How do you deal with the break up?

[nathan101]

hello everyone. so i will do my best to keep this short.

 

My ex and i were together for 3 years. we talked we fell in love and we were great. best of friends great people and a perfect couple. all the love things were there, we both felt so much love from our relationship. we started out in college at 18 and were fine. when school finished things got hard but we were still talking and in love.

 

Things went south though. a few months ago she said she didnt love me no more. just like that. i talked and i begged and begged for us to be together, but she didnt want us or me anymore. she wasnt even willing to try. things were gonna be so great with us because it was about to get serious, i was gonna meet her parents and stuff. she use to tell me how much she love me and how she always will and nothing can tear us apart. now she has cut me out of her life. she says she just want different things.

 

for months she has been putting me aside, never really wanting to see me or asking me out and stuff, i use to always ask but she was always busy and had exams so i was understanding. now she just left me. shes in uni now and i dont even know if she thinks about me. we broke up over a month now, i was doing N.C until i called her and told her how i missed her and stuff. she dais she was busy and couldnt really talk, so i said id call back, i called that evening and the other day and no answer. so that was 2 weeks ago and im not gonna call or text. i wont break N.C

 

i cant believe after all we've been through and 2 years of seeing each other everyday she would just drop me like this. not even give us a second chance. she said she doesnt love me no more, we cant be together, its not meant to be, i deserve better and she has no time to think about how we were in school. im so crushed by this and its so hard. she worked a little bit before school and met new people, i think thats when she start putting me a side, now theres plenty new people again and i dont think she will ever look back on me.

 

Everything we had is just gone. she just left me never even looked back. and i thought we were special. we were so close like really close. now idk anymore

[d0nnivain]

Unfortunately people change. It happens. That doesn't mean what you had wasn't real. It just means it's over.

 

 

I know that is hard to hear & it certainly doesn't make it hurt less.

 

 

Take some time to grieve. You have experienced a loss. Plan to take this weekend to feel sorry for yourself. You are allowed. Wallow. Drown your sorrows. Wander around in your PJs. Binge watch your favorite TV show. Whatever it takes to get you through the weekend but come Monday put on your game face.

 

 

Yes you will still be sad but each day is another day of healing.

[nathan101]

But why string me along for 3 years. she knew the type of guy i was. i never played her or anything. as soon as she met new people she just put me aside. never even bothered to see me i didnt know shed be like that. couldnt she have just done it sooner and not have me in this so long with false hope

[louxor]

But why string me along for 3 years. she knew the type of guy i was. i never played her or anything. as soon as she met new people she just put me aside. never even bothered to see me i didnt know shed be like that. couldnt she have just done it sooner and not have me in this so long with false hope

 

I posted this on another thread a few days ago about a guy in a similar situation to yours, and I believe it delivers the same message here:

 

Why did she string you along?

"Take the example of someone who begins to drift from their partner but doesn't do the right thing and tell them, because they want to make sure they always have someone to fall back on. But then when they have found someone else who they believe is a secure catch, they no longer need you as their fail-safe, and bam, they're gone, and you're left feeling like you've been hit by a truck."

 

She seems to me like one of those girls who can't deal with being single. Rather than doing the right thing and leaving when she felt the connection was lost, she chose to stay until a better option came up.

 

It sucks. It really does and it is very immature and extremely selfish but some people are just like this.

 

You also should have known better - I understand when you are in love you become clouded but if someone says the no longer love you and refuses to work with you to change it, it's time to go, no matter how much you don't want to.

 

Learn from this for next time, and if something similar happens, address it when the problem first starts appearing, not when it's too late.

[sbk24]

Hi Nathan,

 

My ex left me for a guy after 8 years. We were childhood sweethearts and like louxor has said people do change. However, it was no excuse for my ex to change.

 

I was like you and still am really. I thought everything was perfect but maybe there was an underlying issue from her part? Who knows. I very much doubt she was stringing you along, as I thought the exact same thing but it is a very long period of time for someone to play you. She did love you just maybe her love changed for you. Sorry that this may seem harsh.

