andruha149 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Well, here am I. I'm 21 years old and my name is Andrew. English is not my native language, I apologize for possible mistakes. The reason I'm here and writing this is that I like many others lost my relationship. The main problem currently for me is that I can't find anything to be happy about, all the people, clouds, hobbies are just grey for me. Under grey I mean I do these activities just because I've got something to do. It doesn't bring me any happiness, basicly any emotions at all. Any spare free time I have I'm rethinking and reanalysing my past relationships with the girl I loved more than anything else in this world. You may say it was just love addiction and perfectioning my feelings, and you will be right at some point. I'm an introvert. There are barely any persons except my family who are familiar with my inner situation. I have had 2 relationships before this one, the first one was few months and the following one almost a year. The girls I've met before were something like people to fill up my free time. I can't say I loved them sincerely even though I told them so. Nothing can describe my last relationship, it was the first girl I truly trusted and it felt like we were feeling each other mentally. We could guess the thoughts of each other and so on. It was the first real love in my life and I've never been happier than in this period. We were spending any spare minute after university together and so it lasted for somewhat like 8 months. At the end of the grade we both had a of work to do at university: diploma, exams and etc. There were several things I had to shut my eyes to such as her hate on me studying way too much (as she thought, even though for me it was the minimum ), swearing a lot and some minor ones. I could live with all of that just with the thought of her loving me. At some day we agreed to meet next day, but at the morning of the meet up day she came from nowhere with thoughts that I don't love her because I didn't drive to her that night (???). I ****ed myself up and drove to her immediately trying to come out of conflict and prevent the upcoming break-up. Dunno what I was thinking of at that momement but at the end of our conversation I was literally praying to her so she wouldn't dump (the moment I felt down in my own eyes, I've never done it before and will never do it again, the most stupid decision of my life yet). Hard to believe, but somehow we found the consensus and everything went alright again (as i thought). Obviously that didn't last long and the start of August we dumped me again after a small conflict (this time I just told myself that I should let her go). The bad thing is that it happened over Social network, the worst thing is that the answer to my question why did she came up with that decision was briefly that everything is my fault and the only her fault was that she haven't dumped me earlier. At that point I was totally mentally destroyed, I couldn't understand what was going on. I was doing paintings for her, helping out in hard life-situation, supporting in any moment of time. The life stopped, I was curious how could I've been that wrong about someone. I let her into my life, into myself and now there is ****ing gigantic spastic black hole. Even though 2 months have passed by already I'm still dying like ****, it kills me from inside. My brain understands everything and tells me all the right things to do (sport, work, hobbies) but my heart ironically refuses to calm the **** down. I'm killing myself because I care too much about a person who betrayed me and made feel like **** for eternity. I hate her and ****ing love st the same time, how is that possible to love someone who gave you the worst pain ever, this is madness :/ I can't even remember the time when I didn't feel like ****, everything looks like an eternal life-circle where I'm stoned forever. Though I feel myself much better than right after break-up, but I can't believe that sometimes I will feel myself normal. Every girl I see automatically seems boring as hell for me, nothing brings me emotions. I felt a bit better after I have written it up. I'm hoping some of you might give me some advice how to overcome the **** inside you and maybe give me a hope for a better life. Thanks in advance.
DirtyBerty Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 When I broke up with my ex I felt the same. I was doing things to keep busy but I still felt bad and still thought about her while dong things. I remember playing tennis hoping to be distracted, but with every shot I was thinking in my head (I'm still thinking about her, why can't I stop, why am I playing tennis right now but can't stop thinking and talking to myself like this). All I can say is keep doing stuff and activity. Eventually I carried on and the gaps between thinking about her got longer a tiny bit at a time. Eventually I felt better when keeping busy. I was surprised how quickly I experienced good days. They will come along sooner than you think and it will feel amazing! It is some temporary relief from the situation, but remember you will still have bad days and maybe weeks. But it won't be constant and you will feel better! I'm 6 weeks out of a 7 year relationship and I had 2 whole weeks of good days! I felt bad for the following 3 days but those 2 weeks of good days were amazing! So know that you won't feel like this forever! Honest! Maybe also consider counselling. It's really helped me. Also work out at the gym. I hated it the first few times because I couldn't stop thinking about my ex while working out, but keep at it and maybe listen to some comedy or funny podcasts while you work out. That helped me 1
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