him online? Is he still active on there? A man that is into you will not let any other hunter get to you. He will want to eliminate the competition pretty quickly by locking you in exclusivity.
EricaH329 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I want to know we're on the same page Just tell him this. Casually bring it up. I think that after 7 dates, it's appropriate to wonder if he is seeing anyone else, or is still looking. Also if I keep avoiding getting physical with him he might start to wonder why and think I'm not interested. Do I just say I'm inexperienced and leave it at that? Or just say I don't want to yet? Both! Be honest. Tell him you haven't had much experience, and that you place being physically intimate in high regard. Personally, I think it's admirable! 2
katiegrl Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I think because of men's chasing nature it should be them bringing up the exclusivity talk. Each time I brought the exclusivity talk my self I never felt good about it - it was like I imposed something on him he was not ready to. Did you meet him online? Is he still active on there? A man that is into you will not let any other hunter get to you. He will want to eliminate the competition pretty quickly by locking you in exclusivity. ^^This has been my experience as well....
kpl Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 ^^This has been my experience as well.... I sort of agree. I think for some mean they may not mention it but you can tell through their actions. Like they always want to see you so no one else can. It's a lot easier when the conversation seems like a formality. I think asking about what you are looking for is better than let's be exclusive. You want to just know you guys are on the same page. 1
glynnroy Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Been seeing this guy for about a month and a half, been on 7 dates. Going out again tomorrow (probably). The last time we had a date we ended up at his apartment and made out in bed, he tried to eat me out but I wouldn't let him...I'm very inexperienced and don't feel comfortable doing sexual things unless I know he's not seeing other people. I'm definitely not having sex with him unless we're in a relationship. I've been thinking of telling him I want to date him exclusively, not necessarily putting a label on it (because really I don't know if I want him to be my boyfriend yet, I just want to not see other people and see where this goes). I'm starting to really like him and feel that it's in my best interest to clarify things, otherwise I'll just get more emotionally invested without knowing if he wants the same thing. My question is is this too early to bring this up? I'm not asking for a relationship like I said, just to date exclusively. What do you guys think? This is the first guy I've gotten this far with and don't want to mess it up. Also if anyone could help me figure out how to bring this up, that'd be great. That would confuse me You don't want to be his boyfriend but you don't want him to date other girls You can't have it both ways ! I'd have gone by now ! 1
Miss Peach Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I think because of men's chasing nature it should be them bringing up the exclusivity talk. Each time I brought the exclusivity talk my self I never felt good about it - it was like I imposed something on him he was not ready to. Did you meet him online? Is he still active on there? A man that is into you will not let any other hunter get to you. He will want to eliminate the competition pretty quickly by locking you in exclusivity. I feel the same way. I would just state your boundary. Something like "I only go to 3rd base with someone I'm exclusive with. While we're still getting to know each other I have some ideas on what we can do" and then initiate what you feel comfortable with. That way you both know what is acceptable and what needs to happen to move farther. If that's something he wants it can be enough of a hint to bring up the talk but you aren't pressuring him into any sort of talk either. 2
Author sas22 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 I think because of men's chasing nature it should be them bringing up the exclusivity talk. Each time I brought the exclusivity talk my self I never felt good about it - it was like I imposed something on him he was not ready to. Did you meet him online? Is he still active on there? A man that is into you will not let any other hunter get to you. He will want to eliminate the competition pretty quickly by locking you in exclusivity. This is what I would prefer, but like I said I don't want to wait too long if he is seeing others. Yes, we met on Tinder and I'm not sure if he's still active, I haven't been on in a couple of weeks. I do know that he got out of a relationship in June or July (not sure how long the relationship was) so at first I thought maybe I'm just a rebound. But I feel that he would've tried to have sex much quicker/wouldn't text me every day if that's all he was looking for? I don't know.
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