 

I might seem to be a hypocrite as it is much easier giving advice than doing it yourself. You are on the right track though NC. Do not count the days, just do it. It does help. I miss my girlfriend but she is not the person who she used to be and why would you want someone in your life who has dropped you so quick?

 

Your ex and and my ex were clearly not the ones. If you can fall in love once you can for sure do it again, it just takes time. You need to get back on your feet and face it. You will be better and a stronger person.

[nathan101]

but if you loved someone wouldnt you give them a chance to work it out. she didnt even tell me when she started feeling this way so we could discuss it. she just did it by herself and just threw our relationship under the bus. we never even got to do much as a couple because of school and we had all that and so much to do. now she just doesnt want us. doesnt even wanna try. am i not even worth trying with ..she claimed she loved me so much but gave me up so easily. put other people before me and always saying sumn when i asked for us to spend time. she never even asked for us to spend time or that she wants to see me.

[theredpill]

Never, ever beg someone to be in your life.

 

 

Listen to the above advice from the other posters, take this weekend, go for a drive, scream your head off, cry or whatever you need to do, the grief must leave your body and the only way is by letting it happen.

 

 

Then and read carefully now, you must get out of the house when you're not working, go the mall, to the city centre, be around friends if you can or just other people, smile

 

 

Join a gym, if you don't have a membership already. If this isn't your thing, try running or whatever suits your body type.

 

 

She is not causing you pain, the break up is not causing you pain, it's you attachment to reality that's doing all the damage to yourself.

 

 

You learned to walk, you can learn to control your emotions too.

 

 

How do I know, I've been in your shoes, felt as badly as you do now.. heed my words, you will be okay and sooner than you think, if you work on YOU!

 

 

Good luck dude, we're here for ya

[Shock148]

hello everyone. so i will do my best to keep this short.

 

My ex and i were together for 3 years. we talked we fell in love and we were great. best of friends great people and a perfect couple. all the love things were there, we both felt so much love from our relationship. we started out in college at 18 and were fine. when school finished things got hard but we were still talking and in love.

 

Things went south though. a few months ago she said she didnt love me no more. just like that. i talked and i begged and begged for us to be together, but she didnt want us or me anymore. she wasnt even willing to try. things were gonna be so great with us because it was about to get serious, i was gonna meet her parents and stuff. she use to tell me how much she love me and how she always will and nothing can tear us apart. now she has cut me out of her life. she says she just want different things.

 

for months she has been putting me aside, never really wanting to see me or asking me out and stuff, i use to always ask but she was always busy and had exams so i was understanding. now she just left me. shes in uni now and i dont even know if she thinks about me. we broke up over a month now, i was doing N.C until i called her and told her how i missed her and stuff. she dais she was busy and couldnt really talk, so i said id call back, i called that evening and the other day and no answer. so that was 2 weeks ago and im not gonna call or text. i wont break N.C

 

i cant believe after all we've been through and 2 years of seeing each other everyday she would just drop me like this. not even give us a second chance. she said she doesnt love me no more, we cant be together, its not meant to be, i deserve better and she has no time to think about how we were in school. im so crushed by this and its so hard. she worked a little bit before school and met new people, i think thats when she start putting me a side, now theres plenty new people again and i dont think she will ever look back on me.

 

Everything we had is just gone. she just left me never even looked back. and i thought we were special. we were so close like really close. now idk anymore

 

Im sorry to hear this but dude it's over. Once a woman tells her ex that she fell out of love with him, for whatever reason, theres basically no chance of you getting back together with her. All you can do is NC her and keep it that way until you finally move on. Once again sorry to hear this, it sucks, but it's over. They all said it best as well, you got strung along because she didn't want to be single, but at the same time she was actively looking for someone else to replace you. Once she got a new crush, she had no more need for you and decided to cut the ties. It happened to me and it sucked a lot, but the only thing you can do now is get over her, move on, and learn from this. And yes, no more begging on pleading for a conversation or explanation. If she manages to actually give you that respect and tell you, then you will not like to hear the things she has to say because it will mostly be negative things about you and a lot of positive things about her new boyfriend.

