Having a HARD time liking someone else

October 7, 2015

I ended up getting me a rebound at work and we had sex a few times. Each time after I had sex with him, i felt empty and guilty. He is also unattractive. I can't seem to look at him and I tried to explain to him without hurting his feelings for he is a somewhat nice guy but has a darkside.

The moment I knew I would never invite him over again is when one day I told him that he has to go because I have meeting with my ex and he got really jealous and said he's going to stay until he is fully rested. Luckily, it takes my ex 2 hours to get to me.

My ex doesn't know about the rebound and I don't plan on telling him because I fear I will lose him more than I already have. I recently initiated NC again, it's been 4 days so far and this time, I'm NEVER contacting my ex until he makes an effort since for the past 3 months I've been trying EVERYTHING to keep contact and remain cordial.

I just don't know where to begin. I have no one to talk to. I cut the rebound off because he is extremely unattractive and not my type. He almost got me with his personality until I seen his dark side which made him even more unattractive.

I'm not originally from this city and do not know where to begin meeting new men I find attractive. Plus, women in NYC are superficial and men LOVE women like that, but I'm a plain Jane. I feel lost and I'm not moving back home because I disowned my family too. I'm just alone and my room-mates are starting to catch on and they were the main ones jealous of me and my ex's relationship. I feel like everyone else is happy but me .

I just don't want to have to start becoming superficial just to keep up with the girls in NYC. You know all the make-up, fashion clothes and purses. That's not me. In fear of getting robbed or harassed, I like to keep it low-key.

Any thoughts?

Edited October 7, 2015 by ByMyself01

October 7, 2015

So wish we were in the same country / city. I would say come on over and we could sulk together

October 7, 2015

My ex doesn't know about the rebound and I don't plan on telling him because I fear I will lose him more than I already have. I recently initiated NC again, it's been 4 days so far and this time, I'm NEVER contacting my ex until he makes an effort since for the past 3 months I've been trying EVERYTHING to keep contact and remain cordial.

Is this the same ex-boyfriend who dislikes you and becomes angry when you contact him?

October 7, 2015

Why in the world would you have sex with someone you don't find attractive? What was the purpose of that?

October 7, 2015

You will find men pretty much wherever you do things. They're definitely not in the freezer next to that quart of self-pity ice cream.

I don't know what you like to do, but if you go do it, I have to imagine that you'll meet men there. You really shouldn't focus on finding A man, but rather, focus on finding friends, men and women. If you do this right, and you know and hang out with a lot of people, I have no doubt that a couple of stunners will show up soon enough and show some interest, especially if you are well-liked in your circle of friends.

So don't go looking for love. Instead, get out there, and let it find you.

October 7, 2015

I ended up getting me a rebound at work and we had sex a few times. Each time after I had sex with him, i felt empty and guilty. He is also unattractive. I can't seem to look at him and I tried to explain to him without hurting his feelings for he is a somewhat nice guy but has a darkside.

The moment I knew I would never invite him over again is when one day I told him that he has to go because I have meeting with my ex and he got really jealous and said he's going to stay until he is fully rested. Luckily, it takes my ex 2 hours to get to me.

My ex doesn't know about the rebound and I don't plan on telling him because I fear I will lose him more than I already have. I recently initiated NC again, it's been 4 days so far and this time, I'm NEVER contacting my ex until he makes an effort since for the past 3 months I've been trying EVERYTHING to keep contact and remain cordial.

I just don't know where to begin. I have no one to talk to. I cut the rebound off because he is extremely unattractive and not my type. He almost got me with his personality until I seen his dark side which made him even more unattractive.

I'm not originally from this city and do not know where to begin meeting new men I find attractive. Plus, women in NYC are superficial and men LOVE women like that, but I'm a plain Jane. I feel lost and I'm not moving back home because I disowned my family too. I'm just alone and my room-mates are starting to catch on and they were the main ones jealous of me and my ex's relationship. I feel like everyone else is happy but me .

