jam.over.jelly Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I've been single for about 3 months now, my break up was a clean break, and it didn't take me long to get over my ex (Since I wasn't too invested emotionally). I jumped into dating again pretty soon. Over the last 3 months I have met about 12 guys (some through friends, but the majority through OLD). So out of 12, I was interested in only two guys. One guy who I was talking to went back to his ex after a month of talking to me, the other didn't want a second date (no biggie, I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea). These are the only 2 guys I felt an immediate connection with. Last night I met up with a really beautiful guy (former model), but I felt zero connection, it was almost too boring to sit through the date with him, so I excused myself early. To my surprise he texted me shortly after and asked for a second date, to which I nicely declined. I don't have a problem meeting guys that I'm attracted to, my problem is that if I find myself attracted to both their physiques and their personality, they don't feel the same, but when I feel no connection towards the guy, they are the ones usually keen on seeing me again. What's going on? Why do I keep attracting guys that I don't connect with mentally? Is it because men like what they can't have? Is it because I didn't seem to express any interest in them and they like the chase? If it is so then dating is full of $h!t
thecrucible Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I have the same issue. I need some kind of intellectual stimulation but often I find either I'm attracted someone physically but not emotionally or that a guy has some kind of emotional draw but I can't picture him in a sexual way, more like a brother. It sucks because I'm not basing it only on looks. I just don't get 'that feeling' that I am needing a lot of the time. I don't have to date a super hot guy but I have been on dates with very cute guys recently who I wouldn't throw out of bed but the quality of our conversation and connection just wasn't there.
Jejangles Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Yeah, I have the same problem, it's tough to meet someone where there's mutual attraction! I think OLD does expand the circle of who you meet, but it also means you meet a lot of people who you would not otherwise be interested in. It seems to just be a numbers game (which can be super exhausting). I also think OLD very much pushes you to be instantly attracted to someone, whereas in real life you often get to know someone over time and end up feeling attracted towards someone you would have never considered at first meeting... 2
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 I keep hearing about couples that met online. How do they get so lucky? I start to think OLD isn't where it's at anymore. But with my line of work it's hard to meet men, and I generally don't prefer meeting people at bars either. Yesterday I went out with yet another guy who is adorable, and as much as I enjoyed his company, there wasn't that spark that I'm looking for. Maybe it's time I take a break from dating...
EricaH329 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 If you're waiting for that spark between you and another person, then it's going to take some time. You'll most likely go on a lot of dates before finding someone that you have that connection with. I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. Everyone has their preference on what they like. I wouldn't give up just because you haven't found it yet. If you want to stop dating for other reasons, then that's a different story altogether. 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 If you're waiting for that spark between you and another person, then it's going to take some time. You'll most likely go on a lot of dates before finding someone that you have that connection with. I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. Everyone has their preference on what they like. I wouldn't give up just because you haven't found it yet. If you want to stop dating for other reasons, then that's a different story altogether. You're right, and thanks for such kind words. But recently I just feel like it's a chore to get ready to go meet up with new guys every week. I'm no longer excited to go on that first meet-up. I just want to find a guy who sparks my interest and he's also interested in me and I want to be able to look forward to that second and third date with the same guy, not first dates with different guys every week . 1
cessna Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 How are you meeting up with so many guys in such a short space of time? Or is that normal, I really don't know? No matter how hard I try I cannot get a date. I've been on one date in the past year since I split from my ex. And that didn't go anywhere. I've also never been on a date with anyone from online dating. Chatted to birds but they always vanished very quickly. I did meet one girl online actually, but we went to school together many years ago, there was no attraction and we only met to shag round her place and then never spoke again. I guess just keep trying. You're obviously doing something right to be getting so many dates, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before you find someone.
