Stay home for college or go away?

[Tuutuu22]

I'm a senior in high school so as you know I'm going through the process of applying to colleges. Some colleges I'm applying to are home and some are away. When I was younger I always wanted to go away but as I've gotten older my thoughts have changed. I see the problems my sister goes through away at college and I wouldn't want to deal with some of the stuff she dealt and deals with also I'd save a lot of money and probably focus more if stayed at home. I have a great job at home too, I'm the assistant swim coach for a great gym i get a free membership to. Another reason I'm considering staying home for college is my boyfriend. We've been dating for one year and we love each other very much. We spoke about it and he said if i went away it wouldn't work(he stays home for school not because of me but because he wants to). I understand where he is coming from it's very difficult to make it work. However I cried after (not infant of him) because I would've atleast tried to make it work but I guess he is just being realistic. I haven't gotten any letters back or even sent in my applications but I feel so torn through this process. Any thoughts?

[d0nnivain]

A lot of factors go into the equation, cost being a big one. I could not imagine staying home for college & I loved my experience at one of the largest universities in the world several hundred miles from home. But that idea terrifies many & can be prohibitively expensive.

 

I stayed home for grad school but didn't enjoy that experience as much. I did get a great education.

 

There are a variety of schools out there for a reason. You have to pick the one that suits you best both personality wise & financially.

 

Do not under any circumstances base your decision on your BF however. If it's meant to be, he'll wait 4 years. But most relationships don't survive the transition from high school so to make a decision on a relationship that probably won't exist by the end of your 1st semester is foolish. If you are the exception to that norm, good for you, but he can't be the basis of your decision.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I know it is cliche to say "get your priorities in order"

 

 

(and that is typically said while sorta looking down on the other person)

 

 

But in your case, it would be a completely healthy idea.

 

 

 

I mean, if you want to be a manager on a construction site, and you want a degree in "Construction Site Management"... then you would want to look into where the best schools for that are, and decide if that is more important to you than is eventually marrying this boyfriend, and/or retaining that job as the swim coach.

 

 

If the boyfriend IS the top priority - then first admit it (to yourself, even)... and conduct your school search accordingly.

 

Any of your potential paths is OK, but you, and only you can tell what matters most to you.

 

The reports on your sister don't have to mirror what you would experience, so I don't think her specifics should carry much weight in your decision.

[Photofinish]

You can stay home for school and have an amazing college experience.

 

I stayed home for school and became president of the anime club and a very active member of my video game club and made life long friends. I met so many new people and still meet them even tho im not at school right now.

 

They are like my family and I wouldnt have met them if I left. I also met my boyfriend in college

 

I dont envy those who go away for college. They see to go a little too far with their "freedom" and usually turn to drugs, sex, and problems with the law at dorming schools.

HOWEVER. I would give anything to move away from home but I have a unique situation. I dont know yours but you will have your own space (with a roommate) if you do decide to leave. Something to take into consideration.

[madjac74]

Go away! The fact that he said it wouldn't work if you left, is him trying to control you. College is fun and he know you will move on and prosper. He is too weak to let you be your best.

[Qboro90]

Sorry to be the doom and gloom response here but you should absolutely never base your college and education life decisions around the impact it would have on your relationship. It would be a different story if you were 26 and had been dating him for 4 years and were looking into graduate schools to attend. But you're in high school.

 

You're not going to believe it when I tell you but no matter how much you love your BF and how you've talked about being together through college and getting married afterwards.... The odds are that even if you stayed home for school, you would break up eventually during the next 4 years. If you decided to stay local for college because even a small part of you thought it would save/benefit your relationship then what happens if you two split up 1 year... 2 years from now. The moment you decide to stay, you're putting an incredible amount of pressure and expectations on him and the relationship.

 

Your relationship might get strained because if he's not the perfect bf , feelings of resentment can manifest and come through. "I gave up going away to college for you, so you better be worth it!". Type of mentality and cloud that can hang over you.

 

 

Now if your decision to stay at home is strictly because financially it's a smarter decision and you don't want to be buried in student loans when you graduate, OR the career you want to get into has programs that prepare you best for it around your hometown... Then by all means, stay local, it's the decision best for your future.

 

If you don't want to put all your eggs in your high school sweethearts basket and you're mature enough to realize that the next 4 years will mold and change you both as you experience adulthood... Then you should afford yourself the opportunity to experience going away to school.

