JasmineJones Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 What makes a man decide very early on (within first 3 or 4 dates) that he wants to date a particular woman exclusively and pursue a meaningful relationship with her? Is it that he's fallen in love or is dazzled by her so quickly? Or is it that he recognises she's the best he is likely to be able to get? I've had a few situations where a guy has asked as early as the 2nd or 3rd date for us to be exclusive. They've been otherwise sane. Why so quick?
Stage5Clinger Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Why so quick? Being the guy in this situation sometimes, my question is; why are all women afraid of being in a relationship? Literally, afraid. Fearful of being committed to someone. I like being monogamous so if I really like a girl I see no problem in turning that into a relationship if it feels right. Let me feel justified in buying you flowers and being sweet on you. Instead girls want to be half-in and half-out of a couple different guys' lives. Too bad because they have no idea what they mean to me and the limitlessness of what I would do for them. 3
Miss Peach Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I thought this article was a good write up that helped me understand this. The Rules Revisited: Men Don't Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do My BF told me it was because I was beautiful and I came early to our dates. Another guy told me it was because he felt so comfortable around me. I think all men have different things depending on what they have experienced but I am shocked myself at how simple it sounds. 2
joseb Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 As I guy, I have no idea! I've never done this. Now I admit that after a few dates sometimes i am a bit smitten, but I put this down to chemicals like oxytocin and the novelty factor of a new girl. I would never decide so soon that she was ltr material. I could decided she wasnt though 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 Being the guy in this situation sometimes, my question is; why are all women afraid of being in a relationship? Literally, afraid. Fearful of being committed to someone. I like being monogamous so if I really like a girl I see no problem in turning that into a relationship if it feels right. Let me feel justified in buying you flowers and being sweet on you. Instead girls want to be half-in and half-out of a couple different guys' lives. Too bad because they have no idea what they mean to me and the limitlessness of what I would do for them. you sound angry and bitter. We women are not afraid of being in a relationship, as long as the guy is amazing and we love him. 2
Author JasmineJones Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 with my BF it all almost felt too easy and I was suspicious at first. We met, we hit it off and both felt very strongly right from the start. He played no games at all, made it clear he wanted a relationship, pursued me quite hard (but without seeming desperate). And that was that. It's taken me a while to realise that yes it can really be this easy and happy.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 I thought this article was a good write up that helped me understand this. The Rules Revisited: Men Don't Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do My BF told me it was because I was beautiful and I came early to our dates. Another guy told me it was because he felt so comfortable around me. I think all men have different things depending on what they have experienced but I am shocked myself at how simple it sounds. Are you joking or this is really why?
thecrucible Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I got exclusive with all my long-term boyfriends after a few dates. Looking back, some I should have vetted better. I think if a guy likes you and thinks it has potential, he wants to make sure he has you all to himself. But I think also it just means he wants to give it a chance and know he has your full attention, not necessarily that he is falling for you...so yeah I think the guys treat it as a process...but hey what do I know about men? :/ However on the darker side of things, I know the abusive ones want to lock you down quickly. But you can tell them apart from normal guys because they exhibit other kinds of behaviour like trying to control you and acting jealous and that sort of thing. 1
Stage5Clinger Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 you sound angry and bitter. We women are not afraid of being in a relationship, as long as the guy is amazing and we love him. I'm really not angry or bitter. I'm also not sure you can speak objectively for the population of women based on your own personal beliefs. I am out there meeting these women and I promise you they are flaky at best. Even the talk of relationships makes them grimace. I'm not saying I know why that is; in fact I'm asking in your thread -- why are women so afraid to commit? My hypothesis based on my experiences is that they simply feel they have so many options that they are afraid to choose the wrong one. Instead they keep the metaphorical door open to other men even while being in a 'committed' relationship. These are the younger girls I'm speaking of as well.. 20-26ish. Could be a generational thing as the older women are ready to settle down and have learned enough about relationships to be in a responsible one. 2
Celeste.Carol Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I think it depends on personality, personality disorders, if a person if open and willing at the time or closed off to an exclusive relationship. I believe most off the bat exclusive relationships come from meeting the natural way, through friends etc., not sure if this is because the focus is on one rather than many on OLD. There is no clear answer. A man could be rebounding, closed off to a relationship, and meet the most fabulous woman and end up hurting her and some time later meet another woman who may not be a the absolute best catch like the other but he is open to a relationship at that time and exclusivity happens.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 I'm really not angry or bitter. I'm also not sure you can speak objectively for the population of women based on your own personal beliefs. I am out there meeting these women and I promise you they are flaky at best. Even the talk of relationships makes them grimace. I'm not saying I know why that is; in fact I'm asking in your thread -- why are women so afraid to commit? My hypothesis based on my experiences is that they simply feel they have so many options that they are afraid to choose the wrong one. Instead they keep the metaphorical door open to other men even while being in a 'committed' relationship. These are the younger girls I'm speaking of as well.. 20-26ish. Could be a generational thing as the older women are ready to settle down and have learned enough about relationships to be in a responsible one. That's because they don't want a relationship with you. A woman who does want you will not act this way. 1
Stage5Clinger Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 That's because they don't want a relationship with you. A woman who does want you will not act this way. These women who are in a committed relationship right now would leave their man in a second for something "better" assuming they aren't married, no kids, and under 30. I'm not calling all women whores I'm just stating the facts based on my own observation. There are the exceptional women who god bless them will stand by their man.
