Nellygirl Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) I've been dating this man for over two years. And we actually lived together for about 8 months. We live 5 hours apart which is so much better than what most people on here have to live with. He has two children that live with his ex wife, he works full time, usually 10+ hours a day Monday-Thursday during the summer and about 9 hrs a day M-Tr and half days on Friday. He has started doing a side job remodeling a lake house on weekends. He is such a hard worker and he is really an amazing man. We've been living apart for 5 months and I've gone to see him on random weekends, about 6 times or so. When I have gone, I've helped him clean out the brown recluse infested house, helped with hanging drywall, watching him mud, cleaning up the mud, and sanding. We would spend 8 or 9 hours working on the house each day. We even worked the weekend I went there for my birthday. (He asked if I'd come for my birthday so he could see me.) I do this because he has been there for me when I've had some of the worst times of my life. He helped me get through them. And I also have gone to see him because he works on the weekends so he can pay his child support and other things for his children. He deserves a weekend off and he deserves to relax. But this seems ridiculous. He said several times that once he is done with this job, he is going to come see me and start putting in the miles. He explained that he isn't going to take any weekends off until he gets the job done. I accept that. This weekend he worked most of the day Friday on the house and then drove 4 hours to watch his son play flag football and stayed the night at his friend's house so he didn't have to make the long drive at night. He worked half of the day on Sunday. I accept that. His children should be his number one priority and they deserve to have their dad at as many sporting events as possible. Last week he told me that he is taking the next weekend off entirely to go to his buddy's house (same friend he stayed with this last weekend) and help him with his tv antenna. They installed this freakishly huge antenna a month ago for his friends college project and now his friend wants to add a tripod at the bottom and some other things. He is giving up his kids that he hasn't had in over a month because of this. I asked why he couldn't do it the next weekend so he could at least have his kids. He replied that they've been planning to do it that weekend and everything is set up for the weekend. I can understand postponing coming to see me because of a job and your kids. But saying that you would absolutely not take a weekend off for anything so you can get the job done and then taking an entire weekend off to mess with your buddy's tv antenna? I'm kind of upset about this. Am I completely off base and being irrational? I have given up weekends that I missed seeing my family for my birthday and seeing an old friend that was back from Ohio. Because he is important to me and I miss him. I feel like I am his last priority sometimes. I chose to leave those weekends and that is not his fault. However, it would be nice to have similar actions reciprocated. Edited October 7, 2015 by Nellygirl Forgot something
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I can't get past the fact that he is getting paid to remodel this house but you worked on it for free. What would have happened to you if you'd be hurt on the job? Right now this guy's actions are telling me you are not as much of a priority to him as other people. I'd step back. Spend a weekend doing things for yourself. Invite him to come to you if you like but stop making things so easy for him when he's not meeting you half way. 1
Author Nellygirl Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 It's been about a month since I've gone to see him. I'm kind of waiting to see what he'll do. And I'm not very happy with what I've seen. I'm going to wait until this project is done and see what he does when it's not an excuse. We've talked about how I feel a little but he laughs it off. I need to talk to him again and make him realize it isn't funny and hurts me. My niece adores him and asked me when he's coming back to town I said that I didn't know. She said ask him. While I was on the phone I said she's been asking when you are coming and he kind of got irritated and said that he didn't know when he'd have time. No he didn't pay me. He offered to but then it never came up again.
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 If it's been a month since you have seen him, I don't think he's coming back. You are certainly not a priority to him.
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