I just don't want to have to start becoming superficial just to keep up with the girls in NYC. You know all the make-up, fashion clothes and purses. That's not me. In fear of getting robbed or harassed, I like to keep it low-key.

Any thoughts?

Well... To begin with you knew you had gone on a rebound and you are not ashamed of saying that aloud? In my point of view only the weak go on rebounds, those who do not respect themselves, and have no respect for their own emotions and their own bodies..

I am sorry if any of my words are harsh, but this is what you have to know... And yet you are so stubborn to go on another rebound? what do I see here? Well I guess you have to grow up, before getting into any RS, I don't know where you are from, but where I am from people have something called dignity...sleeping with random guys just to forget your ex? no no no...think about it again...

Grieve your loss, heal, and wait for the right person to move on... I am really sorry for you if you do otherwise

October 8, 2015

Well... To begin with you knew you had gone on a rebound and you are not ashamed of saying that aloud? In my point of view only the weak go on rebounds, those who do not respect themselves, and have no respect for their own emotions and their own bodies..
I am sorry if any of my words are harsh, but this is what you have to know... And yet you are so stubborn to go on another rebound? what do I see here? Well I guess you have to grow up, before getting into any RS, I don't know where you are from, but where I am from people have something called dignity...sleeping with random guys just to forget your ex? no no no...think about it again...
Grieve your loss, heal, and wait for the right person to move on... I am really sorry for you if you do otherwise

S22 is such a purist... I'm more of a pragmatist.

You went and had a short rebound relationship... my guess is that you didn't devastate him, so whether it made you feel better, or it made you feel worse, you learned a little about yourself, and he is probably no worse for the experience with you. I don't see anything to get worked up about there. In the extremely low-probability case that he is pouring ashes on his head and tearing his clothes and wailing because you left him, well, that's probably not somebody you want to get serious with either.

My advice on what to do about you still stands.

October 8, 2015

Is this the same ex-boyfriend who dislikes you and becomes angry when you contact him?

Yes he blows hot and cold but I still love him, like when a really long time has went by he talks to me and then all of a sudden he blows up at me again but when we're together it's like he's a different person.

October 8, 2015

Why in the world would you have sex with someone you don't find attractive? What was the purpose of that?

Because I felt empty inside and neglected by my ex. Literally, I was contemplating suicide because the pain was unbearable, but the casual sex helped me to keep going. It gave me hope that even though the rebound was ugly, it gave me hope of that it's possible to meet new people in a new city. Now if only I can get the guys I like.

Edited October 8, 2015 by ByMyself01

October 8, 2015

S22 is such a purist... I'm more of a pragmatist.

You went and had a short rebound relationship... my guess is that you didn't devastate him, so whether it made you feel better, or it made you feel worse, you learned a little about yourself, and he is probably no worse for the experience with you. I don't see anything to get worked up about there. In the extremely low-probability case that he is pouring ashes on his head and tearing his clothes and wailing because you left him, well, that's probably not somebody you want to get serious with either.

My advice on what to do about you still stands.

Showing self respect has nothing to do with being a purist, I don't practice abstinence from having sexual intercourse before marriage. This is stupid, but being emotionally attached and making friends with crappy partners to just prove yourself there are still people out there, or feeding your lust has never been acceptable nor will help her feel any better.

She has not mentioned anything about the duration of the RS with the the reboundee, anything more than 2-3 months she has hurt the reboundee without any doubt. This fact that he was ugly does not mean he deserved this to begin with. This is extremely selfish.

I was a reboundee in my last RS, and I was better than my ex in terms of appearance, education, job position...110% better in every aspect. She left me as soon her ex showed up after 6 months, well she struggled a little and was in 2 minds, but finally she took the plunge and she chose her ex due to this fact that, there were more bonds between them, and she was more familiar with her ex. Had I not seen her crappy ex with my own two eyes, this thread would have made me feel bad about myself, but the thing I learned is that if you really love someone, even someone better looking, more successful wont satisfy your needs... and off course sex was ruled out for my ex, since she was religious.

You need to take some time off, heal properly, and move on when there is a real chance out there.

