lied about having facebook.

October 6, 2015

I started dating someone from work 2-3 weeks ago. He has been super eager about the whole thing, said that he has had a crush on me for a while, wanted to tell people at the office that we were dating quite soon after we started seeing each other etc. We hadn't really talked before we kissed at a staff party. I've asked him to keep it quiet for now since not only do we work together, but my brother in law is our boss and my sister works in the same department as him.

I am bizarrely nuts about him so far.. things have been so easy and fantastic with him that I've developed strong feelings quite quickly.. that never happens to me (i'm 29, so i've dated a fair amount ). Sometimes I worry that it's too good to be true though. I don't trust feelings that develop so quickly, i don't understand how he can be so into this when we've just started getting to know each other... It scares me. We also both recently came out of sort of on again off again relationships. I told him we should take it slow because of that, but he tried to explain that his break up had been coming for a very long time and it wasn't an issue for him, that she was in australia for half of the relationship etc.

To the point: he has mentioned to me a couple of times that he doesn't have facebook.. Today however a friend searched his name after I mentioned him so she could see him (I hadn't said he didn't have it) and found his profile... You can't really see anything, so at first i shrugged it off assuming he didn't really use it, but he updated his cover photo a week ago. I feel like lying about something like that is really weird. Particularly because he specifically said yesterday that it was difficult for him to talk to his sister much while she was away because he didn't use facebook. I'm going to ask him about it, but I'm just wondering what you guys think.. It seems to me like lying about something like that so soon is just.. kind of crazy. Eventually i would find out that he had it. and then what would he say? However I've been compartmentalizing things a bit as well... Thoughts?

October 6, 2015

If you can't see anything, are you sure it's him? Some people have common names, I know I do.

October 6, 2015

Well the devil is in the detail....

Did he say he doesn't 'have' Facebook or did he say he doesn't 'use' Facebook?

have vs use

those two little words have a hugely significant difference in this case.

(If he used the word 'have', get rid of him quick smart)

October 6, 2015

I'm sure it's him, you can see his profile picture and cover photo, but that's it. He only has like 120 friends or something, so I don't think that he uses it too much either way... BUT i can't remember specifically whether he said doesn't have it, or doesn't use it. My impression was that he said he didn't have it, he mentioned that he hadn't been super in touch with his sister while she was away because he doesn't have/do/use facebook, but even if he said he doesn't use it he did just update his cover photo.

If he was avoiding mixing lives in all other ways as well i would be more suspicious, but he wants to tell people at work about us.. which is a pretty big thing for him since my overprotective brother in law is our boss, my dad is around/associated with the business etc. He also really wanted to meet up this weekend and come hang out with my friends and I (and bring his) but I pushed it off a bit because i do feel it's too soon. We've had about 6 dates in the time we've been hanging out.. but it's still been a short period. He makes reference to future dates and things a lot as well..

I still think it's very weird to... at least lead me to believe he doesn't have it. I don't really understand the point of telling a lie (misleading me?) that i'm pretty likely to uncover. But I also feel a little awkward bringing it up since it's a bit annoying having to tell him my girlfriend's are trying to creep him haha. I guess I'll have to though..

October 6, 2015

I also find it odd that he lied about it.

I get that some people are wary about adding a new love interest in the early stages, but if he outright denied having it at all I would wonder what's on his page that he didn't want me to see.

October 6, 2015

I'm sure it's him, you can see his profile picture and cover photo, but that's it. He only has like 120 friends or something, so I don't think that he uses it too much either way... BUT i can't remember specifically whether he said doesn't have it, or doesn't use it. My impression was that he said he didn't have it, he mentioned that he hadn't been super in touch with his sister while she was away because he doesn't have/do/use facebook, but even if he said he doesn't use it he did just update his cover photo.