Miss Peach Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Are you joking or this is really why? This is really something he has told me several times. People are really flaky in my area so it's rare to see people show up on time or not cancel at the last minute. This is something that drives him nuts. It showed him that I might have my life together and be responsible. The current BF said he knew after the second date he wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to explore a relationship. But he still waited until the 5th date to really kiss me and 3 months to ask me to be exclusive. 1
Stage5Clinger Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I feel like I should add to this; once a girl thinks she has you wrapped around her finger -- you're done. She loses interest and will become bossy. It makes me afraid to ever tell a girl that I like her. This generation of women want to be in loveless meaningless relationships from what I gather. God forbid she finds out you care about her. Again, this isn't true for everyone... but definitely a trend among these young girls 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 The men I've had relationships with have made their desire for an exclusive relationship clear very quickly. Granted, I'm more traditional, and I only have relationships with men who are clearly serious and very interested. In most cases, when a guy really likes you, he knows right away. I think it's natural for him to try to lock you down fast. I'd feel doubtful if he didn't. 5
alphamale Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 What makes a man decide very early on (within first 3 or 4 dates) that he wants to date a particular woman exclusively and pursue a meaningful relationship with her? this is due mainly to his lack of experience and lack of understanding of how women operate 1
chumble Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Most men do not go shopping the way women can... If it fits well, you do not put it back on the shelf to linger around the store. Question posed by the same OP who thinks men get new dates easily? 1
Hopeful30 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 you sound angry and bitter. We women are not afraid of being in a relationship, as long as the guy is amazing and we love him. I know what you mean, but at the same time, how can you know a man is amazing and you love him until youre with him long term? You cant determine loveability early on. We've all been surprised.
Shining One Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 When I was younger and less experienced, I would try to push for exclusivity earlier. I just didn't know any better. Now, I take my time. While I'm showing her why I'm worthy of exclusivity, she is doing the same. I've also made sex a prerequisite to exclusivity. 1
Celeste.Carol Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 you sound angry and bitter. We women are not afraid of being in a relationship, as long as the guy is amazing and we love him. This is still not black and white, it depends on personality and motive. Some may just want to be in a relationship for security, they may neither love them or find them amazing and some may want a man's possessions, who knows why, only the specific person in the specific situation knows.
hippychick3 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 My boyfriend and I knew from the first date that we made a real connection and didn't want to date anyone else. I remember at the time, I just didn't really feel passionate enough about anyone I was meeting. I was talking or communicating to literally 12 different men that I had either dated in the past or was in the process of dating (no one serious)...and I just didn't feel it with any of them. I was pretty discouraged and wondering why I didn't like anyone enough. But when I met my boyfriend, it was an incredible connection, and I cut off every other guy who was not "just a friend" with no hesitation. He was the first guy in a long time who I really wanted to fully commit myself to. Any other guy before him would have said that I was afraid to commit and kept them at arms length...but it was only because they weren't the right one for me. People just know. Oh and if you ask my bf what it was about me that made him want to be exclusive, he would say that I was "different" than anyone else, and I was "sweet and beautiful".
joseb Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 When I was younger and less experienced, I would try to push for exclusivity earlier. I just didn't know any better. Now, I take my time. While I'm showing her why I'm worthy of exclusivity, she is doing the same. I've also made sex a prerequisite to exclusivity. Yeah I honestly think with a lot of guys, if they find a woman attractive and she seems half decent they will get ahead of themselves, and want a relationship even before they know if they really like her or not.
Celeste.Carol Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 With marriage and before marriage I always met guys through friends and get togethers, hit it off and became an item, never even a ***talk of dates or dates 123 or exclusivity. It just was and became a relationship. I have dated one person since being divorced, and that was a disaster,so I am not sure how it will go with dating. I am turned off by strangers on the internet, however, and am not even enticed to go on date 1, regardless of looks and other criteria.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 The men I've had relationships with have made their desire for an exclusive relationship clear very quickly. Granted, I'm more traditional, and I only have relationships with men who are clearly serious and very interested. In most cases, when a guy really likes you, he knows right away. I think it's natural for him to try to lock you down fast. I'd feel doubtful if he didn't. That makes sense. And when they like you they certainly do try to lock you down quite fast!
Grumpybutfun Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I was very selective....not sure who these guys are who will settle for anything. I had clear standards, values and expectations for serious relationships. When I met my wife, I locked her down as quickly as I could because she knocked me out with her joy for life, warmth and wit. When the posters bf appreciated her being on time, he was appreciating personal responsibility and thoughtfulness...I admire those qualities in my wife also. Best, Grumps 3
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