Edited September 30, 2015 by Shock148

[NoLeafClover]

but if you loved someone wouldnt you give them a chance to work it out. she didnt even tell me when she started feeling this way so we could discuss it. she just did it by herself and just threw our relationship under the bus. we never even got to do much as a couple because of school and we had all that and so much to do. now she just doesnt want us. doesnt even wanna try. am i not even worth trying with ..she claimed she loved me so much but gave me up so easily. put other people before me and always saying sumn when i asked for us to spend time. she never even asked for us to spend time or that she wants to see me.

I truly believe your ex has found another guy. They always act that way when they want to start talking or dating a new person. They want to make sure they look like they don't have any bf or ex bf drama. I have been in your shoes. My friends have been in your shoes. When I was an r.a in college, I had residents who have had this happen to them. I even saw other residents (girls) from other halls who had bf but would come to my floor and start dating the guys on my floor while acting all single.

I think your ex loved you but not as much as you loved her.

The hardest thing for you is yet to come. Forgetting about your ex will sure be hard, but getting to trust another woman and love again will be even harder.

 

Stay strong, give things time and you will move on from this and become a better person in no time. Come on here if it helps and avoid contacting here for a while.

[nathan101]

Some days are good, i get along fine with the break up and some days a little harder. mornings are the worst im sure you guys know, there isnt anything like extra sleep, as soon as your up your ex is on your mind, dreams about them are the worst. i have to pray every night not to dream about her, GOD is great though and i having less dreams. well time for business.

 

where do i begin. my ex was my first everything, and i was hers, except for best friend. she was my first actual friend, someone i had to talk about things with. we talked about everything and were so close. my other thread will tell you guys about the break up. so we were very good guys, im shattered how things are now.

 

She said she'll never leave me, always love me and all those things. we would move on with our lives together and always be together. you guys know all the things like that. i was really excited and so happy, my best friend and my first love, she was so great, but as soon as she met new people she changed, i no longer came first. So my feelings now.

 

To the ex ....................................................................

When you broke up with me you devastated me, you were all i had and you wanted to leave me. and right now you have cut me out of your life, i dont hear nothing from you. and we were so close, i really thought we had something, but you dropped me so easily, not even putting up a fight just dropped me and us. you said youd never leave me or move on without me, look at you now though. you have all your new friends, your in school now with new friends again doing your degree and stuff. im happy for you. i just never thought that you would leave me out. im here all alone by myself with my life falling apart, nothing going for me and facing everything by myself. and i really thought that you would be here for me.

 

you left when things were already so hard with me, but i cant force you to stay. i really tried to keep you in my life and keep us together, threw away all my pride, my dignity everything. i threw it all away for you but you didnt want me no more.

 

you said i was selfish only thinking about myself. i was because all i had was you, and i faught for you but u didnt fight for me. i was selfish but only that time. i wasnt selfish this year though, when i kept asking to see you and meet you, you never made the time for me, i wasnt selfish when i broke my bones, all i wanted to do was see you but you never came. i know things were hard because youur dad was strict, but your mom knew and she knew we were close, guess im not worth seeing, thats how i felt but i kept it inside because you had exams and i didnt want to stress you. i wasnt selfish when things were hard with us and i took all the heat. i gave 100% but wasnt getting it back.

 

now after we broke up, the things you said to me. things like you felt sorry for me thats y u were with me, things like i use to say i love you so you just went with it. i asked if you loved me you said you guess u did, you never loved me .. was all just a game. you told me you moved on from what we had, u dont have time to think of how we were, im an amazing guy and deserve better, thats the thing i cant understand, we were together for 3 years. but you met new people and you changed,you made me think we had a future together. now we have nothing. now you cut me out completely. I was in N.C i broke it and i called you, i said i missed you and wanted to talk, you said you might call or text, that was two weeks ago, i called you back the day after biut no answer. how could u treat me and be like this. i guess love made me blind. but i had patience with you and us and i never gave up.

