Bo34 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 The more time goes bye, and the longer I remain NC with my ex the more I heal, but at the same time, the more I feel like I was completely fooled. I can't help but question whether or not this person had any genuine feelings for me, now. I used to think the breakup came out of nowhere during the first few weeks after the breakup, then I came to the conclusion that the signs were present dating back a month earlier, and now, I'm at the point where I'm starting to wonder if this person really even genuinely loved me or was it just a "lukewarm love"? Is this feeling normal? I guess the reason why I'm starting to wonder about this is because since the breakup she hasn't contacted me once, and that speaks volumes of how insignificant I was!! Any of you guys have similar state of thoughts and emotions post-breakup?? 1
Oregon_Dude Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Many of us will never know if the person loved us or was just pretending to love us. The truth is, it doesn't make any difference. None whatsoever to the rest of your life. The wondering and obsessing about this moot point will keep you stuck. STOP thinking about it. 4
mightycpa Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I guess the reason why I'm starting to wonder about this is because since the breakup she hasn't contacted me once, and that speaks volumes of how insignificant I was!!You're wrong about that. I'm confident she loved you every bit as much as she says she did. All that her abandonment of you speaks volumes about is how insignificant you are to her right now. Not before, but now. You don't need a to throw a pity party for yourself over this. It just didn't last, that's all. Don't make that out to be more than it really is. 3
xxCourt96xx Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Yes, I feel tricked...but not because he tricked me. I feel tricked because I tricked myself into thinking a 17 year old boy was capable of truly loving an 18 year old girl. I'm young, I'm dumb...I fell for his infatuated promises of forever, fell for the promise ring he put on my finger...fell for everything, and when he left me a month ago out of the blue I was broken. I've learned my lesson though. Don't invest your time into a teenage boy, you'll get nowhere. 1
Stage5Clinger Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Any of you guys have similar state of thoughts and emotions post-breakup?? Big time. My last crush gave me every excuse in the book why she couldn't hang out. She played the victim, made me feel bad for her, lead me on big time, and then all of a sudden wanted nothing to do with me. That hurt bad. I really liked her.. a lot. Turns out there was some guy she was just trying to make jealous and get him back into her life again. Once he came back even moderately interested in her she stopped hanging out with me completely. Makes me angry really.
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I felt a little "tricked" by one EX. I was always a cynic when it came to love. I valued independence & was skeptical of happily ever after. He wore me down, talking about marriage, & commitment, & building a life together. Those conversations weren't proposals I know but he was trying to get me to open up & he succeeded. I started day dreaming about a proposal. I used to stare at his ring finger & envision we wedding ring there. Then poof, he dumped me. I was so blind sided by that the night he did it I actually thought he was coming over to propose. Dumb me.
K2z Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I "feel" tricked, but I was tricked in broad daylight. She warned that she would leave if I didn't come up with a marriage plan. She said I needed to "show her" that I wanted a future and had a plan to marry. She implied her three month trip to Europe to visit her sister was to "think" since I hadn't come up with a decent plan. Two months into the trip, she left, saying "I know you don't want to marry me 100%." And yet, I feel shocked and betrayed. The accurate truth is that I was blind, or shall we say self-blinding. The only person who did the tricking is myself, on myself. Our communication difficulties also helped us trick each other, inadvertently.
casey.lives Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I don't feel tricked. I feel like it ended harshly and cruel. But if it had to end, If i wasn't meant to be.... it was just dating.
Cora Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I think it's easy to feel tricked looking back on failed relationships. Especially if you were the dumpee. And maybe even more so if you were left without an explanation or proper goodbye. This has happened to me at least three times now where I was left by them disappearing on me and I definitely felt tricked. Because if they did not care enough to discuss things or at least tell you that it was over/goodbye like a rational and decent human being then did they even care about you at all? I especially felt tricked from my relationship 6 or 7 years ago. He lied to me so many times that I did not know what was the truth and what was lies coming out of his mouth. He made me think I was the only one for him and we discussed marriage etc. Not knowing he was engaged to another woman the entire time. I was so naive back then and he lead a double life pretty well. He was a clever one and a damn good acter. I am thankful each and every day I dodged that bullet and did not get into the relationship any deeper than I already was. 1
guest569 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Very soon after the breakup i felt this, I said its all fake, all those amazing romantic moments, you tricked me. In my case he never did love me and we both know that. So it was a matter of me just acknowledging and accepting it in time. He maintains that it was not fake and he was totally genuine throughout, so I guess the romance i felt was just to him someone he "really liked" and was attracted to but not love. I think your situation is different, but I can relate to the feeling that he doesn't like me or doesn't care, because of NC. I dont know what the deal is with your ex but maybe she knows it is for the best. Looking back, exes that used to harass me after breakups were just bad news and I have a lot less respect for them.
mightycpa Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 No, I didn't feel tricked. I was blindsided, but it never occurred to me that she might have spent all that time with me and didn't really care for me. That just doesn't make any sense. I figure she just changed her mind.
Chronograph Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I can relate to that feeling. Funny how it changes over time. At one point I thought, no, I was convinced that he never really loved me. Or at least that there was no love left in the last years. And that he lied to me, and that he knew he wanted to end it for at least one year ... so yeah. I felt tricked. But that feeling is gone. I'm more at peace now, with everything. He didn't contact me once either and two months ago I was really angry about that and again convinced that this means, that he cannot be bothered any less, that I was just so insignificant to him. I could be ill, I could be dead ... he doesn't care! After all these years! But also this feeling is gone now. I don't think them not contacting us necessarily means that we were completely insignificant to them. Maybe it's even the opposite! Maybe it is out of respect, maybe it is because they themselves cannot deal with any sort of contact. Honestly: an ex who constantly contacts you in a nice and friendly and caring way, wanting to be your friend, asking about how you are - but not wanting you back as a partner - would that be any better? I don't think so! 1
Meli22 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I don't necessarily feel tricked, I just think my exes idea of love was different to mine. I compare how he was the first 3 months (showering me with gifts, over the top stuff and talking mortgages) to the last few months where he had settled down a bit. I think infactuation to him is love, and that those new feelings should last forever and that relationships don't take work. Whereas I know it takes work, and once the newness wore off for me I was still content.
Recommended Posts