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I Can't Seem to Overcome My Shyness

SymphonyX7

By SymphonyX7
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SymphonyX7 Member

SymphonyX7

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there is nothing wrong with me- I'm a well above average looking male, very well dressed, stocky athletic build, extremely successful financially, above average intelligence but my dating life has been just absolutely crushed by my intense shyness.

 

 

I just have such a negative attitude with dating - in my mind, no woman ever wants to be approached. I'm also incredibly harsh on myself - I feel like I have to be impossibly perfect to even get a date with a girl I feel any attraction for - whenever I want to make a move on someone I like, I feel that I need to be this much better in these areas for her to like me. My third and last problem is I hate rejection

 

 

I don't know how to overcome these issues and I really do want a girlfriend. My family is starting to put pressure on me to get married already (I'm 26)

Edited by SymphonyX7
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
there is nothing wrong with me- I'm a well above average looking male, very well dressed, stocky athletic build, extremely successful financially, above average intelligence but my dating life has been just absolutely crushed by my intense shyness.

 

 

I just have such a negative attitude with dating - in my mind, no woman ever wants to be approached. I'm also incredibly harsh on myself - I feel like I have to be impossibly perfect to even get a date with a girl I feel any attraction for - whenever I want to make a move on someone I like, I feel that I need to be this much better in these areas for her to like me. My third and last problem is I hate rejection

 

 

I don't know how to overcome these issues and I really do want a girlfriend. My family is starting to put pressure on me to get married already (I'm 26)

 

in my mind -- Get out of your own head.

 

I hate rejection -- And, everyone else loves it?

 

how to overcome these issues -- Remember your opening statement -- there is nothing wrong with me

lchf Established Member

lchf

Posted
Posted

Okay normally I hate recommeding pick-up stuff because usually it's contrived BS, but I think some of the stuff online done by Real Social Dynamics (particularly by Owen aka Tyler) can really help you with understanding some of the underlying issues, particularly with having a poor attitude, getting outside your head, and how to not be so attached to the outcome of interactions with women. A lot of it really has nothing to do with picking up women, but rather understanding the crappy mental state many men approach these issues with.

 

Take it or leave it bro but it really helped open my eyes a fair bit.

 

This is a self fulfilling prophecy; you go into dates with the preconceived idea that girls don't find you attractive. I can tell you right now that the "ideal" man on paper is far from what women find "attractive" especially in the short term. Some of the most successful guys I know with women are 5'6 with not a dime to their name. Now a few examples a pattern do not make, but generally I find this idea to have some validity. So get that idea out of your head.

 

Regarding rejection, I've found it's a state of conditioning you need to come to turns with. Everyone hates getting rejected, but the sh*t really does not matter. Most women who reject you probably won't even remember you. They get heaps of attention. It's something you're going to have to get used to.

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SymphonyX7 Member

SymphonyX7

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Okay normally I hate recommeding pick-up stuff because usually it's contrived BS, but I think some of the stuff online done by Real Social Dynamics (particularly by Owen aka Tyler) can really help you with understanding some of the underlying issues, particularly with having a poor attitude, getting outside your head, and how to not be so attached to the outcome of interactions with women. A lot of it really has nothing to do with picking up women, but rather understanding the crappy mental state many men approach these issues with.

 

Take it or leave it bro but it really helped open my eyes a fair bit.

 

This is a self fulfilling prophecy; you go into dates with the preconceived idea that girls don't find you attractive. I can tell you right now that the "ideal" man on paper is far from what women find "attractive" especially in the short term. Some of the most successful guys I know with women are 5'6 with not a dime to their name.

 

 

Did you read the original post? In many ways I am the "ideal on paper". I'm on track to make close to 200K this year at the age of 26, but I'm still incredibly incredibly harsh on myself.

 

I sometimes feel like I have to be a male model movie star to get a date.

lchf Established Member

lchf

Posted
Posted
Did you read the original post? In many ways I am the "ideal on paper". I'm on track to make close to 200K this year at the age of 26, but I'm still incredibly incredibly harsh on myself.

 

I sometimes feel like I have to be a male model movie star to get a date.

 

What was so off base about my post?

 

Ya and your paycheck hasn't helped you with women as you just described.. What's your point?

 

It's your attitude that's the problem isn't that correct?

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SymphonyX7 Member

SymphonyX7

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What was so off base about my post?

 

Ya and your paycheck hasn't helped you with women as you just described.. What's your point?

 

It's your attitude that's the problem isn't that correct?

 

 

no you were trying to motivate me by saying that I can get dates even if I'm not "ideal on paper" but I basically am.

 

 

...which is what it makes it all so much more frustrating

lchf Established Member

lchf

Posted
Posted
no you were trying to motivate me by saying that I can get dates even if I'm not "ideal on paper" but I basically am.

 

 

...which is what it makes it all so much more frustrating

 

No I was trying to say despite your financial success and "ideal qualities", these things in general are not great at helping you get dates. Women in general are attracted to the vibe you bring; positive, confident, fun-loving etc. My advice is to work on bringing a more positive attitude to the table instead of caring so much about the logical qualities you have going for you. You can't logically convince a girl to find you a attractive, and if a girl is drawn to you based off your bank account, she probably isn't someone you want around.