 

you gave up tho and very easily. u stopped being my friend a long time ago. and i was so stupid not to see. you will never know how much i have hurt over you, all the tears i cried, all the sleepless nights, the sick feelings the torture i felt. you will never know. i dont wish you bad, i dont even wish karma upon you. i thought youd be with me girl, you just ran off on me and left me to claw myself out of this hole you put me in.

 

I still want to call you, even for your birthday but why.? i made the last contact with you and its gonna stay so. i messaged you i told you i hope we can talk but idk if thats gonna happen. its been 2 weeks and ive heard nothing from you. but thats ok because your not gonna ever hear from me again.

[Shock148]

Some days are good, i get along fine with the break up and some days a little harder. mornings are the worst im sure you guys know, there isnt anything like extra sleep, as soon as your up your ex is on your mind, dreams about them are the worst. i have to pray every night not to dream about her, GOD is great though and i having less dreams. well time for business.

 

where do i begin. my ex was my first everything, and i was hers, except for best friend. she was my first actual friend, someone i had to talk about things with. we talked about everything and were so close. my other thread will tell you guys about the break up. so we were very good guys, im shattered how things are now.

 

She said she'll never leave me, always love me and all those things. we would move on with our lives together and always be together. you guys know all the things like that. i was really excited and so happy, my best friend and my first love, she was so great, but as soon as she met new people she changed, i no longer came first. So my feelings now.

 

To the ex ....................................................................

When you broke up with me you devastated me, you were all i had and you wanted to leave me. and right now you have cut me out of your life, i dont hear nothing from you. and we were so close, i really thought we had something, but you dropped me so easily, not even putting up a fight just dropped me and us. you said youd never leave me or move on without me, look at you now though. you have all your new friends, your in school now with new friends again doing your degree and stuff. im happy for you. i just never thought that you would leave me out. im here all alone by myself with my life falling apart, nothing going for me and facing everything by myself. and i really thought that you would be here for me.

 

you left when things were already so hard with me, but i cant force you to stay. i really tried to keep you in my life and keep us together, threw away all my pride, my dignity everything. i threw it all away for you but you didnt want me no more.

 

you said i was selfish only thinking about myself. i was because all i had was you, and i faught for you but u didnt fight for me. i was selfish but only that time. i wasnt selfish this year though, when i kept asking to see you and meet you, you never made the time for me, i wasnt selfish when i broke my bones, all i wanted to do was see you but you never came. i know things were hard because youur dad was strict, but your mom knew and she knew we were close, guess im not worth seeing, thats how i felt but i kept it inside because you had exams and i didnt want to stress you. i wasnt selfish when things were hard with us and i took all the heat. i gave 100% but wasnt getting it back.

 

now after we broke up, the things you said to me. things like you felt sorry for me thats y u were with me, things like i use to say i love you so you just went with it. i asked if you loved me you said you guess u did, you never loved me .. was all just a game. you told me you moved on from what we had, u dont have time to think of how we were, im an amazing guy and deserve better, thats the thing i cant understand, we were together for 3 years. but you met new people and you changed,you made me think we had a future together. now we have nothing. now you cut me out completely. I was in N.C i broke it and i called you, i said i missed you and wanted to talk, you said you might call or text, that was two weeks ago, i called you back the day after biut no answer. how could u treat me and be like this. i guess love made me blind. but i had patience with you and us and i never gave up.

 

you gave up tho and very easily. u stopped being my friend a long time ago. and i was so stupid not to see. you will never know how much i have hurt over you, all the tears i cried, all the sleepless nights, the sick feelings the torture i felt. you will never know. i dont wish you bad, i dont even wish karma upon you. i thought youd be with me girl, you just ran off on me and left me to claw myself out of this hole you put me in.

 

I still want to call you, even for your birthday but why.? i made the last contact with you and its gonna stay so. i messaged you i told you i hope we can talk but idk if thats gonna happen. its been 2 weeks and ive heard nothing from you. but thats ok because your not gonna ever hear from me again.

 

Let it all out bro, just post your feelings here and don't send her any kind of text or call ever again.

