Strategies for how to survive LDR? In need of some pick-me-ups!

[fourteener]

Hey all!

 

I appreciate you taking a look at the thread. I've been in an LDR for about two months now and am looking to get some advice from those that have managed to survive long distance (or those that left long distance and found themselves happier for it).

 

I met my current significant other while I was abroad in Australia for a seven-week internship. We met the first week I was there and instantly hit it off, spending insane amounts of time together as a couple. I'd never felt that secure and compatible with someone before - for the first time in my life it really felt like the relationship I was in came naturally, and I had never been so happy with someone as I was with him. Going into my trip to Australia I told myself I wouldn't commit to long-distance, but when we found ourselves with two nights left, we really couldn't imagine not being together and took the plunge to do long distance. As a commitment phobe, it's one of the bravest things I've ever done.

 

Fast forward two months after the internship ended, and we're 8500+ miles apart and distance is really starting to take its toll. As full-time students, we're incredibly busy, and the added time difference hasn't done us any favors. Initially we were doing so well long-distance, FaceTiming every other day and Facebook/Snapchatting constantly, but recently he's grown incredibly distant but he's reassured me that he's not looking to leave the relationship. I think the fact that we've been apart longer for the time we were together has started to take a toll on us.

 

I wouldn't stay in this if I didn't think we had a future. He graduates in October and plans to come stay with me in the States for three months, and after I graduate in May, I'm planning on going to grad school in Australia. Regardless of whether or not we make it to that point, I am still absolutely determined to go to grad school out there as I made some fantastic work connections and friends in the area. I've already sent in my applications, looked for funding etc.

 

I'm wondering if any of you have any strategies to rekindle the flame long-distance? January feels a long way off and I miss him terribly, but when he doesn't seem as eager to talk or FaceTime, it makes me worried that he's not as committed as I am to maintaining what we have. I'm not sure how to spice it up - I've sent him care packages, suggested Skype dates, kept him updated on my life at home (among other things). The only thing getting me through this at this point is the knowledge that the time we shared was some of the best I've ever experienced, and that he by far and above is the best guy I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I committed and I don't want to give up until it fails in person. The hardest thing about it is that I absolutely can't afford the plane tickets to go visit him, and I know that if we were together in person, we wouldn't be having these issues.

 

Thoughts? Pick me ups?

 

Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

I sustained a 3,000 mile LDR for 2 years before the internet. We had snail mail & 1 phone call on Wednesdays when the rates went down The distance did not break us up.

 

 

Use a variety of ways to keep in touch: social media; Skype/facetime; text, calls, & snail mail.

 

 

We would send the other a stupid trinket if we did anything outside the norm. He lived in Orange County California so every time somebody came to visit & he took them to Disney I got a trinket. He ended up with a lot of I love NY junk when I'd venture into the city.

 

 

Do try to figure out ways you can see each other in person as often as practical.

[lchf]

OP I think you and I share plenty of similar details in our stories. I also met my significant other in Australia. I live in South Africa. I've been doing periods of long distance for 3 years now. I went to grad school in Sydney which tied in nicely with being able to see her. I'm currently back here in S.Africa working and it's the longest long distance stint we've done. Thankfully I'm a citizen in both countries which makes travelling so much easier. I know EXACTLY what you are going through.

 

Long distance sucks so hard. The fact you two weren't together for so long before doing long distance adds to this. I'm also going back in late December to see her, and I'm half way with being able to see her again when I fly back which makes me happy.

 

Honestly, even though we skype, facetime, text, send pictures, whatever.. the only thing that makes this process bearable is focusing on the next time we'll see each other.Another thing we do (which may not float your boat) is sexy pictures. For example she'll email me pics of her in new lingerie for example. You may not be into that but just an idea. That kind of helps a little to maintain the feeling of romance.

