nb482 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I started seeing a girl about 4 months ago. We hit it off immediately and things have been great! We get along incredibly and really love spending time together. Problem is, she recently told me she has lost attraction and sexual desire for me. We're both confused, as we really like each other and we initially felt attracted to each other. For the first month and a half we would make-out all the time...we could barely keep our hands off each other. About 3-4 weeks in, she started the pill. We had sex soon after and it was fun! We certainly had a good time and seemed sexually compatible. A few weeks later, though, she started to lose her attraction for me and I noticed a gradual shift in her. We broke up 2 weeks ago, but have been in touch. We got together this Sunday and had one of the most fun dates we've had together so far. It was wonderful. She told me she made a list of all the qualities she wants in a guy and I nailed almost all of them and she missed me. We made out and I left her feeling excited. Well, last night she says basically everything rocked, but again when we made-out she had no sexual desire. We both care about each other and want to understand this. Nothing else in the relationship is wrong...everything feels right with us. We click on so many levels. Not to mention we were pretty damn attracted to each other in the beginning. The ONLY variable that has changed is the birth control. A few weeks after she started it, the shift in attraction began. I've been reading about recent studies showing how the pill can decrease libido and alter attraction. Studies suggest that when you are already on the pill and start a relationship and continue on the pill...things tend to be cool. But, if you start a relationship before you start/stop the pill, it can really screw with women's feelings of attraction and sexual desire, among other things. The change in hormones, the decrease in testosterone, the inability to pickup on pheromones as naturally intended...the pill can even lead to changes in brain structure. Sure, not everyone experiences all these side effects, but enough people do to be of concern. 1 - Has anyone experienced this before? Have you started/stopped birth control and felt a change in desire/attraction for someone or in general? 2 - How did you deal with it? 3- Any advice? We both want this to work, but it's confusing.
lchf Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 1. Yes been there with my current gf. She started the pill about a year and a half ago. The first pill she went on did exactly what you described. Significant loss in libido. I took it poorly as I figured she was losing attraction for me. I naturally pulled back my advances which upset her further. Once we started communicating openly she became aware of the changes in desire after she started the pill. 2. She changed pills which changed the situation a fair bit. I'm not a B/C expert so I can't say why some pills affect libido more than others. It could very well be her pill. 3. Is she taking the pill purely for the birth control aspect? My gf takes it for cycle management and her skin which helps immensly in that regard. If it's just birth control perhaps she can look into alternative measures. 1
Author nb482 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 Thanks for the response. How long did it take for her to notice a libido decline? Was it a decline in sexual arousal with you or in general? How long did it take to notice an improvement after she changed things? She's on it solely for birth control, so there are other options.
lchf Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Thanks for the response. How long did it take for her to notice a libido decline? Was it a decline in sexual arousal with you or in general? How long did it take to notice an improvement after she changed things? She's on it solely for birth control, so there are other options. I would say within a month both of us could notice things were changing. Lack of arousal was in general, not just with me and she sweared by it. We did a bit of long distance in that time and she never expressed any desire to masturbate etc. It also took a lot longer to get in the mood which improved with better foreplay so it wasn't all for nothing I suppose. I'd say I could see improvements within a few weeks of changing her pill. But during that time I encouraged her to improve a lot of other aspects such as diet and exercise which I believe would have helped a little. But I guess every girl is different. Yes so perhaps our gf would be open to other options. I've heard great things about copper IUDs but again I'm no expert. 1
Author nb482 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 Thanks for that. I am recommending she try something else or just get off of it totally. There are other safer methods, really. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Different? This seems pretty common from what I've read.
MovingOnIsHard Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I must be a horn dog because I've been on the pill for 1.5 years now and i still crave sex at least once a day with my bf. What brand of pill is she on, OP?
Author nb482 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 Well, it affects everyone differently. I had an ex years ago that used to hate me on and off while on the pill...for no reason. Well, sometimes I gave her a reason, but really not that often! I feared her while she was on the pill. Others have no issue. I think she's on Yaz, but not totally sure. I'll find out.
toolforgrowth Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Freeze some swimmers and get a vasectomy. You won't regret it.
Miss Peach Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Happened to me too OP. Plus I gained 10 lbs and got horrible leg cramps where I couldn't walk. I will never use hormonal birth control again. 1
MovingOnIsHard Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Well, it affects everyone differently. I had an ex years ago that used to hate me on and off while on the pill...for no reason. Well, sometimes I gave her a reason, but really not that often! I feared her while she was on the pill. Others have no issue. I think she's on Yaz, but not totally sure. I'll find out. Im on Marvelon. Perhaps it's the difference in estradiol combinations between the two that result in different experiences. If the lack of libido persists, maybe she can switch pills. She should go to her family doctor and ask for other options. For me, the changes I have noticed is dryness down there during sex, off and on. Otherwise, I feel about the same as when I started on the pills a year ago.
Author nb482 Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 Freeze some swimmers and get a vasectomy. You won't regret it. Thanks, but **cringe**
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