3 months and still not over it...

[letmeknow92]

Over the past 3 months ive been reading posts on this site but never actually posted anything myself. But right now Im at the point where I actually feel like i need to vent it out and i need opinions from other people.

 

Ive just got out from a three years relationship with a girl roughly two months ago (i guess we officially broke up around 19th august which is our third year anniversary). Right now marks the beginning of the third month and just two weeks of no contact (i dont know if you count posting up stuff wishing she's see or not). But today i just broke the no contact and done something i really shouldnt have with her. I typed her messages on whatsapp which basically revealed how weak i have been. This girl is my first girlfriend and i know that for a 23 year old guy is supposed to have more experience with girls than this but im just the serious type, i really take the time to get to know the person as friends first before pursuing her as my partner. Sure there were many others ive been interested in the past, but for me there has to be some kind of deep connection between us to keep me interested. With this girl, we clicked instantly in so many ways. We met during our college days in Australia where we were both international students. I must admit i was attracted to her even before i talked to her and it wasnt because of her looks (there were many prettier ones), but it's just something about her inner self that makes her undeniably charming.

 

We hung out as friends first then it developed into a relationship. It was the kind of relationship where you could enjoy the silence together or the crowd together just because you have each other kinda thing. Her smile lights up everything. We were so in love and we were going very strong. One thing that has always been the problem is because she is a Christian and I'm a Bhuddhist. Now I personally do not mind at all which faith my partner is and I respect her belief totally because that is what makes her as a person that i love, and neither have i judged anything. Howver, she did mentioned that her family would like her to marry a Christian as well and she foresee this to be a problem in the future. At the end of 2014 where me and her had to move back to our home countries i wanted to break up because i know i cannot cope with long distance and i know religion will be problematic for her. So it's better to cut it earlier. But she asked me is we could continue with the long distance until we cant anymore, at last i reluctantly agreed.

 

We were on LDR for a whole year and a half with my mind set on being with her again in australia after she had gotten her permanent residency there (which she just got it now beginning of this year). Last year we met twice where both times i flew to see her in jakarta and stayed for no more than 3 days. Our first break up was last year. She went to bible study class and came out of it telling me that we have to break up now because I need to choose god. I cant be with you anymore. I knew she still had feelings for me so when she said it on a monday, thursday i flew to indonesia from thailand to see her already. We kind of gotten back together after that. Since there was the first time, second, third, and fourth times happened with the same reason. She cant be with me because im not Christian. And each time it happend, i flew to see her in her home country. This is the fifth time and we broke up not because of God but because she was too busy for me, she became more distant and doesnt have any spare time during the day to text me at all (im not being needy or anything but if she doesnt have even 5 minutes to spare, that is abit too much). At the end I had it so i asked for a break up, she didnt even asked me to stay. she just agreed with me. And in the end, she said to me that we said we will be with each other when we cant anymore, well, now i cant anymore. I cant do it anymore. At first i did everything youre not supposed to do, i begged her to stay, tried to reason it out with her. But it was no no no. And i told myself there is no way im making the fifth trip just to see her in indonesia. its pathetic. But i dont know why i just cant stop stalking her and erase her out of my mind. I thought it through and i dont think the reason she gave up on us is because of the distance, we fought it through so well ( and no im not just imagining this on my own, i really did feel it) becuase we talked everyday all the time before she went to the bible study and became more into God. She also knows that at the end, i will be with her in australia again once she gets her permanent residency. She never told her family about us because she doesnt want her family to know she is dating a non-Christian.