 

I've been blessed with someone who is very open and honest with how she feels, so it makes it easy to talk about what bothers us, how we can work towards being together and how it makes us feel to be apart. Being emotionally distant and being in a LDR don't mix very well in my opinion. That's all you have really; emotional support. Until you reunite of course. At least you guys have some idea of when you'll be with each other, and you can fit in a few months to be with each other full time.

 

I sustained a 3,000 mile LDR for 2 years before the internet. We had snail mail & 1 phone call on Wednesdays when the rates went down The distance did not break us up.

 

 

Wow. I admire you for being able to do that.

Edited October 5, 2015 by lchf

[hippychick3]

I have been in a LDR (3 hours drive) with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We met when he lived in my area and was transferred through his job with a promotion 3 months into dating. I honestly did not expect us to stay together and as crazy as I was about him, I started to detach myself and mentally prepare to move on when I knew he was leaving. We didn't break up but it was almost understood that I would start to date others after he moved away. Well, once he left he couldn't stand the idea of me seeing anyone else and really felt the loss of me in his life. Although I missed him terribly and was incredibly sad he left, I tried not to let it show too much. I wanted him to pursue me in order for me to even consider staying in the relationship. I never asked when he was going to come visit or if I could come visit him. LDR's are hard, and I wanted him to show me he was willing and wanting to make the effort for it work. And, he did... For the first few months, I let him do all the planning of us seeing each other not once asking to see him. For the past almost 2 years, we have seen each other consistently every other week (I have joint custody of my children and have them every other week and don't see him when I have them). When I don't have my kids, he comes here or I go there...we alternate. We have grown so close and love our arrangement now. Ideally, we would be living closer to each other but my sole focus is on my kids when they're with me. And this arrangement allows me to devote myself to them as their parent when I have them.

 

I would have to say that the most important thing you need to do for this to work successfully is to fill up your time without him in a way that makes you happy and fulfilled. Don't put the rest of your life (friends, family, hobbies, work) on hold. Take advantage of your time without him to foster those parts of your life and grow.

[emi]

Hey,

I would like to give you some of my opinion about how to make it work even my relationship is still going long-distance. We havent closed the gap yet

 

I think the most important thing for this kind of relationship to work is 2 people involved must be strong-minded. This is not for the weak.

 

And second, you should be some kind of introvert. I dont like to socialize. i dont talk much with friends, or partying, going out. So my boyfriend always feel safe. And so do I. He goes work, goes home and talks with me. He spends time with his hobbies of course but it doesnt involved that much people, like riding , playing video games, watching movie, and play paintball. We give each other enough time outside the relationship but it doesnt involved so much people. The chance of cheating is low. And we do it because it just how we are, we dont like spending time with people.

 

And maturity of course. Hes more mature than me, also more patient. And he pulls me through alot of times when i acted like a wacko because im super impatient.

The rest goes like communication daily and camming and making plans for future u already known.

[hippychick3]

Hey,

I would like to give you some of my opinion about how to make it work even my relationship is still going long-distance. We havent closed the gap yet

 

I think the most important thing for this kind of relationship to work is 2 people involved must be strong-minded. This is not for the weak.

 

And second, you should be some kind of introvert. I dont like to socialize. i dont talk much with friends, or partying, going out. So my boyfriend always feel safe. And so do I. He goes work, goes home and talks with me. He spends time with his hobbies of course but it doesnt involved that much people, like riding , playing video games, watching movie, and play paintball. We give each other enough time outside the relationship but it doesnt involved so much people. The chance of cheating is low. And we do it because it just how we are, we dont like spending time with people.

 

And maturity of course. Hes more mature than me, also more patient. And he pulls me through alot of times when i acted like a wacko because im super impatient.

The rest goes like communication daily and camming and making plans for future u already known.

 

Strong-minded and daily communication, yes. Introverted, no. Cheating isn't a result of having too many friends. It's a character flaw. A loyal and trustworthy person can have all the friends in the world and still not cheat. A cheater can have one friend and still cheat.

 

Spending time with other people when you're apart is important! It's good to cultivate friendships with others. It's not healthy to isolate yourself and revolve yourself around one person.