autumnnight Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Who is this "they" you speak of. Several of us have no problem with the OP's preferences and have even been trying to productively help. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I suppose the only way to only interact with women of your physical preference would be to meet in traditional ways. Then only ask out or accept attention from those who meet your physical specifications. I knew a guy who only wanted to date Latina women. He found that online even that specification was ignored even though he had it all over his profile. Wonder if people just believe these are guidelines. Good luck, G 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SymphonyX7 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 OP same thing happens to me I keep getting hit on by overweight girls - I think because they see me as a muscular/thick/stocky dude, they automatically assume I'm open to the bigger girls, which i'm not I like curvy/thicker women but only if they're healthy and decently fit like myself Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 No, he’s not JUST looking for a skinny, healthy and/or fit woman. He wants a woman he does not see as overweight AND has a cute butt, who is educated, never married, childless, outgoing, non-smoker, without emotional problems, who is a good conversationalist about books, films, politics and art. . And that's very hard to find? Do you mean women these days are either fat, or is uneducated , or has kids or has baggages or can't hold a conversation ? Lol I still don't think OP is asking for too much. I would ask for the same thing in my partner. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 For a big girl, he's a catch. For a thin, kinda cute girl, the bar is set higher. That's why they're single. They are single you mean the cute girls are single ? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 And that's very hard to find? Do you mean women these days are either fat, or is uneducated , or has kids or has baggages or can't hold a conversation ? Lol I still don't think OP is asking for too much. I would ask for the same thing in my partner. Just read it again, take it literally, peel back the emotional overreaction, and it's math, just math. It is more difficult to find several specific traits in one person than it is to find just one trait. No more to it than that. Well-educated, good conversational/communication skills, and no emotional problems are indeed difficult to find. In men and women. But again, OP can choose or prefer anything he likes. Everyone can. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Well-educated, good conversational/communication skills, and no emotional problems are indeed difficult to find. In men and woman. Really? Well either we have different standard of what good education etc etc are or you need to change your social circle. I see/ know plenty men and women who are good looking and just overall successful . In fact, that's 90% of my office Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Really? Well either we have different standard of what good education etc etc are or you need to change your social circle. I see/ know plenty men and women who are good looking and just overall successful . In fact, that's 90% of my office That's great! Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 This thread is ridiculous. I've said it in my previous post and ill say it again everyone has a right to their preferences but like 80% of ppl don't make this an issue. The OP is acting like he is somehow special here. Everyone has attracted someone they were not interested in dating on OLD or IRL. But other ppl move on and keep going for what they want. It is not the overweight ppl's problem they chose you. YOU are not that special or a hot commodity. You are not putting out anything that is attracting overweight ppl...you are existing and some ppl just may find you attractive. All of my gfs complain about not finding good guys...thin or otherwise. The thin, fit women are not all meeting all the men. This concept doesn't even make sense. The ppl who are meeting other ppl are emotionally stable, confident and positive ppl. Those ppl are winning the dating the game. They don't have hangups about dating and men/women and if they do they are working towards fixing them and recognizing their issues. Make this about you OP take control of it and work on yourself and stop blaming the overweight women for being attracted to you. If this helps, I found when I wasn't happy with myself and who I was I continued to attract guys that were not a good fit for me. Your issue isn't about weight OP. I think it is a serious question about how to meet the ppl you want to attract. The issue is in the question b/c the way you asked is an indicator to why you are not attracting those ppl. Your viewpoint is focused on the negative. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CalvinM Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 From my experience, overweight/curvier women are much more aggressive on dating sites and even using filters such as excluding messages from BBW, the occasional message slips through. Majority of them are from women who are overweight, but list their body type as average. As someone else stated, a lot more people are overweight than even 5 years ago. That's just the reality of where we're at as a society. OP, I'd suggest screening your profile better. Only allowing incoming messages from women who identify as slim or athletic. And as someone else said, only replying to women you deem your type. That said, complaining you don't get dates because only overweight women message you is defeatist. If you need help writing opening lines to get replies, or perhaps help writing your profile, let me know and I'll take a look. