how to ask a man to make you feel special

[FaithInTheDark]

im in a relationship with a man that i truly love with all my heart, I know he feels the same.

Ive done everything for him and he does appreciate it. example : I let him stay with me for 6 weeks rent free while he was trying to get on his feet, made him lunch for work everyday, doing his laundry and going out my way for him any way possible.

he always thanks me for everything i do and tells me how much he does loves me.

all in all he is a good boyfriend and im so grateful to have him. but my selfless acts are starting to catch up with me, i take his problems upon myself. when he comes home from work and tells me how stressed me , i get really stressed too. i put his needs before mine alot of the time because i love him.

dont get me wrong i am no door mat and he knows this.

we barely have sex, maybe once a week...im always the one initiating it...hes just not that sexual of a person and i know i cant force that....but my needs arent being met...hes even told me he knows this.

but deep down i wish he would make me feel special. hes never bought me flowers or really gone out of his way to really do anything along those lines. i just want some romance gestures from him

i know he would be there for me in a heart beat but i just wish hed go out of his way for me the way i do for him... i guess i want to feel spoiled but i know hes in a financial hard ship right now.

I really feel like i need to vocalize this though so he can understand,,,,,any advice?

Edited October 7, 2015 by FaithInTheDark

[EricaH329]

Everyone has a different way of showing their love to another. Yours may be doing things for him, his may be using words to vocalize his love. There's actually a book that talks about exactly that. It's called The 5 Love Languages. I've never read it, but i've heard it's good!

 

Anyway, i'd have a discussion with him about how everyone shows their love differently, and go on to say that you show your appreciation for him by doing things for him. Then go on to ask what he thinks his is. It's a good way to find out more about the way he loves, and it'll open up the discussion to talk about what you'd like and what he'd like.

[Gaeta]

I am also a giver and I tend to 'mother' my mate as a show of my love. My live-in boyfriend of 4 years stopped touching me and I soon discovered he was cheating on me.

 

I remember telling all this to my mother, how I was good too him, I cleaned, cooked, pressed his clothes, prepared his lunch, how could he do this to me. She told me something I will never ever forget.

 

She told me Gaeta: Men don't want to sleep with their mother.

 

My suggestion is for you to be his girlfriend, not his mother. Treat yourself, dress up, have your hair and nails done, go out with your girlfriend, travel, start a new hobby and by the same time stop mothering him and let him fetch for himself. Stop the non sense, laundry, cooking, packing lunches and stuff.

[mightycpa]

In the whiniest voice you can muster, just say

 

I do all this stuff for you and you never make me feel special. Why won't you make me feel special?

 

You have made the classic mistake of carrying this guy's baggage for him.

 

 

• He can't pay the rent, so you give him shelter
  
• He won't wash his clothes, so you do it
  
• He won't make his lunch, so you do it
  
• He offloads his work stress onto you
  

and in return,

 

 

• He doesn't do your laundry
  
• He doesn't make lunch
  
• He offloads his work stress onto you
  
• He doesn't bang you like a screen door
  
• No flowers, no gifts, no notes of appreciation
  
• Nothing
  

 

If I were him, I'd say I love you too, even if I didn't want sex with you.

 

See where I'm going here?

[Stage5Clinger]

Have you considered telling him exactly what you posted here? Relationships don't have to be complicated. If you can't tell him what you need you'll never get it.

[losangelena]

I was gonna say the same thing!

 

You're not his maid. Or his mother. I can see making dinner for a BF, or even doing dishes if they were part of the meal-making process, but laundry and lunches? No, girl. Gaeta's right, men don't want to date their mothers.

 

Pull WAY back.

[FaithInTheDark]

I am also a giver and I tend to 'mother' my mate as a show of my love. My live-in boyfriend of 4 years stopped touching me and I soon discovered he was cheating on me.

 

I remember telling all this to my mother, how I was good too him, I cleaned, cooked, pressed his clothes, prepared his lunch, how could he do this to me. She told me something I will never ever forget.

 

She told me Gaeta: Men don't want to sleep with their mother.

 

My suggestion is for you to be his girlfriend, not his mother. Treat yourself, dress up, have your hair and nails done, go out with your girlfriend, travel, start a new hobby and by the same time stop mothering him and let him fetch for himself. Stop the non sense, laundry, cooking, packing lunches and stuff.

 

 

omg its soo true!...i only do these things for him because i just want him to be healthy.... im just such a motherly person,,,everyone tells me and im also a nurse.....

i did spend the day getting my hair and nails done, but ive neglected my friends, and all my hobbies completely...were in love but damn, you're right.

i need more in return and i promise to pull back