I have not healed my self completely after 57 days since BU... And of course I have met someone who is far more attractive and more beautiful than my ex, I have not committed yet, since I am not entirely over my ex... I think we are called human beings for a reason... or am I wrong?

October 8, 2015

Showing self respect has nothing to do with being a purist, I don't practice abstinence from having sexual intercourse before marriage. This is stupid, but being emotionally attached and making friends with crappy partners to just prove yourself there are still people out there, or feeding your lust has never been acceptable nor will help her feel any better.
She has not mentioned anything about the duration of the RS with the the reboundee, anything more than 2-3 months she has hurt the reboundee without any doubt. This fact that he was ugly does not mean he deserved this to begin with. This is extremely selfish.
I was a reboundee in my last RS, and I was better than my ex in terms of appearance, education, job position...110% better in every aspect. She left me as soon her ex showed up after 6 months, well she struggled a little and was in 2 minds, but finally she took the plunge and she chose her ex due to this fact that, there were more bonds between them, and she was more familiar with her ex. Had I not seen her crappy ex with my own two eyes, this thread would have made me feel bad about myself, but the thing I learned is that if you really love someone, even someone better looking, more successful wont satisfy your needs... and off course sex was ruled out for my ex, since she was religious.
You need to take some time off, heal properly, and move on when there is a real chance out there.
I have not healed my self completely after 57 days since BU... And of course I have met someone who is far more attractive and more beautiful than my ex, I have not committed yet, since I am not entirely over my ex... I think we are called human beings for a reason... or am I wrong?

I admit, it wasn't the best thing to do, but please don't judge. As far as the rebound, he has his eyes on an ex, we were eachother's rebound. The only difference is that his ex treated him way more poorly than mines did to me. She basically was dating other guys and kept stringing him along. I believe we helped eachother in the paths we crossed one another. I opened his eyes to his ex's behavior and he helped me regain confidence in myself. I had to cut it all loose because he was starting to come between me and my ex, doing sneaky things to get me caught and end up in his boat. Even though I could do what I want since I'm technically single, but I don't want to ruin any chances I may have left with my ex in the future with a guy I'm not into anyways. It was dead before it started because I told the rebound that's what he was in the beginning and he agreed to it.

October 8, 2015

Ehh, I'm confused here.

What is your objective? Do you want your ex back? Do you want a new guy? Do you just want to remain single and have casual sex? Are you just drifting through life, not knowing what you like, hoping for the best?

Do you think your actions are getting you closer to your objective?

October 8, 2015

Yes he blows hot and cold but I still love him, like when a really long time has went by he talks to me and then all of a sudden he blows up at me again but when we're together it's like he's a different person.

Why are you letting your ex-boyfriend treat you like a marionette?

October 8, 2015

I admit, it wasn't the best thing to do, but please don't judge. As far as the rebound, he has his eyes on an ex, we were eachother's rebound. The only difference is that his ex treated him way more poorly than mines did to me. She basically was dating other guys and kept stringing him along. I believe we helped eachother in the paths we crossed one another. I opened his eyes to his ex's behavior and he helped me regain confidence in myself. I had to cut it all loose because he was starting to come between me and my ex, doing sneaky things to get me caught and end up in his boat. Even though I could do what I want since I'm technically single, but I don't want to ruin any chances I may have left with my ex in the future with a guy I'm not into anyways. It was dead before it started because I told the rebound that's what he was in the beginning and he agreed to it.

I take my words back then, if that's the case so no harm has been done, you told the guy what he was, so I misjudged your actions, and I would like to congratulate you on your integrity with the guy. So he had no right to complain at the end of the day, or expect anything more.

As far as your ex is concerned, look only exes can bring back exes, there is absolutely nothing you can do to make that happen. His being distant, and cold at one moment, and being friendly and warm the other is a sign.