If he was avoiding mixing lives in all other ways as well i would be more suspicious, but he wants to tell people at work about us.. which is a pretty big thing for him since my overprotective brother in law is our boss, my dad is around/associated with the business etc. He also really wanted to meet up this weekend and come hang out with my friends and I (and bring his) but I pushed it off a bit because i do feel it's too soon. We've had about 6 dates in the time we've been hanging out.. but it's still been a short period. He makes reference to future dates and things a lot as well..

I still think it's very weird to... at least lead me to believe he doesn't have it. I don't really understand the point of telling a lie (misleading me?) that i'm pretty likely to uncover. But I also feel a little awkward bringing it up since it's a bit annoying having to tell him my girlfriend's are trying to creep him haha. I guess I'll have to though..

hmmm well since your not certain he said 'have' or 'use', then safer to assume he said/meant 'use'.

Facebook in a way is like a house.... you would want an opportunity to tidy up your house before inviting a new partner over would you not?

October 6, 2015

he has mentioned to me a couple of times that he doesn't have facebook..

Well, why dont you try this to call him out?

Mention YOU have Facebook and how you have a profile and ask HIM to set up a FB account.

If he`s says I dont like FB or I DONT use FB then you need to ask yourself why he is saying this BUT if he says GREAT! I ve actually got a FB account but I dont really use it but I ll add you then youre quids in.

October 6, 2015

I would guess he said "use" or "do" and maybe once he told you that, he decided to go back and change his pic/start using it again.

It's way too easy for anyone to look people up, so it would make no sense for him to lie about it. It's not like being on a dating website where you have to be a supersleuth to find them.

October 6, 2015

I started dating someone from work 2-3 weeks ago. He has been super eager about the whole thing, said that he has had a crush on me for a while, wanted to tell people at the office that we were dating quite soon after we started seeing each other etc. We hadn't really talked before we kissed at a staff party. I've asked him to keep it quiet for now since not only do we work together, but my brother in law is our boss and my sister works in the same department as him.

I am bizarrely nuts about him so far.. things have been so easy and fantastic with him that I've developed strong feelings quite quickly.. that never happens to me (i'm 29, so i've dated a fair amount ). Sometimes I worry that it's too good to be true though. I don't trust feelings that develop so quickly, i don't understand how he can be so into this when we've just started getting to know each other... It scares me. We also both recently came out of sort of on again off again relationships. I told him we should take it slow because of that, but he tried to explain that his break up had been coming for a very long time and it wasn't an issue for him, that she was in australia for half of the relationship etc.

To the point: he has mentioned to me a couple of times that he doesn't have facebook.. Today however a friend searched his name after I mentioned him so she could see him (I hadn't said he didn't have it) and found his profile... You can't really see anything, so at first i shrugged it off assuming he didn't really use it, but he updated his cover photo a week ago. I feel like lying about something like that is really weird. Particularly because he specifically said yesterday that it was difficult for him to talk to his sister much while she was away because he didn't use facebook. I'm going to ask him about it, but I'm just wondering what you guys think.. It seems to me like lying about something like that so soon is just.. kind of crazy. Eventually i would find out that he had it. and then what would he say? However I've been compartmentalizing things a bit as well... Thoughts?

He probably lies about it because he doesn't want new dating partners stalking him and knowing about things that really aren't the business of anyone he's only been dating for 2 or 3 weeks . . .

It seems to me like lying about something like that so soon -- When would it be OK to lie about it?

I'd leave it alone. He didn't want you to know about it for whatever reasons he has. And, you and your friends digging around in his personal life at this point would be a turn off. This is just FB not a criminal history . . .

Your insecurities are causing you to try to sabotage things . . .

October 6, 2015

Before you talk to him, call up his FB page then show it to him and ask him why he lied about it. Have vs. use---how about he's ON Facebook and he recently updated his picture.

IMO, you need to squash this now. Don't isht where you eat. Dont' date coworkers because of exactly how he's acting--he'll put all of your business into the middle of the office floor for everyone to pick through. He's already chomping on that bit.