Stage5Clinger Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 What's going on? Why do I keep attracting guys that I don't connect with mentally? Is it because men like what they can't have? Is it because I didn't seem to express any interest in them and they like the chase? If it is so then dating is full of $h!t Don't buy into this game. One day you'll like a guy who likes you back it's that simple. These guys that you don't like -- they are insecure about it. They can tell you weren't that interested so they desperately try to regain your attention asking for a second date or whatever. Don't try to use that sort of thinking to your advantage. It's only toxic. 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) How are you meeting up with so many guys in such a short space of time? Or is that normal, I really don't know? No matter how hard I try I cannot get a date. I've been on one date in the past year since I split from my ex. And that didn't go anywhere. I've also never been on a date with anyone from online dating. Chatted to birds but they always vanished very quickly. I did meet one girl online actually, but we went to school together many years ago, there was no attraction and we only met to shag round her place and then never spoke again. I guess just keep trying. You're obviously doing something right to be getting so many dates, I'm sure it's just a matter of time before you find someone. If you were a girl, you'd know how easy it is to get a date. Lol. Guys ask me to meet up left and right. My profile literally doesn't even say anything (I used to have one where I wrote a thorough introduction about myself but then I deleted my profile and now I'm just too lazy to even type up anything). And I feel like guys don't even care. They like my pics, and so they message me. So i'd choose from the pool of guys I have, pick the ones I'm most attracted to and meet up with them to decide if I feel any chemistry and if I'm also attracted to their personality. Edited October 8, 2015 by jam.over.jelly
EricaH329 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) You're right, and thanks for such kind words. But recently I just feel like it's a chore to get ready to go meet up with new guys every week. I'm no longer excited to go on that first meet-up. I just want to find a guy who sparks my interest and he's also interested in me and I want to be able to look forward to that second and third date with the same guy, not first dates with different guys every week . Dating can become very frustrating, that's for sure! I'm sorry you feel so defeated Have you tried messaging with the guys a little bit before meeting? Kind of gauging whether or not it will be worth getting together? I think that may help cut back on so many first dates. Edit: Saw the picture you just put up! You're gorgeous! I know that doesn't contribute, but thought i'd mention it! Edited October 8, 2015 by EricaH329 1
kpl Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 If you were a girl, you'd know how easy it is to get a date. Lol. Guys ask me to meet up left and right. My profile literally doesn't even say anything (I used to have one where I wrote a thorough introduction about myself but then I deleted my profile and now I'm just too lazy to even type up anything). And I feel like guys don't even care. They like my pics, and so they message me. So i'd choose from the pool of guys I have, pick the ones I'm most attracted to and meet up with them to decide if I feel any chemistry and if I'm also attracted to their personality. I think if you are not wiling to go out with a lot of ppl you might want to change this. Being lazy about your profile is going to attract guys that have very minimal interest. Get specific and create a profile that showcases who you are to the best of your ability and you will meet a better crop of ppl. 2
smackie9 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Hun this is what dating is all about, you have to kick a lot of tires to find exactly what you are looking for. If everyone didn't have to go through the process then there would be no forums like this and no dating sites because no one would need it. It is what it is. 1
cessna Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 If you were a girl, you'd know how easy it is to get a date. Lol. Guys ask me to meet up left and right. My profile literally doesn't even say anything (I used to have one where I wrote a thorough introduction about myself but then I deleted my profile and now I'm just too lazy to even type up anything). And I feel like guys don't even care. They like my pics, and so they message me. So i'd choose from the pool of guys I have, pick the ones I'm most attracted to and meet up with them to decide if I feel any chemistry and if I'm also attracted to their personality. If that is you in that photo I can understand now. I can't help but feel a little bitter that you can have an empty profile and get multiple dates whereas I had a really carefully written profile, sent personalised messages to girls and didn't get a single date... Not having a go at you there, all the more power to you I say. Just feels like a kick in the teeth for people like me.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Dating can become very frustrating, that's for sure! I'm sorry you feel so defeated Have you tried messaging with the guys a little bit before meeting? Kind of gauging whether or not it will be worth getting together? I think that may help cut back on so many first dates. Edit: Saw the picture you just put up! You're gorgeous! I know that doesn't contribute, but thought i'd mention it! Thank you. You're so kind . But you're right, I should talk to guys first before meeting with them. But I'm generally pretty busy and don't have a lot of time for messaging back and forth or for texting . A lot of guys lost interest because I sometimes take forever to respond to their text when I honestly have other priorities and by the time I get to their message I realize that it has been almost the whole day . What should i do?
cessna Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Thank you. You're so kind . But you're right, I should talk to guys first before meeting with them. But I'm generally pretty busy and don't have a lot of time for messaging back and forth or for texting . A lot of guys lost interest because I sometimes take forever to respond to their text when I honestly have other priorities and by the time I get to their message I realize that it has been almost the whole day . What should i do? Move to England and marry me. Please.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Move to England and marry me. Please. I'm booking the first flight out to England. Haha!
cessna Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I'm booking the first flight out to England. Haha! I'll pay for the (one way, of course) flight. I just need your bank account number and sort code first and then we can enjoy our married life together. I think I love you.
cessna Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 All joking aside, if that really is you in that photo (I'm not doubting for one moment it is) and you're single then I give up on finding a woman. I really do have no hope.
EricaH329 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Thank you. You're so kind . But you're right, I should talk to guys first before meeting with them. But I'm generally pretty busy and don't have a lot of time for messaging back and forth or for texting . A lot of guys lost interest because I sometimes take forever to respond to their text when I honestly have other priorities and by the time I get to their message I realize that it has been almost the whole day . What should i do? Oh geez, that does sound difficult! Personally, I rarely actually get to the point where I have a first date with someone from OLD. I usually only continue messaging with someone if something on their profile stood out to me. I mean *really* stood out. A joke that is my exact type of humor, enjoys reading the same things I do, is well traveled, etc. But that's just me going after what I know I want. Do you message every guy back or do you take the time to sort through their profiles to see if something stands out to you? Also, do you give your number out right away? Or message back and forth a few times first? I'd suggest messaging a bit before giving out your number, that way there isn't the added pressure of responding right away.