 

At the beginning of our breakup, she still tried to initiate conversations with me or update statuses where i will be the only one who understand what it means, as well as her profile pictures will always be us related things. she wanted me to initiate the first contact and it worked! Everytime i saw such thing i'll jump at it, but in the end she will say, we are not getting back together. that happened for the first couple of weeks. finally i had it and i told her im not going to do this anymore, you can just keep yo-yoing me back and forth in your life like how you wish and dump me when you feel convenient. So i told her that i have to unfriend her on fb to tyr to move on, she deactivated her account after that and never reactivated it. This kind of tempting game continued for a while on whatsapp and instagram, and i must admit it was done on both accounts. Up to a point we did posted things in an attempt to provoke another person's feeling of wanting to initiate the talk. But then she seemed to be more attached in her Church group and slowly moved away from this. I stopped posting things as well. But i still couldnt get her out of my mind. Today after two weeks, i kinda broke down and called her, and texted her on another phone where she didnt blocked me on whatsapp. I told her i still think of her but didnt begged her to come back. She said that God helped her through this time and it seems she is completely over our three years relationship just within two months. But when i asked if we could be friends, she said she thought she could, but right now she knows she couldnt. She ended the conversation casually by saying i gotta go read to study for bible exam now. we were able not to talk for the past weeks, we can do more of it. and she said she will donate all the stuff ive given to her out.

 

how can some one be so quick in getting over from being so crazy in love for three years?? What should i be doing when my mind everyday is occupied with her. I do stalk her on instagram almost the whole day i must admit. But i want to get better and i want to move on. Any suggestions on what i should do. I tried occupying myself, watching movie, doing meditation, throw myself into work, it doesnt help!!! The only thing that can get me through the day is to think about her negativities; her bad points. How she is at the end emotionally uninvested and also being very selfish in putting a foot in the relationship and will dump me when its convenient for her. I'm considerin where to do masters now, but i guess doing it in australia wont do me any good anymore.

 

Might be a tad-bit long but i really appreciate those who make the effort to read till the end. Thanks in advance for any suggestions! I really do wanna get better.

Edited October 6, 2015 by letmeknow92

[quattrob]

I've read your whole post and it's too bad that this happened, I mean you had a decision and choice earlier to break it off when it was Long distance but you chose not to. And now that the relationship has ran it's course you suffer way more because of that decision you made.

 

 

Try not to think about the bad things about her or even others to help you move on. It would just make you resent her and others, perhaps even yourself. You had a loving relationship with her and it should be remembered as such. This happens to many of us and you're not the only one. Why this happens, no one truly knows but what we know is there's lessons to be learnt from all this. As hard as it is to believe now this is what makes us stronger or weaker, it's up to you to decide on which one.

 

 

It's only been 2 months since like you said so don't be so hard on yourself and you shouldn't expect yourself to get over her that quickly. She was able to only because of God. You question why she can get over you so quickly because you don't understand her and God. She has grown from this and like she told you God has help her through this tough and emotional time.

 

 

The big reason why it didn't work out is because you didn't believe in the same religion as her. You knew earlier on that this could be an issue and she knew as well.

 

 

Anyways, first step to get better is stop stalking her social media. The more you stalk and check up on her, the more you're going to hurt yourself. You need to let go and accept that you guys were not meant to be. You need to stay strong and time will heal you. Remember not to contact her, you'll only hurt yourself no one else.

[letmeknow92]

Quattrob,

 

Thanks so much for your reply. Really you said the same thing as the others as well. One thing that is weird is how she keeps on playing these mind games with me (i think she is) on the social network. I told her that since she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me then please let me move on. I need to delete her from all my social network even if i dont want to (she said she understand), so in the end I deleted her from my facebook, but then she deleted her own facebook account. She then blocks me on whatsapp, which is our main source of communication. Before she did that she said let's not keep talking because nothing good will come out of this. We will keep on fooling ourselves.

 

And because i couldnt keep on stalking her on instagram, i ended up blocking her there. When i typed her name, it seemed that her got her account deleted there as well. Not actually set as private but actually deleted her account.

 

Quattrob, do you think she actually understood my actions? I mean in the end i wish that we could remain friends and no hard feelings toward each other. But right now i am doing this so i could move on properly, but somehow i feel like i am wrong for unfriending her and blocking her. I also dont get why it would matter to her so much to the extent of deleting her own account when i deleted her off from my social networks. What are your thoughts on this?