Edited October 6, 2015 by kendahke

October 6, 2015

My husband despises social media, Facebook included.

He couldn't care LESS what you're eating for dinner or that you're at your kid's soccer match. Honestly, he doesn't give a rat's ass.

However, his grown daughter did some missionary work in a 3rd world country and asked him to create a profile so he could stay updated with the updates/pictures she'd be posting on Facebook rather than having to contact everyone individually. He did it and was good about checking it every day for updates during the 3 weeks his daughter was out of the country.

Now that she's back, I don't think he's logged in at all and just doesn't care to.

So while he may HAVE a Facebook account, he doesn't use it at all and to him, for all intents and purposes, he's not a Facebook user.

Maybe that's how your new guy sees himself.

October 6, 2015

You only started dating a couple of weeks ago. His FB is something he wants to keep personal for some reason and you should respect this. It's not like your boyfriend of 6 months doesn't want to friend you on it.

I have a FB and all of my contacts are blood related to me. I go on it about once a week so I don't use it. If you send me a FB message it will stay there forever.

Also, I have never ever added a man I date on my FB. Sure I tell my colleagues about him, I tell my daughter and my friends but I don't add him on FB. If I did I would get a phone call from my mother saying: Is that your new boyfriend bring him over for dinner !!!

I vote for leaving the poor guy alone with this FB business. You don't need FB to get to know him. In 30 days he may annoy the heck out of you and you don't want to pursue.

October 6, 2015

I started dating someone from work 2-3 weeks ago. He has been super eager about the whole thing, said that he has had a crush on me for a while, wanted to tell people at the office that we were dating quite soon after we started seeing each other etc. We hadn't really talked before we kissed at a staff party. I've asked him to keep it quiet for now since not only do we work together, but my brother in law is our boss and my sister works in the same department as him.

I am bizarrely nuts about him so far.. things have been so easy and fantastic with him that I've developed strong feelings quite quickly.. that never happens to me (i'm 29, so i've dated a fair amount ). Sometimes I worry that it's too good to be true though. I don't trust feelings that develop so quickly, i don't understand how he can be so into this when we've just started getting to know each other... It scares me. We also both recently came out of sort of on again off again relationships. I told him we should take it slow because of that, but he tried to explain that his break up had been coming for a very long time and it wasn't an issue for him, that she was in australia for half of the relationship etc.

To the point: he has mentioned to me a couple of times that he doesn't have facebook.. Today however a friend searched his name after I mentioned him so she could see him (I hadn't said he didn't have it) and found his profile... You can't really see anything, so at first i shrugged it off assuming he didn't really use it, but he updated his cover photo a week ago. I feel like lying about something like that is really weird. Particularly because he specifically said yesterday that it was difficult for him to talk to his sister much while she was away because he didn't use facebook. I'm going to ask him about it, but I'm just wondering what you guys think.. It seems to me like lying about something like that so soon is just.. kind of crazy. Eventually i would find out that he had it. and then what would he say? However I've been compartmentalizing things a bit as well... Thoughts?

This is a very tricky situation.. If you tell him you've seen a profile he might become suspicious and pull back ! Maybe it's not him , maybe he has one and doesn't use it much ! You could tell him your friends found it , but what would he think ! It's a tough one ! My advice is to leave it and wait until or if at all he's behaviour changes to the point it becomes a issue

October 6, 2015

I thought fb wasn't and shouldn't be a matter to affect the relationship UNTIL I found my ex's horrible lie from fb. He purposely created an empty fb with few friends and lied to me that he almost never used fb. One day a friend of mine who also kind of knew this guy for a few years told me that she saw some horrible fact that I must know from his fb (of course the old one of his) in the past. Plenty sure he changed to an unrecognized name and profile picture so we couldn't find it anymore.

I've also heard stories about discovering unfaithful, non-single or family men from fb.