xcupid Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I've been single for about 3 months now, my break up was a clean break, and it didn't take me long to get over my ex (Since I wasn't too invested emotionally). I jumped into dating again pretty soon. Over the last 3 months I have met about 12 guys (some through friends, but the majority through OLD). So out of 12, I was interested in only two guys. One guy who I was talking to went back to his ex after a month of talking to me, the other didn't want a second date (no biggie, I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea). These are the only 2 guys I felt an immediate connection with. Last night I met up with a really beautiful guy (former model), but I felt zero connection, it was almost too boring to sit through the date with him, so I excused myself early. To my surprise he texted me shortly after and asked for a second date, to which I nicely declined. I don't have a problem meeting guys that I'm attracted to, my problem is that if I find myself attracted to both their physiques and their personality, they don't feel the same, but when I feel no connection towards the guy, they are the ones usually keen on seeing me again. What's going on? Why do I keep attracting guys that I don't connect with mentally? Is it because men like what they can't have? Is it because I didn't seem to express any interest in them and they like the chase? If it is so then dating is full of $h!t I'd be inclined to "vet" the guys a little beforehand to see if they at least connect with you the way you want. Might save you some time in the long run. If they lose interest they've just told you they're not worth wasting time and effort on anyway. Because you're attractive you're going to attract all types of men - many of whom will not be what you're looking for. That's how dating works.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Do you message every guy back or do you take the time to sort through their profiles to see if something stands out to you? Also, do you give your number out right away? Or message back and forth a few times first? I'd suggest messaging a bit before giving out your number, that way there isn't the added pressure of responding right away. I do. I have to exchange a couple messages to see if I vibe with the guy first before moving on to texting. But I have also met a couple guys whose text messages represent the opposite of them (their texts were boring, but they were actually very funny) so I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. 1
smackie9 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I get that people use OLD because of it's convenience, BUT IMO how can you really get the jest of what a person is truly like by a photo, and some messages. It's no wonder people are disappointed or get so frustrated. OK so they look good on paper, and the photo, but when you meet them it's "no chemistry, they are boring, get me out of here!" A reason why OLD is so frustrating is because it's available to the masses....the masses of socially inept, predators, the desperate, inexperienced, low self esteem, catfishing, emotionally sick, poor hygiene, bad teeth, insecure, you name it, it's all there all in a neat package. You get a better vibe going out, socializing and meeting someone in person without the security of a computer screen. 2
StocksnBlondes Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Thank you. You're so kind . But you're right, I should talk to guys first before meeting with them. But I'm generally pretty busy and don't have a lot of time for messaging back and forth or for texting . A lot of guys lost interest because I sometimes take forever to respond to their text when I honestly have other priorities and by the time I get to their message I realize that it has been almost the whole day . What should i do? If I have my profile up for a week I get hundreds of messages. So I hide it ...usually leave it up for only a few days. Then I go through messages because while some people realize people have a life and are busy ...some are impatient. It's actually a good way to weed out the ones with short tempers. Still ...one can only deal with so many messages at once. I try to be very selective with who I meet but sometimes I don't go through my entire vetting process beforehand ... And the quality of the connection suffers. You might try hiding profile to allow yourself to get through messages. Also ...I strongly agree about building a profile that reflects who you are ...greatly increases connection potential. It is a bit of a numbers game ...but so is playing at a casino ...however you can steer the odds in your favor a little by educating yourself (what you're looking for) and your potential dates (a carefully written bio and messaging that reveals who you are) There was an article just detailed how a guy built an algorithm to find the perfect girl for him ...okcupid I think was used as the online dating medium. Really revealing that it helps to know what you want and put that info out there. I bet you find someone soon:) 2
EricaH329 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I do. I have to exchange a couple messages to see if I vibe with the guy first before moving on to texting. But I have also met a couple guys whose text messages represent the opposite of them (their texts were boring, but they were actually very funny) so I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. That's true! Giving people the benefit of the doubt is definitely a good quality to have! At this point, I think patience is the only way to go. You're bound to find someone, either online or offline, but it'll take quite a bit of trial and error. 1
Yummm Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 You're right, and thanks for such kind words. But recently I just feel like it's a chore to get ready to go meet up with new guys every week. I'm no longer excited to go on that first meet-up. I just want to find a guy who sparks my interest and he's also interested in me and I want to be able to look forward to that second and third date with the same guy, not first dates with different guys every week . I feel ya girl.. I've been dating excessively over the last 1.5 months. Only been past a second date with a few of them. I also find it very hard to have that initial spark with OLD. Going on all these first dates are starting to become a chore rather than an excitement. It is deflating sometimes. But, don't give up. Especially with OLD we have to keep powering through until we find one that clicks with us. If a break is needed by all means take a break, but don't be completely disheartened. Also remember that OLD is only 1 avenue to finding the right person, it can happen when you least expect it too. It will happen, have faith Hugs xox 1
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