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I think the unfortunate reality is using dating sites does put you more into the sights of people who perhaps would never approach you in person and this cuts both ways, just to be clear. In the 7 odd years I have been on dating sites I have had many large people contact me, quite a few offering to lie down for me, some pursued me aggressively in this regard. Here in SA dating sites are taboo so you naturally the standard of people on there tends to gravitate towards the more "desperate" rather than the "I have a lot going for me and I can meet guys easily", again this cuts to both male and female. To the OP I don't think its any specific thing about you that attracts them but I would implore you to give OLD a rest, its soul destroying at best if one correlates ones matches to "is that the best I can do" Its extremely frustrating : finding what you want and then not being able to get it : finding nothing you want but finding they want to get you. Link to post Share on other sites
ByMyself01 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Hell, I need a man like OP. My ex was so-called fond of bigger women. But I know something he doesn't. He's not really attracted to them, he just has sex with them because they're the easiest and then he still tries to be with the thinner women. When he first met me, he wanted to marry me right off the bat because I was the first woman that he had in years that didn't have the extra jiggle. I think his self-esteem is so shot, he thinks bigger women are all he can get and keep. He is insecure, but I just needed him to get over that so our relationship could survive. He thought I was cheating and that every guy wanted me because I am petite. SMH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Hell, I need a man like OP. My ex was so-called fond of bigger women. But I know something he doesn't. He's not really attracted to them, he just has sex with them because they're the easiest and then he still tries to be with the thinner women. When he first met me, he wanted to marry me right off the bat because I was the first woman that he had in years that didn't have the extra jiggle. I think his self-esteem is so shot, he thinks bigger women are all he can get and keep. He is insecure, but I just needed him to get over that so our relationship could survive. He thought I was cheating and that every guy wanted me because I am petite. SMH I think a lot of ladies get hurt by guys like this...friend of a friend is I think currently having the time of her life with a guy but we can see what is actually going on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ByMyself01 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I think a lot of ladies get hurt by guys like this...friend of a friend is I think currently having the time of her life with a guy but we can see what is actually going on. Yeah I see this alot in real life... They have a little fun with them and keep them a secret and then dump them. But I have been seeing alot of handsome guys with big girls with no womanly shape and it makes me angry. But pics can be deceiving. Some men look extremely attractive on photos but some have mental issues and/or too short for my taste anyways. That's why I gave up online dating all together. I would rather meet em a man in person so I'll already know what I'm dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Yeah I see this alot in real life... They have a little fun with them and keep them a secret and then dump them. But I have been seeing alot of handsome guys with big girls with no womanly shape and it makes me angry. But pics can be deceiving. Some men look extremely attractive on photos but some have mental issues and/or too short for my taste anyways. That's why I gave up online dating all together. I would rather meet em a man in person so I'll already know what I'm dealing with. I think OLD really attracts "some" guys like this, who will just go along for the sex and give her enough attention to get her into bed, not do too much in the way of public dating. The poor lady is so love lost/smitten in all of this she doesn't see what is going on. Its quite a sad thing to see. I'd be controversial and say 75% of guys who used OLD and 85% of guys who use Tinder are simply looking for sex. Think about why guys specifically would use OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I've often wondered why OLD sites don't provide a greater level of detail in this area. You can precisely set things like height and age, but you can't specify weight or measurements. Instead, you are stuck with a vague "body type" that is often abused. I've seen a few profiles with "Match Verified" watermarks in the pictures. I wonder if the demand is high enough to verify other physical attributes as well. On OKC, I've noticed that if I check for every preference I have, no one turns up in my search. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Everyone has preferences. Some are just nicer about putting them out there than others - kindness and respect are always the better path, IMO. More than two-thirds (68.8 percent) of adults are considered to be overweight or obese. More than one-third (35.7 percent) of adults are considered to be obese. According to Kaiser Family Foundation statistics, about 70% of adult men are overweight, versus about 58% of adult women. For either sex, most of your matches or those attracted to you are inevitably going to be overweight. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Yeah, that's what came to mind when reading through all replies. Thin women are in high demand, you gotta stand out and bring so much to the table just to date a girl with an athletic figure. Like damn. Lol Yes, I dont' know of any man who has achieved what is determined by popular opinion as success who is going to submit himself to a relationship with someone who possesses none of the qualities that they want in their mate nor to whom he is attracted just because she's interested in him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Yeah that's odd, you keep finding yourself on dates with overweight women... like as in you don't know how you got there? They sneak up behind you, chloroform you and you wake up in red lobster? If you're meeting them through online dating... I guess only meet girls with pictures that show their bodies.... but the average person in the western world is overweight in 2015... so expect that your average date will be overweight. You can probably adjust those odds up quite significantly based on single available women as well. LOL, hilarious. And then to the solution: yes, besides online dating you should get a more targeted group, like girls with fitness interests by being apart of those activities and taking more of a risk within them. Sure on a dating site, your risk in asking a girl out goes down because presumably she wants to be dating but the group is less targeted to your type of girl. If you do fitness things or become part of fitness groups or at the gym, you take more of a risk because you don't know her intention to date but you already know how much she takes care of her body and how she prioritizes her health. Fair enough for your personal preferences for looks--we all have them. But kookoo comes in every body shape by the way. A lot of the girls with perfect bodies in my fitness classes are nuts too. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
StocksnBlondes Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) It's incredibly presumptuous to say that I'm not getting the women I prefer because I have nothing to offer them. Nothing? I know that not to be true. I'm a good catch, successful, educated, employed, healthy, independent, and I really don't need to justify that here. Nor do I need folks telling me the women I want are too good for me and have better options and that I should 'lower my expectations' or 'aim low'. There's nothing you can say to make me think that about myself. I can be shy sometimes, but other than that I'm the best version of me that I can be, and I think that's pretty damn good compared to much of what's out there. I think there's something to the supply and demand argument. Everybody wants slim, smart, interesting women, and there's more men seeking those gals than there are on the market. They're certainly a rare commodity in the online dating world. I'll just have to put more effort into meeting and approaching them in real life, not online, until I find one who is receptive to my advances. OP Just a few things -do not lower your standards ...you want what you want ...when I was you're age I was very selective ...but -when I asked what you have to offer ...you stated what a lot of guys in my demographic had to offer ...I was just wondering if you are able to vocalize what is special about you that a girl would choose you over someone else ...and with that ... -instead of stating some specific items you went into defense mode and used many sentences to expound upon that instead of being confident and telling what you bring to the table ...I wonder about how dismissive you are as a person and how your sense of entitlement and arrogance lead your psyche Just think about this for a second before you reply ...what draws others to you ...do you have a sense of humor (girls love a sense of humor) do you have special hobbies/interests. Like when I was your age I dated a private pilot ( uber intelligent and witty)...every weekend we'd make $100 hamburger runs as they call them. That was very exciting ...the guys life was very exciting and I wanted an exciting life. I was that kind of girl you were looking for and had all those attributes ...and I was looking for a guy who had all the baseline elements you claim to possess ...but those are just baseline items ...I wanted the icing as well as the cake ...and lots of decorations too. I wanted a Cake Boss cake Edited October 7, 2015 by StocksnBlondes 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 OP, lately overweight girls have been coming onto me - strong - on OLD. My response? No response. Cute, fit women ignore me on OLD all the time - the game works both ways. Don't feel bad about ignoring them. It's a struggle being Big Girl Hot, but you and only you can redefine your standards. Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) everyone knows girls get excessive amounts of OLD messages. and what do we do? ignore. I was never "offended" anyone reached out to me or disturbed anyone i deemed unattractive contacted me. I guess I feel bad for OP because I was this person, once. I was in my early 20s with my body the best it ever was, slim but with nice boobs & butt, got lots of male attention (In person only-- didn't do online dating back then). I can think of 3 guys I rejected for very shallow reasons: two because they were a little bit overweight, one because he was short. These are all handsome guys with great personalities, who treated me very well. I very much regret rejecting them and have wondered what I lost out on. One of them is a semi-successful director in LA (you'd probably recognize a couple little things he's done) with tons of friends and an active social life, just an all around loved and very creative guy. I really missed out there. It wasn't even that I didn't like him, I just assumed I wouldn't be attracted to him in an intimate setting, because of his weight. Wrong. because as I now know, a few extra pounds is totally irrelevant. The thing is I didn't 'get' what love and attraction and sex was all about at the time. I'm guessing OP is in the same boat. BTW, these men had no problem attracting ladies after I stupidly rejected them. Edited October 7, 2015 by lissvarna 1 Link to post Share on other sites
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 OP now you know all the red flags. -no full body pic -curvy body type or no answer at all -strategically angled selfies -duck faces to make their face slimmer Link to post Share on other sites
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