The way I interpret it is that, he does not know his mind, he is pretty confused, and perhaps needs some more time to make up his mind. But you have to conclude that it is over for the time being, I would even start NC and avoid any contact with the guy, stay alone for some time, I would say 2-3 months... that will make you feel a lot better, remember if you want to have a successful RS you have to be happy with yourself, and enjoy yourself and your life being alone.

You don't know who and when you will see the right person, stop looking for them, they always show up when they are supposed to show up.

I really did not think a lady this attractive would put forward the idea of a RS after my ex broke up with me. I have put things on hold though, because I am not ready to start another RS... I have some more weeks ahead of me to heal completely and I will start a fresh new RS with her...and I hope it works this time

Good luck

October 8, 2015

Ehh, I'm confused here.

What is your objective? Do you want your ex back? Do you want a new guy? Do you just want to remain single and have casual sex? Are you just drifting through life, not knowing what you like, hoping for the best?

Do you think your actions are getting you closer to your objective?

I want my ex back but he already made it clear that will never happen again even though he made efforts to see me in the past, so I'm trying my best to move on but I'm having a hard time finding guys I'm attracted to.

October 8, 2015

I take my words back then, if that's the case so no harm has been done, you told the guy what he was, so I misjudged your actions, and I would like to congratulate you on your integrity with the guy. So he had no right to complain at the end of the day, or expect anything more.
As far as your ex is concerned, look only exes can bring back exes, there is absolutely nothing you can do to make that happen. His being distant, and cold at one moment, and being friendly and warm the other is a sign.
The way I interpret it is that, he does not know his mind, he is pretty confused, and perhaps needs some more time to make up his mind. But you have to conclude that it is over for the time being, I would even start NC and avoid any contact with the guy, stay alone for some time, I would say 2-3 months... that will make you feel a lot better, remember if you want to have a successful RS you have to be happy with yourself, and enjoy yourself and your life being alone.
You don't know who and when you will see the right person, stop looking for them, they always show up when they are supposed to show up.
I really did not think a lady this attractive would put forward the idea of a RS after my ex broke up with me. I have put things on hold though, because I am not ready to start another RS... I have some more weeks ahead of me to heal completely and I will start a fresh new RS with her...and I hope it works this time
Good luck

Thanks for understanding, I wish you luck on your journey. But you are right, I think my ex is confused, but I'm really trying to move on. I now know a rebound thing is not for me since it was my first one. I'm just glad it didn't last longer than it should have.

October 8, 2015

Why are you letting your ex-boyfriend treat you like a marionette?

Because I messed up. I'm the crazy ex that argued with everybody in his family so I'm giving up without giving up. In other words, I'm trying to understand his hurt and hope he gets over it (most likely never will). But I'm trying to move on while at the same time let him get his closure because he's obviously hurt. And if in the future, once he's over it, I'm still willing to give it another chance because he didn't get like this until after the break-up.

October 8, 2015

I want my ex back but he already made it clear that will never happen again even though he made efforts to see me in the past, so I'm trying my best to move on but I'm having a hard time finding guys I'm attracted to.

It is very normal I had the same problem... This is a thread I started nearly a month ago, just read it to see where I was a month ago...

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/546220-what-no-one-attractive-anymore

I am the same person, I have nearly zero interest and emotion for my ex today that I am talking to you...It just takes some time you need to complete the process, going on a rebound just makes matters worse, as you become frustrated, and you will complain, no one will be your ex, and he was the one blah blah...When you heal, you will see things from another perspective, I remember how I used to feel, I used to compare my ex with celebrities like Cathrin Zeta Jones, and still I used to find my ex more attractive, ''How is that possible'' , I used to ask myself.

Today I find 50% of girls that pass by on the street on a par with my ex or even more attractive.

Stay strong girl... it just takes some time

October 8, 2015

Because I messed up. I'm the crazy ex that argued with everybody in his family so I'm giving up without giving up. In other words, I'm trying to understand his hurt and hope he gets over it (most likely never will). But I'm trying to move on while at the same time let him get his closure because he's obviously hurt. And if in the future, once he's over it, I'm still willing to give it another chance because he didn't get like this until after the break-up.

