treehugger101 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 How many of you ladies have ever dated one of those guys that said they would treat you like a Princess or a Queen? What was your experience like? Was it worth it? Was it not worth it? Would you do it or again or not? Thoughts and comments below!
CarrieT Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Ick. Too many girls have been brainwashed by the Disney-mentality of being a Princess who finds Prince Charming. The best thing a guy ever said to me - on a second date - was, "I want to kiss you all over the world." He was serious and within five months, we were jetting off to Paris. I have since married him and we travel about every six weeks. He kept his promise! 9
StocksnBlondes Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Nope no way nada. Why? Guys who put girls on pedestals tend to be narcissistic so tread with caution. I want to be treated like a lady ... by a guy who appreciates the ways of a woman ...not crazy woman stuff mind you ...but the good womanly stuff. 3
Author treehugger101 Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 Nope no way nada. Why? Guys who put girls on pedestals tend to be narcissistic so tread with caution. I want to be treated like a lady ... by a guy who appreciates the ways of a woman ...not crazy woman stuff mind you ...but the good womanly stuff. How would it be narcissistic?
BlueIris Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 That was my experience too. I found that men who said things like that didn’t really know or want to know how to interact and be a partner to a woman, maybe because they themselves saw relationships as fairy tales. The only person I was with for any length of time who said that used it as a weapon or a defense: “How dare you XYZ? I treat you like a queen!!” I think he wanted to believe that he was so amazingly self-sacrificing and adoring that it immunized him from dealing with anything mundane. That got me thinking about how one actually would treat a queen, all I could come up with was subservience and paying taxes, maybe? Going to war when required, too. Unless you’re a king, you don’t partner with a queen or act as a team. So all in all, I see “I treat you like a queen” as evidence of fantasy based thinking and detachment from reality. 1
BlueIris Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 How would it be narcissistic? It is fantastic, extraordinary, not regular. It protects him from doing regular things or being expected to act in some ordinary way. Also, it means that how he acts is better than regular people would act- "you could never do better than me/this."
LilaMarie Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 How would it be narcissistic? I think because when a guy puts a woman on a pedestal, the woman may be fooled into thinking that this means a narcissist is truly interested in her, when in fact, he or she is interested in making you dependent on their constant praise and attention. 3
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Yes, they ended up smothering me with too much attention and cligniness. 2
StocksnBlondes Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 How would it be narcissistic? Love Bombing ? When It?s Too Good To Be True | Narcissism Recovery and Relationships Blog Read the section labeled "Intense idealization" then you'll understand ...then go back and read the entire article. I dated a guy who idealized me last year ...I had to learn the hard way but it had been so long since I dated ...that and it felt so good after divorce to be treated like a queen. But as Blueiris pointed out in her post ...the expectations ...and the whole reason for this guy treating me this way ... Never again will I go down that road. Treating you like a queen = emotionally unstable 1
leafguy Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I put my last gf on a pedestal. Im not saying it waa the disney crap or treated her like a queen but she was definitely treated very well. To put it blunt I became a bit of a slave and waited on her hand and foot to be cheated on. I was a pushover and didnt realize it until things ended. Never again. Girls want a guy to stand up for themselves and be a challenge. Any girl who expects that hollywood fantasy knight in shining armor stuff ia delusional and any guy that tries to give ot to them is trying too hard. If a girl asks how you treat a lady, my answer is I treat them how I would want to be treated. Simple as that.
StocksnBlondes Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I think because when a guy puts a woman on a pedestal, the woman may be fooled into thinking that this means a narcissist is truly interested in her, when in fact, he or she is interested in making you dependent on their constant praise and attention. Exactly ...good point. Because it feeds their neediness 1
StocksnBlondes Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 It is fantastic, extraordinary, not regular. It protects him from doing regular things or being expected to act in some ordinary way. Also, it means that how he acts is better than regular people would act- "you could never do better than me/this." Exactly. Guy I dated said "no one will love you like I love you" Holy heart attack
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I'm always very suspicious of men who say things like this. I'd rather have an equal not someone who sees me as an object to worship. Believe it or not, that gets old really quick.
