K2z Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I'm a male, who has been dumped a few months ago by a female. (Backstory here.) I've a simple question. For selfish reasons, my interest pertains specifically to women dumping men, but if you wish to flip flop the genders be my guest. In what percentage of cases does the woman pull the trigger on a breakup because there is some other guy? I'm really just curious here, to sample the experience out there. I've heard the case made, and it is plausible, that a woman will continue on cruise control until that next opportunity comes along. It's been true in several of my breakups. I'm curious if it's true in the present breakup from which I am bleeding.
Stercrazy Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I don't think it's a percentage thing as there are too many variables regardless of sex (M v F). If a person is dumped....and they don't know why? That's a strong indication that they have interest else where. Couples know their issues with each other. Some issues are deal breakers and some aren't. But if you were dumped and don't know why....interest has faded from one direction and gone to the other. 1
PegNosePete Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 In what percentage of cases does the woman pull the trigger on a breakup because there is some other guy? Do you mean in what percentage of cases where there is another guy, does the woman pull the trigger? Or do you mean in what percentage of break-ups is it because there's another guy involved? Or do you mean in what percentage of break-ups is the stated reason that there's another guy? All very different percentages, and all pretty much impossible to get an accurate figure on. People lie, especially cheaters. With unreliable data, you're going to get unreliable conclusions. Probably by the nature of this site, many more break-ups will involve a 3rd party. I've heard the case made, and it is plausible, that a woman will continue on cruise control until that next opportunity comes along. Well, all women are different. Some are faithful and some are not. To make such a sweeping generalization is obviously flawed. As with all such generalizations, it is probably true in some cases and untrue in others. I'm curious if it's true in the present breakup from which I am bleeding. Then statistics and generalizations and percentages are meaningless to you. Don't go by statistics. Go by facts.
drallafi Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Close to 100%. I've never known a female to end a relationship without having someone else at least halfway wrapped up ahead of time. I'm sure it's happened, but I've never seen it.
Author K2z Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Close to 100%. I've never known a female to end a relationship without having someone else at least halfway wrapped up ahead of time. Yes, I think that's right. A fair number of women concur with this as well. In my case, the woman deliberately said "I don't have a new boyfriend." But what's another tree in a forest of lies?
lana-banana Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 There are no statistics on this question because it's simply too variable (does breaking up over an unfulfilled or unrequited crush count as "someone else"?). About half the time I've initiated break-ups it's been because I realized the relationship was going nowhere. The other half of the time I made the same realization via my feelings for someone else. Yeah, there was another person I liked more, but it just made it much more obvious that I was presently in an unhappy relationship. An older friend of mine who divorced after 17 years believes time is the most important factor. He claims the longer the relationship, the less likely it is that either partner will leave unless they're certain they have a chance with someone. There's no way to know if that's true, of course, but I see the logic in it. After a while you can become numb to the bad things because the prospect of being single is dreadful and you desperately don't want to feel like you've wasted your time. At the end of the day, no one has ever ended an amazing, healthy, mutually satisfying relationship because someone new came along. If somebody ends their relationship and immediately moves on to another person, it's because their prior relationship was already struggling in some significant way and they decided it wasn't worth saving. Another person can accelerate a break-up, but they can't cause it.
Author K2z Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Extremely well said -- concise and seems right. I'm inside of 6 months since the dump. Less than 2 months since last contact. And (perhaps foolishly), my mind revolves around reconciliation scenarios. Feel free to load up your tough love shotgun barrels, but before pointing them at me have a quick look at my story. Obviously, in my construct, the absence of a new guy makes reconciliation a "tiny" bit more plausible. Though of course others may contest that, as is their right.
EO422 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I am almost 2 months into break up. I contacted her about 2 weeks ago for closure which did help actually. I felt I could finally move on, because j was confused of where we were. I got my final answers that we were actually over. Because she just dropped off my radar. Now I am not really counting the NC..sometimes I don't even count the seeking closure into NC..I didn't beg for her back once or anything. Told her glad she was enjoying life etc. anyways. I still too have feelings of wanting to reconcile, but that's just because I miss her and I'm guessing that will eventually go away. Don't worry dude. Kinda need to move on. I am at the point where I'm not counting how many days it's been since nc. I gotta go back to the conversation and look at the date. Anyways, I feel your pain. It sucks. I'm not sure how long these feelings will take to go away so, we just need to hang in their
Meli22 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 How long is a piece of string? It's the type of question that can't be answered because every situation is different. Some women will be treated poorly and get fed up so they walk away (me), some eventually see incompatibilities, and then there are some who have met someone else. It's always easy to assume but sometimes it's not always the case. I thought my ex had met someone else when he told me he wasn't sure about me anymore, in fact I was convinced at one point he had his eyes elsewhere, and had lost interest in me. But there was no evidence, so unless the signs are there it's best to not assume.
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