losangelena Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I agree with what you're saying. He said that in the beginning, and I know that was no indication of whether he wanted to actually have a relationship with ME. After I left the other night (following the incident), I told him I had a good time. He said "Good! It was hard to tell". I said really? And he said yes, but I tend to overthink things. I got the vibe he was shy/insecure at times, hence me coming here to ask for advice. Well that's a weird thing to say to someone. Do you have any idea what he meant by that? 1
Lansing Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I have dated a girl that was more sexually aggressive (i.e. "wanting" it like you have probably come across too him) and to be honest it through me off. I was thinking "does she want it because it is ME or is she just horny and any guy would do". She did a few things along the way that made me hesitant. Maybe I should have just gone with the flow and taken what was offered but I was still hesitant and I think that made her think I wasn't into her.
Author Awillaway Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 Well that's a weird thing to say to someone. Do you have any idea what he meant by that? I thought it was strange too. I honestly don't know what he meant. It was getting late and I had to get up early, so I just assured him he was overthinking. I feel like I didn't really convey his personality in the opening post. It's kind of hard to get across circumstances in a relatively short post. He seems like a guy who is very shy, sometimes insecure, and definitely analytical/an over thinker (as he says). When we were laying on the couch, he joked that he had a "buffer zone" between us. I joked back that it didn't have to be there. He said well just tell me what you want, and that's when I said we should make out. So yes, technically I did ask, but there was a lot proceeding that. He told me that his ex gf (who he was with for over 5 years) only saw him with his shirt off ONCE. He's not a heavy guy, and seemingly has no reason to be ashamed, although I know a lot of people have body image issues. I really can't get a read on him. I don't think he would continue to talk to me if he was not interested, but I could be wrong.
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I thought it was strange too. I honestly don't know what he meant. It was getting late and I had to get up early, so I just assured him he was overthinking. I feel like I didn't really convey his personality in the opening post. It's kind of hard to get across circumstances in a relatively short post. He seems like a guy who is very shy, sometimes insecure, and definitely analytical/an over thinker (as he says). When we were laying on the couch, he joked that he had a "buffer zone" between us. I joked back that it didn't have to be there. He said well just tell me what you want, and that's when I said we should make out. So yes, technically I did ask, but there was a lot proceeding that. He told me that his ex gf (who he was with for over 5 years) only saw him with his shirt off ONCE. He's not a heavy guy, and seemingly has no reason to be ashamed, although I know a lot of people have body image issues. I really can't get a read on him. I don't think he would continue to talk to me if he was not interested, but I could be wrong. He is not looking for a relationship with you at this time, about you? To me he sounds like a big project, he's non-assertive, passive-agressive, insecure, unclear, etc. By the way when a man is sitting on the couch with you with his hands on your boobs and ask: tell me what you're looking for? He just wants to know if casual sex is ok. I would let it go.
losangelena Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 He is not looking for a relationship with you at this time, about you? To me he sounds like a big project, he's non-assertive, passive-agressive, insecure, unclear, etc. By the way when a man is sitting on the couch with you with his hands on your boobs and ask: tell me what you're looking for? He just wants to know if casual sex is ok. I would let it go. Yep, based on what I read, I agree. OP, I think, instead of spending your energy trying to figure out what this guy is about, you'd be better off pondering whether this kind of passive and unclear behavior is something you want to put up with. You're five dates in and there's already too much confusion. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Yep, based on what I read, I agree. OP, I think, instead of spending your energy trying to figure out what this guy is about, you'd be better off pondering whether this kind of passive and unclear behavior is something you want to put up with. You're five dates in and there's already too much confusion. She created the confusion. She told him she didn't want sex without a relationship and then proceeded to initiate it to the point of getting naked. This guy was put between a rock and a hard place. He kinda went to the middle in the sense that he did satisfy her but didn't push for more. It's unclear now not because he's trying to be passive-aggressive, he simply just doesn't get it either. She needs to hit the reset button if she likes him enough. Let him reach out, schedule another date and go from there. Leave sex off the table for a couple more dates until they get clear with each other about intentions.
losangelena Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 That's fair. Though, if he's confused on that front, why can't he just be like, "we're not in a relationship yet, let's hold out for sex." He doesn't seem too keen to clear up any confusion; it sounds like they're dancing around one another. I mean, he's texting her asking if she had a good time because he's not sure? He just went down on her and he assumes she didn't enjoy herself? She may be adding to the confusion, but he still seems like a bit of a passive one. 1
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