[singme2sleep]

I know how hard it is, truly I do. My ex told me I was the love of his life and he promised to "always cherish and protect" my heart. It's a horrible situation to fall in love and then have that person leave you. But I'm trying so hard every day to tell myself that everything happens for a reason. Hang in there, we'll all get better with time.

[nathan101]

yeah these things are really stuff. people dont understand the power of there words, i mean i know people change but my ex didnt even talk to me about anything, didnt even make an effort to work things out. she has everything she wants now, im no longer in her life and her whole world is open, so who wants to leave leave, im just sorry that i put so much into her.

[Shock148]

yeah these things are really stuff. people dont understand the power of there words, i mean i know people change but my ex didnt even talk to me about anything, didnt even make an effort to work things out. she has everything she wants now, im no longer in her life and her whole world is open, so who wants to leave leave, im just sorry that i put so much into her.

 

everything happens for a reason. Just learn your lesson and next time don't invest so much into another women until she earns that.

[nathan101]

while the days go by and i keep N.C going i realise so much. i put in alot of effort in our relationship but she didnt. she put in more effort in getting rid of me than keeping me. really says alot but its my first relationship so i learnt alot. i cant see myself going back there. after 3 years of saying how much she loved me and wanted me and all those things. now breaking up time she said she never loved me??? what kind of person says those things. she did everything she had to do to get rid of me, and im not embarassed or regret the things i did because i faught very hard for my relationship. good things happen it will take time, someone better will come and treat me the way i deserve to be treated.

[mightycpa]

I've heard that people say something like that. My reaction would be that the person is pretty stupid to have invested all that time faking it if they're not feeling it.

 

It seems vindictive, like you did something to her in order for her to tell you that.

[Lilac Love]

Why did you and your ex-girlfriend end the relationship?

[ExpatInItaly]

Why did you break up?

 

Depending on circumstances, perhaps she said that she never loved you out of anger and didn't actually mean it.

[nathan101]

My ex and i were together for 3 years. we talked we fell in love and we were great. best of friends great people and a perfect couple. all the love things were there, we both felt so much love from our relationship. we started out in college at 18 and were fine. when school finished things got hard but we were still talking and in love.

 

Things went south though. a few months ago she said she didnt love me no more. just like that. i talked and i begged and begged for us to be together, but she didnt want us or me anymore. she wasnt even willing to try. things were gonna be so great with us because it was about to get serious, i was gonna meet her parents and stuff. she use to tell me how much she love me and how she always will and nothing can tear us apart. now she has cut me out of her life. she says she just want different things.

 

for months she has been putting me aside, never really wanting to see me or asking me out and stuff, i use to always ask but she was always busy and had exams so i was understanding. now she just left me. shes in uni now and i dont even know if she thinks about me. we broke up over a month now, i was doing N.C until i called her and told her how i missed her and stuff. she dais she was busy and couldnt really talk, so i said id call back, i called that evening and the other day and no answer. so that was 2 weeks ago and im not gonna call or text. i wont break N.C

 

i cant believe after all we've been through and 2 years of seeing each other everyday she would just drop me like this. not even give us a second chance. she said she doesnt love me no more, we cant be together, its not meant to be, i deserve better and she has no time to think about how we were in school. im so crushed by this and its so hard. she worked a little bit before school and met new people, i think thats when she start putting me a side, now theres plenty new people again and i dont think she will ever look back on me.

 

Everything we had is just gone. she just left me never even looked back. and i thought we were special. we were so close like really close. now idk anymore

[ExpatInItaly]

She had a change of heart. It happens all the time, especially with younger people. It's sad. But you will move on. It doesn't mean that she wasn't sincere at the time she told you she loved you, but I have a feeling she told you she never did because she sensed you weren't going to back off unless and until you heard something like that. Most of us have been through break-ups like this. We see that the other person has changed and wants different things, despite what they may have said in the past. The point is that they no longer feel that way. In those cases, trying again or giving a second chance is useless because they know deep down they don't want to and they don't feel the same way anymore. They know it would only bring the dumpee more pain. It doesn't matter how long you were together or how much you've been through together; that sadly doesn't change their feelings.

