Author avoforastig Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 To suggest or allow that a lady travel alone on public transport in a big city, at some late point in the evening is at best cavalier and discourteous, and at worst uncaring and callous. I guess it doesn't bother her so much that you insist on making this regular event, but that you expect her to always confine herself to spending the evening like you want... Maybe it's because she knows you're going to handle it selfishly and throw a strop because you can't play ball with your friends... I asked you some questions regarding what SHE likes doing, and how cooperative you are about doing things she likes... ..."Feel satisfied"...? What? What amount of time do you need to 'feel satisfied'..(What does that even mean...? ) Or you could agree to miss the odd night now and then.. "Hey, *avoforastig* we're hitting the town tonight, we're meeting up and Jugs 'n' Joe's, you up?" "Nah, not tonite guys - too short notice, man..." How about respecting her desires to stay in a little more and spend time with her? You're embarrassed by her crying? Could you actually manage to sound any more callous....? I only get embarrassed because she cries merely because I don't want to go home. If she assertively stated she wants to leave and said I'll see you later tonight, everything would be fine.
kismetkismet Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I guess i mean that because you are having these reservations.. and that you felt drawn to another girl in your social circle, probably because she was engaging in the activities you wish your gf did. People need different levels of social interaction in their life. Even though I like a lot of downtime, I get really bored and depressed if i'm not also going out a fair amount, i don't think it's fair for people to accuse OP of being selfish in wanting to maintain a social life or have beers with friends. I don't think that being in a relationship should necessarily mean giving up parties and social life, maybe that's why some people resist 'settling down' in the first place. I don't think it should be thought of as 'settling down' at all, more of a joining of lives. If that life includes friends and parties and some beer then that's what it includes... My parents have been married for 35 years and always had lots of social gatherings and parties with drinking when I was growing up. Not excessive amounts of drinking where anyone was getting out of control or where we were not being looked after of course. And they have the healthiest and loveliest relationship I've ever encountered. I'm not saying that everyone SHOULD do this if they actually do like the whole notion of 'settling down', but if you like to go out, there are plenty of people in the world that do too. Sorry for the tangent hahah.. but, if you are having serious doubts about whether you want to join lives with this girl then that's a serious thing, no matter what the issue is. if you FEEL reservations, you shouldn't ignore them. However, it seems like there are some good aspects to the relationship as well, so you don't need to bolt right away. Have you tried to find a compromise that works for both of you? Having a certain number of nights in balanced with nights out for example. As well as finding a safe way for her to get home from a party if she feels the need to. Just as you don't feel satisfied by not going out, she probably feels overwhelmed by having to stay out too long. Like i said, different people have different needs and capacities for social interaction. 1
katiegrl Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) How do I know if I'm just not feeling it? I find this a bit disturbing. Are you so out of touch with your own feelings, that you don't even know whether or not you're into her? Why are you dating her? Have you ever known how you feel, about ANY girl you've dated in the past? Suffice it to say, if you don't know how you feel, and have to ask OTHERS how to figure it out....then you're NOT feeling it and should move on. Edited October 6, 2015 by katiegrl 1
MissBee Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 I'm fine with not partying ALL the time. I just want her to respect my desires to go out more than her. How can I make it easy for to bow out out gracefully instead of embarrassing me by crying? This would really annoy me. Crying in public because you want to stay out? I can't even fathom witnessing this. I don't blame you for being put off by this, as it seems like this points to bigger issues of emotional manipulation and simply not knowing how to maturely handle things. I am with you. You're not pressuring her to do things she doesn't want to do. You simply want to be able to enjoy yourself without her crying in public or forcing you to not do what you want. Yes, there is compromise but I don't see where she has compromised much really. Anyway, she may not be the one for you longterm and it's up to you to really sit down and actually write down the pros and cons and whether you feel things are salvageable or just a sign of it not being right for you. 1
Terry8889 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 You want to live, party and drink like a bachelor well be one and change your status to single. Let her find someone who will appreciate her because you clearly don't. She deserves better
seekingluck Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 OP: I can sympathize with you as an extroverted person. You need to figure something out to see if it makes sense to continue this relationship: 1. Do you need your partner to socialize with you every time? 2. What is the minimum amount of socializing with your partner do you need? As for your drinking? If you are drinking 1-2 drinks per hour for an entire evening, you are binge drinking. Now I understand if it is a special occasion a couple of times a year. But every weekend is too much. Are You a Binge Drinker? 6 Signs You're Overdoing It | Men's Fitness Now personally, I find that I love having a sociable partner, because we would be a really dynamic couple. And I love the vibe that creates. I haven't yet figured out if it is a 100% must have or I will change more as I get older. But it is feeling more like must have to me. Even if my frequency and type of socializing changes. You need to decide were you are in the spectrum. 2
Recommended Posts