fred123 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 if you are getting to know someone would it turn you off if you knew that their best friend is someone they used to sleep with and that they still hang out a lot?
ScienceGal Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Personally, that would make me uncomfortable. I've never maintained a close friendship with someone I've dated. Those kind of loose boundaries don't work for me.
Raena Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I think it really depends on how close they are. I wouldn't have an issue dating someone who gets along with their ex, but I'd probably have issue if they were hanging together all the time without me.
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 No I couldn't date someone who is best friends with a former lover. I might be able to tolerate dating somebody who is still friendly with a long ago lover (10+ years ago) but not best friends.
LuckyLady13 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 For me, it completely depends on the dynamic between the two people. Do they look at each other longingly or flirt constantly with each other? If there's some kind of sexual chemistry STILL going on, no way. If it looks like they got bored with each other and there's no spark left, I don't have a problem with it. That's something that would take a little time to figure out. So, then it would come down to, am I interested enough in this person to bother hanging around to find out? 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I'd be fne with it...here is why..... Some people may be good friends but because of core differences they realize they can't be lovers. There is also a big difference if these people were lovers and it's 6 months since it ended vs they are mid 30s and their relationship was only during college. 2
cessna Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Nope. My first girlfriend was still best friends with her ex and at the time it didn't bother me because I was young and naïve. It turned out that she was shagging him behind my back the whole time we were together. If they were still so close I didn't understand why they weren't still together.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 if you are getting to know someone would it turn you off if you knew that their best friend is someone they used to sleep with and that they still hang out a lot? Well the common sense answer to this is predicated entirely upon whether you are dating a woman, or whether you are dating a man. If you're dating a man - then "no" If you're dating a woman - then "fine..." Men have zero interest in being mere "friends" with someone they wouldn't rather be banging, but as women can get sex anywhere, they don't have that restriction. And of course the guy in that friendship is only there because he believes himself to be in-line for her affections. (but she determines that, not him... )
neowulf Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 You have to judge the situation on a case by case basis and spend time around them to feel out the dynamic. The fact is that if the relationship becomes serious, you're going to basically supplant the primary friendship. That's completely normal. So the question then becomes how the individual deals with that change of the relationship. I'm friendly with a few of my ex's, but always understood and respected the boundaries of their partners. I don't expect to be their "best friend" though. Once they're in serious relationships, I understand that the role will shift to a more "casual" friendship. I'm ok with that.
Miss Peach Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) I'd be fne with it...here is why..... Some people may be good friends but because of core differences they realize they can't be lovers. There is also a big difference if these people were lovers and it's 6 months since it ended vs they are mid 30s and their relationship was only during college. I normally go NC with exes but I've had this situation happen. We just were better as friends. We wanted such different things we frustrated each other like crazy as lovers. I don't regret the friendship because we had helped each other through many things but I do regret letting it cross the line (basically it was a rebound). I would just be repulsed today if he ever tried to touch me. Personally I would be more uneasy with a person who kept a harem interest and ego strokes than one ex. Edited October 6, 2015 by Miss Peach
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