No 1 rule for healing reads ''stop all contacts of any kind with your ex'' if you are serious about healing you have let the guy go. and kill the hope that he will one day come back. If you don't, you will get trapped in a cycle. have been there myself and is not a good place to be at, trust me

I achieved what I could not achieve in a matter of a month and a half just in 1 or 2 weeks, ''what did you do'', you may ask.

I had started NC from day 1 of BU, but that alone was not enough....I had installed an app on my cellphone, and my ex and I used to send messages on that app... That was the only and only way, we could contact each other, I deleted her from my contact list, only God knows how much I wept that night, only God knows that....but 2,3 days after that I started progressing at an insane rate. It was a retaliatory action against things she had done to me, she left me for her ex, after all I did for her, and after I fell badly for her, upon break up, she told me she might come back, and also told me we might even be the perfect match to marry each other.

But actions speak louder than words, and I knew I did not want to be someone's second best... so I did what I had to do months ago...killed the hope, murdered any possibility of reconciliation.

She had made her choice, you toss a coin, it is either head or tail, never head and tail. She might regret it? well she has to live with it...look girl... sometimes you have to let things go, shout to hell with it and continue your life...

I know it needs a lot of courage but what you are going to is just the inevitable. sooner or later you have to do it, but you are prolonging your healing process

Edited October 8, 2015 by Samuel_22

October 8, 2015

when your tongue gets burnt .. you lose the ability to taste..

October 8, 2015

when your tongue gets burnt .. you lose the ability to taste..

Well said...You nailed it... You said all I wanted to say, in a single sentence, I should start questioning my IQ.

October 8, 2015

I want my ex back but he already made it clear that will never happen again even though he made efforts to see me in the past, so I'm trying my best to move on but I'm having a hard time finding guys I'm attracted to.

Well don't look to date right now but find ways to heal. Having sex with men you don't care about is guaranteed to make you feel empty. Try to make female friends that you can hang out with and do things. This will make you feel much better than trying to date when you are hung up on another man.

October 9, 2015

No 1 rule for healing reads ''stop all contacts of any kind with your ex'' if you are serious about healing you have let the guy go. and kill the hope that he will one day come back. If you don't, you will get trapped in a cycle. have been there myself and is not a good place to be at, trust me
I achieved what I could not achieve in a matter of a month and a half just in 1 or 2 weeks, ''what did you do'', you may ask.
I had started NC from day 1 of BU, but that alone was not enough....I had installed an app on my cellphone, and my ex and I used to send messages on that app... That was the only and only way, we could contact each other, I deleted her from my contact list, only God knows how much I wept that night, only God knows that....but 2,3 days after that I started progressing at an insane rate. It was a retaliatory action against things she had done to me, she left me for her ex, after all I did for her, and after I fell badly for her, upon break up, she told me she might come back, and also told me we might even be the perfect match to marry each other.
But actions speak louder than words, and I knew I did not want to be someone's second best... so I did what I had to do months ago...killed the hope, murdered any possibility of reconciliation.
She had made her choice, you toss a coin, it is either head or tail, never head and tail. She might regret it? well she has to live with it...look girl... sometimes you have to let things go, shout to hell with it and continue your life...
I know it needs a lot of courage but what you are going to is just the inevitable. sooner or later you have to do it, but you are prolonging your healing process

Still in NC but the pain is still there and will always be. I skipped 2000 miles for this fool and I can't even get a sorry out of this. As far as I know he's staying with another woman. I can never piece together how a man goes from spending every night at house, to once a week. Then blatantly calling off the relationship completely. But if he is with another woman, they're both really quiet and secretive about the whole thing which proves she's probably a rebound.

October 9, 2015

Well don't look to date right now but find ways to heal. Having sex with men you don't care about is guaranteed to make you feel empty. Try to make female friends that you can hang out with and do things. This will make you feel much better than trying to date when you are hung up on another man.

Funny I had a talk with a female friend at work today and it did make me feel better. But I'm cutting out the sex for a while even though I wouldn't mind getting one more sample from my ex.

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