 

Either way... It's what's best for you as an individual. Don't involve your BF in your decision whatsoever. Plus, if he tells you that it probably wouldn't work out if you went away, then that gives you a glimpse into how devoted he really is to you.

[seekingluck]

If you ca afford it, I 100% recommend going away to college and immersing yourself in the experience. You learn some key life lessons by going away. You learn how to work stuff out on your own without your parents help. This really helps ease the transition into adulthood.

[BlueIris]

Apply to those schools that are considered best for the field(s) you intend to concentrate in or want to explore. Reach high academically, see where you get in, and then assess costs, aid and priorities. Do early action if you can. I got into my top choice early action and it was great to not have to worry or send out lots of applications.

[scooby-philly]

I'm a senior in high school so as you know I'm going through the process of applying to colleges. I will not belittle you and state things about how you need perspective or to grow up. I'm a former HS teacher turned adult educator/trainer. Your brain works no differently than mine at 34. However, I have experience. But that only gives me perspective on myself and my choices, not you and your choices or feelings.

 

Some colleges I'm applying to are home and some are away. When I was younger I always wanted to go away but as I've gotten older my thoughts have changed.

That's important. Too many people, your age, my age, 65 or older, don't learn how to reflect on their own thoughts and actions. Keep pushing yourself to do so. Secondly, as one previous commentator stated, if you know you really want to be a x or do y - you should look at schools with those programs. If you don't know now, you can always transfer. If you're unsure or want to try being on your own for a while, you can apply later. Go to a community college first, get yourself in a good position, then go for the last 1,2,3 years at a 4 year university. Do not go online. Just don't. And do not let people stomp on your dreams - if you have any at this point. I know someone who wanted to be a dolphin trainer at your age. Guess what, they're a dolphin trainer. Guy wanted to be a writer, is. A good buddy wanted to be a lawyer - he's now an ADA for one of the big NE cities overseeing appeals. The people who say go for it, they're your true friends. Even if your parents don't say a word or are against you, remember even the best parents are limited by their own value system, experiences, world view

 

Seriously - if you know what you might be interested in doing/being - ask your parents, aunts, uncles, teachers if they know people in that field. Ask them out to coffee on a Saturday morning or early SUnday afternoon. People who love what they do share willingly. And it's good practice for meeting new people and "networking" as we call it

 

I see the problems my sister goes through away at college and I wouldn't want to deal with some of the stuff she dealt and deals with also I'd save a lot of money and probably focus more if stayed at home. That's a false assumption. I stayed at home - literally I commuted, and I didn't focus. I regret it to this day. I got a good "education" and learned a lot, but I could have been a lot better or made some different choices I think if I had been living at school - even if it was the same one I went to. However, that's hindsight. You have to be true to your feelings. But ask yourself - are you saying that because you're afraid? Would you really pay attention more if closer to home?

 

I have a great job at home too, I'm the assistant swim coach for a great gym i get a free membership to. Perks from work are great. You need to sit down and figure out a formula. Seriously - learn excel - come up with a spreadsheet where once you get offers from various schools you can plug the numbers in and come up with a budget and account for what you might be able to make at any given place either working on campus or somewhere nearby.

 

Another reason I'm considering staying home for college is my boyfriend. We've been dating for one year and we love each other very much. We spoke about it and he said if i went away it wouldn't work(he stays home for school not because of me but because he wants to). I understand where he is coming from it's very difficult to make it work. However I cried after (not infant of him) because I would've atleast tried to make it work but I guess he is just being realistic. This is the point where the cynical or the people still stuck in past hurt will and already have started to pounce! Love is love. Again the only thing we get as we age is we.... hopefully..... know ourselves better and know how to read people better so we get to understanding what our values are, what we want out of life, what we're willing to do, not willing to do, what's negotiable about how we live and what's non-negotiable. I'm 34 and have been burned twice. Badly. But...each relationship has brought me the opportunity to learn, to challenge myself, to stand up for myself, and to learn what my values are

 

I haven't gotten any letters back or even sent in my applications but I feel so torn through this process. Any thoughts?

 

Take advice like flour going through a sieve. Your the sieve. We'll all through our own flour at you. Little bits will stick to you and the rest will pass right through you. Keep on posting! It works if you work it, so work it your worth it.