 

All you can do now is work on closing that chapter and starting a new one for yourself. Set some new goals for yourself. Get out and meet new people and perhaps a change of scenery. Day by day, you will start to feel better.

[nathan101]

How do you really and truly deal with it. I mean losing someone who meant everything to you, someone you had plans with and were gonna spend your lives together. And the thing is she practically cut me out of her life. I messaged her for her birthday, she said thank u. I just asked how she was and stuff. I asked her her plans for the day and she didnt say much, she didnt show any interest in the convo. She asked me something and i told her i thought we would be spending today together, she really didnt say anything and i killed the convo. I cried a bit, two days still crying. But the fact is sho doeant want to be with me anymore, truth is idk if thats a permanent thing because we were really and truly close so idk if she can just give up something like that. Shes doing a good job so far. And shes in uni now so there plenty things to keep her mind off me. Im not hanging on for anything though. Its strict N.C now because i know thats the best thing for me, i did it for 2 weeks and it was great . Time to continue. BTW tho guys. When someone dumps you don't they get rid of the things you got them. I saw a pic with her and she still got on some jewellery I got her. It doesn't bother me but kinda confusing why she would wear it after breaking up with me. What you guys think?

[louxor]

How do you really and truly deal with it. I mean losing someone who meant everything to you, someone you had plans with and were gonna spend your lives together. And the thing is she practically cut me out of her life. I messaged her for her birthday, she said thank u. I just asked how she was and stuff. I asked her her plans for the day and she didnt say much, she didnt show any interest in the convo. She asked me something and i told her i thought we would be spending today together, she really didnt say anything and i killed the convo. I cried a bit, two days still crying. But the fact is sho doeant want to be with me anymore, truth is idk if thats a permanent thing because we were really and truly close so idk if she can just give up something like that. Shes doing a good job so far. And shes in uni now so there plenty things to keep her mind off me. Im not hanging on for anything though. Its strict N.C now because i know thats the best thing for me, i did it for 2 weeks and it was great . Time to continue. BTW tho guys. When someone dumps you don't they get rid of the things you got them. I saw a pic with her and she still got on some jewellery I got her. It doesn't bother me but kinda confusing why she would wear it after breaking up with me. What you guys think?

 

Firstly, she's doing you a favour with her limited & uninterested replies - You should be happy she's being honest about how she feels so it doesn't lead you on in false hope.

 

To answer your question there's 3 steps:

1. Complete 100% NC - No snapchat, no instagram, no fb stalking, no birthday messages. Nothing. If you can't bring yourself to delete her on social media, unfollow her so you don't see her stuff.

 

2. Self-love, self-love, self-love & more self-love - Treat yourself, engage in your hobbies, exercise and treat your body well, hang out with your friends, revive the things you have neglected while you were in your relationship, etc etc.

 

3. Don't live in the past - There is nothing good that comes from dwelling on what could have been if you did this or didn't do that. What's done is done, be happy for the good memories and leave the rest in the past where it belongs.

[William]

Folks, I merged four threads here on this breakup so there may be some duplicate content. Please continue the discussion here. Thanks!

[BelleSkye]

Harsh truth, I still wear the ring my ex fiance gave me, only because the ring is so pretty. I feel nothing for him.

How to get over the break up? My first extreme break up involved a lot of family support and friends. It was Amazing. Distractions Galore. Only problem is that I didnt make the most of it. I actually craved alone time. When I did finally get alone time, I wanted friends again....but everyone moved on, and with another extreme break up in my life, I see myself resorting to the net for guidance and advice.

 

My advice, keep busy with whatever resources are at hand. Keep day dreaming how she will regret it. After a while, it will hopefully not matter anymore.

[nathan101]

I just find it difficult to cope with. i mean we were so close, the bestest of friends for 3 years. felt like we known each other since we were children. now i dont know if she even thinks about me, misses me or anything. i dont think so. just gotta deal with it.