LilaMarie Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I learn so much from you ladies, glad I came upon this website 1
GemmaUK Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Ooh! That thread title sent shivers down my spine!! I should have run for the hills........ I did after 7 months... I am now one of a his psycho ex's (and proud to be one! ). All of his ex's were psychos in his book btw and it's because none of them put up with his **** nor gave into it. I put up with it for a lot less time than they did though. He despises me the most so I have heard from mutual friends. I'm happy to post you a link to the book (of several I have since read) that describes him perfectly if you would like.. 1
Author treehugger101 Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 Ooh! That thread title sent shivers down my spine!! I should have run for the hills........ I did after 7 months... I am now one of a his psycho ex's (and proud to be one! ). All of his ex's were psychos in his book btw and it's because none of them put up with his **** nor gave into it. I put up with it for a lot less time than they did though. He despises me the most so I have heard from mutual friends. I'm happy to post you a link to the book (of several I have since read) that describes him perfectly if you would like.. How does he despise you? I've heard that term used before.
seekingluck Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Not impressed at all. Now I do want you to treat me like a lady when we are out. Please open the doors! But that queen/princess stuff? I was never into that even as a kid. I do want you to focus on me / us when we are together. I value attention when appropriate. But treat me like a normal person. 1
StocksnBlondes Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) How does he despise you? I've heard that term used before. Treehugger ...read the link I posted. You'll begin to understand. Guys eventually resent YOU after a while (to whom much is given much is expected) ...even though they're the ones who established the queen relationship dynamic you just don't realize things will get turned around eventually. Also ...YOU must question why they felt the need to use that queen ruse. I'll tell you in case you haven't figured it out. Would a guy who has a deep sense of self worth feel the need to use such a hook? No. Because they feel what they have to offer of themselves like quality character fun factor looks athletic ability etc etc is enough of a hook. They love themselves and it's usually from a guy from a stable loving family. Also ...how does a guy keep up the whole queen worshipping? He doesn't and he can't ...it's exhausting ...so after a while he resents it and turns it on you OR with a girl who has a healthy self esteem ...she walks away and just wants to be treated like a normal girl ... Btw OP ...total kudos to you for posting your concerns ...I think your alarm bells were going off and you couldn't quite figure out why or assuage your concerns. You're a marked woman if you go for this hook... But if you like roller coaster ride relationships this is the guy for you. Edited October 7, 2015 by StocksnBlondes
DrReplyInRhymes Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Treat a woman like a queen, get labeled a narcissist. Treat a woman like an equal, get labeled as boring. Treat a woman like an inferior, get labeled as an *******. Treat a woman like a buddy, get friendzoned. It's an amazing spectacle to observe, really.
LilaMarie Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Treat a woman like a queen, get labeled a narcissist. Treat a woman like an equal, get labeled as boring. Treat a woman like an inferior, get labeled as an *******. Treat a woman like a buddy, get friendzoned. It's an amazing spectacle to observe, really. It's simple. You complicate things Neither extreme is good...balance is the key. You didn't rhyme this time
BlueIris Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Treat a woman like a queen, get labeled a narcissist. Treat a woman like an equal, get labeled as boring. Treat a woman like an inferior, get labeled as an *******. Treat a woman like a buddy, get friendzoned. It's an amazing spectacle to observe, really. Really, does anyone treat someone else as royalty- except royalty? Not really. People who SAY they treat you like a queen don't actually treat their wives or GFs like queens. Sometimes they think that being nice or fair or generous is so over the top that it is royal treatment.
GemmaUK Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 How does he despise you? I've heard that term used before. I have no idea. All I know from a few mutual friends is that that is the term he uses for me. I haven't had any contact with him since August 2013.
chapter44 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Why would a normal guy say that anyway? Wouldn't his actions be enough for you to decide if he respected and cared for you. In my experience most people say what they think you want to hear. Just make sure their actions are in line with their words.
Recommended Posts