 

Was not my intention to frustrate you further.

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
Did you read the original post? In many ways I am the "ideal on paper". I'm on track to make close to 200K this year at the age of 26, but I'm still incredibly incredibly harsh on myself.

 

I sometimes feel like I have to be a male model movie star to get a date.

 

 

Do you have female friends???

 

How are you when socializing with your buddies gf??

 

How ate you approaching female coworkers for work stuff?

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SymphonyX7 Member

SymphonyX7

Posted
  • Author
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Do you have female friends???

 

How are you when socializing with your buddies gf??

 

How ate you approaching female coworkers for work stuff?

 

 

Few

Great

Ok

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

If your family is so keen on getting you married off, ask them if they know anybody suitable to fix you up with.

 

You do have to get over yourself. Nobody is perfect not even the 26 year old who makes almost $200k per year.

 

If you can't get past whatever is in your head by yourself get some therapy. At the very least take the Dale Carnegie Course, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

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SymphonyX7 Member

SymphonyX7

Posted
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Posted
If your family is so keen on getting you married off, ask them if they know anybody suitable to fix you up with.

 

You do have to get over yourself. Nobody is perfect not even the 26 year old who makes almost $200k per year.

 

If you can't get past whatever is in your head by yourself get some therapy. At the very least take the Dale Carnegie Course, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

 

 

 

I didn't say I was perfect - obviously I'm not or I would be getting dates. I was saying that I've achieved basically everything I wanted to at this age and I still find dating to be impossible. As far as that course goes - I actually already work in sales and I'm one of the best in the industry in my job. I make friends everywhere I go

 

 

My biggest problem is I'm just so damn harsh on myself. I feel like no woman will love me unless I'm impossibly perfect beyond perfect beyond perfect.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
as far as that course goes - I actually already work in sales and I'm one of the best in the industry in my job. I make friends everywhere I go

 

The course isn't only about work.

 

But if you work in sales, it makes even less sense to me that you can't take rejection. I have yet to meet a successful sales person who gets more yes-es then no-es.

 

Apply the principles you use in business to getting a date. The "product" you are selling is you.

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SymphonyX7 Member

SymphonyX7

Posted
  • Author
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The course isn't only about work.

 

But if you work in sales, it makes even less sense to me that you can't take rejection. I have yet to meet a successful sales person who gets more yes-es then no-es.

 

Apply the principles you use in business to getting a date. The "product" you are selling is you.

 

I have a great attitude in relation to my job and a horrible attitude in relation to dating

 

With my job - I feel like my clients do want to buy from me if I give them a good presentation and they're very interested

 

With women - I feel that none of them ever want to be approached and they would never like me unless I was impossibly perfect anyways.

casey.lives Established Member

casey.lives

Posted
Posted

I don't advocate overcoming shyness. it's your personality. you are different, that's all. outgoing people are different personality types. All you can do is find out which settings you thrive in and go in that space. organism stay alive and grow in the direction that's good for them.

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted

You are at a social gathering of friends and you see a cute woman what do you do?

 

If this is a bar???

bluefeather Established Member

bluefeather

Posted
Posted

This does not sound like a shyness problem.

 

 

there is nothing wrong with me

 

+

 

I feel like no woman will love me unless I'm impossibly perfect beyond perfect beyond perfect.

 

These two views are conflicting. Maybe it is low self-worth. Maybe you feel that you are not lovable.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted
there is nothing wrong with me- I'm a well above average looking male, very well dressed, stocky athletic build, extremely successful financially, above average intelligence but my dating life has been just absolutely crushed by my intense shyness.

 

 

I just have such a negative attitude with dating - in my mind, no woman ever wants to be approached. I'm also incredibly harsh on myself - I feel like I have to be impossibly perfect to even get a date with a girl I feel any attraction for - whenever I want to make a move on someone I like, I feel that I need to be this much better in these areas for her to like me. My third and last problem is I hate rejection

 

 

I don't know how to overcome these issues and I really do want a girlfriend. My family is starting to put pressure on me to get married already (I'm 26)

People call it shyness, but it's anxiety. Anxiety can have crippling effects and it needs to be addressed or over time it exasperates leaving you even more frustrated. Behavioral therapy is where you can start.Find a healthcare provider that can set you up with a good therapist.

Revan32 Established Member

Revan32

Posted
Posted

Hey Its the $200k car sales man! Haha!

 

People on this thread should stop posting. This guy literally goes from site to site posting the same exact thing. He's famous over on the Misc. I've seen him a few other places as well.

 

Dude if you haven't improved yet, then you're never going to. Stop making these threads and go do something about it!

  • Like 1
lchf Established Member

lchf

Posted
Posted
Hey Its the $200k car sales man! Haha!

 

People on this thread should stop posting. This guy literally goes from site to site posting the same exact thing. He's famous over on the Misc. I've seen him a few other places as well.

 

Dude if you haven't improved yet, then you're never going to. Stop making these threads and go do something about it!

 

bb.com misc?

Revan32 Established Member

Revan32

Posted
Posted
bb.com misc?

 

Thats the one.

  • Like 1
lchf Established Member

lchf

Posted
Posted
Thats the one.

 

ayy lmao, I'm not aware :p

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