That said, you just start dating for 3 weeks. Have your friend adds him to look into his fb. Observe his behaviors. Anything unusual, like he cannot talk on phone to you until past midnight, he cannot meet up with you every weekend, etc., then it's time to show him his lie of having no fb.

October 6, 2015

I wouldn't ignore it. Why? Just ask him about it. He is the one who wants to make your relationship 'public' now isn't he?

You've become aware of what appears to be an inconsistency in information that he has relayed to you. It may be a misunderstanding or it could be indicative of a problem and a reason to not move forward in the relationship. Either way, there is only one way to find out.

Personally, I would rather deal with potential problems as they arise and not deal with a bigger sh*t storm a year or five years down the road. I am way more wary of that then some irritation over asking for clarification.

Isn't that what the dating process is for, getting to know and trust someone well enough to decide if you have a future together? How can a person do so effectively if they are too afraid to ask questions?

October 6, 2015

I wouldn't ignore it. Why? Just ask him about it. He is the one who wants to make your relationship 'public' now isn't he?
You've become aware of what appears to be an inconsistency in information that he has relayed to you. It may be a misunderstanding or it could be indicative of a problem and a reason to not move forward in the relationship. Either way, there is only one way to find out.
Personally, I would rather deal with potential problems as they arise and not deal with a bigger sh*t storm a year or five years down the road. I am way more wary of that then some irritation over asking for clarification.

Isn't that what the dating process is for, getting to know and trust someone well enough to decide if you have a future together? How can a person do so effectively if they are too afraid to ask questions?

^^^^^All of this

October 6, 2015

Ya i think I will ask him about it if it comes up or I'll try to bring it into conversation, but try to keep the question casual and just be on my guard a bit.

I wouldn't have added him to facebook so soon anyway.. I find it a bit weird adding too soon because then I just know too much about their past and feel like a creep. We also did both get out of relationships not too long ago (which he told me on our second date, he didn't try to hide it) and I wouldn't really want to be seeing a bunch of that while i'm trying to get to know him.... Also don't really need him seeing pictures of my ex so soon. I don't think it's healthy for the early stages.

The way he initially told me that he didn't have/use fb was after I told him how much i dislike social media. the second time was in regards to being in touch with his sister. I still find it strange.. so I'll be on guard at the very least. Hope it's not a too good to be true situation because I really like him and normally it takes me a long time to feel that way..

Normally I wouldn't date someone at work.. It wasn't really intentional. We aren't actually the only people that got together at that party though haha, it's a youngish staff and laid back company. He and I never even see each other at work, which is why we hadn't spoken before the party.

Edited October 6, 2015 by kismetkismet

October 6, 2015

It is strange.

I'm with the camp that says this is very odd behavior regardless if he said "have" or "use". It's irrelevant and it's sketchy and not a great way to embark on a new relationship.

As much as I completely and totally understand and even respect the need/want to separate new romantic interests from close friends and family ESPECIALLY so early in a relationship, I do NOT understand the need for cloak and dagger. Why not just own up to it? Who cares if the newbie doesn't get it? If he was a smart man he would use this truth as a way of vetting out legit prospects from the attention seekers. We've all seen those people who are obsessed with parading their whole lives online after all. I get it if he's being a bit guarded initially for whatever reason but I still don't agree with blatantly lying about his profile.

My partner told me right from the beginning that although he technically had FB, he loathed it and rarely logged on anymore. He basically had it and kept it just for the few family members and close friends he was still in contact with who lived out of town but that was about it. He made it clear that he wasn't interested in adding more people or getting wrapped up in the whole online dog and pony show. It was pointless in his mind and eventually he ended up deleting his profile altogether. These days, he's pretty much off-the-grid. Something I respect greatly.

Whether or not you choose to confront him about it is entirely up to you but if you do, be prepared that it might leave you with more questions than answers.

Good luck.

Edited October 6, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle

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